Living Again

By Rurouni Star

Yuko: Thank you! It makes me all warm and fuzzy inside!

Lilfrozenfire: It is currently… 5:10 PM. I'll take a chocolate malt, please? I may be a chocoholic, but at least I'm good at it!

Mistress Fluffy: I couldn't believe it either. I don't usually know what I'm going to write before I write it, so Fluffy's behavior was a bit surprising to me as well. I think he'll have to be more careful about those slip ups in the future…

Dragon of Sakura: Here you go! I think I'll be updating every day, or close to it anyway. Might break on weekends (don't know how I've done it so far with exams and all *dies*).

Malah Valvah: Your question has been answered below. ^_~

Chapter 4 – Alone Again

"You…you…" She couldn't seem to come up with an appropriate response in the face of his condescending smirk. Sesshoumaru turned his back on her, ignoring the girl. Jaken snickered behind her, and if not for the memory of an annoying club on the head, she might have given in to rather violent instincts. Instead, she growled something beneath her breath and sat down below the biggest tree in the area. Trees were good for brooding.

Why in the world she wanted Sesshoumaru to call her Kagome instead of something more respectful was beyond her. It would probably scare her to death to hear him talk to her on an equal level, as he was constantly the epitome of refinement, despite missing an arm. She sighed, and her thoughts drifted as the others settled down to sleep. She had nothing to get ready, really. She could just sleep here.

The girl looked up at the sky, intent on finding some of the constellations that were there in her time. She let out a gasp as she saw the sky.

A moonless night.

What was he doing? Was he hiding from his enemies, or maybe he wouldn't do it without her to remind him of the dangers. What if Naraku caught sight of him? What if a demon attacked the village? What if… what if…

"You seem preoccupied, Kagome." She looked up in surprise.

"Don't you sleep?" she muttered angrily.

"Occasionally. When the need strikes me." Kagome turned her eyes to the pile of bodies on the other side of the clearing, which included Jaken, Rin, An, and Un, all collapsed together and sleeping peacefully side by side.

"This is awkward," the miko said quietly.

"How so?" She still refused to meet his eyes from her place below the tree. Oddly enough, Sesshoumaru shared his brother's penchant for climbing tall things.

It must be an inu youkai thing. I wonder if Inu Yasha went up there tonight even though... She shook the thought from her mind and continued her former trail of thought.

"I never imagined... I mean, all we ever did was fight you. I never even stopped to think about things like this. No one did. If we'd actually defeated you-"

"You were never anywhere close." Kagome silently disagreed with that statement, but continued as if she hadn't heard it.

"If we'd managed it somehow, what would have happened to them?" She sighed. The bad guys weren't supposed to have families, even families consisting of two headed mounts, human girls, and subservient reptiles.

"They would have lost my protection. They would be dead in a matter of days."

She stifled a cry of dismay, but the guilt subsided when she realized that the demon lord was smirking at her again. She didn't know how she knew, but she did.

"Play it up, why don't you?" she growled. "Nothing would have happened, would it?" A cold laugh met her ears.

"Nothing. Except that the girl would most likely cry herself silly. She's an odd human, getting attached to a demon." Kagome shook her head quietly.

"It's not that odd, really..." she murmured, thinking longingly of Inu Yasha and Shippo. But she couldn't return to them. Not with the way Inu Yasha...

It's your fault...go home...

The girl put her head in her hands, holding in the sobs that she could not let out if she wanted to stay strong. Sesshoumaru may have noticed, but he said nothing and did nothing.

She reflected sleepily that he was probably used to respecting people's privacy, as it was the thing he valued most. Thankfully, Kagome didn't have to deal with her problems for long, as the day had been tiring (and she'd gotten no sleep the night before).

As the girl's shaky breaths slowed to a deeper rhythm, Sesshoumaru thought back on her words.

"Not that odd. I suppose not. But when a demon gets attached to a human child..." Not needing nearly as much sleep as the girl, Sesshoumaru had much too long to ponder this.

*

*

*

*

*

"Are you quite done with your nap?" a voice startled her into wakefulness.

Kagome's disoriented mind attempted to organize itself. Why in the world was she hearing Sesshoumaru's voice waking her?

Come to think of it, her biological clock told her that Inu Yasha should have impatiently woken her hours ago.

"I don't have any ramen left..." she mumbled hoarsely.

"I don't care about this ramen. Get up."

Inu Yasha had never poured cold water over her before.

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?" She stopped as the last parts of her recent adventures clicked in her mind. Inu Yasha was never going to wake her up ever again.

Sesshoumaru was gazing coldly down at her with narrowed eyes.

"Humans are so needy," he muttered. "I have been awake since before dawn." Kagome blinked, her problems forgotten as she saw the sun peaking high in the sky. Afternoon.

She groaned.

"You know you didn't let me sleep the night before. You just grabbed me out of my tent. I have to make it up somehow." Sesshoumaru was no longer listening, but he certainly looked peeved.

Actually, he always looked just a bit peeved.

"Come Jaken, Rin." The little girl was up, chasing the toad around laughingly. Jaken looked as though he was desperately trying to keep a scowl on his face, but he was failing terribly. Apparently, though the 'supreme master' had not yet spoken of it, they were going on foot so they wouldn't miss any traces of Naraku.

Kagome followed quietly behind them, picking up her backpack with considerable effort. What an idiot she'd been, leaving her bike behind. She felt a tugging on the strap of it, and looked down to see the little girl.

"Why is Kagome-nee-san carrying that big thing around?" she asked in a puzzled voice. Oh. So someone had let her know her name.

Kagome laughed nervously, feeling the toad's fierce gaze on her back. Geez, she never thought she'd see the day some youkai feared her in the presence of a child. It was usually the other way around.

"I keep a lot of useful things in here. I have a tent and a blanket and some cooking pots and – oh! I have some candy!" Kagome stopped and began to rummage through the bulging pack. She was vaguely aware that the other two had stopped as well, looking on curiously.

Kagome pulled out a chocolate bar and handed it to the girl. She looked at it for a moment before pulling off the wrapping and taking a bite. Her face lit up.

"This is good!" Rin exclaimed excitedly, eating a bit more.

"Don't spoil your appetite," Kagome reprimanded her gently. "If you eat too much, you won't have room for your lunch."

Which reminds me...did they even have breakfast? My stomach is rumbling. She decided to shrug it off. She'd gone without food for long stretches before.

Rin reluctantly wrapped back up the chocolate and handed it back to Kagome, who decided that she would let the girl have more after dinner.

When she turned around, it was to Sesshoumaru's ever-impenetrable stare. She nearly stepped back in shock.

"Wh-what are you looking at?" she asked. "What? Is my shirt not tucked in or something?" The demon didn't respond for a second.

"Where did you get that?" She blinked, and then shut her eyes tightly, taking a deep breath.

"Home." The word released so much naked longing that she was surprised he didn't laugh at her.

Instead, Sesshoumaru turned around again, and they continued walking.

Lost in her own bleaks thoughts, Kagome didn't realize that they hadn't stopped for food all day.

*
*
*
*
*

It was some time before the motley crew stopped for the night. In fact, they'd walked on into the darkness, far past when the moon's tiny sliver had appeared.

Kagome was still walking as if in a dream filled with shadows and quicksilver.

It's your fault.

More people will die.

Go home.

So few words, yet she had them memorized, engrained on her heart forever.

Idiot.

She hadn't realized that the group had stopped until she ran into something that jerked her back into lucidity. The silver strands of Sesshoumaru's hair caught on the one tear that had gotten past her guard and destroyed it. Kagome backed away slowly.

"Sorry," she whispered.

There was no response. Sesshoumaru was only stopped for a moment by her clumsiness, but he was soon in his tree once again.

Kagome sighed and hugged herself, trying to warm her arms. The nights were chilly lately. Did that mean winter was coming?

It scared her that she didn't know anything about this world to which she'd committed herself.

"Guess what, Kagome, I got an A on my test!"

"You look so lovely in that dress, Kagome. I feel like you're not my little girl anymore."

"I sealed up that well for you, so you never have to worry about it again. Aren't I a good grandfather?"

Why on earth had she given all of that up just for a journey with someone that didn't care about her?

And why weren't her friends here when she needed them the most?

"Go home."

The tears she'd tried so hard to keep in refused to be denied anymore, and they refused to be soothed by her mental protests that everything would turn out okay in the end, and even by the soft babbling of the nearby river. Because she couldn't lie to herself in the middle of the night when she was all alone once more, reality staring her in the face.

She was frightened.