Disclaimer: See the first chapter.... I also don't own Siri's quote a little later in this story ("No more be griev'd... ...in sweetest bud..."). That belongs to the admirable William Shakespeare, it's the first four lines of his thirty-fifth sonnet. I don't own the Arithmancy teacher, Professor Mizuno (Sailor Mercury), or the Divination teacher, Professor Tomoe (Sailor Saturn) who belongs to Naoko Takeuchi. Nor do I own 'Green Eggs and Ham', which is property of Dr. Suess.

WARNINGS: Just to remind you, there's going to be Remus/Sirius slash! Some serious stuff this time (maybe) but no graphic stuff..... sorry to disappoint you.... but I can't write that stuff, I giggle like mad and get silly. Plus I don't want my parents barging into my room at any minute (like they so often do) and seeing what I wrote. eep.

Pardon my timeline, I know the years are wrong. But it's too late to change it now. Besides, I only found out Harry was born in 1980 just last Saturday.

~*~*~*~*~

Year 6 - Sirius Plays a Prank

~July 13, 1980 - Remus' bedroom~

It was Peter's snoring that woke Remus up that morning. He sat up, blinking the sleep out of his eyes, and ran a hand through his hair. Right. It was Peter. How could he not have known?
With a groan, Remus flopped back down and rolled over on his side to look at his friends. Peter was flat on his back, explaining the snores. He always snored when he was on his back, but he was too heavy for Remus to push him onto his side. James was sleeping on his stomach, his head turned to the side. His messy bangs fluttered with his breath, and Remus smiled. Sirius was in his usual position - curled up on his left side, one hand under his pillow and the other curled into a fist just under his jaw. His face was entirely hidden by his hair, and Remus marveled that he hadn't suffocated to death yet.
They had just gotten their O.W.L. results the day before last - Remus, James, and Sirius had received twelve each, and Peter had gotten ten (to his enormous relief and amazement). So Remus' mother had agreed (actually, it had been her idea) to have a little party/sleepover to celebrate.

Remus' owl, Rose, fluttered in through the window and landed on his bedside table, a note bound to her leg. Remus sat up and took it. It was from Lily. He read it - it was congratulations on their O.W.L. results, and the news she had gotten twelve as well. Remus smiled. He'd expect no less from her.
As he was reading, there was another flutter of wings, and Remus looked up, startled. He groaned inwardly at the sight. The new arrival was not an owl - it was a glossy black raven. Remus knew it on sight. It was Snape's. With a sigh, he reluctantly took the letter it offered. Snape had written a few other letters to Remus over the summer (what little there *was* of it, Remus thought sourly), and it was driving him mad.
"I'm not writing back to him," he said crossly to the raven, "So you might as well go."
The raven gave him an offended look and left. Remus sighed and stroked Rose's back, hiding Snape's letter in the drawer of his nightstand with the others.
Peter stopped snoring abruptly, and sat up. "G'morning, Remmie," he mumbled blearily.
"G'morning, Pete. Give Jim a poke. We might as well go down for breakfast; it's almost nine."
He slipped out of bed and knelt beside Sirius' sleeping bag. He brushed Sirius' long hair away from his face and said, "Time to get up, Siri."
Sirius grumbled.
"Now."
"Don' wanna."
"Now," commanded Remus, unzippering Sirius' sleeping bag, then pulling the pillows out from under his head. "It's time to eat."
"Still don' wanna."
James sat up and put his glasses on. "Come on, Siri. It's your own fault were were up so late last night."
"How so?" Sirius grumbled. His eyes were still shut, but at least his speech was becoming coherent.
"Hide-and-go-seek in the pitch dark," James growled.
"You didn't have to play if you didn't want to."
"If we hadn't, you would have played by yourself."
"It's pretty hard to play hide-and-go-seek by *yourself*, Jim."
"Stop arguing," Remus said, even though he knew they were just kidding. "Come on, Mum'll have breakfast waiting."
But the kitchen was almost deserted when they entered. The only person there was Serena (who was eyeing Sirius with undisguised interest - he was wearing pajama bottoms and nothing else).
"Mum says you'll have to make your own breakfast," she said, still staring at Sirius, who didn't seem the least bit fazed. "Mum and Daddy left for Diagon Alley about half an hour ago. What took you so long getting up?"
Remus shrugged, and opened the back door to get the milk. "We just felt like sleeping in."
Serena stuck her tongue out at him and flounced from the room. Sirius shook his head and slumped into a chair. "How can you stand her, Remmie? She still looks at me like I'm... Boy George, or something."
"BOY GEORGE?!" James hooted. "Siri!"
"I know, awful metaphor," Sirius admitted with a laugh. "What are we eating, Remmie? Not porridge, I know."
Remus was touched - he didn't picture Sirius as bothering to memorize his friends' Most Hated Foods Lists. "Cereal," he said. "Your pick."
"An inspired chef," James said sarcastically.
"It's either that or nothing."
"I'll take nothing, then."
"Have it your way," Remus said, shooting him a smoking glare and closing the cereal cupboard. (Yes, in the Lupin home, they have an entire cupboard dedicated to cereal.)
"Oh, I was just kidding, Moony!" James whined when he saw that Remus was serious.
"So was I," Remus said sweetly, dropping his disagreeable manner at once.
"You're such a tease."
"I know you are, but what am I!" James and Sirius shouted in unison.
Remus held up his hands in mock-horror. "You've been Americanized!"

~Sirius' Journal - August 3~

-I *should* tell Lil, shouldn't I? I know I should, but I don't think I have the courage. Huh. Me in Gryffindor, and I don't have the courage to break the news to Lil. Well, not many people would. Sigh.... I really want to be with Remmie. D'you know, the daft sod doesn't even know he's beautiful? He was so beautiful on that morning I was at his house.... try to picture it! His hair was all messed up from sleeping, and when he stood in the sunshine it went from light brown to gold... looked so soft... I wanted to run my fingers through it.... I know the silver in it makes him paranoid, but I think it's simply gorgeous. And his *eyes*... I could go on about his eyes forever, but if I did I'd get a writer's cramp. Suffice it to say.... you could get lost in them. Drown in them. And *like* it.
You can see his scars when he wears t-shirts. He doesn't wear them very often, but he was wearing one that morning. His right arm is okay, only one or two on it, but his poor left arm looks like he'd been attacked by... oh, I dunno, a dog with big teeth or something. Eep. Bad choice. But you know what I mean. You can even tell how old the scars are... the newest ones are kind of pink, but the old ones are white... It makes me want to cry, you know? Someone as gentle, and sweet, and loving as Remmie... only to be cursed like that. I think that's one of the reasons why I love him so much. He's got so much patience and gentleness, and more courage than you'd expect.... -

~September 1 - the Hogwarts Express~

James was watching Remus, who was deeply immersed in 'Spells, Curses, and Counter-Curses For All Occasions'. "Haven't you finished that book yet?" he asked incredulously. "You've been reading it since second year!"
"Oh, I finished it ages and ages ago," Remus replied, looking up from his book with a smile. "But I thought I'd read it again."
"Anything in there good enough to use on Snape?"
"Some of it, maybe," sighed Remus, "But you know he knows more curses than anyone else at school. No doubt none of it would be new to him. He's probably have the counter-curse all ready before I could even finish saying the spell."
"True, true," said James, and unwrapped a Chocolate Frog, glancing at the card. "Circe again. I have about ten of her at home." He looked around. "Hey, is it just me, or is Padfoot missing?"
"Neuter that dog," Remus mumbled. "He's with Lily."
"I should have guessed."
"They're almost joined at the hip."
"Well, there are worse people Siri could be joined with," James said. "Snape, for instance. Or how about Lucius Malfoy?"
"Jim! I'd like to keep my breakfast down, please!" Remus said, and they giggled.
"Okay, I won't do it again," James promised. He got up and stretched. "I think I'll go find them and haul them in here."
Remus quirked an eyebrow. "You'll just be moving the snog-fest in here."
"But then we can giggle at them and flip Every Flavor Beans at Siri."
Remus chuckled at the thought. "Okay. But *you're* buying the beans."
"Will do," James said, saluting, and left the compartment.
Remus sat in silence for a few minutes, reading (Peter was off at the other end of the train for awhile; Remus had a suspicion he was talking to Grace Addams). It was rare to have complete silence, considering his friends, so he enjoyed it. Until Snape came in. Ugh. Groan.
"Hello, Severus," Remus mumbled, not bothering to look up from his book.
"How come you never wrote back to me this summer?" Snape demanded without even saying hello.
"You nearly rape me and you expect me to answer your *love letters*?" Remus asked in disgust.
Snape flushed. "They weren't love letters. You didn't read them, did you?"
"No."
"Why *not*?!"
"Because I don't want anything to do with you, Severus!" Remus shouted, surprising even himself.

"Moony? What's all the shouting?" James asked curiously from the doorway. He had returned, with Sirius and Lily in tow. His eyes narrowed when he saw Snape standing there. "What do you want, Snape?"
"Nothing that concerns *you*," Snape said icily. He pushed past them and swept off down the aisle to rejoin his friends.
"What was *that* all about?" Lily asked, sliding the door shut behind her.
"Nothing, he's just being a stupid great prat," Remus said. They looked as if they didn't believe him, but evidently they decided not to press the matter. He went back to his book. Only to be disturbed by Sirius (who else?).
Sirius sat down next to him and rested his head on Remus' shoulder. "What'cha reading?"
"The same book he's been reading for the past four years," James answered.
"Boy, Moony, you're a slow reader."
"This is about the third time I've read it," Remus sighed. "You dolt," he couldn't resist adding.
Sirius gave him an offended look. "Call me names. I don't care. But I won't share my chocolate-covered cherries with you. Lily had five."
Now, if there was one sweet in the world that Remus loved above all others, it was chocolate-covered cherries. Well. He'd have to get some of those.
"Oh, I'm sorry, Siri," he said sweetly. "I won't call you a dolt anymore."
Sirius pouted. "But you'll call me something else. No, no cherries for you."
"Please?" Remus begged. "You know they're my favorite."
Lily giggled. "Oh, Siri, give him some! Look at those eyes!"
Sirius tried to scowl, but Remus' pleading look made him laugh. "Okay, okay! I give up." he said, pulling the box out of his pocket. "But you can't call me a dolt anymore, okay?"
"Okay," Remus said cheerfully. He took a few cherries. "You dodo."
"Hey!" Sirius whined. "Lil! He insulted me! Again!"
"You never said he couldn't call you a dodo," Lily chuckled.

~September 9 - 11:00 PM~

Lily was sitting alone in the common room, finishing up some homework. She was one of the few students still up. Sirius had gone off with James and Peter, probably to look for Remus, who hadn't come back from dinner. It was okay with her. She liked Sirius a lot, but she wasn't sure if she loved him. Well, she loved him, but her love had been more of a friendship thing than a romance thing since the very beginning. Not that she didn't mind being known as Sirius Black's girlfriend. She got a lot of envious looks in the halls from girls who had huge crushes on Sirius. And Sirius had given her her very first kiss, too. Okay, at first it had been love, or at least infatuation, on her part. But it was hard to ignore the way Sirius was around Remus... though they both denied loving each other (and they had been *so close* in fourth year, Lily thought in near-agony), she was sure something was going on with them.... and there was something between Remus and Snape, too. It was driving her nearly mad with worry.

~September 10 - 1:00 AM- the Shrieking Shack~

Padfoot whined uncomfortably. Something was wrong tonight, very wrong, but he couldn't put a finger -er, a paw - on it.
Well, there *was* the absence of Prongs. James had had to stay up at the castle tonight, something about a prefects' meeting after patrol duty. There wasn't any possible way he could get out of it, he had said, looking desperately unhappy and sorry. Remus had told him not to worry, everything would be fine, he wasn't going to hold it against him. "You're not going to skip something important just for me," Remus had told him, in the firm tone which made it quite plain there was going to be no argument. "Padfoot and Wormtail will be perfectly capable of handling me. We won't even leave the Shack."
Remus could say whatever he wanted, but Sirius was sure Padfoot alone wouldn't be enough.
And now Padfoot was lying on the foot of the four-poster bed, watching Moony. Wormtail sat up between Padfoot's front paws and squeaked. Moony growled, and Padfoot tensed. This did not sound good. But Moony just got up and paced around the room, pausing every now and then to sniff the air. He did this for a very long time, making Padfoot nervous, but around five Moony curled up on the floor and closed his eyes. Padfoot relaxed, relieved. He put his head down on his paws and closed his eyes. He needed his sleep before classes.
A sudden squeak from Wormtail made him prick up his ears, but before he could move, Moony uttered a wild howl and leapt on him.
Padfoot barked in alarm; but his barks turned to howl of agony as Moony's claws dug deep into his back, tearing through skin and heavy fur, blood spraying the bed. Padfoot did the only thing he could - he rolled over. He and Moony tumbled off the bed, Moony pinned underneath. But not for long - he was quite fast and slippery, and squirmed out from under Padfoot. Padfoot struggled to his feet, his legs trembling, moaning when he saw the blood splashed and streaked across the floor. Moony wheeled around and snarled, preparing to spring - Wormtail was squeaking madly -

The door flew open with a smash, and Prongs stood silhouetted in the doorway for a mere second, taking in the sight before him. Then he charged, bowling the surprised Moony over onto his back. And finally, some sense of realization came to the wolf, and he cowered, whining, and licked Prongs' nose to show he was harmless. Padfoot moaned, sank to the ground, and knew no more.

~September 10 - 7 AM - Gryffindor Tower~

"Siri, wake up!"
Sirius opened his eyes, then bit his lip hard to keep from screaming out loud. His back felt like it was on fire. Remus, Peter, and James were standing by his bed, ashen-faced. He looked around wildly and had to bite back another scream of pain. His friends must have brought him up here from the Shrieking Shack themselves. No easy feat, considering Remus' condition.
"God, Siri, I thought......" James trailed off, then said softly, "How bad does it hurt?"
"Like someone's taken a torch to my back," Sirius groaned.
Remus sat down on his bed and began to cry. "Oh, God, Siri, I'm so sorry," he sobbed, hiding his face in his hands. "I - I - I couldn't help it...... I could have *killed* you......"
"Don't cry, Remmie," Sirius ground out from between clenched teeth.
"We've got to do something about this before he bleeds all over the place," James said, taking careful hold of Sirius' shoulder and helping him sit up. "I've got to get your robes and shirt off, Siri, this is going to hurt.... I'm sorry."
"Just do it, Jim," Sirius said, trying to brace himself.
His robes came off easy; but his shirt was matted to his back with blood. James winced, closed his eyes, and pulled.
Sirius turned his head into his pillow at once to stifle the scream of pain; the long, ragged gashes on his back began bleeding again, though somewhat sluggishly.
"Okay," said James, looking pale and somehow not himself, "You got everything I told you to, right, Pete?"
Peter nodded, looking a tad green at the mess.
"Okay, I need a basin of water," James said. Remus ran to fetch it, and James began to ever-so-carefully dab away the blood on Siri's back.
"Why can't we take him to Madame Pomfrey?" Peter asked unhappily.
"Because this is *really* serious," Sirius moaned. "She'll *have* to ask what happened for me to get this way, and then we'll be in a whole mess of trouble...'
"He's right," James said. "We're just going to have to heal this up the Muggle way. You're gonna have some scars, Siri."
It took them nearly an hour to properly clean Sirius' wounds and bandage them. But they had stopped bleeding again by the time James applied the bandages, and Remus insisted that Sirius take three aspirin to dull the pain. Cleaning up his clothes wouldn't be that bad, they could have Bubby do it for them, he'd never breathe a word.
Remus sat back down on the bed, still teary-eyed. "I'm so sorry, Sirius," he whispered.
"It's all right, I know you couldn't help it," Sirius said. "I'll live."
He took Remus' hand and recited softly: "'No more be grieved at what thou hast done; roses have thorns, and silver fountains mud; clouds and eclipses stain both sun and moon; and loathsome canker lives in sweetest bud.' Shakespeare," he added, seeing James and Peter's puzzled looks. "His thirty-fifth sonnet, I believe."
"What does it mean?" Peter asked.
"It means that Remmie shouldn't feel bad about doing something he had no control over," James replied. "Being a werewolf is part of him, and even the most beautiful things have flaws..."
Remus looked up at Sirius, brushing away his tears. "Is that really what you meant?"
"Yeah, but I thought it sounded classier Shakespeare's way," Sirius mumbled, blushing. Remus could have kissed him just then, and almost did - but Peter (perhaps noticing this) spoke up timidly.
"It's almost time for class," he said. "Shouldn't we be going? We've already missed breakfast."
"Right, Pete," sighed James. "Let's see if we can't get Siri dressed."
They managed that without much trouble, even though Sirius' tie constantly chafed at his neck through his collar. It wasn't too bad up there, just enough scratches to hurt whenever he turned his head...
He slung his bag over his shoulder (with more than a little pain), and asked, "Do I *look* okay?"
"Well," James said, studying him thoughtfully, "You're kind of slouched over, but other than that you look okay."
Sirius made a valiant effort to stand up straighter. "This is going to be hell," he muttered.

~September 17 - Great Hall~

"Siri, are you *sure* you're all right?" Lily asked, concerned.
"Never been better," Sirius mumbled, wincing as a twinge of pain crept up his back.
Lily raised an eyebrow, but didn't pursue the subject. All week long she had been asking what was wrong with him. He seemed like he was in intense pain, and she suspected it was his back. She had made the mistake of giving him a tight hug in Herbology the other day, and he had scared everyone in the greenhouse when he screamed. *That* had been embarrassing for Lily, but Sirius had just waved off the class' concern and Professor Farris' anxious questions by saying he had pulled a muscle the other day, and sometimes he had a painful twinge in his back. Lily apologized over and over, until Sirius kissed her cheek and told her not to worry. Yeah, there was something wrong with his back, but Lily believed the pulled muscle story like she believed the moon was made of cheese. He was covered in bandages, for one thing; it didn't take a dolt to figure that out. She could feel them through his shirt when she hugged him. She also suspected he hadn't made any attempt to see Madame Pomfrey about it, and that made her doubly suspicious.

Lily wasn't the only one getting suspicious. Snape had been noticing the way Sirius acted too, and wondered what he had been doing to hurt his back so bad. Maybe it was from all the sneaking around he and his stupid friends were doing. Several times last year, he had seen Black, Potter, and Pettigrew leaving the castle after supper, but they never returned until morning, usually with Lupin in tow, which puzzled Snape, because he *knew* Lupin hadn't been with them the night before. And there was the matter of Lupin himself. When he and his friends returned to the school, Lupin always looked pale and ill, and on more than one occasion Snape had noticed bandages peeking out from under the sleeves of Lupin's robes. There was something suspicious going on.
"What do you think they're up to?" he asked Lucius abruptly.
Lucius raised an eyebrow. "You're still on about them, Severus?" he asked in disbelief. "What's so fascinating about them?"
"I think they're up to something," Snape growled. "And something's happened to Black that he won't admit to. They're probably sneaking around at night, and Filch only caught them once so far."
"So what do you propose to do?" Lucius asked.
"Imagine if we could get them expelled," Snape said.
"Wouldn't that be lovely," Lucius sighed.

~October 3 - Honeydukes'~

"Hurry up, Pete," Remus sighed, watching Peter debate between buying a package of Jelly Slugs ('New Flavor! Wintergreen!') or a box of Exploding Bon-Bons.
"Oh, but I can't decide!" Peter whined.
"I say, go with the Slugs, Pete," Sirius said cheerfully (his back was hurting far less lately, and his mood had improved greatly). "I'd rather not have my sweets explode in my face."
"You're right," sighed Peter, choosing the Jelly Slugs. "Besides, I really like Wintergreen."
It was another Hogsmeade Weekend, and just for fun the Marauders had used their secret passage to get into Honeydukes'. The cellar door opened up right behind the counter, so there had been an awkward moment when they found themselves standing right behind one of the owners - but they had ducked, slipped under the counter, and were relieved to see that no one had noticed them. And they had found themselves in front of the two candies that Peter wanted, when he only had enough money for one.
"I'll just get the Exploding Bon-Bons next time," Peter said, munching on a Slug as they left the shop.
"Good idea," James sniggered. "You can give one to Snape."
They wandered through Hogsmeade, more or less heading to the post office so James could send a letter to him parents (his own owl was currently off delivering a birthday package to on of James' cousins), discussing the Chudley Cannons' increased chance in the upcoming Quidditch Final. Just outside the post office, they were waylaid by Snape and his cronies - Malfoy, Crabbe, and Goyle.
"Well, well," Lucius sneered. "Look who it is, Snape."
"I think he has *eyes*, Malfoy," Sirius said, rolling his own.
Lucius bristled, but Snape merely smirked. "I've been meaning to talk to you, Black."
"Yeah, well, I don't feel like talking to you, so shove off," Sirius snapped.
"I can't even ask you a question?" Snape said, his unpleasant smile growing wider.
"No, I won't make out with you," Sirius replied, making James snigger and Snape flush. But instead of commenting, he apparently chose to ignore it, and plowed on ahead.
"What happened to your back?"
Sirius sighed, a heavy sigh of a person damned to answer questions even when they didn't feel like it. "I pulled a muscle. I get a twinge sometimes. It feels lots better now. Thanks for your concern, now beat it."
"Well, I think you might be lying," Snape said smugly from between Crabbe and Goyle (the only reason Sirius hadn't tried to punch him in the nose - he really didn't want two ten-ton gorillas landing on him). "Sneaking around the castle at night, haven't you?"
"Get stuffed, Snape," James sighed. "You've just got the *biggest* nose I've ever seen. Can't you mind your own business for once?"
"I think *someone* should do something if you're breaking the rules," Snape continued as if he hadn't heard. "I should go to the Headmaster and inform him of what you're up to..."
"You can't go on your own suspicions, you'd need proof," Remus spoke up suddenly. Snape glared at him, and the look in his eyes made it clear that the incidents over the past two years weren't forgotten.
"I could get some proof if I wanted to," Snape snarled. "Filch caught you once; I'm willing to bet he's got plenty on you."
"That doesn't prove a thing," Remus asked, a tad defiantly. "Filch hates everyone." He turned on his heel and walked away. Sirius and James exchanged a Look, then hurried after him.
"D'you think Remmie's not telling us something?" Sirius muttered to James and Peter.

~October 7, 2:00 PM (Full Moon) - The Library~

"I'll be right back, okay, Siri?" Lily asked, getting up. "I forgot something upstairs."
"Sure you don't want me to come?" Sirius asked.
Lily rolled her eyes. "I'm a big girl. I think I can manage."
"All righty then."
Lily dashed out of the library (seemed like only prefects could run in the library without getting caught by Madame Pince, Sirius thought). Sirius kept working on his Herbology homework ('Describe the healing properties of the Venomous Tentacula'). Then a shadow fell over him and he looked up. 'That was fast', he meant to say, thinking it was Lily, but it wasn't Lily. It was Remus' stupid sister.
"Hello, Sirius," she said sweetly, looking down at him.
"What is it, Serena?" Sirius asked.
She sat down in Lily's vacated chair and gave him a very odd smile that he didn't like. "I wanted to ask you something."
"Go ahead, if you'll go away after I answer," Sirius grumbled.
"Been having fun in that hammock with my brother lately?"
Sirius nearly upset his ink bottle. "*WHAT*?! What are you talking about?"
She just smiled at him, her eyes glinting with a cold light. Sirius gulped. How, how in the *world* did she know about *that* dream? He hadn't mentioned it out loud, not ever, hadn't told anyone. He had only written about it in his jou-
"You *bitch*," he said helplessly. "You read my journal, didn't you?"
"That's right," Serena said. "Naughty, naughty, you are. If your mother knew about any of that - pah! You'd never leave the house for a thousand years!" Her nasty smile widened. "But you wouldn't want anyone to know about that, would you?"
"That's why I had it written in my *own*, *PRIVATE*, journal," Sirius growled. "How did *you* get into it? Stole it from my trunk, most likely."
"Well," she said sweetly, running a finger along his cheek, "You *especially* wouldn't want Remus to hear any of that, would you?"

The world just stopped for a moment there. Sirius' breath grew very ragged and quick, and he was aware that his hands were shaking. No. None of that, absolutely *none* of that could ever reach Remus' ears. Sirius would rather slit his own wrists rather than admit to the fantasies and dreams he harbored of Remus. And Lil - if Lil found out.......
"Don't tell him," Sirius said harshly. "Don't you *dare*."
"I just might," Serena said, studying her fingernails. "He should know, shouldn't he? But..." -she looked up at him, her eyes glinting dangerously under her bangs - "I might *not* tell him. If you'll do one thing for me."
"What is it?" Sirius asked, longing to curse her.
"If you'll go out with me... be my boyfriend... I might... *forget* everything I read," she said.
Sirius moaned, hiding his face in his hands.
Serena got up, smoothing a wrinkle out of her skirt and smirking. "Since I'm so nice, I'll give you a while to think about it. See you later."
She left, leaving poor Sirius to his confused thoughts. How had life ever become so *complicated*? All he ever wanted to do in life was go to school and learn magic! Why, oh WHY did it have to involve blackmail, denial, werewolves, and Snape?! Not that he was blaming Remus....
"Sirius?"
He jumped, then turned to see Lily had returned and was looking at him in concern. "Is everything okay?"
"Uh, sure," Sirius said. Right now, he didn't want company. He needed to go for a walk and think. "I've just got to.... I forgot to do something. I'll be back, okay?"
"Okay," Lily said uncertainly, watching as he packed up his Herbology work and hurried out of the library.

~Slytherin common room~

"Give it *up*, Severus," sighed Lucius. "You can't pin *anything* on Potter and his friends. They're probably as sneaky - or sneakier - than even *we* can be."
"I know they're up to something!" Snape shouted, making people glance around at him. He lowered his voice and hissed at Lucius, "Black's not telling the truth. You saw him. And Lupin.... where *does* he go when he disappears? I've *seen* him - Madame Pomfrey takes him out to the Whomping Willow -"
"I heard his mother is ill," Lucius said mildly, not bothered by Snape's behavior. "Maybe he's just visiting her."
Snape grumbled something incoherent and stormed out of the common room. Lucius' apathy was driving him mad. He wandered out onto the grounds, so lost in his thoughts he bumped straight into someone.
"Watch where you're going, Snape!" a familiar voice snapped. Great. It was Black.
"Get that hair out of your eyes and maybe you'd see me coming," Snape retorted. "What are you doing?"
"Are you still accusing me of sneaking around and breaking rules?" Sirius sneered. "I'd think you had better things to do, you jerk. Go kiss Lucius or something."
"Look who's talking," Snape said coldly. "High words from the one who's been shagging Lupin. Is that where he disappears to? Is that where you go to meet him? Some little love nest in the woods where the two of you can get off?"
By now, Sirius' nerves were severely strained. Worrying about Serena and listening to Snape... finally, he had reached the breaking point, and his temper, that horrid beast he could never control once it was roused, took over.
"Do you really want to know where Remus goes?!" he shouted. "Find out tonight - take a stick and poke the knot on that damned Whomping Willow! See where it takes you, you bastard!" He stormed off, his head buzzing with anger. But by the time he reached the entrance hall, he was mentally kicking himself. What had he done? Why had he told Snape that?
His only hope now was the thought that perhaps Snape wouldn't be stupid enough to try it.

~October 7 - 9:00 PM~

Snape ran across the grounds, his black cloak flying out behind him and making him seem like a giant bat. He had been watching from the library windows tonight, and true to Black's word, he had seen Madame Pomfrey leading Lupin across the grounds to the Willow.
He stopped out of range of the Willow's flailing branches, and searched around for a few minutes until he saw a long branch that would do the trick. Cautiously, he approached the tree and prodded the knot. To his amazement, the Willow froze. Not a branch moved. And it revealed something Snape had never noticed before - a tunnel opening at the base of the tree.
With a wicked grin, Snape cast the branch aside and hurried into the tunnel.

~Meanwhile, Gryffindor common room~

"You told him *WHAT*?!" James screamed.
"I told him how to get past the Willow!" Sirius yelled back. "D'you think I *wanted* to?! It was an *accident*!"
"He could get killed!" James roared. "Sirius, you stupid bloody *WANKER*, if he does this, it's your hands his blood will be on!"
"D'you think I don't KNOW that?!" Sirius shouted.
"He's probably on his way down already!" James shouted. He turned and ran out of the common room, and down seven flights of stairs, through the entrance hall, and burst through the front doors. He looked wildly around for Snape. Just as he turned his gaze on the Whomping Willow, it stopped moving. In horror, James realized he could see Snape disappearing into the tunnel. He dashed across the grounds, ready to slide into the tunnel and catch up with Snape -
*WHACK*. One of the Willow's branches hit James in the arm, sending him flying backwards. He rolled over and winced. He hadn't been quick enough - the Willow had started moving again. Panting, he fumbled about on the ground, and his had hit something. It was a long branch, probably the same one Snape had used. Pulling himself to his feet and dodging another branch, James poked the tree's knot.
The Willow froze once more, and James raced into the open tunnel. If only it wasn't too late....

Snape was running flat out along the passage, an evil smirk spreading across his face. Finally, he'd find out what Lupin was hiding... He could get Lupin back for what he had put him through....
He had reached a staircase. "Lumos!" he muttered, and held his lit wand up. At the top of the staircase was a trapdoor, and it didn't appear to be locked.
"Severus!"
He looked down, startled. Standing on the bottom stair was James Potter, breathing heavily.
"Severus, you've got to come back with me now," James said desperately. "Get down, hurry!"
Snape sneered. "Don't want me finding out, Potter? Don't want me to see Lupin crying like a sissy - over Black, no doubt...."
James ignored the insult. "You can't be here, it's dangerous," he said quickly.
"Just a peek," Snape snarled, and lifted the trapdoor.

A wild howl rent the silence when he opened the trapdoor. A wave of panic and fear hit Snape when he saw what was waiting for him on the other side. An enormous, shaggy grey wolf, its nose pointed upward in a howl. Its ferocious yellow eyes turned on him, gleaming with hunger and bloodlust. Snape froze in horror. It snarled at him, preparing to spring, and as it crouched, James grabbed Snape, pulled him down, and slammed the trapdoor shut. There was a hard thud as the wolf landed on the trapdoor. James began pulling Snape up the passage, running hard. Snape finally recovered his wits and managed to choke out, "What... was that?! Not.. as *werewolf*?!"
James hauled him out of the passage and past the Willow, dodging the branches which waved warningly at them. They trudged across the grounds, and James hung his head.
"Yes, Severus," he said quietly.
"It was Lupin," Snape said, more to himself then James, thunderstruck. James winced at his words, and Snape realized he was right. So that's what was going on.. Lupin was a werewolf....
"Severus. James," a grave voice called, and both boys looked up to see Albus Dumbledore standing at the front door of the castle. He looked utterly serious, and the cheerful twinkle that normally shone in his blue eyes was missing. They approached him cautiously.
"I'd like to talk to you both in my office, please," Dumbledore said quietly.
Not daring to look at one another, they followed him to his office and meekly seated themselves in front of Dumbledore's desk. Dumbledore sat down in his own chair with a heavy sigh, and turned his piercing blue gaze on Snape. "What happened, Severus?"
With occasional additions from James, Snape told him the whole story, about getting past the Willow, and seeing Lupin, and how James had saved him. When he finished, Dumbledore said softly, "And how did you know how to get past the Willow, Severus?"
"Sirius told him by accident," James spoke up. "I don't know what's *with* him lately... but he lost control of his temper and told Snape what to do..."
"I see," Dumbledore said. "Thank you, James... I think you should go to bed now. I'd like to talk to Severus alone for a few minutes."
James nodded and left. When he was gone, Dumbledore turned back to Snape with a slight frown. "Severus, I must request something of you," he said soberly.
"Yes, sir?"
"You must never tell *anyone* what you saw tonight," Dumbledore said, putting a hand on Snape's shoulder. "Not one word. Remus' privacy must be upheld. Any news of this would send the school into a panic, and Remus would have to leave. I must impress upon you how serious this is. You cannot breathe a word. Do you promise?"
Snape looked into Dumbledore's eyes, saw the weariness and worry reflected in them, and nodded. "Yes, sir. I promise."

~October 8 - Hospital Wing~

Remus opened his eyes and winced at the pain. Last night had been horrible. After Snape had gone, the wolf had taken over completely, furious at the escape of its victim, and taken every ounce of its rage out on Remus. He was heavily bandaged and in terrible pain, despite all Madame Pomfrey could possibly do.
"Hi, Remmie," a voice said timidly from his side. It was Sirius, sitting beside his bed and looking terrified, his skin a ghostly white. James and Peter were nowheres to be seen.
"Siri..." Remus said groggily, sitting up painfully. "What... what *happened* last night? Snape..."
"He got in after you," Sirius whispered. "He wanted to see where you went every month. I think he thought... I dunno what he thought..... but..... he got in, and Jim saved him from you..."
Remus' mouth went dry. "How did he get in?" he whispered. "How did he know?"
Sirius hung his head, his ebony hair hanging over his face like a shroud. "I.......... I told him how."
Remus stared at him, struck dumb by the news. His brain struggled to take it in. Sirius, one of his best friends... had *told* Snape how to get in?.....
Obviously frightened by Remus' silence, Sirius looked up, a pleading expression in his eyes. "I didn't mean to do it, Remmie.... it was an accident.... please believe me...."
"I could have killed him," Remus said hoarsely, the horrifying realization dawning on him. "Sirius, I could have *killed* him!"
"I'm sorry," Sirius murmured sadly. "I'm so sorry..."
"You *knew* I'd go after him," Remus said, anger beginning to mix with his fear. "You *knew* it, Sirius. You *wanted* him to get hurt, or killed, didn't you? And you.... you... *used* me....."
"I didn't mean to!" Sirius said, reaching for Remus' hand, which he pulled away. "Remmie, I swear I didn't want it to come to that! It... just slipped out... he was saying stuff and I..... I couldn't....."
"I don't want to hear it, Sirius," Remus said, glaring at him with something incredibly like hatred in his eyes. "You know how hard it is for me to.... to... *cope*.... I don't want to hear what you have to say. Go away. Go home. Go to Mars. Go hang yourself, for all I care.... just GET OUT OF MY SIGHT!"
Sirius flinched, getting to his feet. "Remmie...."
"No." Remus said, looking away from him. "Go away, Sirius. You've done enough damage for now."

~Gryffindor common room~

"I can't believe you'd do something like that!" Lily said helplessly to Sirius, who rubbed his forehead and sighed.
"I didn't mean to," he muttered. "It was Snape...."
Lily sat and stared at him, overwhelmed. Sirius had just confessed everything to her, probably in hopes of some comfort and forgiveness, but she wasn't giving him either. The news that Remus was a werewolf didn't surprise her at all - she was a bright girl, and had suspected it for some time - but the news that Sirius had betrayed poor Remus like that had left her utterly shocked. As she sat there, stunned and disbelieving, James and Peter entered the common room and came over to where Lily and Sirius were sitting. They had just gotten back from visiting Remus in the Hospital Wing.
"How is he?" Sirius asked them.
James gave him a cold, cold look, and Sirius was suddenly afraid. James had never looked at *anyone* like that in his entire life. He also became aware that Lily and Peter were glaring at him too.
"Sometimes, Sirius, you are a *bastard*," James snarled. "But this - I mean, you *know* how sensitive Remmie is about it all - you are *worse* than a bastard."
Sirius looked at Lily, hoping to see some sympathy, but there was none. She gave him one angry look, and he knew it was over between them. No words exchanged, but it was as obvious as if she'd said it out loud. He and Lily were over.
He got up. "I know it," he said softly to James, and went upstairs to the dorm. He lay down on his bed and closed his eyes. He had really screwed things up this time. It was crystal clear. His friends hated him, and he deserved it.
He didn't move for the rest of the day. He knew he was missing Transfiguration, and McGonagall would kill him, but he didn't care. Transfiguration was the last thing on his mind. He didn't even go down for dinner. Food wasn't important. He didn't budge until nearly nine, when he pulled the hangings closed around his bed and climbed under the covers without bothering to change his clothes. James and Peter came upstairs around ten, but Sirius ignored them, and they him.

~November 12 - Care of Magical Creatures~

The past few weeks had been the loneliest and most miserable of Sirius' life. He avoided his friends whenever possible, going to bed early and getting up early to avoid talking to them. He didn't sit near them at meals, and tried not to sit near them in class. If there was no way to avoid them, he avoided meeting their eyes and worked in silence.
James, Remus, Lily, and Peter spent their days acting as if Sirius wasn't there at all. They ignored him completely, and did their best to avoid bringing up anything in a conversation that might bring Sirius' name up. Even Snape was ignoring Sirius, privately fuming over what he now saw as an attempt to murder him. James knew Sirius was sorry, but that didn't change a thing. Sirius was always apologizing for something, but an apology never reversed what he had done. And he had gotten himself into deep shit this time.
It was a windy, rainy day, so bad that the class couldn't be outdoors, so Professor Kettleburn had relocated them to a free classroom, where they were busily copying notes on fire-crabs off the board. Sirius kept his eyes on his work. He didn't even bother to watch out of the corner of his eye as James and Remus flicked Every Flavor Beans at Snape's head while Peter and Lily giggled. Apart from the heart-wrenching knowledge that his best friends now hated him, Sirius got a longing, half-terrified, half-ashamed feeling whenever he looked at Remus. Ever since Remus' tearful apology after Moony attacked him, Sirius had been sure Remus was still in love with him. And he had realized he loved Remus as well.... but now his chance was gone. How could he have been so bloody stupid?

When the bell rang for lunch, Sirius didn't feel much like eating. He packed up his stuff and wandered off to the library, where he could hide out and do some work. There was *one* good thing about this, he thought with bitter good humor. With no one to hang around with, he spent a lot of time reading and working, so his grades (which had always been good anyway) were higher than ever.
He was moodily summarizing a chapter on Switching Spells for Professor McGonagall when a shadow fell over him. Whoever in the world would *want* to talk to him now? He looked up, and his bad mood increased. It was Serena Lupin.
"Did you give a thought to our little conversation, Sirius?" she inquired, sitting down at his table without bothering to wait to be invited.
Well, he hadn't, but he nodded anyway. As if he didn't have more important things to worry about...
"Good," said Serena. "And?"
Sirius sighed inwardly. He was sick of Serena and her half-baked schemes to rekindle the relationship they had shared - not that there was much of a relationship to speak of. Oh, how he bitterly regretted ever sending a second glance her way. But what was he to do?
"Well?" Serena prodded.
Fine, then. Who knew. Maybe it would be nice to have *someone* to talk to... even if it was only Remus' psychotic sister.
"You win," he grumbled. "Just don't tell Remmie anything you read in my journal, ok?"
Serena squealed and kissed his cheek. "It's about time, you moron," she said, getting up. "I'm going to go tell Bunny!"
And off she dashed. Sirius groaned. How he wished he could just disappear.

~December 20 - Shrieking Shack~

Moony lay absolutely motionless in the four-poster bed, Wormtail asleep between Moony's front paws. Prongs was asleep on the floor. Moony whined softly. A member of his pack was missing - Padfoot hadn't shown up last month either. Having Padfoot gone made Moony very unhappy, and made his 'pack' incomplete. It really bothered him, and he whined again, a whine so soft even Wormtail and Prongs didn't hear it. Maybe Sirius was a bloody prat, but Moony really didn't like having Padfoot gone. He couldn't understand why. Sirius had betrayed him, done a terrible, awful thing, and yet, in the deepest parts of his heart and soul, Remus still loved him. It pained him every time he saw Sirius sitting alone, his head bowed over a book or some homework. It upset him to come to the realization that Sirius, who was usually loud and the center of attention (along with James), was now becoming withdrawn and moody. And even worse, Sirius was hanging around Serena again, and they seemed to have a relationship going. Somehow, this hurt most of all.....

~Sirius' Journal - December 20~

-I wonder what they're doing right now. I don't think they'll leave the Shack - Prongs won't be able to keep track of Moony by himself, and Wormtail is too small to help if Moony decides to go on a rampage. I wonder if they miss me? I really miss them.... no one for company except Serena and her friend Bunny.... and a score of her other giggly friends.... it'll drive me mad. Right now, there's no place I'd rather be than in the Shack, or running around Hogsmeade, with my friends...... with Moony. God, I hate myself so much for betraying him....-

~January 2 - start of next term - Great Hall~

Remus poked at his scrambled eggs, trying his very best to ignore Serena and Sirius, who were sitting nearby with a bunch of Serena's friends. How very distracting. It just wasn't fair! How did his sister get Sirius without trying? Remus' mind wandered back to fourth year against his will. What had gone wrong? He and Sirius had been together for a little while, and it seemed to Remus that it would last forever, but then Sirius had just denied him like that.... and then there was Snape....
Thinking about his troubled love life made Remus' head hurt, so he went back to poking his scrambled eggs (yet another item on his Most Hated Foods List) and listening to James and Lily discussing their Charms homework.
He chanced a glance at Sirius, who was looking at *him*. Their eyes met for a second - Sirius' desperately unhappy, Remus' both angry and sad - and then Remus looked back down at his breakfast. He sighed and pushed it aside, instead pulling out his Arithmancy book (he was the only Marauder taking Arithmancy; Sirius declared it stupid, James said it was boring, and Peter said all those numbers made his head hurt) and beginning to reread the chapter Professor Mizuno had assigned for homework. Against his better judgment, he peeked over the edge of his book at Sirius. Sirius was listening to something Serena was saying with a very forced smile on his face.
Remus sighed. It couldn't possibly be helping Sirius' mood to have Serena trailing after him every day. But the look in Sirius' eyes decided him - he *had* to talk with Sirius. Smooth this over. Perhaps he could -
The bell rang, signaling the start of classes. Serena pulled Sirius away from the table, probably wanting him to walk her to her class. Remus cursed mentally. Okay. Next time... as soon as possible... he'd talk to Sirius. Get him alone and talk to him....

~Remus' Journal - January 21~

-Damn, damn, damn, damn!! I still haven't talked to Siri! I keep meaning to, I really want to make up with him, but I keep losing my nerve! By the time I actually go through with it he and Sere'll be married or something. Goddammit! Why do I have to be such a wimp sometimes! I know, I know, I should just march up to him in the common room some night and say, "I forgive you, Siri!" and give him a huge kiss. Shudder. I couldn't do that even if we were the only ones on the planet. I'm not that bold. But I *might* be able to forgive him, if we were alone.... -

~February 4 - the Hogwarts Grounds~

Sirius sat still, not paying any mind to the cold, just staring up at the cloudless sky and thinking. Remus smiled to himself from his spot behind the greenhouses, where he was hiding and watching Sirius. Finally, a chance to get him alone. He hurried over to Sirius, careful not to make a sound. He had just paused beside a tree when Sirius spoke.
"I should do it. Just.... get it done with. No more of all this."
Remus froze. What was Sirius talking about?
Sirius continued to look up at the sky sorrowfully. He seemed to be talking to his star. "Nobody'd miss me, they can't stand me anyway. Especially not Remmie. I'd be gone, and he wouldn't have to hide his fling with Snape... and I wouldn't be around revealing his secret to everyone."
He took something out of the pockets of his robes. With a sudden chill that had nothing to do with the cold weather, Remus realized it was a hunting knife. Sirius ran the ball of his thumb along the side of the blade, turning the knife so the cold steel caught the moonlight.
"I could do it right now," he said softly. "Just end it." He looked down at his wrists. "Right here.... I'd be frozen before anyone could even find me. I could put a Numbing Charm on myself.... wouldn't feel a thing."
Remus' breath caught in his throat. Sirius was contemplating suicide. The strain on him must be greater than anyone could ever imagine, for him to want to kill himself. Remus' eyes filled with tears. He couldn't let this happen - if Sirius killed himself, Remus would never be able to bear it -
"Sirius!"
Sirius jumped, and so did Remus. Sirius stuck the knife back in his pocket as an enormous figure emerged from the trees. It was Hagrid.
"What are yeh doin' out here alone?" Hagrid asked, his voice muffled from behind his wooly balaclava. Studying the tone of his voice, and the cheerful twinkle in his eyes, Remus could tell Hagrid hadn't seen the knife, or overheard what Sirius had been saying.
"Just walking," Sirius replied with false cheerfulness. "What are you doing?"
"Went inter the forest to catch a gnome. Rotten thing got away from me while I was diggin' in me pumpkin patch."
"Catch it?"
"Threw it headfirs' inter a bog," Hagrid grunted. "Hate them gnomes. Nothin' but trouble, the lot of them. They're even worse durin' the summer."
"You're telling me," Sirius said, rolling his eyes. "It's my job to de-gnome our garden. I'm getting cold, Hagrid, I think I'm going to go back in."
"All righ'," Hagrid said. "Say hello ter yer friends for me, now."
"Will do," Sirius said. "Bye, Hagrid."
Sirius ran off in the direction of the castle, and Hagrid headed back to his cabin, whistling. Remus slumped wearily against the tree and realized he had broken out in a nervous sweat. He shivered. He had to get back to the castle right now.... tell James and Lily and Peter what he had just heard.

~February 9 - Gryffindor Tower~

All week, James, Remus, Lily, and Peter kept a close watch on Sirius, trailing him from class to class, never leaving him alone. If Sirius noticed, he didn't say anything. Remus was in agony, wondering where the hunting knife was now, worrying that Sirius would slip away some night and actually go through with it. But Sirius didn't do anything, just studied and sat with Serena and her friends. Right now he was up in their dorm, taking a nap. They were all taking it in turns to run upstairs and check on him every fifteen minutes or so.
"Your turn, Remmie," James murmured, and Remus got up and headed for their dorm on shaking legs. He didn't like this... he was terrified he'd walk in to find a bloody mess and....... he shuddered. Cautiously, the opened the door and peeked in. A frightened squeak escaped him after a few minutes - it didn't look like Sirius was breathing.
Panic threatened to make him freeze, but Remus ignored it and tiptoed over to Sirius' bed. He touched his fingertips to Sirius' neck, and breathed a sigh of relief. Sirius' pulse was there, slow and steady. And he was breathing, just very slowly. Remus brushed a strand of hair away from Sirius' face, looking sadly down at his friend. Sirius stirred and murmured something in his sleep, and Remus pulled his hand away, startled. 'Okay, you've seen he's alive,' a voice in his head told him. 'Now get out of here before he wakes up. He's still a bloody stupid wanker, but at least he's an *alive* bloody wanker.'
Good advice. As worried as he was about Sirius, Remus was still unhappy about the whole incident with Snape and the Willow. He'd forgive Sirius in time - but not until Sirius came to him first and apologized.

~February 18 - 9:00 AM - the Library~

Sirius put his head in his hands, ignoring Serena's steady stream of chatter. He had two choices right now, as far as he could see it. He could throw away his pride and go to Remus, get on his knees and *beg* if he had to, until Remus forgave him. Or he could go out behind the hippogriffs' paddock and kill himself. Easy choice there. He'd go see Remus.
"You haven't been listening to a *word* I've been saying, have you?" Serena snapped at him.
"What?" Sirius asked, looking around.
"You jerk," Serena said in disgust. "I've been talking to you for the past ten minutes and you haven't heard anything I said."
"I've got to do something," Sirius said vaguely, getting up. "I'll be right back."
Serena caught his arm, scowling. "What the hell do you have to do that's more important than me?" And he could feel his temper rising again. He willed himself not to lose it. Last time he had lost his temper, he had gotten himself into a whole lot of trouble.
"I have to talk to Remus," he said. "I'll be back."
"You don't need to talk to him!" Serena hissed, turning purple. "He hates you, remember? Now get back here and sit down! You're making me look like a fool!"
But Sirius had had quite enough of Serena. He barely had a moment's peace; she was always around, demanding his full attention at all times. This had to stop. He was sick of listening to her gossip and insults, and he was especially tired of her informing him that his friends hated him.
"You're making *yourself* look like a fool," he snarled, jerking his arm out of her grasp. "Serena, I've had it. I mean it. No more."
"What are you talking about?" she demanded, ignoring the looks people were starting to give them.
"It means what it means." Sirius said flatly. "I don't care what you've got on me. It's through. I don't want to go out with you anymore."
He turned on his heel and ran out of the library, ignoring Serena's sudden gasp and Madame Pince's shout of "No running in the library!". He was almost up to Gryffindor Tower when he realized it was the night after the full moon. Remus would most likely be with Madame Pomfrey. He turned back and raced down the stairs, and didn't stop running until he reached the Hospital Wing.

"Mr. Black!" Madame Pomfrey said, looking up in surprise when he entered, panting and flushed with his robes hanging off one shoulder and his hair coming out of its ponytail. "Are you hurt? What's the matter?"
"Is Remus here?" he asked her, ignoring her questions. "I need to talk to him. It's urgent!"
Something in his eyes or his desperate expression must have convinced her; she usually wouldn't have let him in looking as he did, lest he upset her patients. She nodded.
"Thanks!" Sirius gasped, running past her. He saw Remus sitting up in the very last bed, reading a book whose pages he turned with a heavily bandaged hand. He slowed to a walk, and cleared his throat significantly when he approached Remus' bed.
Remus looked up, smiling, but the smile faded when he saw who his visitor was. "Hello, Sirius."
Sirius collapsed into the chair beside the bed and looked Remus straight in the eyes. "I'm sorry, Remmie," he said softly.
Remus blinked, startled. "I beg your pardon?"
"I said I'm sorry," Sirius said, and he truly looked it. "I'm sorry for what I did. I'm sorry I told Snape how to get past the Whomping Willow. But I'm sorriest for what I put you through. I should have kept my temper.... and I'm sorry I said I didn't love you. It was a lie."
"A -a lie?" Remus repeated faintly.
"Yes," Sirius said, taking Remus' unbandaged hand and pressing it against his cheek as tears welled in his eyes. "I love you, Remmie. You're the only one I've *ever* loved..... I'm sorry it took me so long to figure it out." He raised Remus' hand to his lips and kissed it gently.

Remus stared at him, fighting back tears. No, it was no good. He was going to cry, either from relief or happiness or frustration or all three. He wiped his eyes impatiently on the sleeve of his pajamas, and whispered hoarsely, "Better late than never."
Sirius looked at him, tears running down his own cheeks. "Remmie...."
"Apology accepted," Remus whispered. "And I love you too, Sirius Black, no matter how big of a prat you are."
Sirius gave him a timid grin that made Remus' heart leap; Sirius hadn't smiled like that in so long. He had been terrified Sirius would never smile like that again. Cautiously, Sirius hugged him, and Remus hugged back. The tight knot of - tension? fear? whatever it had been- in his chest suddenly disappeared. But there was one more thing he had to bring up.
"Where's the knife, Siri?" he murmured into Sirius' ear.
Sirius jumped, then looked at him, startled. "You *knew*?"
"I overheard you," Remus confessed. "You were thinking of killing yourself. I was going to stop you, but Hagrid came along before I could do anything."
Sirius kissed his forehead. "Not to worry, love," he whispered. "I threw it out into the lake. I was afraid of what I might do to myself with it if I kept it."
"Thank God," Remus breathed. "Don't you *ever* scare me like that again, you stupid git."
"I promise," Sirius said softly. "I love you, Remmie."
"I love you too, Siri. With all my heart."

~*~*~*~*~

Serena barged into the hospital wing much later, fuming. "Is my brother here?" she asked Madame Pomfrey, who nodded. Serena hurried down to her brother's bed, intending to tell him *everything*. Every last disgusting detail of Sirius' dreams. She'd -
She stopped short. Remus was sitting up in bed, fast asleep. And Sirius was sleeping beside him, almost falling off the bed, holding Remus' unbandaged hand in both of his own.

~March 4 - Herbology~

The most miserable month of all had come to Hogwarts. Icy sleet and rain poured from the sky, and the wind was so strong that trying to keep hold of an umbrella was useless. It was freezing cold and muddy outside, making Care of Magical Creatures nearly unbearable. Sirius' heart went out to Hagrid, who could be seen slogging through the mud on the grounds as he went about his gamekeeping duties. But today was the rare sunny day, and it was wonderfully warm in Greenhouse Three, where the Gryffindors and Hufflepuffs were trying to repot the Snapdragons. Quite a difficult job. They were all wearing their dragon-hide gloves to fend off bites from the vicious plants.
But despite the weather and the dangerous plants, Sirius was happier than he'd been in a very long time. He had his friends back ('And don't do anything stupid this time, laddie,' he warned himself), and what was better, he had Remus back. Even better, Serena seemed to have given up on him. Obviously, if he was with Remus, Serena telling Remus anything wouldn't make a difference. ('Unless it gave him ideas,' he thought to himself, and blushed.) And... James had a crush on Lily!

*Flashback*

"Admit it, Jim," Sirius teased, ruffling James' hair playfully. "You've got a crush, haven't you? I know you do. 'Fess up, who do you fancy?"
James glared at him. "Siri..... shut up."
"So modest," chuckled Sirius. "Let me guess. Rose McDougall?"
"No."
"Hmm. Narcissa Beaumont?"
"No!"
"Lucius Malfoy!"
"NO!!" James shrieked, throwing his pillow at Sirius. "You sick puppy!"
"Don't hit my puppy," Remus ordered, throwing the pillow back. "You're the one who's in love with Malfoy."
"I am NOT!" James howled. "That's SNAPE!"
"Eurgh!" Peter yelped, falling off his bed. "Jim, please!"
Sirius leaned on Remus, giggling madly. "I always knew it..." he sniggered. "Malfoy.... and Snapey.... can you imagine *their* wedding day?"
"Yeah, who wears the dress?" Remus said dryly, making them laugh harder.
Sirius wiped tears from his eyes, gasping for breath. "No, really, Jim. Who is it? I promise not to tell."
James turned bright red, and mumbled something incoherent.
"What, Jim?" Sirius asked sweetly.
"It's Lil," James said shyly.
Remus clapped his hands together in delight. "Oh Jim, that's ever so sweet!"
"You don't mind, do you, Siri?" James asked anxiously.
"Not at all," Sirius said, beaming. "You're more her type anyway. And I always got this eerie feeling she would've rather been with you from the beginning instead of me. No, I don't mind, I've got my Remmie." Remus blushed as Sirius planted a sloppy kiss on his cheek.
"Don't tell her," James said, looking suddenly panicked.
"Not a word," Remus said, smiling.
"On my honor," Peter added.
"I promise." Sirius said, looking somewhat shifty.
"Cross your heart and hope to die?" James asked suspiciously.
"Yup."
"Stick an needle in your eye?"
"Yup."
"Eat a horse manure pie?!"
"JIM!"

*End Flashback*

Sirius jerked his fingers out of the reach of his Snapdragon. Woolgathering was *not* a good thing to do when tending these evil plants. He glanced at James, who was fending off his Snapdragon with his trowel, then at Lily, who evidently had a more well-tempered plant.
"You know, I've had an idea, Remmie," he muttered softly to his boyfriend.
"Oh no, I'm afraid to ask," Remus said unhappily.
"I seem to remember Jim and Lil playing matchmaker for us once," Sirius said casually.
"So?"
"I thought perhaps we could do the same for them."
Remus stared, then a grin spread across his face. "Maybe we should. How? Passing notes in class? Lure them up to the Astronomy Tower? Or have Professor Tomoe predict their chances of a relationship?"
Sirius brow furrowed in thought. "I don't know," he said thoughtfully. "I've never tried to get anyone else together before."
"Maybe we should... I dunno... go to Hogsmeade all together... and then leave them all alone," Remus said, shrugging. "Hey, I'm not good at this, either."
Peter returned from the compost heap with a tray piled high with dragon dung compost and a disgusted look on his face. "What are you two conspiring about now?"
"Trying to figure out how to get Jim and Lil together," Sirius answered. "Help us out, Pete."
Peter blushed. "Um, I don't know much about matchmaking," he squeaked.
"Great. Three dunderheads ought to do it!" Sirius said, then paused. "Wait - what about Grace?"
Peter and Grace had had a relationship going ever since the Yule Ball last year, and it was clear they were nuts about each other. Peter flushed, embarrassed. "Don't call her a dunderhead!"
Sirius slapped himself on the forehead in exasperation. "Pete! I wasn't! I meant she could help us out! She's a *girl*, isn't she? Then she'd know all about this sneaky romance crap."
"Oh," Peter said sheepishly. "Um, I suppose I could get her to help. But, um, what about Jim? He's always hanging around...."
"No problem," Sirius said, waving a hand impatiently. "There's gonna be one of those dumb prefect meetings tomorrow night, which gets Jim *and* Lil out of our hair. Just grab Grace and we'll sit in the library and scheme something up."
"Okay," Peter said uncertainly.

~March 5 - 8:00 PM - the Library~

"Blech, tuna casserole," Sirius said, chewing on a Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Bean.
"I thought we were talking about James and Lily," Grace said, raising an eyebrow at him. "Not disgusting jelly beans."
"Just thought I'd comment," Sirius said, shrugging and pouring a pile of beans into Remus' palm. "Remmie, you've got a dumb-ass sister. What would she do?"
Remus shrugged, picking a reddish bean out of his pile. "Threaten... coerce.... mmm, cinnamon."
"That might work," Sirius joked. "Jim, kiss Lil or I'll hang your underpants from a tree."
Grace shook her head. "That'll never work," she said. "You're more likely to get a punch in the nose."
"And what about your sister, Siri?" Peter asked. "What would she do?"
"Order him," Sirius replied. "You've never seen my sister with her boyfriend. She's like a military general or something."
Remus ran a hand through his hair and popped an orangey bean into his mouth. "Carrot. This is getting us noplace fast."
"If you ask me, your plan was best, Remus," Grace said. "All of us go of to Hogsmeade, then leave James and Lily alone."
"Banana," Remus replied, chewing thoughtfully on another bean. "I mean, thanks."
"Well, if it's all we can come up with..." Peter shrugged.
"Sushi!" Sirius said, pulling a disgusted face. "I never get good flavors. Grace, you don't happen to read romance novels, do you?"
She raised an eyebrow. "No way. Not even Muggle ones. They're corny. And will you put those beans *away*?"
"Pond scum!" Sirius choked in answer, and spit the bean out. "Repulsive."
"Like Remmie said, we're getting noplace fast," Peter sighed. "Maybe we should lock them in a broom cupboard or something."
"The idea has its merits," Sirius said, picking a purplish bean from Remus' pile. He popped it into his mouth. "Eurgh! Prune baby food!"

~March 25 - 12:00 AM - the dungeons~

"Where are *you* headed, Potter?" a voice snapped. It was one of the Slytherin prefects.
"None of your beeswax," snapped James, storming by him. He ducked through an archway and out of the prefect's sight, and paused by a painting of a very ugly goblin. There was the sound of falling cloth, and Sirius, Remus, and Peter appeared out of thin air.
"They're like gnomes, can't get rid of them," Sirius muttered, folding up the Invisibility Cloak. "Now what are we doing here, Jim?"
"I reckon I found another secret passage," James muttered back. "This painting opens up into a secret room, I think."
He leaned close to the painting and murmured, "Fish stick."
The painting swung open, and they clambered through the hole it revealed in the wall.
"Fish stick?" Sirius asked in disgust. "Well, *that*'s not an clever password, is it?"
James sniggered. "Well, we all know how brainless the Slytherins are," he said. "Lumos!" Following his lead, the other three Marauders lit their wands and gazed around at what it revealed.
It was a large, high-ceilinged room, made of white marble, like the prefects' bathroom. One whole wall was covered by a painting of a dragon, which was fast asleep. Smoke unfurled from its nostrils and floated out of the frame and around the room as it snored. Red velvet curtains hung at the stained-glass windows, and all the furniture was made of deep red leather. Everything was covered in a thick patina of dust.
"Where is *this*?" Remus asked in awe.
"I'm not really sure," said James thoughtfully. "But it looks like no one's been in here for a *very* long time. I don't think even Dumbledore knows about it."
Remus was wandering around, examining the furniture. Sirius and Peter were staring at the ceiling, which was painted with murals depicting witches and wizards fighting dragons, riding unicorns, flying on hippogriffs and broomsticks, and the like. It was quite beautiful, even though it didn't move.
Remus stopped to look through a stack of dusty books with yellowing pages which stood near the door. All the books were bound in leather, with their titles stamped in old-fashioned gilt on the covers. 'Ancient Map-Making'. 'Faeries and Sprites of England'. 'A Study of Olde Languages'. 'Magical Remedies and Potions'. Fascinated, Remus opened 'Ancient Map-Making' and glanced at the printing date. 1613! He turned to the first page and began to read.
"Of course you found the only books in the place," Sirius said, coming up behind him and putting an arm around his waist. "What's this about?"
"Map-making," Remus mumbled, already lost in the book.
"Interesting," Sirius said sarcastically, but then kissed Remus' temple. "Are you going to explore with us or not?"
"All right..." said Remus with a sigh. He put the books down, but on second thought, tucked 'Ancient Map-Making' under his arm. "I think I'll just borrow this," he said. "Just for something new to read."
Sirius shrugged. "I'll never understand why you like to read so much, Remmie. Bloody boring, if you ask me. I'd rather be out *doing* something, not sitting on my arse with my nose stuck in a book."
"Try it sometime, you might like it," Remus said, rolling his eyes and walking over to James, who was studying the stained-glass windows.
"These are nice, aren't they?" James said to him. "I wonder why we haven't seen them from outside."
"They might be enchanted," Remus mused. "I read about that once.... you can enchant stained-glass windows to look like plain windows from the outside if you want."
"You read too much," James laughed. He punched Remus in the arm. "But I have to admit it comes in handy sometimes. Can I see?"
Remus handed him 'Ancient Map-Making', and he scanned a few pages.
"Hm. Looks good," he said, handing it back. "But I think we'd better go - it's almost two."

~April 2 - Hogsmeade~

"D'you think they've realized what's going on yet, Siri?" Remus asked. He and Sirius were sitting on top of the hill overlooking Hogsmeade. They had been up here for a half hour or so, after telling the others they were going for a short walk.
"Well, if Pete and Grace already cleared out, they probably did," Sirius replied. "Jim may be a daft sod when it comes to *some* things, but he *did* tell us he liked Lil, and.... well... he probably figured we were going to try and get them together. And Lil's no slouch, either. She's probably even smarter than Jim, I think she gets the idea too."
"Good," said Remus, snuggling closer to Sirius. "And if they don't, they're the most dense people I ever met."
"Can you imagine what a kid of theirs would be like?" Remus wondered aloud.
"Hopefully it'd get Lil's looks and brains," Sirius joked. "Heaven knows what it'd get from Jim."
Remus giggled. "D'you think we should go down and see how things are getting on?"
Sirius pouted. "What, I don't even get a kiss?" "Siri!" Remus hissed, scandalized. "What if someone came along just now?"
"Well, we ought to give them something to interrupt, haven't we?" Sirius inquired sweetly, before pulling Remus into a good, long snog.

~*~*~*~*~

It was nearly an hour later when they wandered back into Hogsmeade in search of their friends. They found James and Lily straight away, in the Three Broomsticks. To their joy, James and Lily were holding hands and talking quite seriously.
"H'lo guys," Sirius said casually, making both James and Lily jump and blush. "Did we interrupt anything?"
"Nothing important," Lily said, blushing deeper, but she didn't let go of James' hand. "Where did *you* two go off to, hmm?" she asked, taking stock of their mussed hair and pink cheeks, and their rumpled ties and open collars.
"Ehrm, just for a walk," Sirius said evasively as they said down. "Where are Pete and Grace?" he asked quickly, trying to change the subject.
"Probably off doing what you were doing," James teased.
"And what you'd *like* to be doing," Sirius shot back, making James and Lily blush again.
"Stupid prat," James said fondly. "You've got grass in your hair, Siri."

~May 17 - Hogwarts Grounds~

"James! James! Stop!" Lily cried, laughing as she clung tightly to him. "This is high enough!"
James pulled his broom to a stop and grinned cheekily over his shoulder at her. "You sure?"
"Absolutely," Lily said firmly, tightening her grip around his waist. She looked nervously down at the Quidditch field, which was small enough for her to blot out with her hand from this height. "Now I think I know why Remus hates flying so much. Heights are scary." She rested her head between James' shoulder blades and squeezed her eyes shut. "Can we go back down now? I don't fancy getting sucked into the engine of an airplane."
James spluttered with laughter. "Lil! We're not that high up!"
"please?" Lily asked softly, abandoning her playful tone of voice. James' gaze softened as he looked back over his shoulder at her.
"Okay," he agreed, and swooped back down to the Quidditch field. When they landed, it was to find Remus being coaxed by Sirius to come flying with him.
"Please, love," Sirius begged. "It's no fun without you."
Remus smiled sweetly at him. "That's so sweet of you to say, but you know I can't stand heights. I'll stay put, all right?"
"Nah," sighed Sirius. "I don't wanna fly by myself, and besides it's getting dark. We might as well go in... you can help me with my Defense Against the Dark Arts essay..."
"Yeah, if by 'help' you mean 'snog me senseless'," James said dryly as he and Lily approached.
"Fine!" Sirius cried, throwing up his hands. "So I want to make out with my boyfriend! I seem to remember two certain people who were lip-wrestling last night, might I add!"
James scowled, but Lily giggled. "Well, you and Remus gave us ideas!"
Remus' ears turned red, and he said sheepishly, "She's got us there, Siri."
Sirius tossed back his long hair. "Humph." Then he brightened. "Wait. This means we're... inspirational!" He cast a coy look over at Remus. "What d'you say we go inspire them some more, hmm?"
"I think they've got the main idea, Siri," sighed Remus.
"You're refusing an excuse to snog?" Sirius asked, looking wounded.
"I didn't say *that*......"

~June 29 - the Hogwarts Express~

"You know what would be cool?" James asked.
"No, what?" Sirius asked, idly staring out the window.
"It'd be cool to make a map of Hogwarts... or write a book or something.... you know - put in all the stuff we've found out around the castle. We've found so *many* secret passages and hidden rooms that we should... I dunno, put it together somehow."
"I think you're on to something, Jim," Sirius said thoughtfully. "A map would be better than a book, I think, you'd be able to diagram everything out.... books don't show much.... even if they do have pictures.... Reminds me of a book I had when I was little - Auntie brought it back from America when she went there on holiday...."
"What was it?" James asked, sniggering.
Sirius glared at him. "Hey, it was a *good* book. 'Green Eggs and Ham'."
"WHAT?!"
"'Green Eggs and Ham'!"
Peter looked repulsed. "I'm not going to ask."
"It was *groovy*! There was this guy, Sam-I-Am, trying to get this other guy-"
"Why are you telling us about your book, Siri?" Remus interrupted. "Let's get back to Jim's idea. I like it, actually."
"But I don't know a *thing* about making an enchanted map," James sighed, flopping back in his seat with a sigh. Remus hummed a little, a superior look on his face. "What?" James asked him.
Wordlessly, Remus reached into his trunk and pulled out 'Ancient Map-Making' and opened it to a specific chapter, then handed it to James.
"Enchanted Map-Making," James read. He looked up, his eyes wide. "Brilliant, Remmie!"
"We can start it this summer," Remus said.
"In between snog sessions, you mean," Sirius grinned.

To Be Continued

(Coming Soon: Year 7! The last year at Hogwarts, but *not* the last year of the story! Jim and Lil become Head Boy and Girl! Siri wants something, but Remus doesn't! The Marauder's Map is written! Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs go running about, Serena gets a talking-to, and there's plenty of snogging going on!)

(A/N: Ahhh!!! Thank you all so much for the fabulous reviews! I thrive on good reviews! My Muses thrive on chocolate and good reviews! And you haven't disappointed us! (Well, Snape is grumpy, but that's *his* fault. I didn't even *want* him as a Muse.) Keep them coming, please! I have two more years (plus a bunch of 'Post-Hogwarts' years) to write!)