To Live Again
By Rurouni Star
This is the OTHER long awaited chapter. But it's not going to end how you want. And you're not going to like me for a while.
Jessica M: I'm afraid they won't see her for a while now. You'll see why soon.
Freya: *does a double take* Hey, I just now realized that. I might be writing things in unconsciously… or maybe I'm just lucky?
Dumdeedum: Kagome gave Inu Yasha the shards because he can protect them better than her. Also, he was the original seeker of the jewel. As for Sesshoumaru, she felt responsible for his missing arm. Kagome's powers are all instinctive, but she knew somehow that she would be able to do something about Sesshoumaru's arm with the jewel fragment. Oh yes, angst… how I love it. But I held myself back considerably.
Hnn…: I know that's not your real name (at least I hope it isn't…) but I'll answer your question anyway. Sesshoumaru and her are about to get LOTS closer. But the big thing about this story is that I promised myself he wouldn't warm up too quickly. He's a demon lord that has a self-professed hatred of humans, and especially of his brother. I don't think he'd just fall in love at first sight. Takes a bit of thawing… what an ice cube…
Dbzfan: The demons are supposed to be freaky and chilling. They're not completely solid, more like ghosts, and when they touch you, you get cold. As for Sesshoumaru, I tried to make that rather apparent – he's got his arm back. It's sort of painful, regrowing an arm, but the pain's gone now and he's happy (or as happy as he ever is). As for whether it has to stay in his arm – you'll definitely be seeing. After all, the jewel is going to have to come together at some point with all this work they've put into it. I thought that chapter was better than the others myself, and I'm very proud of it. =P
SilverQuick: That's probably one of the best compliments I've received. It exactly describes the way I feel about my favorite authors. And I think you're doing great on your own IY fic – it's turning out more interesting than the conventional pairings I've seen, as you said.
StDogbert: I'm sure it's a S/K. Kagome's still slightly in love with Inu Yasha. Even while she was with him, she idolized him, and now that she's been away so long, she's probably forgotten his flaws. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, after all. But Sesshoumaru's sort of taking her mind off him and she's really close to loving him, if not already there. It's another little characterization thing – Kagome always feels things really strongly, so she doesn't forget those feelings in a hurry.
Hanna-chan: ^_^ I do try.
Profiler120: I'm looking forward to that too… O.o
Mistress Fluffy: Here it is, crisp and new… I was very surprised at how this one turned out.
Suki: I'm so loved… *sniff* thanks you guys…
Emme: Thanks for getting it! I always thought the odd relationship everyone has with Miroku should be developed more in some of these fics. No one knows when he's going to die, and it would definitely make ME uneasy.
Cecilia: Thanks, I'll try.
SESSHOUAMRUS_GIRL: Thank you! Everyone's so nice around here…
X: I'm definitely going to keep going.
Dragon of Sakura: Yeah, but he's a bit too protective.
Confused and lovin it: =P
Ladyofthedragons: I have often been accused of being evil. In case you're wondering, it does give me that warm tingly feeling inside just like any other compliment. ^____^
bb: I have a Kag/Inu up (Defeated by the Common Cold), but I wanted to try something different with this one. Believe me, the urge has nearly overtaken me a few times, but I swore to myself I would go alternate on this one.
Chapter 13 – Shattering
The rest of the day was exceptionally quiet, even for a person traveling with Sesshoumaru. Unknown to Kagome, he was contemplating the shard, wondering why in the world she had given it to him.
She hadn't needed to. She probably hadn't even wanted to, considering that he'd been trying to kill her when he'd lost his arm.
So why had she done it? It wasn't pity, for certain. She'd looked as though she were carrying out some obligation.
Because he'd saved her? Because he allowed her to travel with him?
He didn't understand.
But what scared him was that when he'd seen the unmistakable residue of tears on her face, he'd been tempted to do something – anything – to make her smile again.
Like Rin, but not like her. This was...something different.
That night, when he would normally ask her questions, he was silent. Because she was crying that night, and he respected privacy.
He might have stayed there all night. He might have ignored her. But his mind refused to let him forget the times that such respect had led to bad outcomes.
"I don't care."
"Well maybe you should!"
In the end, against his better judgment, Sesshoumaru, Lord of the Western Lands, came down from his tree.
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Kagome tried to stop crying. She tried to tell herself that she didn't miss everyone. She tried to tell herself that she couldn't have stopped even a scratch had she been there.
It wasn't working.
Thankfully, Sesshoumaru had not asked her any questions this night. It would have been awkward in the greatest degree.
She buried her head in her arms and kept crying, hoping only that she would finish before daybreak. She missed him! She missed that stupid hanyou so much that it hurt!
And he hated her.
Kagome was so absorbed in her problems that she didn't feel Sesshoumaru's presence until he sat next to her. It shocked her so much that her tears paused.
She looked up at him. He was staring at the moon.
What on earth was she supposed to do?
"S-Sesshoumaru...?" He looked down at her, his face neutral.
"I don't understand it," he said quietly. She stared at him, quivering with the need to cry. "I do not understand why you still do this, even months after you cut all ties with my brother." Her lip trembled.
"You wouldn't understand," she murmured. He grabbed her arm, quite suddenly, before she could look away from him again.
"I said that already, did I not?" She vaguely noticed his scent, the one that was so much like Inu Yasha's, and yet so different.
"Well then, I don't understand it either," she said hoarsely. "So that makes two of us."
Sesshoumaru's gaze did not travel back to the moon, as she expected. His eyes stayed on her face.
"Then it is hard to forget?" he asked.
"Yes. Yes, damnit, it's very hard to forget. I spent so much time with everyone...and then he just told me I was useless, that it was all my fault, that I should go home! He was right that it was my fault – I shattered the stupid jewel. But that's the reason I can't go home. And...and even if I wanted to, I can't anymore!" He was still looking at her.
"My brother is an idiot. But I do not think he is so stupid as to believe that such a thing is your fault." Kagome sucked in her breath. Why? Why was he doing this? And why hadn't he let go of her arm yet?
"I was the one that broke the jewel," she whispered.
"Could it have been avoided at the time? Every choice you make is made because you cannot make any other at the time. Looking back and saying that you should have done differently is useless except for learning from your mistakes. And you forget also that not only bad things resulted from it."
Kagome stared at him for a few moments, unable to turn away from such a brutal statement. "Why?" she asked him. "Why do you care?" Sesshoumaru's brows knit together in an expression that resembled confusion.
He doesn't know?
The demon finally let her arm go. "Why did you give me the shard?" It wasn't phrased as a question, but as an answer.
Kagome trembled in anger.
"I don't need anymore of your mutual courtesy!" she told him hotly.
"Nevertheless, you have it." He finally looked back at the moon. "Hopefully, it will have the added effect of stopping your infernal crying."
Inwardly, Sesshoumaru winced. He was beginning to act like his brother, saying the opposite of what he meant. He wanted her to smile, because it gave him the oddest feeling in his chest, like a swelling of something indescribable. But then… how could he say that? He couldn't.
But Kagome, unfortunately, could not read minds. Her face tightened, and she jerked her arm from him roughly.
"Well then, I guess that's it then," she said in a trembling voice, whether with anger or despair he could not tell. "If you can't stand my crying, I don't think you need me around anymore." The miko got to her feet unsteadily and picked up her pack, which had lightened considerably since she had first met him.
His gaze did not waver from the cold, safe moon, despite the fact that he desperately wanted to look at her.
"Goodbye, Sesshoumaru," she said quietly, a small tremor in her voice.
And with that, she began to walk away.
She was interrupted by his curious voice. "And where will you go, Kagome?" She bit her lip.
"I don't know. Anywhere."
That irrational desire reappeared. He wanted to ask her to stay. He wanted to tell her that he hadn't meant it that way.
But he stayed quiet. And she left.
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As she left the small camp behind her, Kagome reflected faintly that she really didn't have any place to go. And beside that, she had no Shikon shards at all. Funny, considering that she was supposed to be their keeper.
What a wonderful protector she was turning out to be.
She walked all night, in no direction, in any direction that lead away. Things had surely gone downhill, hadn't they?
She'd lost all three of the families she'd thought she could have had.
What had she done wrong?
Things had spiraled out of her control somewhere along the line. She didn't know where it started, and she suspected that it would never end. By the end of the night, she found herself still walking, tired, but with no desire to stop.
Her body began to ache with the cold while she remembered Rin's warmth and Inu Yasha's scent. Why things had worked out this way, she really couldn't tell. She'd been happy at home and happy with Inu Yasha, and oddly enough, happy with Sesshoumaru's ragtag group.
The wind blew again, harder, and she shivered involuntarily. That lack of warmth signified to her that she had no one that cared enough to keep her warm anymore.
The miko finally sat down beneath a tree at dawn, the only one for hundreds of feet. Why was she sitting beneath a tree? Was it because she was used to it? Did she honestly expect that Sesshoumaru was at the top, staring at the moon that wasn't there during the day?
Kagome pulled out her one blanket and huddled underneath it. Somehow, things would work out, she told herself.
But she didn't believe it. And when she awoke from a fitful sleep hours later, she still didn't believe it.
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"Thank you so very much… Kagome-sama, was it? Is there anything at all we can do for you in return? Food, lodging, supplies?" The earnest villager smiled at her, but her face was unusually cold for someone that had just purified a well with a touch. Her smile twisted painfully.
"Nothing you can give me would help. I'm sorry." His face turned grave, and he put a hand on her shoulder.
"Whatever it is, my lady, you're much too good for such troubles. You saved us all, and we need to do something for you." He hesitated a bit before plunging on. "We don't have a miko here, and it's not that we're attacked all that much, but you would certainly be welcome-"
"No." That seemed to have drawn a rise from her. "I'm not a miko. Not in the strictest sense. And I've just thought of something you can do for me, good sir."
Kagome smiled sadly as he fulfilled her request. It was small – but it was the only thing left to her that mattered at all.
A/N: EVERYONE READ THIS PLEASE! I've read a lot of my reviewers' fanfiction and picked out a few that are good to read. Mm. Yummy. Anyway, if you're looking for a good fic, check these out:
SilverQuick's White Dogs: Perversity
Profiler120's Blind Stitch my Heart and Clumsy
Also, although they're not reviewers, these are some good authors to check out:
Rosefire
Snowgirl
Saro
JadeWing
And, always and forever one of the best authors out there is Thunk (her alternate couplings blow me away)