Disclaimer: I do not own anything Lord of the Rings, but I do own Tangado
and Eruchîn! A couple lines are taken directly from the book and movie.
This story is, so far, a mixture of the two.
...*(words)....* means Boromir is imagining this is being said.
~~~
"That was nigh on thirty years ago. For a while we had news and it seemed good: messengers reported that Moria had been entered and a great work had begun there. Then there was silence...*because everyone fell dead from boredom after listening to my endless, horrible droning! Bla, Bla, Bla, buzz, hmm, bla...*
Boromir, Son of Denethor steward of Gondor, attendee of the secret council of Elrond, tried to keep himself from falling asleep and disgracing himself along with his country. True that the council had just begun, but there had been an enormous welcoming feast before hand. Boromir had never been so dreadfully bored around food before! He had, to keep himself occupied, taken it upon himself to replace other's words with words of his own.
"At this we were greatly troubled," said Glóin, "and we gave...*offerings to the Earthworm who is like a father to us! It was so pleased that it vanquished the herd of giant demented sheep from our caves and the people rejoiced! Yay...*
Boromir snickered slightly at the thought, but unfortunately for him elves have excellent hearing.
"Do you find this matter amusing, Boromir of Gondor?" Elrond asked, eyeing the man disapprovingly. "Is there something entertaining about Master Glóin's dilemma? ...*does this dress make me look fat?...*
Boromir smiled faintly, but shook his head and apologized for his rudeness. One of the elves from Mirkwood covered his mouth to keep himself from laughing. Wait. There was something strange about this elf. Something that gave him the chills; a feeling he only seemed to experience around fell beasts as orcs. He noticed that Elrond was also eyeing the elf suspiciously. 'Oh well,' Boromir thought, 'I just being paranoid. Elves aren't evil, right? Of coarse not. Well, maybe that blond one next to Gandalf. He looks a bit like a vampire.'
The man of Gondor began daydreaming about vampires and other ancient creatures until it was his turn to speak for the council. He spoke until his voice was hoarse. After failing to get his point across, Boromir sat back in his chair and began a new dream of a nice, cozy bed...
"I will take the ring to Mordor," yelled the small Hobbit Frodo, snapping Boromir from his reverie. Only then did the man realize that the whole council was on it's feet, shouting and arguing. "But I do not know the way," Frodo added.
"Are you sure?" asked the mysterious elf. "You know, I can take it to Mordor for you. And I ^do^ know the way."
Elrond raised an eyebrow at the elf and asked, "What, may I ask, is your name?" The elf's eye twitched slightly, a gesture missed by all save the lord of Imladris.
"My name is Tanga---aaah, I mean Eruchîn."
This time Elrond raised both eyebrows. "Eruchîn Súrion?"
The elf's eyes widened and he shook his head vigorously. "No! No, Eruchîn...Greenleaf!" he blurted, causing Legolas, son of Thranduil to jump a little. Elrond groaned loudly.
"How in the name of Elbereth did you slip your way into my council, Tangado Beriaith!" The elf lord demanded more than questioned, his face a mask of rage.
Boromir watched as the elf known as Tangado completely lost his calm demeanor and began verbally attacking Elrond. The other council members stared at the two elves in shock while Glorfindel slipped away without anyone noticing.
"Why shouldn't I be allowed in your puny, maggoty council? This is my home too and I'm an important elf now! I should get a say in what happens to that ring, you (elvish curse), and this time you are not going to throw me out like the trash! This time you will cower before the almighty me! This time you will die!" Tangado leaped at Elrond and tackled him to the floor, attempting to strangle the life out of him. A second later five armored elves flew into the council and lunged at the insane elf, trying to peel him off their downed Lord. Tangado bit one of them hard enough to draw blood before they could pull him off completely. "This is not done yet, Peredhil!" Tangado screamed, "This will never be over! Mark my words, you ^will^ be sorry you banished me!"
The guards began dragging the elf, who was cursing quite colorfully in Quenyan, in the direction of the mansion. Elrond rose and attempted to dust himself off. By now most of the council members were staring wide eyed and open mouthed at their host.
"So," Elrond said, "Who was it that wished to travel to Mordor?"
Boromir felt a sudden urge to use the bathroom.
~~~
Tangado paced restlessly in his cell, occasionally banging his head against the cold rock walls. How could his plan have failed so miserably? It was even worse than the last time he had made it past the guards into the mansion.
***Flashback***
'Dresses are uncomfortable,' Tangado thought idly, shifting around awkwardly in the unfamiliar outfit. 'How do women wear these everyday? Oh well. It's the only way I can get close enough to Elrond!' With that thought in mind, the disguised elf fixed his long, womanly wig, and adjusted his stuffed, womanly bra, wincing slightly in embarrassment. If anyone in Mordor ever found out about this he would be laughed at forever.
Tangado quickly exited the woman's powder room. Outside his 'escort' was waiting.
"Come on beautiful," said Eruchîn, winking. "You don't want to miss the dancing, do you?"
"Shut up," the evil elf hissed. Eruchîn cackled gleefully, but stopped talking. He led him to the main room where couples were ballroom dancing together.
"This is your chance, Tanga, go get him!" The she-elf impersonator nodded, before rushing towards the dining table where Lord Elrond was sitting with a few other lone elves.
"Excuse me, my Lord," Tangado said in what he hoped was a feminine voice. "Would you care to dance with me?" He asked, batting his eyelashes in a most humorous way.
"How about you dance with me?" Asked one of the other male elves.
"No, I wish to dance with Elrond, thank you." Tangado said, glaring frostily at the elf.
"Excuse me, My Lady," interrupted Elrond, "but your hair seems to falling off."
At this Tangado quickly placed his hands over his head, fixing the wig back in place. He nodded his head in satisfaction, causing the wig to fall completely from his head. The poor elf stared at it in horror.
"By the Valar, is that Tangado?" Elrond looked at him in disbelief. Tangado turned beet red before turning tail and running, loosing his high heels while several handkerchiefs were dislodged from his bra.
"You may have won this time, Peredhil, but I'll be back!" He yelled just as he exited the hall. The whole table exploded in laughter.
"Hey Tanga, you forgot your hair!" One of the guards shouted back.
***End flashback***
The Nazgûl trainer shuddered; that was one memory he wished to forget! Suddenly he heard footsteps approaching his cell; very light footsteps that only another elf could detect. Tangado hoped it wasn't Elrond. That would really just make his day.
...*(words)....* means Boromir is imagining this is being said.
~~~
"That was nigh on thirty years ago. For a while we had news and it seemed good: messengers reported that Moria had been entered and a great work had begun there. Then there was silence...*because everyone fell dead from boredom after listening to my endless, horrible droning! Bla, Bla, Bla, buzz, hmm, bla...*
Boromir, Son of Denethor steward of Gondor, attendee of the secret council of Elrond, tried to keep himself from falling asleep and disgracing himself along with his country. True that the council had just begun, but there had been an enormous welcoming feast before hand. Boromir had never been so dreadfully bored around food before! He had, to keep himself occupied, taken it upon himself to replace other's words with words of his own.
"At this we were greatly troubled," said Glóin, "and we gave...*offerings to the Earthworm who is like a father to us! It was so pleased that it vanquished the herd of giant demented sheep from our caves and the people rejoiced! Yay...*
Boromir snickered slightly at the thought, but unfortunately for him elves have excellent hearing.
"Do you find this matter amusing, Boromir of Gondor?" Elrond asked, eyeing the man disapprovingly. "Is there something entertaining about Master Glóin's dilemma? ...*does this dress make me look fat?...*
Boromir smiled faintly, but shook his head and apologized for his rudeness. One of the elves from Mirkwood covered his mouth to keep himself from laughing. Wait. There was something strange about this elf. Something that gave him the chills; a feeling he only seemed to experience around fell beasts as orcs. He noticed that Elrond was also eyeing the elf suspiciously. 'Oh well,' Boromir thought, 'I just being paranoid. Elves aren't evil, right? Of coarse not. Well, maybe that blond one next to Gandalf. He looks a bit like a vampire.'
The man of Gondor began daydreaming about vampires and other ancient creatures until it was his turn to speak for the council. He spoke until his voice was hoarse. After failing to get his point across, Boromir sat back in his chair and began a new dream of a nice, cozy bed...
"I will take the ring to Mordor," yelled the small Hobbit Frodo, snapping Boromir from his reverie. Only then did the man realize that the whole council was on it's feet, shouting and arguing. "But I do not know the way," Frodo added.
"Are you sure?" asked the mysterious elf. "You know, I can take it to Mordor for you. And I ^do^ know the way."
Elrond raised an eyebrow at the elf and asked, "What, may I ask, is your name?" The elf's eye twitched slightly, a gesture missed by all save the lord of Imladris.
"My name is Tanga---aaah, I mean Eruchîn."
This time Elrond raised both eyebrows. "Eruchîn Súrion?"
The elf's eyes widened and he shook his head vigorously. "No! No, Eruchîn...Greenleaf!" he blurted, causing Legolas, son of Thranduil to jump a little. Elrond groaned loudly.
"How in the name of Elbereth did you slip your way into my council, Tangado Beriaith!" The elf lord demanded more than questioned, his face a mask of rage.
Boromir watched as the elf known as Tangado completely lost his calm demeanor and began verbally attacking Elrond. The other council members stared at the two elves in shock while Glorfindel slipped away without anyone noticing.
"Why shouldn't I be allowed in your puny, maggoty council? This is my home too and I'm an important elf now! I should get a say in what happens to that ring, you (elvish curse), and this time you are not going to throw me out like the trash! This time you will cower before the almighty me! This time you will die!" Tangado leaped at Elrond and tackled him to the floor, attempting to strangle the life out of him. A second later five armored elves flew into the council and lunged at the insane elf, trying to peel him off their downed Lord. Tangado bit one of them hard enough to draw blood before they could pull him off completely. "This is not done yet, Peredhil!" Tangado screamed, "This will never be over! Mark my words, you ^will^ be sorry you banished me!"
The guards began dragging the elf, who was cursing quite colorfully in Quenyan, in the direction of the mansion. Elrond rose and attempted to dust himself off. By now most of the council members were staring wide eyed and open mouthed at their host.
"So," Elrond said, "Who was it that wished to travel to Mordor?"
Boromir felt a sudden urge to use the bathroom.
~~~
Tangado paced restlessly in his cell, occasionally banging his head against the cold rock walls. How could his plan have failed so miserably? It was even worse than the last time he had made it past the guards into the mansion.
***Flashback***
'Dresses are uncomfortable,' Tangado thought idly, shifting around awkwardly in the unfamiliar outfit. 'How do women wear these everyday? Oh well. It's the only way I can get close enough to Elrond!' With that thought in mind, the disguised elf fixed his long, womanly wig, and adjusted his stuffed, womanly bra, wincing slightly in embarrassment. If anyone in Mordor ever found out about this he would be laughed at forever.
Tangado quickly exited the woman's powder room. Outside his 'escort' was waiting.
"Come on beautiful," said Eruchîn, winking. "You don't want to miss the dancing, do you?"
"Shut up," the evil elf hissed. Eruchîn cackled gleefully, but stopped talking. He led him to the main room where couples were ballroom dancing together.
"This is your chance, Tanga, go get him!" The she-elf impersonator nodded, before rushing towards the dining table where Lord Elrond was sitting with a few other lone elves.
"Excuse me, my Lord," Tangado said in what he hoped was a feminine voice. "Would you care to dance with me?" He asked, batting his eyelashes in a most humorous way.
"How about you dance with me?" Asked one of the other male elves.
"No, I wish to dance with Elrond, thank you." Tangado said, glaring frostily at the elf.
"Excuse me, My Lady," interrupted Elrond, "but your hair seems to falling off."
At this Tangado quickly placed his hands over his head, fixing the wig back in place. He nodded his head in satisfaction, causing the wig to fall completely from his head. The poor elf stared at it in horror.
"By the Valar, is that Tangado?" Elrond looked at him in disbelief. Tangado turned beet red before turning tail and running, loosing his high heels while several handkerchiefs were dislodged from his bra.
"You may have won this time, Peredhil, but I'll be back!" He yelled just as he exited the hall. The whole table exploded in laughter.
"Hey Tanga, you forgot your hair!" One of the guards shouted back.
***End flashback***
The Nazgûl trainer shuddered; that was one memory he wished to forget! Suddenly he heard footsteps approaching his cell; very light footsteps that only another elf could detect. Tangado hoped it wasn't Elrond. That would really just make his day.