Watching East
Left behind. The words catch in my throat. I never would have thought two words could become so hateful to me.
I wish I wasn't wounded. I wish I had been allowed to accompany them to Mordor to fight Sauron. But as my Dad always said-`Wishing for a second breakfast doesn't always make it appear.' So I am stuck, here in the White City looking East...always looking East.
East is where my heart lies as well as all my hopes. My thoughts turn constantly to the remaining members of the fellowship who have gone there...Frodo, Sam, Aragorn, Legolas, Gimili, and Pippin. It is so painful to stay behind waiting and worrying. I'm constantly looking for some sign, any sign of their victory over evil, of their safe return. My heart bleeds to think of them there without me. I know I am just a hobbit, a halfling, but at least if I was there, at least I would be able to help them, in some small way I would be able to help them.
I wonder how Sam and Frodo have faired. Since parting with the two, and the burden they carry, they have never been far from my thoughts. I could see it in Frodo's eyes that day in the woods. I knew my cousin was leaving us behind. And yet back then a part of me understood, even if Pippin couldn't understand, I did. It was something that Frodo had to do on his own. Something inside told me. Somehow I knew that my part as Frodo's companion on the journey to Mordor had come to an end. I knew that Frodo wanted to protect Pippin, Sam, and I from the danger that he was walking straight into the eye of. I felt his despair at the thought of losing his life and the possibility of losing us. But I was glad though later to learn that Sam had gone with him. That gave me hope. Frodo couldn't ask for a more loyal or devoted companion. The truth was Sam, like Frodo, always had a more serious side to him. A danger shared is half the danger and I couldn't help feeling that Sam would be a better, more able protector than either Pippin or I.
Pippin. My thoughts turn to my other cousin, my best friend. At least back then, at least Pippin had been with me. Then Gandalf separated us. For a few days were we reunited and now the War has separated us yet again, perhaps for forever. My best friend has rode into battle without me. Even more so than me he's always had that curiosity, and nose for mischief. Like me he has been totally unprepared for the events that have surrounded us and overwhelmed us. He's been like a younger brother to me. And here I am, the older sibling, helpless, unable to watch out for him, protect him on the battlefield. I have to hope that the others he rides with will look out for him.
For Pippin has been the other half of myself. Indeed most hobbits in the Shire can't talk about one of us without mentioning the other. From Pippin's birth he has been my constant companion. As we grew up, he and I shared happy days full of playful mischief. I can't see him without smiling. I can't even smile now with my eyes threaten to rain down my cheeks. The person who would be able to cheer me the most, to give me hope in all of this grief and turmoil has gone far away beyond my reach but never beyond my thoughts. I am alone with no friend to comfort me, to give me a reason to smile in all this ever-growing darkness. For the first time, I feel despair creeping into my soul. I'm trapped in this gilded cage, this White City, looking East. Constantly looking East.
Left behind. The words catch in my throat. I never would have thought two words could become so hateful to me.
I wish I wasn't wounded. I wish I had been allowed to accompany them to Mordor to fight Sauron. But as my Dad always said-`Wishing for a second breakfast doesn't always make it appear.' So I am stuck, here in the White City looking East...always looking East.
East is where my heart lies as well as all my hopes. My thoughts turn constantly to the remaining members of the fellowship who have gone there...Frodo, Sam, Aragorn, Legolas, Gimili, and Pippin. It is so painful to stay behind waiting and worrying. I'm constantly looking for some sign, any sign of their victory over evil, of their safe return. My heart bleeds to think of them there without me. I know I am just a hobbit, a halfling, but at least if I was there, at least I would be able to help them, in some small way I would be able to help them.
I wonder how Sam and Frodo have faired. Since parting with the two, and the burden they carry, they have never been far from my thoughts. I could see it in Frodo's eyes that day in the woods. I knew my cousin was leaving us behind. And yet back then a part of me understood, even if Pippin couldn't understand, I did. It was something that Frodo had to do on his own. Something inside told me. Somehow I knew that my part as Frodo's companion on the journey to Mordor had come to an end. I knew that Frodo wanted to protect Pippin, Sam, and I from the danger that he was walking straight into the eye of. I felt his despair at the thought of losing his life and the possibility of losing us. But I was glad though later to learn that Sam had gone with him. That gave me hope. Frodo couldn't ask for a more loyal or devoted companion. The truth was Sam, like Frodo, always had a more serious side to him. A danger shared is half the danger and I couldn't help feeling that Sam would be a better, more able protector than either Pippin or I.
Pippin. My thoughts turn to my other cousin, my best friend. At least back then, at least Pippin had been with me. Then Gandalf separated us. For a few days were we reunited and now the War has separated us yet again, perhaps for forever. My best friend has rode into battle without me. Even more so than me he's always had that curiosity, and nose for mischief. Like me he has been totally unprepared for the events that have surrounded us and overwhelmed us. He's been like a younger brother to me. And here I am, the older sibling, helpless, unable to watch out for him, protect him on the battlefield. I have to hope that the others he rides with will look out for him.
For Pippin has been the other half of myself. Indeed most hobbits in the Shire can't talk about one of us without mentioning the other. From Pippin's birth he has been my constant companion. As we grew up, he and I shared happy days full of playful mischief. I can't see him without smiling. I can't even smile now with my eyes threaten to rain down my cheeks. The person who would be able to cheer me the most, to give me hope in all of this grief and turmoil has gone far away beyond my reach but never beyond my thoughts. I am alone with no friend to comfort me, to give me a reason to smile in all this ever-growing darkness. For the first time, I feel despair creeping into my soul. I'm trapped in this gilded cage, this White City, looking East. Constantly looking East.