It's Cas here. This will be chapter 2. Even though technicly, it's really chapter 1. But who cares? I would, but my brain's in the shop. At least that's what the man said. I don't own anyone but me, Cas!
A "in a flash of light and a crack like a wet newspaper" later.
Cas: This is the Stadium of Death & Dismemberment. I have decided to make use of some very strange circumstances for my own personal amusement. I want all of you to fight each other in a series of events that will test your powers to their limits. If you don't agree, you have some very nice alternatives. For the guys, you get to go the Museum of Cute Cuddly Stuffed Animals. For the ladies, you get to listen while chauvinistic males tell you why men are better than women. Now that I've stated a reasonable hell for each gender, who would like to step aside?
All: Uh, no.
Cas: Good. It makes things so much easier when you have a captive audience. Obviously chains make everything rather depressing. Now I am going to determine the events that you will all follow. First will be three fights to determine the greatest swordsman. Then there will be the most powerful magic users. Followed by best martial artist. I think a lancer contest is in order. A few mini-games to boot. And somewhere in there I think there shall be a swimsuit competition.
Irvine: Yeehaw! I'm gonna have some fun!
Squall: You would.
Rinoa: Like you're one to talk.
Aeris: Hey Cloud?
Cloud: What?
Aeris: Got something on your mind? Your calm exterior is cracking.
Cloud: Shut up.
Tifa: Yeah! I'm gonna let loose with that one!
Zell: You scare me.
Tifa: I should.
Lulu: How immature. I do not understand why anyone would dress like a scantily clad bimbo.
Yuna: Hello, pot? This is the kettle, you're still black.
Cas: To end all of this quickly, let's go to the first round.
Round 1- Cloud Vs. Squall Vs. Tidus
Cas: Here's the first round of this exciting battle. Remember contestants, after each battle you will receive an elixir to recover your strength. The relative physics have been adjusted so that you are of equal power. The deciding factors are weapons and skills. Round 1 begin.
Tidus: What do we do? You never said anything about that.
Cas: Damn. I hate it when I forget important details like that. Okay, round 1 is where you all try to beat each other up.
Cloud: Where's my damn sword?
Cas: You'll fight with your fists. This is unarmed combat. Begin.
Cloud: (Thinking) I'm not as good at unarmed as I should be, but I took a few lessons from Tifa. Hmm. The guy in black looks like he got some training. The other one should be easy to take down.
Squall: (Thinking) Thank god for Seed training. That guy with the spiky hair looks like he give and take blows. The other one should be target number one.
Tidus: (Thinking) They both look like a piece of cake. I'll take them down fast.
Cas: Since I'm in charge, I'll do the commentary. Tidus starts the fight with a charge to Cloud. And Cloud sidesteps right and clotheslines Tidus in the face. With that bracer Cloud has on we know it had to hurt. And Squall has jumped into the fray with a uppercut to Cloud. Cloud managed to twist out of the way but has fallen by a low kick by Tidus. Tidus gets up and rushes in. Cloud recovers in time to catch and toss Tidus, effectively stopping his low tackle. Squall jump kicks the still air born Tidus, bringing him to the ground. Squall is now pounding Tidus' ribcage with no end to the pain. Now Cloud has drop kicked Squall and they are now circling each other. And I think Tidus is down for the match. And there's some superior footwork from Squall as he kicks Cloud. And I think that's it. Yes! Cloud is down for the count. And Squall is the unarmed champion Swordsman. Let's hear from the crowd. Zell?
Zell: From a fighter's standpoint, that guy, Cloud was it? might have had a better chance if he used some more kicks. The other guy, maybe if he had some training he might be a real threat.
Cas: Yes, Tifa?
Tifa: I'll agree with Zell there, Cloud has always had a problem with his kicks. I thinks it's his sword training that did that to him. But in a boxing match, he's as steady as a rock.
Cas: And how about Tidus?
Zell: Well, charging two other people in that sort of standoff, not smart. Even I could have figured that one out.
Tifa: Hell yeah there. Maybe with a chance, a hope, and a prayer he could win. Not worth betting on the rest of the time.
Cas: Harsh words from two well trained fighters. Now as soon as they all recover consciousness we'll continue.
Five minutes later
Cas: We are back to the second round of this exciting battle. Now we shall have the Power Limit contest. Here, Cloud, Squall, and Tidus will show their most destructive Limit. We are looking for the greatest destruction, the most carnage, and the least amount of area left intact. Fighters, set up your Limits. Get ready, begin!
Cas: (Quietly) The fighters are taking their positions now. In turn, they will try to perform their most powerful limit. Cloud won the rock-paper-scissor contest and has elected to use a rocky field for the contest. So there's a lot of rocks and rubble around. Now Cloud has stepped up to the mark and now it really starts. Cloud has started to charge his sword and has moved into, yes! It is the Meteorain! What a brilliant move that was there, choosing the rocky field. The superheated meteorites are exploding the boulders and are creating secondary explosions. Very nice there. Let's let Mr. Fluffykins, the judge, check out the field.
Mr. F: 8.7
Cas: 8.7, good marks for Cloud. Could we please have the statistics.
Mr. F.: Certainly. As we all saw, Mr. Cloud used a good choice for the field in conjunction with his attack. A very nice job. It could do better if it was more wide spread, but a good job none the less.
Cas: Thank you. The field has been set up again, so now let's let Squall have his turn. Squall has stepped up to the mark and has started quickly. And, well with that pillar of light, it can only be the Blasting Zone. And here it comes down. Nice, good job on Squall's part. Mr. F.?
Mr. F.: 8.2.
Cas: Looks as though Cloud is the favorite here for now. So Mr. F. what caused the lower score?
Mr. F.: Well, Squall used a more powerful attack with greater range, but Cloud caused more overall damage. I mean, Cloud got some deep penetration, while Squall only got enough to leave a small, long ditch.
Cas: Thank you Mr. F. Seeing as the field is already, I think we should let Tidus have his turn before coming to any conclusions. Tidus looks ready. Now we'll see if his earlier defeat will have an impact on his performance. And look, it's Energy Rain. And, well, it doesn't look like a lot of damage there, but let's ask the resident expert.
Mr. F.: 7.9.
Cas: I think the question on everyone's mind is: why so low?
Mr. F.: Tidus only caused small craters with little real damage being done. There is evidence of the energy going further, but that doesn't have as much of an impact as Cloud or Squall.
Cas: And with that, it's the end of the Power Limit contest. Let's let our heroes heal up and get on with the next match.
Cas: We are now set up for the greatest contest of skill, the final arena of combat, the..
All: Shut up!
Cas: Alright. Now we have the Swordsmen contest? That better?
All: Yes!
Cas: You all really know how to hurt a guy's feelings don't you? I'll get over it. The rules are simple. You each use the full extent of your swordsmanship and take each other down. Last one standing and all that. Begin!
Tidus: Hey Yuna!
Yuna: Yeah?
Tidus: Blitz Ace!
Yuna: Okay!
Cloud: What was that?
Squall: How should I know?
Cas: I said "begin!" The fighters are now moving into position. Lets see who starts things off.
Cloud: Omnislash!
Squall: Lionheart!
Cas: Wow! Look at them go! They are meeting blade for blade, again and again, neither one hitting the other. And now Tidus has joined the fray.
Tidus: Blitz Ace!
Cas: Tidus has just unleashed his most powerful attack on Squall, and Squall is just managing to block the powerful slashes. Now Tidus has set himself up for the final part.
Tidus: Yuna!
Yuna: Here!
Cas: And Yuna has thrown the blitzball. Is that legal? Who cares? And Tidus has kicked it to Cloud. Amazing! What will Cloud do?
Cloud: I think not kid. Take this!
Cas: Cloud has just hit the blitzball with the Buster Sword and has just sent it back at Tidus. Tidus is now sailing into the sunset. I think Tidus is out for the count. Back to the two remaining contestants. Squall has recovered from Tidus' barrage and is now after Cloud.
Squall: Rough Divide!
Cloud: Braver!
Cas: A deadlock! Here they go again!
Squall: Let's try this! Fated Circle!
Cloud: Blade Beam!
Cas: Another deadlock! Cloud's Beam Blade cut through Squall's Fated Circle, but Squall landed before it could hit him. This is really becoming exciting.
Rinoa: Come on Squall! I got a hundred Gil on you!
Aeris & Tifa: We both got a thousand on you Cloud!
Mr. F.: I do not allow betting in my arena. Unless I get a take.
Cas: Their starting again, thank you very much!
Squall: Here's something you can't beat. Blasting Zone!
Cloud: I win. Finishing Touch!
Cas: What did Cloud say? Wait, what is he doing? Cloud has just jumped into the Finishing Touch tornado! He's riding it into the sky! What is he planning?
Cloud: Meteorain!
Cas: Stupendous! Cloud has bombarded Squall with a barrage of meteorites. Squall has escaped damage by virtue of his Limit. And Squall's Blasting Zone has broken!
Squall: I think not! Blasting Zone!
Cas: Squall has just shot the Blasting Zone straight at Cloud! Although it does seem to knock have Squall into the ground.
Cloud: I won't be defeated! Braver!
Cas: What is he doing? He's cutting into the beam! He's succeeding! He is actually cutting through energy wave! Squall can't seem to break off his attack! And Cloud has cut to the source! Squall is down for the count! What an upset! Who could of seen that one coming?
Cloud: I... *Whump*
Cas: What the hell? Cloud has just been KO'd by the Bltizball! That means that Tidus is the winner! Tidus wins, Cloud is second and Squall is in last place! What an ending!
Aeris: What do you mean Tidus wins?
Cas: The Blitzball was part of Tidus' attack. And since it went before most everything else, it counts before Tidus was knocked out.
Everyone else was most upset by this news, since it meant that they lost their bets. Well, everyone except Yuna, who was the only one to bet on Tidus and had thus made a small fortune, minus Mr. F.'s take.
Read and Review please. I might get lonely and visit you. I'll be invisible of course and what does anyone do when they're invisible? Eat chicken!
A "in a flash of light and a crack like a wet newspaper" later.
Cas: This is the Stadium of Death & Dismemberment. I have decided to make use of some very strange circumstances for my own personal amusement. I want all of you to fight each other in a series of events that will test your powers to their limits. If you don't agree, you have some very nice alternatives. For the guys, you get to go the Museum of Cute Cuddly Stuffed Animals. For the ladies, you get to listen while chauvinistic males tell you why men are better than women. Now that I've stated a reasonable hell for each gender, who would like to step aside?
All: Uh, no.
Cas: Good. It makes things so much easier when you have a captive audience. Obviously chains make everything rather depressing. Now I am going to determine the events that you will all follow. First will be three fights to determine the greatest swordsman. Then there will be the most powerful magic users. Followed by best martial artist. I think a lancer contest is in order. A few mini-games to boot. And somewhere in there I think there shall be a swimsuit competition.
Irvine: Yeehaw! I'm gonna have some fun!
Squall: You would.
Rinoa: Like you're one to talk.
Aeris: Hey Cloud?
Cloud: What?
Aeris: Got something on your mind? Your calm exterior is cracking.
Cloud: Shut up.
Tifa: Yeah! I'm gonna let loose with that one!
Zell: You scare me.
Tifa: I should.
Lulu: How immature. I do not understand why anyone would dress like a scantily clad bimbo.
Yuna: Hello, pot? This is the kettle, you're still black.
Cas: To end all of this quickly, let's go to the first round.
Round 1- Cloud Vs. Squall Vs. Tidus
Cas: Here's the first round of this exciting battle. Remember contestants, after each battle you will receive an elixir to recover your strength. The relative physics have been adjusted so that you are of equal power. The deciding factors are weapons and skills. Round 1 begin.
Tidus: What do we do? You never said anything about that.
Cas: Damn. I hate it when I forget important details like that. Okay, round 1 is where you all try to beat each other up.
Cloud: Where's my damn sword?
Cas: You'll fight with your fists. This is unarmed combat. Begin.
Cloud: (Thinking) I'm not as good at unarmed as I should be, but I took a few lessons from Tifa. Hmm. The guy in black looks like he got some training. The other one should be easy to take down.
Squall: (Thinking) Thank god for Seed training. That guy with the spiky hair looks like he give and take blows. The other one should be target number one.
Tidus: (Thinking) They both look like a piece of cake. I'll take them down fast.
Cas: Since I'm in charge, I'll do the commentary. Tidus starts the fight with a charge to Cloud. And Cloud sidesteps right and clotheslines Tidus in the face. With that bracer Cloud has on we know it had to hurt. And Squall has jumped into the fray with a uppercut to Cloud. Cloud managed to twist out of the way but has fallen by a low kick by Tidus. Tidus gets up and rushes in. Cloud recovers in time to catch and toss Tidus, effectively stopping his low tackle. Squall jump kicks the still air born Tidus, bringing him to the ground. Squall is now pounding Tidus' ribcage with no end to the pain. Now Cloud has drop kicked Squall and they are now circling each other. And I think Tidus is down for the match. And there's some superior footwork from Squall as he kicks Cloud. And I think that's it. Yes! Cloud is down for the count. And Squall is the unarmed champion Swordsman. Let's hear from the crowd. Zell?
Zell: From a fighter's standpoint, that guy, Cloud was it? might have had a better chance if he used some more kicks. The other guy, maybe if he had some training he might be a real threat.
Cas: Yes, Tifa?
Tifa: I'll agree with Zell there, Cloud has always had a problem with his kicks. I thinks it's his sword training that did that to him. But in a boxing match, he's as steady as a rock.
Cas: And how about Tidus?
Zell: Well, charging two other people in that sort of standoff, not smart. Even I could have figured that one out.
Tifa: Hell yeah there. Maybe with a chance, a hope, and a prayer he could win. Not worth betting on the rest of the time.
Cas: Harsh words from two well trained fighters. Now as soon as they all recover consciousness we'll continue.
Five minutes later
Cas: We are back to the second round of this exciting battle. Now we shall have the Power Limit contest. Here, Cloud, Squall, and Tidus will show their most destructive Limit. We are looking for the greatest destruction, the most carnage, and the least amount of area left intact. Fighters, set up your Limits. Get ready, begin!
Cas: (Quietly) The fighters are taking their positions now. In turn, they will try to perform their most powerful limit. Cloud won the rock-paper-scissor contest and has elected to use a rocky field for the contest. So there's a lot of rocks and rubble around. Now Cloud has stepped up to the mark and now it really starts. Cloud has started to charge his sword and has moved into, yes! It is the Meteorain! What a brilliant move that was there, choosing the rocky field. The superheated meteorites are exploding the boulders and are creating secondary explosions. Very nice there. Let's let Mr. Fluffykins, the judge, check out the field.
Mr. F: 8.7
Cas: 8.7, good marks for Cloud. Could we please have the statistics.
Mr. F.: Certainly. As we all saw, Mr. Cloud used a good choice for the field in conjunction with his attack. A very nice job. It could do better if it was more wide spread, but a good job none the less.
Cas: Thank you. The field has been set up again, so now let's let Squall have his turn. Squall has stepped up to the mark and has started quickly. And, well with that pillar of light, it can only be the Blasting Zone. And here it comes down. Nice, good job on Squall's part. Mr. F.?
Mr. F.: 8.2.
Cas: Looks as though Cloud is the favorite here for now. So Mr. F. what caused the lower score?
Mr. F.: Well, Squall used a more powerful attack with greater range, but Cloud caused more overall damage. I mean, Cloud got some deep penetration, while Squall only got enough to leave a small, long ditch.
Cas: Thank you Mr. F. Seeing as the field is already, I think we should let Tidus have his turn before coming to any conclusions. Tidus looks ready. Now we'll see if his earlier defeat will have an impact on his performance. And look, it's Energy Rain. And, well, it doesn't look like a lot of damage there, but let's ask the resident expert.
Mr. F.: 7.9.
Cas: I think the question on everyone's mind is: why so low?
Mr. F.: Tidus only caused small craters with little real damage being done. There is evidence of the energy going further, but that doesn't have as much of an impact as Cloud or Squall.
Cas: And with that, it's the end of the Power Limit contest. Let's let our heroes heal up and get on with the next match.
Cas: We are now set up for the greatest contest of skill, the final arena of combat, the..
All: Shut up!
Cas: Alright. Now we have the Swordsmen contest? That better?
All: Yes!
Cas: You all really know how to hurt a guy's feelings don't you? I'll get over it. The rules are simple. You each use the full extent of your swordsmanship and take each other down. Last one standing and all that. Begin!
Tidus: Hey Yuna!
Yuna: Yeah?
Tidus: Blitz Ace!
Yuna: Okay!
Cloud: What was that?
Squall: How should I know?
Cas: I said "begin!" The fighters are now moving into position. Lets see who starts things off.
Cloud: Omnislash!
Squall: Lionheart!
Cas: Wow! Look at them go! They are meeting blade for blade, again and again, neither one hitting the other. And now Tidus has joined the fray.
Tidus: Blitz Ace!
Cas: Tidus has just unleashed his most powerful attack on Squall, and Squall is just managing to block the powerful slashes. Now Tidus has set himself up for the final part.
Tidus: Yuna!
Yuna: Here!
Cas: And Yuna has thrown the blitzball. Is that legal? Who cares? And Tidus has kicked it to Cloud. Amazing! What will Cloud do?
Cloud: I think not kid. Take this!
Cas: Cloud has just hit the blitzball with the Buster Sword and has just sent it back at Tidus. Tidus is now sailing into the sunset. I think Tidus is out for the count. Back to the two remaining contestants. Squall has recovered from Tidus' barrage and is now after Cloud.
Squall: Rough Divide!
Cloud: Braver!
Cas: A deadlock! Here they go again!
Squall: Let's try this! Fated Circle!
Cloud: Blade Beam!
Cas: Another deadlock! Cloud's Beam Blade cut through Squall's Fated Circle, but Squall landed before it could hit him. This is really becoming exciting.
Rinoa: Come on Squall! I got a hundred Gil on you!
Aeris & Tifa: We both got a thousand on you Cloud!
Mr. F.: I do not allow betting in my arena. Unless I get a take.
Cas: Their starting again, thank you very much!
Squall: Here's something you can't beat. Blasting Zone!
Cloud: I win. Finishing Touch!
Cas: What did Cloud say? Wait, what is he doing? Cloud has just jumped into the Finishing Touch tornado! He's riding it into the sky! What is he planning?
Cloud: Meteorain!
Cas: Stupendous! Cloud has bombarded Squall with a barrage of meteorites. Squall has escaped damage by virtue of his Limit. And Squall's Blasting Zone has broken!
Squall: I think not! Blasting Zone!
Cas: Squall has just shot the Blasting Zone straight at Cloud! Although it does seem to knock have Squall into the ground.
Cloud: I won't be defeated! Braver!
Cas: What is he doing? He's cutting into the beam! He's succeeding! He is actually cutting through energy wave! Squall can't seem to break off his attack! And Cloud has cut to the source! Squall is down for the count! What an upset! Who could of seen that one coming?
Cloud: I... *Whump*
Cas: What the hell? Cloud has just been KO'd by the Bltizball! That means that Tidus is the winner! Tidus wins, Cloud is second and Squall is in last place! What an ending!
Aeris: What do you mean Tidus wins?
Cas: The Blitzball was part of Tidus' attack. And since it went before most everything else, it counts before Tidus was knocked out.
Everyone else was most upset by this news, since it meant that they lost their bets. Well, everyone except Yuna, who was the only one to bet on Tidus and had thus made a small fortune, minus Mr. F.'s take.
Read and Review please. I might get lonely and visit you. I'll be invisible of course and what does anyone do when they're invisible? Eat chicken!