TITLE: There Goes The Fear - Part 3.
AUTHOR: Willow
SUMMARY: Josh is starting to shut them all out and it's worrying Sam and
Donna.
SPOILERS: Personal stuff up to S3. Set in an a/u between S3 & S4.
CHARACTERS: Josh, Donna, Sam, Leo.
RATING: PG - Angst. Character Death (though it's a character who's long
been assigned to 'The Land Of The Lost'.)
DISCLAIMER: They belong to NBC, Warner Bros, John Wells......
"Hey Josh," CJ stands in front of Josh's desk and waits for him look up. "You OK?"
Josh sighs and looks up from the notes he's reading. "Yeh I'm fine CJ. You?"
"Yes thanks. Josh if you want to talk about Mandy......"
"I don't, thanks," Josh cuts her off. "I've got to finish these notes for a meeting with Leo."
"Alright, you know where I am though."
"See you," Josh looks back down and carries on reading.
Thirty minutes later the door opens again. "Josh."
"Charlie," Josh tries not to sigh.
"I heard about Mandy, I'm sorry."
"Thanks."
"Are you OK?"
"Why wouldn't I be?" Josh asks.
"Well you and Mandy......"
"I'm fine. Thanks for asking," Josh interrupts.
"OK. I'll be here all day," Charlie says as he leaves.
After Charlie's gone Josh sits looking out the window for a minute before walking to the door. "Donna have you got minute?"
"Yeh, what do you need?" Donna asks, walking into the office.
"What do I need?" Josh repeats.
"Yeh."
"I need, that when I say I don't want to be disturbed I mean by anyone. I don't mean send in all the do gooders who want to offer their sympathy."
"They're your friends, they're worried about you."
"It's over three years since we dated Donna. I'm fine. That's what you can tell the next person. Instead of sending them in here."
"Fine," Donna replies leaving the office.
As Josh watches her go his emotions are mixed. There's a tightening in his chest, a knot in his stomach, a fear that he going to loose her and that's the last thing he wants, the one loss he really doesn't think he could survive. But there's also a kind of relief, because he's afraid that, if she stays, then he will loose her, so in the end it's better to push her away. He runs his hands through his hair and checks his watch. Five minutes to his meeting with Leo and then he can go home. He stands, picks up his papers and walks out of the office completely ignoring Donna on his way past.
Two hours later, Josh is back in his office and Donna is trying very hard not to go in and check he's OK, when the phone rings. "Josh Lyman," she answers.
"Hey Donna, it's Sam."
"Hey," Donna smiles at the friendly voice.
"Is Josh OK? I heard about Mandy."
"He says he's fine," Donna replies.
"But he's pushing everyone away," Sam says.
"Yeh," Donna replies, looking up as Josh walks out of the office and stands looking at her.
"What's he said?" Sam asks.
"Next Wednesday at 3.30 should be fine," Donna replies, looking in the appointment diary.
"He's stood with you?"
"Yes," Donna says.
"I'll call you later."
"OK thanks," Donna hangs up. "You need something?" she asks Josh.
"Who was that?"
"Matt Skinner," Donna lies, although it's not really a lie, Matt did call five minutes ago to reschedule his appointment.
"I though I was already meeting him on Tuesday?" Josh asks.
"He had to reschedule," Donna replies. "What do you need?"
"There's nothing else to do today, you should go home."
"What are you doing?" Donna can't help but ask.
"Don't start that again."
"Fine," she replies, "I'll see you on Monday." She logs off and shuts down her computer, stands and puts her coat on, well aware that Josh is still watching her.
"Yeh, Monday," he replies, walking back into the office and closing the door.
To an outsider the next week would have appeared perfectly normal. Josh went to work, he did his job well, he went to meetings and contributed as fully as he ever did. Sam and Leo though could see a familiar pattern emerging. Josh cancelled running on Sunday with CJ. She didn't question it though, after all it was only a day since he'd heard about Mandy, he was bound to be a little upset. Throughout the week he ate lunch alone in his office, declining any invitations to the mess. Amy came back from Texas on Wednesday, but when she called he wouldn't let Donna put her through and he cancelled any calls she made to his cell phone. When Toby asked them all over on Friday for take out and beer, Josh remembered a prior engagement. By Saturday they were all becoming concerned.
"Josh Lyman," Donna answers the phone on Saturday morning.
"Hey Donna, it's Amy is he in?"
"Just hold and I'll check for you," Donna puts Amy on hold and rings through to Josh's office.
"Josh Lyman."
"Amy's on line 3."
"Tell her I'm busy."
"Tell her yourself," Donna snaps.
"Donna please."
"Fine," Donna replies. "Amy, hi, I'm sorry he's in a meeting. Can I get him to........."
"What would be the point Donna?" Amy interrupts.
"He can call you back."
"But we both know he won't don't we," Amy replies. "Look, tell him that at our age, if you want to break up with someone, you're suppose to tell them, not just stop taking their calls."
"I don't really think it's my place Amy."
"Then I'll email him."
"He's still upset about Mandy you know, just give him time." Donna wonders why she's trying, even slightly, to save Josh and Amy's relationship.
"Who the hell's Mandy?"
Donna looks up and sees Josh standing in front of her. "I have to go Amy, I'm sorry, I'll give him the message." Donna hangs up and looks at Josh. "You haven't told her."
"Why would I?"
"She's your girlfriend."
"She never met Mandy."
"Still you should have........"
"What she say?"
"Maybe you should talk to her yourself."
"Forget I asked," Josh turns and walks back into his office.
Donna calls after him, "She thinks you want to break up, so that should please you. You've already succeeded in driving one person away."
Josh slams the door and sits down. Mandy's mother had called him last night to let him know that the funeral was next Wednesday. He's never met Mandy's mother, but she was going through Mandy's address book and calling the names she'd remembered her talking about, to let them know. He'd thanked her for calling, had offered his condolences, but had said that he probably wouldn't be able to make the funeral.
"Donna, wait up," Sam calls across the parking lot.
"Hey Sam," she smiles, "you OK?"
"Yeh," Sam replies absently. "How's Josh being with you?"
"He's shutting me out, same as with you and everyone else," Donna tells him. "I think he's broke up with Amy, he hadn't even told her about Mandy."
"I think we need more help."
"It only been a week Sam, maybe he just needs time."
"No," Sam shakes his head. "The longer we leave him, the worse he'll get."
"Yeh I know," Donna reluctantly agrees. "Who can help though? Leo's as lost as we are."
"I think we should call his mom."
"I don't know Sam. Do you think we should worry her?"
"He's her only family Donna, she's going to want to know. Besides which she must suspect that something's wrong. She's knows what he's like."
"In that case I think Leo should call her."
"Come one then," Sam says. "We'll talk to him now."
Five minutes later Donna and Sam are stood in Leo's office, waiting for him to finish his meeting with the President and Josh. "What if Josh comes back here with him?" Donna asks.
"That's a good thought," says Sam. "Maybe you should phone her."
"No, this is kind of personal."
"I thought you and her got on well."
"We do but, I just think this'd be better from Leo."
"Well you two look guilty," Leo comments, as he enters from the Oval Office.
"Where's Josh?" Sam asks.
"Gone back to his office I assume, why?"
"We're worried about him," Sam continues.
"Yeh me too," Leo admits.
"We think maybe someone should talk to his mom," Sam says.
"I called her this morning," Leo tells them.
"You did?" says Donna.
"Yeh. Sorry it was kind of a unilateral decision."
"What did she say?" Donna asks.
"She's gonna call him later and take it from there."
"Good," Sam smiles.