Thief-Chan: Wow! I've been getting reviews. Go me!

Bakura: Yeah, yeah…

Thief-Chan: Aren't you happy for me?

Bakura: Not really…

Thief-Chan: Why not?

Bakura: I just know something bad is going to happen to me!

Thief-Chan: Nonsense! Do you have any idea how many Bakura fans there are?

 Bakura: Yes, but Kaiba has tons and look what they did to him!

Thief-Chan: Good point…Cue the disclaimer!

Disclaimer: I don't own any Yu-gi-oh characters, but I do have their voodoo dolls.

Thief-Chan: Welcome back to Wheel of Stuff!

Yami-Bakura: Take off the 'W' and change one of the e's to 'l'…

Thief-Chan: Shut up.

Yami-Bakura: Make me!

(All the characters sit down next to Thief-Chan)

Thief-Chan: We've got some great stuff planned for today!

Yugi: That means one of us is going to die.

Thief-Chan: Yes, but which one?

(Thief-Chan laughs manically)

Yugi: She's scaring me…

Thief-Chan: Shall I spin the Wheel of Stuff? Don't answer that was a rhetorical question.

(Thief-Chan spins the Wheel of Stuff and it lands between Kaiba and Yami-Yugi)

Yami-Yugi: Oh, sorry looks like you'll have to spin it again.

Thief-Chan: Nope! I'll just have to use both of you!

Kaiba: …

(Thief-Chan spins the wheel again and it lands on 'Torture')

Yami-Yugi: E-gads no…

Kaiba: Kami help me…

Thief-Chan: Mirai-torankusu has requested that the two of you be forced into a duel…

Kaiba: YES!

Thief-Chan: …the winner has to marry a fan girl of their choice…

Yami-Yugi: Oh crap…

Thief-Chan: …and the loser is locked into a cage with their fan girls for a week!

Kaiba/Yami-Yugi: NO!

Yami-Bakura: Aha, Pharaoh!

Kaiba: What if we refuse?

Thief-Chan: Fan girls are waiting at the only exit.

Bakura: What are we doing here anyway?

Thief-Chan: Entertaining people of course!

Thief-Chan: Ready?

(Kaiba and Yami-Yugi take out their decks and the life points are set to 5000)

Yami-Yugi: Why do we have to do this?

Thief-Chan: Because Mirai-torankusu is a great reviewer!

Kaiba: I'll kill him…

Life point count: Yugi sucks!

Life point count: Kaiba sucks too!

Kaiba: …

Yami-Yugi: …

(A.N: Don't ask if some parts of this duel don't make any sense. We had stunt doubles in real life act this out so we'd know exactly how the match would go…sort of)

Kaiba/Yami-Yugi: Let's…not duel!

Thief-Chan: DUEL!

Kaiba/Yami-Yugi: Eep…

(Life point count makes that weird noise thing)

Yami-Yugi: I place one card face down and I play the Lesser Dragon!

Kaiba: A good move…if you were a baby! Mwahaha! Fear my insult!

(Kaiba draws)

Kaiba: I place this card face down and I play Jiari Gumo in attack mode! Attack!

(Kaiba flips a coin)

Kaiba: I call heads!

(It lands on tails)

(Lesser Dragon dies)

Thief-Chan: Kaiba loses half his life points!

Kaiba's life points: 2500

(Yami-Yugi draws and plays one card face down)

Yami-Yugi: Go ahead Kaiba attack my life points directly.

Kaiba: I reveal Emperor's Holiday!

(Nothing happens)

Yami-Yugi: I place one card face down…and one in defense mode.

Kaiba: What time is it?

(Yami-Yugi looks at his wrist)

Yami-Yugi: This would work better if my watch weren't a sundial!

Kaiba: Fool! You didn't set it for daylight savings!

Yami-Yugi: Oh…

(Kaiba draws and talks to himself)

Kaiba: I attack that card!

(Kaiba flips a coin and it lands heads)

Kaiba's life points: 1250

Kaiba: And Jirai Gumo dies!

(It dies)

Yami-Yugi: I place one card face down…

Kaiba: Is that it? Baka…I place these three cards face down. I also place this card in defense mode.

(Yami-Yugi waves his wrist)

Yami-Yugi: That's all I do!

Thief-Chan: This is going nowhere…

(Kaiba starts playing Tony Hawk Pro Skater 4)

Thief-Chan: BAKA, PAY ATTENTION!

Kaiba: What?

(Thief-Chan turns off the Game Cube)

Yami-Yugi: I play Monster Reborn to reborn Jerai Gumo!

(Yami flips a coin and it lands tails)

Yami-Yugi: I lose half my life points!

Yami-Yugi life points: 2000

Thief-Chan: Stop trying to lose!

Kaiba: I activate Rush Recklessly! But it doesn't do anything.

Yami-Yugi: I summon Yado Karu in attack mode!

Thief-Chan: …

Yami-Bakura: More popcorn!

Joey: This duel sucks!

Thief-Chan: No kidding…

Kaiba: I play Lord of D in attack!

Lord of D: Roar! I'm Lord of D!

Yami-Yugi: I switch Jerai Gumo in defense mode! I attack with Yado, causing me to lose 300 life points!

Yami-Yugi's life points: 1700

(Kaiba switches Lord of D to defense mode)

Yami-Yugi: I attack with Yado Karu!

Yami-Yugi life points: 1500

Kaiba: No! I must LOSE!
(Kaiba draws three cards)

Kaiba: If I cheat then I lose…

Thief-Chan: STOP THAT!

Kaiba: Lord of D, attack Yado Karu!

Yami-Yugi life points: 1200

Yami-Yugi: I summon the Big Eye in attack mode! No, defense! No, attack! No wait…defense!

Yugi: …

Kaiba: I play this card in defense mode.

Yami-Yugi: I sacrifice all my monsters!

(Looks at his top five cards)

(Kaiba cracks his neck for no apparent reason)

Yami-Yugi: I summon the Red Eyes Black Dragon!

Kaiba: I attack your Red Eyes!

Kaiba's life points: 50

Lord of D: No!!!!!!!!! I love you Kaiba!

Kaiba: Ew…

(Lord of D dies)

Kaiba: I summon Battle Ox in defense mode!

Yami-Yugi: I play, Dark hole!

All monsters: We're dead!

Kaiba: I play Lajin!

Lajin: You wish, I squish!

Yami-Yugi: If you attack me you win. If you don't you're a coward.

(Kaiba plays a card face down)

Yami-Yugi: I saw what it was; it's Eternal Rest.

Kaiba: IT'S ETERNAL REST! I ALSO HAVE REMOVE TRAP AND HORN OF LIGHT!
Yami-Yugi: Look at MY hand!

(Thief-Chan sprays both of them with a hose)

Thief-Chan: GET BACK TO THE DUEL!

(Yami draws)

Yami-Yugi: I place one card face down.

Kaiba: I play one card in defense mode. And I activate my ritual, Turtle Oath! And since I don't have enough monsters, they all die! So instead of that, I get Spear Cretin in attack mode!

Spear Cretin: Gollum…

Yami-Yugi: I do nothing!

Kaiba: First I sacrifice Spear Cretin! And I summon Lord of D!

Lord of D: …

Kaiba: And I sacrifice him, again, to summon Judge Man!

Judge Man: Hmm…

Yami-Yugi: I kill you!

Kaiba: How?

Yami-Yugi: Because you don't use the heart of the Cards!

Thief-Chan: Okay Yami-Yugi, pick a fan girl.

(Millions of fan girls surround him)

Fan Girl: PICK ME!

Yami-Yugi: Uh well…who loves me?

(All of them cheer)

Yami-Yugi: Well there goes that idea…how many of you hate Tea?

Tea: I don't!

Yami-Yugi: Well that takes off Tea…

Tea: *Pouts*

TSF: Pick me!

Yami-Yugi: Fine, I choose her.

TSF: YAY!

(TSF glomps Yami-Yugi)

Thief-Chan: Well, there you go. Kaiba, you're turn!

(Thief-Chan locks Kaiba in a cage with all of his fan girls who randomly glomp him)

Thief-Chan: Shall we spin the wheel?

(Thief-Chan spins the Wheel of Stuff and it lands on Yami-Bakura)

Yami-Bakura: Not again!

Yami-Yugi: Ha!

TSF: Heehee!

(TSF is The Shoe Fairy…just so you know)

Thief-Chan: Okay…

(Thief-Chan spins the wheel and it lands on 'Ask')

Kaiba: SAVE ME!

Thief-Chan: *Ignoring Kaiba* StuMP has a simple question…

"Hey Yami-Bakura, how do you always get back to Ryou when he gets rid of the Millennium Ring?"

Thief-Chan: That's a good question.

Bakura: I'd like to know the answer to that as well.

Yami-Bakura: Well the answer is, because I'm..

(Close up on Yami-Bakura with a darkened-lightning-filled background)

Yami-Bakura: YAMI BAKURA! MWAHAHAHA!

Bakura: *Sweatdrop*

Thief-Chan: Yeah…okay…

(Thief-Chan spins the Wheel of Stuff and it lands on Yugi)

Yugi: Great…

(Thief-Chan spins it once more and it lands on 'Ask')

Thief-Chan: What do you know? We have to questions for Yugi!

"Hey Yugi, how much do you and Yami-Yugi spend on hair gel in a year?"

Thief-Chan: Thanks for the review, EnErGiZeR-BuNnY.

Yugi: How much do we spend?

Yami-Yugi: I don't-

TSF: WHEE!

Yami-Yugi: …

Yugi: Well it depends on the brand. Just get the price of the brand and multiply it by 182…

Thief-Chan: You use 182 bottles in a year?

Yugi: Usually, why?

Thief-Chan: Never mind…On to Jasmine's question.

"Hey Yugi, will you go on a date with me?"

Yugi: O.O

Yami-Yugi: …

TSF: No! Both of them are mine!

Yugi: …uh, well it depends on your personality…and uh, stuff.

Thief-Chan: Good question…maybe I should add 'Date' to the Wheel of Stuff…

Bakura: NO! Thief will try to attack me if you add that!

Thief-Chan: Good point. Let's spin the wheel!

(Thief-Chan spins the wheel and it lands on Yami-Bakura then moves to Yami-Yugi)

Thief-Chan: Looks like both of you will be tortured!

Yami-Bakura: Haven't we been tortured enough?

Thief-Chan: Nope! Besides, it might not be 'Torture'.

(Thief-Chan spins the Wheel of Stuff and it lands on 'Torture')

Yami-Yugi: …

Yami-Bakura: I hate you!

Thief-Chan: Thanks for reviewing StuMP! I'd torture Malik, but…he might kill me. Now as for you two, you'll be tortured by switching your lights.

Yami-Bakura: WHAT?!

TSF: No! I don't want Bakura!

Bakura: …

Yugi: They'll be tortured? I'm the one who's getting screwed!

Thief-Chan: Oh shut up Yugi!

Yugi: …

Thief-Chan: There you have it. Bakura is now Yami-Yugi's light for a few days and Yugi is Yami-Bakura's light for a few days.

Kaiba: Get me out!

Fan Girl: We love you Kaiba!

Yami-Yugi: Never thought I'd be happy I didn't lose…

Thief-Chan: Sorry Kaiba, you're in there until next week.

Bakura: Yay! I have a nice Yami!

Yami-Bakura: You're going to pay when you are my light again!

Yugi: You aren't going to kill me are you?

Yami-Bakura: Off to the Shadow Realm with you!

Yugi: Ah!

(Thief-Chan spins the Wheel of Stuff again. It lands on Tea)

Thief-Chan: Well, Jasmine left it up to me to decide what to do to Tea. I choose-bashing!

Tea: What?

(Thief-Chan bashes Tea over the head with AMOD)

Thief-Chan: DIE TEA!

Bakura: That's all for today! Review and the madness shall continue! (Thief paid me to say that…)