Cas: I'll make this short. I own no characters from Final Fantasy. And none of the songs are mine. You can guess who they belong to. There, happy? I feel like crying. *Warning* Bad tasting jokes incoming.
Cas: Cas here everyone! I have decided to take things in another direction for right now. I have decided to have a contest of villains! That's right! For this chapter only we are bringing you many villains from the Final Fantasy series. I'm doing this to determine who is the Most Villainous of Villains. Since I'm the judge you can guess what will happen. That's right! I'm going to mock everyone! Look on the bright side. I'm doing it fairly. Let's get it on! First up is Sephiroth! This villains hails from Final Fantasy 7. He's a kick ass momma's boy whose hobbies include: burning, pillaging, genocide and sharpening his sword, the Masamune.
Sephiroth: What the hell am I doing here? Mother? Where are you?
Cas: That's not funny Sephiroth. You were told the rules before you came on and I told you that these jokes wouldn't be tolerated.
Sephiroth: Sue me.
Cas: You don't want me to. That would mean I'd have to summon my lawyer. I'm afraid of him. But let's continue. Sephiroth, could you please tell us why you think you should be the most villainous villain?
Sephiroth: I think my record speaks for itself. Mass murder, upsetting the balance of the planet, attempted genocide and genocide.
Cas: Attempted genocide and genocide?
Sephiroth: Yes. I summoned Meteor which would have wiped out life as we know it, but no, Holy got in the way. And I killed Aeris, the last Cetra, so there's the genocide.
Cas: True. Anything else? By the way, you're getting a massive bonus for killing Aeris. That's evil.
Sephiroth: Cool. Let's see, I nearly killed Cloud, but he's the hero, so he has to survive. Um, I almost killed Tifa.
Cas: Sephiroth, I think we want to hear about actual crimes. Attempted murder against Tifa hardly counts as a crime. If you had succeeded I would give you a medal.
Sephiroth: Then that would be about it then.
Cas: Thank you Sephiroth. I'd like to remind all those reading that the results of the Most Villainous of Villains contest will be at the end of This Chapter. Our next villain is Seifer, who we have decided to skip because I just don't like him. After him is Kuja, the self-proclaimed angel of death from Final Fantasy 9. Welcome Kuja!
Kuja: Where am I?
Cas: You can stop right there. Sephiroth beat you to it.
Kuja: Damn him. First my mascara, now my intro bit. I'm going to give him a piece of my mind.
Cas: You do that. Hello Kuja.
Kuja: Hi Cas, don't you just look scrumptious.
Cas: I am completely weirded out now. So why do you think that you should be the, um, monarch, for the lack of a better title, of villains?
Kuja: Simply you silly goose. I've played god with peoples lives, I've engineered death and war, I almost destroyed existence as we know it and just look at what I'm wearing.
Cas: I'm trying not to. All very good reasons. And drop the gay act before I slap that makeup off your face.
Kuja: Ha! Sephiroth didn't beat me to that joke, now did he?
Sephiroth: That's what you think! I'm wearing lingerie! Mwahahahahaha!
Kuja: You bastard! You stole my encore!
Cas: Could this get any worse?
Sephiroth: Hey! Maybe we could do a duet of the "Time Warp?"
Kuja: I love The Rocky Horror Picture Show! Your on!
Cas: Let's cut this conversation before it goes any further. And now it's Seymour's turn. (Aside) What's he doing?
Sephiroth: Song and dance routine.
Cas: Don't tell me he stole your encore Kuja.
Kuja: No. He stole my makeup and hair dye.
Cas: Let's turn it over to Seymour.
Seymour: Thank you Cas. To start things, I'll need to summon my dancers.
Cas: I get it. "Summon" your dancers. Good one Seymour.
Seymour: I don't get it. Anyway, I summon Ifrit, Shiva, Yojimbo, Bahamut and Anima! Okay everyone, just as we practiced.
Bahamut: I'm not doing it.
Anima: Don't I get enough pain and suffering?
Ifrit &Shiva: We're game!
Yojimbo: I'll do it for 1 billion gil.
Seymour: You'll do it for 3.50.
Yojimbo: 1 billion gil.
Seymour: 3.50.
Yojimbo: 1 billion gil.
Seymour: 3.50 and your continued existence.
Yojimbo: As I said, 3.50.
Seymour: Good. Anymore disagreements?
Bahamut: None.
Anima: This is going to hurt.
Seymour: Then let's start on three. One, two, three!
All: "It's fun to stay at the Y-M-C-A.
It's fun to stay at the Y-M-C-A.
They have everything for you men to enjoy,
You can hang out with all the boys ...
You can get yourself cleaned, you can have a good meal,
You can do whatever you feel ...
Young man, are you listening to me?"
Cas: I'm ending it there. That's just too creepy. Ifrit in the Indian chief outfit, that's just wrong.
Irvine: What the hell are you talking about? That was great! I feel inspired!
Cas: Who let him in here? I thought you were drunk.
Selphie: No, that's how he always acts.
Cas: What the hell are you doing here?
Selphie: We we're watching on the closed circuit TV in the bar and "someone" decided to crash the party.
Cas: Well both of you out now. This is absurd, a travesty!
Selphie: No, but that is.
Irvine: "Macho, macho man
I gotta be a macho man
Macho macho man
I gotta be a macho
Macho, macho man
I gotta be a macho man
Macho macho man
I gotta be a macho"
Cas: Shut up! Both of you off the stage! This is for Villains only. Are you sure he's not drunk? Irvine! Put that feather boa down. It belongs to Sephiroth! Screw it all! Good night. The results will be posted in This Chapter. Get off the curtain you hack cowboy! Sephiroth! Stop trying to kill him! I'll replace your damn feather boa.
Cas: So, did I offend anyone? If I did then I know I did a job well done. Let me know what you think. Ain't it ironic that I'm using Diathorn's name to ruin it and there's nothing he can do about it. I'd like to thank Kuro No Yoake (Black Dawn for those who don't speak Japanese) for his idea.
Cas: Cas here everyone! I have decided to take things in another direction for right now. I have decided to have a contest of villains! That's right! For this chapter only we are bringing you many villains from the Final Fantasy series. I'm doing this to determine who is the Most Villainous of Villains. Since I'm the judge you can guess what will happen. That's right! I'm going to mock everyone! Look on the bright side. I'm doing it fairly. Let's get it on! First up is Sephiroth! This villains hails from Final Fantasy 7. He's a kick ass momma's boy whose hobbies include: burning, pillaging, genocide and sharpening his sword, the Masamune.
Sephiroth: What the hell am I doing here? Mother? Where are you?
Cas: That's not funny Sephiroth. You were told the rules before you came on and I told you that these jokes wouldn't be tolerated.
Sephiroth: Sue me.
Cas: You don't want me to. That would mean I'd have to summon my lawyer. I'm afraid of him. But let's continue. Sephiroth, could you please tell us why you think you should be the most villainous villain?
Sephiroth: I think my record speaks for itself. Mass murder, upsetting the balance of the planet, attempted genocide and genocide.
Cas: Attempted genocide and genocide?
Sephiroth: Yes. I summoned Meteor which would have wiped out life as we know it, but no, Holy got in the way. And I killed Aeris, the last Cetra, so there's the genocide.
Cas: True. Anything else? By the way, you're getting a massive bonus for killing Aeris. That's evil.
Sephiroth: Cool. Let's see, I nearly killed Cloud, but he's the hero, so he has to survive. Um, I almost killed Tifa.
Cas: Sephiroth, I think we want to hear about actual crimes. Attempted murder against Tifa hardly counts as a crime. If you had succeeded I would give you a medal.
Sephiroth: Then that would be about it then.
Cas: Thank you Sephiroth. I'd like to remind all those reading that the results of the Most Villainous of Villains contest will be at the end of This Chapter. Our next villain is Seifer, who we have decided to skip because I just don't like him. After him is Kuja, the self-proclaimed angel of death from Final Fantasy 9. Welcome Kuja!
Kuja: Where am I?
Cas: You can stop right there. Sephiroth beat you to it.
Kuja: Damn him. First my mascara, now my intro bit. I'm going to give him a piece of my mind.
Cas: You do that. Hello Kuja.
Kuja: Hi Cas, don't you just look scrumptious.
Cas: I am completely weirded out now. So why do you think that you should be the, um, monarch, for the lack of a better title, of villains?
Kuja: Simply you silly goose. I've played god with peoples lives, I've engineered death and war, I almost destroyed existence as we know it and just look at what I'm wearing.
Cas: I'm trying not to. All very good reasons. And drop the gay act before I slap that makeup off your face.
Kuja: Ha! Sephiroth didn't beat me to that joke, now did he?
Sephiroth: That's what you think! I'm wearing lingerie! Mwahahahahaha!
Kuja: You bastard! You stole my encore!
Cas: Could this get any worse?
Sephiroth: Hey! Maybe we could do a duet of the "Time Warp?"
Kuja: I love The Rocky Horror Picture Show! Your on!
Cas: Let's cut this conversation before it goes any further. And now it's Seymour's turn. (Aside) What's he doing?
Sephiroth: Song and dance routine.
Cas: Don't tell me he stole your encore Kuja.
Kuja: No. He stole my makeup and hair dye.
Cas: Let's turn it over to Seymour.
Seymour: Thank you Cas. To start things, I'll need to summon my dancers.
Cas: I get it. "Summon" your dancers. Good one Seymour.
Seymour: I don't get it. Anyway, I summon Ifrit, Shiva, Yojimbo, Bahamut and Anima! Okay everyone, just as we practiced.
Bahamut: I'm not doing it.
Anima: Don't I get enough pain and suffering?
Ifrit &Shiva: We're game!
Yojimbo: I'll do it for 1 billion gil.
Seymour: You'll do it for 3.50.
Yojimbo: 1 billion gil.
Seymour: 3.50.
Yojimbo: 1 billion gil.
Seymour: 3.50 and your continued existence.
Yojimbo: As I said, 3.50.
Seymour: Good. Anymore disagreements?
Bahamut: None.
Anima: This is going to hurt.
Seymour: Then let's start on three. One, two, three!
All: "It's fun to stay at the Y-M-C-A.
It's fun to stay at the Y-M-C-A.
They have everything for you men to enjoy,
You can hang out with all the boys ...
You can get yourself cleaned, you can have a good meal,
You can do whatever you feel ...
Young man, are you listening to me?"
Cas: I'm ending it there. That's just too creepy. Ifrit in the Indian chief outfit, that's just wrong.
Irvine: What the hell are you talking about? That was great! I feel inspired!
Cas: Who let him in here? I thought you were drunk.
Selphie: No, that's how he always acts.
Cas: What the hell are you doing here?
Selphie: We we're watching on the closed circuit TV in the bar and "someone" decided to crash the party.
Cas: Well both of you out now. This is absurd, a travesty!
Selphie: No, but that is.
Irvine: "Macho, macho man
I gotta be a macho man
Macho macho man
I gotta be a macho
Macho, macho man
I gotta be a macho man
Macho macho man
I gotta be a macho"
Cas: Shut up! Both of you off the stage! This is for Villains only. Are you sure he's not drunk? Irvine! Put that feather boa down. It belongs to Sephiroth! Screw it all! Good night. The results will be posted in This Chapter. Get off the curtain you hack cowboy! Sephiroth! Stop trying to kill him! I'll replace your damn feather boa.
Cas: So, did I offend anyone? If I did then I know I did a job well done. Let me know what you think. Ain't it ironic that I'm using Diathorn's name to ruin it and there's nothing he can do about it. I'd like to thank Kuro No Yoake (Black Dawn for those who don't speak Japanese) for his idea.