Disclaimer: See the first chapter....

WARNINGS: Just to remind you, there's going to be Remus/Sirius slash! Minor this time. Gomen ne!

*Note*: Takes place after GoF, when Dumbledore sends Sirius to stay with Remus.

~*~*~*~*~

After Azkaban - Sirius and Remus Reunited



So on I wait my whole lifetime
For you............
- Metallica, Outlaw Torn'



~July 4~

If anyone ever wanted to know what hell was like, they could ask Remus Lupin.

He knew what hell was like. His life had been hell for twelve years.

Twelve years. Four thousand, three hundred and eighty days. Twelve years of splitting headaches and serious bouts of a mysterious ailment much like the flu. Of being alone in the house he and Sirius had once shared and called home, surrounded by the old memories he tried so hard to push away. Of listening to his mother tell him she had been right all along, Sirius was nothing but trouble and Remus would have been smart to cut him out of his life a very long time ago.

Of knowing his mate was a murderer, responsible for the deaths of three of his closest friends.

And knowing he hated Sirius, but couldn't stop himself from loving him as well.

Twelve - *bloody* - years.

He had gone into this hell at twenty-one. He was now thirty-four (his birthday had been just two days ago), and he was still living in hell.

Things had improved only slightly last year, when Remus had discovered that Peter was still alive and that Sirius was innocent. That put an end to the guilty feelings that came with being in love with a murderer. But Sirius was still on the run, hiding from the dementors, and so Remus was still alone and suffering on his own.

He sighed and pushed his bangs back from his forehead. A cool breeze rustled through the trees and he shivered slightly. He liked sitting outside, but it was chilly out, even for July. He plucked an old black sweatshirt from a hook in the kitchen. Before pulling it on, he sniffed the sleeve. His very sensitive sense of smell picked up a faint scent. Faint, but he knew it was Sirius' scent. It used to be his sweatshirt.

He picked up his book and went back outside to read, but his mind kept drifting. Staring up into the sky, which was slowly fading from burnt ocher to deep purple, he wondered where Sirius was now. He reached down the collar of his sweatshirt and pulled out the necklace Sirius had given him so long ago. He fingered the silver chain thoughtfully. It had never occurred to him, during those long years, just to throw it away. It would have been easy. He always took the necklace off before his transformations (silver and werewolves don't mix). He could have just taken it off and never put it back on. But something had compelled him to keep it. Force of habit, he supposed.

Or maybe something else...

He sometimes took the three-hour train ride to the shore for no reason. No reason at all, except to stare out across the water at the dim black dot which was the fortress that entombed his mate. He did this quite often in the years immediately following Sirius' capture. He never understood what compelled him to do this, and blamed it all on Moony. The wolf was greedy, the wolf didn't care about Remus' feelings, the wolf didn't give a damn how many people Sirius killed. That reasoning probably wasn't true (he had, after all, forgotten to account for his own slightly stubborn nature, which had nothing to do with Moony), but it eased his guilt (at least on a conscious level), and as the years passed he had phased out the visits to the shore. He didn't like the guilt trips that often followed. He had, however, gone back just a few days before Sirius escaped from Azkaban (and all during that year at Hogwarts he shivered to think on how close it had been). It had been a dull, cloudy day, and he couldn't even make out the smallest hint of the prison on the horizon, but a chill had gone through him all the same. Sometimes he wondered if he hadn't *sensed* that Sirius might escape....

Remus tilted his head back and gazed upward, studying the night sky. He could see the Big Dipper and Mars. He could see - wait. What was that?
Putting down his book, he jumped to his feet and squinted upward. He wasn't imagining it - something really was coming down. A bird?
His eyes widened, realizing what it was as it landed a few yards away from him, on the patio. It was a hippogriff, and a man was dismounting it.

His heart leapt - even in the waning daylight he knew who it was. He wanted to go and greet the man who was slowly approaching him, but his feet seemed frozen. He stood motionless on the top step of the porch and looked down at the man at the foot of the steps.

Sirius looked about the same as he had last year, when they met each other in the Shrieking Shack. His hair was nearly past his waist and was extremely filthy and tangled; his skin was deathly white and he had a scrubby black beard that made him look like a complete stranger. His midnight-blue eyes held the haunted look Azkaban had set in them, perhaps permanently; but there was a hopeful glimmer in them as well. He was still wearing the same ragged, grey robes he had been wearing when he escaped - the same robes he had worn nearly thirteen years ago when he had kissed Remus goodbye, not knowing they were about to be separated for what felt like a lifetime. His right wrist was wrapped in a bloody scrap of cloth that looked like it had been torn from the hem of his robes. But he looked like he had put on a little weight since Remus had seen him last - not enough, nowhere near enough - but a little.

Neither of them said a word. Sirius' eyes moved slowly from Remus' to the silver charm that he still wore around his neck, then to Remus' left hand, where his promise ring still glittered. Then, in slow motion, he reached into the collar of his own robes and pulled a thin silver chain out. On it were a silver star pendant and a golden ring.

Sorry, Remmie, he said hoarsely. I had to take it off... I lost so much weight it kept slipping off my finger...
Remus didn't say a word. Instead, he raced down the steps and threw himself into Sirius' arms, not caring Sirius hadn't had a bath in quite awhile. He hugged him tight, pressing himself against his lover, tears running down his cheeks. He hugged Sirius like he had wanted to in the Shack, but hadn't been able to do. It wouldn't have been appropriate for the children to find out about himself and Sirius at that moment.
Sirius kissed his forehead and hugged him back just as tightly, crying as well. They probably would have stayed like that for quite awhile if a loud, annoyed grunt hadn't made them jump.

Sorry, Buckbeak, Sirius said, looking at the hippogriff, which had come up beside them and was giving them an impatient glare. I forgot about you.
The hippogriff gave him an extremely offended look, and Sirius smiled slightly and reached out to give it a friendly tap on the beak. I'm kidding. He looked back down at Remus. Remmie? Anything we can feed him?
If he doesn't mind leftovers, Remus said. Hold on a minute.
He ran inside and pulled the nearly-full casserole dish of leftover stew out of the fridge. He brought it outside and said, The barn's still in good shape. He can stay there.
Sirius nodded and followed Remus to the old barn at the corner of their property, leading Buckbeak by his frayed rope halter. Remus pushed open the door and they went inside. Sirius led Buckbeak to one of the old horse stalls and took off his halter and collar, patting him gently and murmuring softly to him. Buckbeak laid down, apparently not minding the musty-smelling hay and looking relieved at the chance of a rest. Remus gave the dish a tap with his wand, and set the now piping-hot stew down in front of the hippogriff, who gave a grateful grunt and began to eat. Sirius stroked his feathered head and said, Sleep good, old boy.

Remus wiped away another tear impatiently, and said softly, Your turn, Siri.

He led Sirius back into the house. I don't know what else I've got - I could make something - he bent and rummaged in the fridge. I've got chicken, he said. And - French toast? Those don't go together....
Remmie, I'll eat anything, Sirius said. I don't care if it goes together or not. Anything's better than rats.
Remus shuddered. How did you manage?
Pretended they were all Peter.
Remus shuddered again and slid the chicken into the oven. It'll be ready in a few minutes. Now, let me see that arm.
It's nothing, really, Sirius said gingerly.
Remus raised a skeptical eyebrow as he looked at the makeshift bandage on Sirius' wrist, noting how the blood had soaked through in places. Nothing, my arse. That looks pretty nasty. Come on, let me see.
Rather reluctantly, Sirius untied the bandage and unwrapped it. Underneath, a jagged, deep cut marred the pale skin of his wrist. It wasn't fatal, but it looked exceptionally bad. Remus sucked in his breath and peered closely at the wound.
I'm not going to try a spell on it, he said, looking up anxiously at Sirius. I'm not very good at healing spells. I'm just going to have to heal this up the Muggle way. You're going to have a scar, Siri.
Sirius tried not to wince at that, remembering how James had said almost the same thing nearly eighteen years ago. That's okay, Remmie.

After fetching the first-aid kit from the bathroom, Remus set to work, carefully cleaning the cut. Sirius tried to ignore the stinging of the iodine and bit his lip to keep from whining.
What *happened*? Remus murmured softly, taking gauze from the kit and beginning to properly bandage Sirius' wrist.
Nothing.. I was just not paying attention. Sirius replied, feeling guilty about lying. He and Buckbeak had stopped for awhile to rest, and Sirius had gone looking for water. There was a stream, but sharp, broken sticks and thorns were quite thick around the bank. There was really no other choice, so Sirius had attempted to get to the water. He had succeeded, too, even with a hippogriff in tow. But on the way back up the bank, he had fallen to musing over his godson. Lost in thoughts and worries of Harry, he had missed a step and slipped, throwing a hand out to catch himself and succeeding only in gashing his arm. He had bandaged it clumsily with a piece of cloth he had ripped from his robes, and it plagued him for the next two days - until now, that was, with Remus to take care of it. He gulped. Yeah, he should tell Remus about what Harry had been through, and the rise of the Dark Lord.. hell, he had to, Dumbledore's orders. But he didn't want to worry Remus... well, not *yet*, anyway...

You're very lucky, it isn't infected, Remus said just then, tying off the bandage and quickly cleaning up his supplies.
Much. Thanks, Remmie... I think I'm gonna wash up a bit, Sirius said.
You can't take a shower with *that* hair, Remus said in disgust. It's too tangled. Sit back down, I'll be right back.
He went into the bathroom and dug a comb out from a drawer, and went back into the kitchen and brought out the scissors. Sirius was waiting patiently, eating an apple from the bowl on the counter. Remus fetched some old copies of the Daily Prophet' from the basement and spread them out on the floor.
Hold still, he instructed Sirius, and began the difficult job of combing the tangles out of his hair.
Sirius complained as the comb snagged a particularly difficult tangle.
Remus apologized, and carefully untangled it. All right, he said as the oven beeped, We'll leave the ends the way they are. We'll just cut them off.
He took the chicken out of the oven and popped the French Toast in the toaster, and brought cranberry sauce and milk out of the fridge. How long do you want it?
As long as you can get it without tangles and split ends and all that crap, Sirius said, digging happily into his dinner. I'm used to having long hair by now.
You *always* had long hair.
Well, it was short compared to all this, Sirius said through a mouthful of food.
No argument there. Remus sighed, and picked up the scissors. For the next half hour, neither of them said a word as Sirius ate and Remus concentrated on carefully trimming his hair.
He didn't have to cut as much as he'd thought. When he was done, Sirius' hair was still a little more than halfway down his back.

he announced, straightening up and going for the broom.
Me too, said Sirius, putting down his fork. That was good, Remmie. I think I'm going to take that shower now.
All right, Remus agreed. I'll go find something for you to wear.
As soon as the bathroom door closed, Remus pulled open the trapdoor leading to the attic and climbed up the rickety ladder. he muttered, and used the light from his wand to locate the cord for the light bulb. He found it and turned it on, then gazed around the attic. Where - ah.
He crossed over to where a trunk and a few boxes sat, and knelt to rummage through them. He had saved all of Sirius' belongings over the years - why, he didn't know. He just couldn't bear to throw them away, so instead he put it all in the attic where he didn't have to look at it.
Well, he might as well bring most of it down. Actually, he ended up lugging it all down, creating a God-awful racket.

Remmie? Are you okay? Sirius' voice called from the bathroom over the hiss of the shower.
I'm fine, Remus called back, pulling out underwear and black robes from the trunk. He tapped them with his wand and muttered a freshening spell to rid the clothes of the attic smell, then knocked on the bathroom door and entered.
Sirius was just wrapping a towel around his waist. Thanks, Remmie, he said, and ran a hand thoughtfully over his beard. Got a razor?

~*~*~*~*~

Sirius emerged from the bathroom twenty minutes later, after a great deal of cussing and ranting. Remus was in the kitchen, making tea, when Sirius joined him.
Do I look okay?
With his hair clean and neat again, and the beard gone (though a shadow of it remained; Sirius was one of those men who could never completely banish a five o'clock shadow no matter how often he shaved), he looked younger and a little bit healthier. Still too pale, and much too thin, but he was beginning to look like the old Sirius again.
Remus hugged him. Much better.
Sirius hugged him back, and they stayed in each other's arms for a long while. The impatient whistling of the teakettle finally drew their attention, and Remus reluctantly let go of Sirius to pour the tea.

They seated themselves at the dining room table and sipped at their tea, silent for a little while. Then Remus finally gave voice to the question he had been unwilling to ask.
Siri, how long will you be here?
Sirius shrugged. I don't know. Until Dumbledore tells me to leave, I suppose.

He sent me here, Sirius answered, suddenly looking very depressed. It looked like it was time to tell Remus about Harry and the Dark Lord..... Wants me to alert all our old friends.
Remus asked, dread growing in his stomach.
Sirius swallowed, and said hesitantly, Voldemort - is back. He rose again..... killed Cedric Diggory. Harry saw it all.
Remus suddenly felt very ill. Is - is he okay? he whispered, barely daring to breathe.
About as okay as he can be after seeing something like that. Sirius mumbled. He's got more courage than anyone ever gave him credit for.
What are we going to do? Remus asked helplessly.
The only thing we can do. Fight back. He sighed. But there's another problem.
It gets worse?
Fudge won't believe it. That's why I've got to get in touch with everyone, and convince them of the truth.
So that's why Dumbledore sent you here...
Because you're the only other one who knows the truth, Sirius said bitterly, draining his teacup.
Remus blinked back a stray tear. I don't want you to leave.
Sirius reached across the table and took Remus' hands in his. It won't be for a while, he said softly. Don't cry, love.
Remus nodded, and looked up at the clock. It was nearly midnight.
It's late, he murmured. You need your rest.

~*~*~*~*~

Sirius climbed into their bed without bothering to get undressed. Remus went into the bathroom to put on his nightshirt, and when he returned Sirius was nearly asleep. Remus slid between the blankets and turned off the light.
Sirius murmured sleepily.

I'm sorry.
Tears welled up in Remus' eyes again, but he wiped them away. He moved close to Sirius and put his arms around him. For what?
Leaving you alone for so long.
It's okay, Remus whispered, kissing his cheek. You're with me now. That's all that matters.
Love you, Sirius mumbled.
Love you too. Always.
Sirius' breathing grew slow and quiet and he slept deeply. Remus stayed awake a little while longer, listening to his mate sleep, feeling secure and content for the first time in a *long* time in Sirius' arms.

He knew Sirius couldn't stay forever. When he left, Remus would stay behind.... and wait, just as he had for nearly thirteen years. But someday.... Sirius' innocence would be proved, and he would be home for good... Voldemort would be gone forever....... and Harry....... Harry could come live with them.....

Sirius would have to leave sooner or later, but until then, Remus planned on enjoying his company to the fullest.

Sleep finally caught Remus, and he slept as soundly as the man beside him, and dreamed of sitting on the porch with his mate, watching Harry and his friends playing in the pool.


To Be Continued......



(Coming Soon: Harry, Ron, and Hermione learn the truth about their former professor and Harry's godfather.)


(A/N: Hello, lovely readers! This was meant to be the last chapter, I think you should know, but thanks to a few ideas from reviewers, my cousin, and my Muses, I came up with a smashing idea for Chapter 13. So we shall crack on with this story! More to come soon, I promise! Keep the reviews coming, please, I love them all so much! And I love all *you* so much! Thank you! *blows kisses*)