Is it possible?? Oh how I wish it could...is there even the smallest chance that you are still out there? Ever my sly Slytherin. Ever my devious, my cunning, my wicked, my endearing, my skillfull beautiful love. Perhaps you are out there like a mirage, a ripple in time and space and reality, fading and wavering beyond my reach, beyond the extent of where my fingertips reach for you. Perhaps you're alive. But maybe I will never be able to find you. Perhaps it was meant to be this way.
But oh how I miss you.
***
A tear trickled down the end of Harry's nose and splashed on to his hand.
***
"You love him, don't you?" Ginny asked, startling Harry out of his silent daydream.
"Wha - how do you know?" Harry sighed, raising his eyes tiredly from the picture he'd been holding. The picture taken in secret of Draco lying by a crackling fire, the red-gold light dancing patterns over his bare alabaster skin, his hand curling lightly around some dream-snitch.
"More like how LONG have I known." Ginny bit her lip and came over to sit on the bed next to Harry. "Harry, our wedding night. I saw you - in the garden." Ginny sniffled slightly. "I saw you two in the garden during the reception. I came outside to find you and then I found both of you instead. I know something must have happened, because then you somehow made it back to our room and then everything from there just seems perfect. But that one image...it's just stuck in my mind like a splinter."
"Oh Gin - I'm sorry." Harry moved to hug her but she moved away slightly.
"No, Harry. It just doesn't feel right any more."
"But we have a happy life now Gin. Draco doesn't matter any more to me. We have our children." Harry said gently. "We have our own life now."
Ginny drew in a ragged breath.
"If that's true, Harry, can you do something for me?"
Harry nodded.
"Then look me in the eyes, Harry, and tell me honestly, that you don't love him. That you don't wake up every morning and miss him, and wish he was here with you." Harry licked his lips and tried to. He wanted to, so he could maintain this happy normal life with Ginny in the light. He opened his mouth, but was left gaping speechless. Was his life really happy right now? He wanted so badly to return to the shadows if it meant being with Draco.
"I can't." He croaked, before clearing his throat. "I'm sorry Ginny, I can't." She narrowed her eyes.
"Then I'm sorry too Harry." And then she threw her arms around a shocked Harry. "I'm sorry because I'll miss you so much."
Harry managed to extract himself and stare at her in amazement.
"Sorry about what? Look I should be sorry. I shouldn't have said that - I mean, we have
Sylvia and Justin to think about."
"No Harry," Ginny had tears running down her cheeks. "No, I'm the one that's wrong. I've been so selfish all these years. But now, I know what I have to do. I know what's right." She looked Harry square in the eye and managed to smile through her tears. "Harry, if you believe he's still out there somewhere I want you to go and find him. And when you find him, love him the best you can."
"Why?" Came Harry's puzzled question.
"Because I love you. And it doesn't matter what happens," Ginny's eyes filled with new tears, but she felt strangely renewed and free. "I'll still love you. If loving you means letting go, then so be it. I want you to be happy."
***
I feel better. Somehow. I never thought that doing this would make me feel better. But I do...free, somehow. Free from the guilt of holding him down. Of keeping him from true happiness. Of lying to both him and me. Death Eater or not, I know he is the only one Harry could, ever did and ever will truely love.
***
Harry was gone by morning. Sylvia cried, wanting to know where her father was, but little Justin was calm.
"He's gone to find 'im." Justin said quietly, playing with his toy unicorn. "Daddy's gone to find 'im, so he won't be all sad n'more."
"Yes..." Ginny rubbed at the moisture in her eyes. "Daddy's just gone on a little trip to find someone."
"He's not coming back is he?" Sylvia wailed. "He's left and he's going somewhere without us!"
"Now be a brave big girl." Ginny said, gently stroking back her daughter's hair. "Be brave for daddy, okay?" She stared out the window at the clear blue sky, and really did wish that Harry found what he was looking for.
afterdinnermints:
^_^ I'm really happy with this chapter. I think it was a bit emotional to write, but I'm really quite pleased with the end result, and I hope u readers found it okay. As always, I love ur feedback, and if u have any comments or just to let me know u liked it or not please reviews.
Whee!! Harry's off on a journey...but will he ever find Draco??
But oh how I miss you.
***
A tear trickled down the end of Harry's nose and splashed on to his hand.
***
"You love him, don't you?" Ginny asked, startling Harry out of his silent daydream.
"Wha - how do you know?" Harry sighed, raising his eyes tiredly from the picture he'd been holding. The picture taken in secret of Draco lying by a crackling fire, the red-gold light dancing patterns over his bare alabaster skin, his hand curling lightly around some dream-snitch.
"More like how LONG have I known." Ginny bit her lip and came over to sit on the bed next to Harry. "Harry, our wedding night. I saw you - in the garden." Ginny sniffled slightly. "I saw you two in the garden during the reception. I came outside to find you and then I found both of you instead. I know something must have happened, because then you somehow made it back to our room and then everything from there just seems perfect. But that one image...it's just stuck in my mind like a splinter."
"Oh Gin - I'm sorry." Harry moved to hug her but she moved away slightly.
"No, Harry. It just doesn't feel right any more."
"But we have a happy life now Gin. Draco doesn't matter any more to me. We have our children." Harry said gently. "We have our own life now."
Ginny drew in a ragged breath.
"If that's true, Harry, can you do something for me?"
Harry nodded.
"Then look me in the eyes, Harry, and tell me honestly, that you don't love him. That you don't wake up every morning and miss him, and wish he was here with you." Harry licked his lips and tried to. He wanted to, so he could maintain this happy normal life with Ginny in the light. He opened his mouth, but was left gaping speechless. Was his life really happy right now? He wanted so badly to return to the shadows if it meant being with Draco.
"I can't." He croaked, before clearing his throat. "I'm sorry Ginny, I can't." She narrowed her eyes.
"Then I'm sorry too Harry." And then she threw her arms around a shocked Harry. "I'm sorry because I'll miss you so much."
Harry managed to extract himself and stare at her in amazement.
"Sorry about what? Look I should be sorry. I shouldn't have said that - I mean, we have
Sylvia and Justin to think about."
"No Harry," Ginny had tears running down her cheeks. "No, I'm the one that's wrong. I've been so selfish all these years. But now, I know what I have to do. I know what's right." She looked Harry square in the eye and managed to smile through her tears. "Harry, if you believe he's still out there somewhere I want you to go and find him. And when you find him, love him the best you can."
"Why?" Came Harry's puzzled question.
"Because I love you. And it doesn't matter what happens," Ginny's eyes filled with new tears, but she felt strangely renewed and free. "I'll still love you. If loving you means letting go, then so be it. I want you to be happy."
***
I feel better. Somehow. I never thought that doing this would make me feel better. But I do...free, somehow. Free from the guilt of holding him down. Of keeping him from true happiness. Of lying to both him and me. Death Eater or not, I know he is the only one Harry could, ever did and ever will truely love.
***
Harry was gone by morning. Sylvia cried, wanting to know where her father was, but little Justin was calm.
"He's gone to find 'im." Justin said quietly, playing with his toy unicorn. "Daddy's gone to find 'im, so he won't be all sad n'more."
"Yes..." Ginny rubbed at the moisture in her eyes. "Daddy's just gone on a little trip to find someone."
"He's not coming back is he?" Sylvia wailed. "He's left and he's going somewhere without us!"
"Now be a brave big girl." Ginny said, gently stroking back her daughter's hair. "Be brave for daddy, okay?" She stared out the window at the clear blue sky, and really did wish that Harry found what he was looking for.
afterdinnermints:
^_^ I'm really happy with this chapter. I think it was a bit emotional to write, but I'm really quite pleased with the end result, and I hope u readers found it okay. As always, I love ur feedback, and if u have any comments or just to let me know u liked it or not please reviews.
Whee!! Harry's off on a journey...but will he ever find Draco??