Rogue lay on her side and stared dully at her alarm clock. As the seconds
passed, the digital numbers flicked. It was now twenty eight past eleven
instead of twenty seven past. She didn't care. Just another change in her
life that she couldn't control.
It half occurred to her to wonder why Kitty hadn't yet interrupted her solitude. Probably still in the library putting the finishing touches on her English essay. Nerd. Rogue hadn't even started hers. Maybe the professor would give her a note for her teacher?
----- Dear Ms Flinch. Rogue has not completed her class assignment due to an upset in her personal life. She has just found out that one of her best friends is, in fact, her brother, and that one of her most hated enemies may turn out to be her mother. Also she seemed a little displeased that I lied to her about it. Sorry for the inconvenience. Sincerely, Prof. Charles Xavier. ------
The thought was so absurd that she almost laughed out loud. But she didn't. She just rolled over in bed and screwed her eyes tightly shut. She wasn't going to school tomorrow. How could she face them, knowing what she did?
Storm and Beast had been in on it - that much she had gathered - and the Professor of course. Deep down, she had always known that he knew more about their pasts than he was willing to let on, but somehow she had always managed to push that thought to the back of her mind. If she didn't have to think about it, then it was easier just to pretend that it wasn't there. She wasn't like Kurt; she didn't have that incessant need for the truth driving her. She had been happy just to leave things the way that they were. For the first time in a long time, things were starting to go right for her. She had been happy. And then in two whispered words that whole fantasy had come crashing around her.
---- Its Rogue ----
She was Kurt Wanger's sister.
Despite herself, she shuddered.
A sudden flash of lightning illuminated the darkness behind her closed eyelids. The storm was still in full swing, the wind gathering force as it howled despondently around Bayville. The pounding rain had started hammering at her window almost an hour ago, and showed no signs of stopping any time soon. Rogue let herself drift into the darkness, its warm oblivion surrounding her like a soft shroud. She didn't want to think, didn't want to feel. With thoughts came pain, and she wasn't ready for that. Not yet. Not ever.
The hollow silence was disturbed by a muffled *bamf*.
Rogue felt him standing beside the bed, wavering and uncertain, not knowing what to say. She ignored him, remaining motionless. Maybe if she stayed like this long enough, he would just go away -----
"Rogue?"
The words were spoken low, a questioning murmur. Her cold grey eyes slid open. She didn't have to look at him to know that he had been crying, the tremor in his voice had said all that she needed to know. But she could feel no sympathy for him anymore. After all, he was the one that had gotten her into this situation in the first place. If it hadn't been for him, everything would have remained the same. Mystique would have been her enemy, Charles her protector, and Kurt her friend. Too much had changed now and things could never be the same again. She could never care for Kurt in the same way ---- not after what he had done to her. At the end of the day, it was all his fault.
"What do you want?" she muttered into the pillow.
She sensed him moving around the bed frame and then felt the mattress lower by her feet. He had sat down.
"Just to talk I guess." Kurt shrugged weakly, clasping his three fingered hands in his lap. He wasn't wearing his holo-watch and his blue fur made him near invisible against the surrounding darkness. Lowering his head, heavy strands of thick raven hair fell over his brow. "I wanted to see how you were."
Rogue snorted bitterly and cast him a sidelong glance, not lifting her head from the bed. "What's that? Brotherly concern?"
He winced. She had guessed correctly about him having been crying - his pale eyes were swollen and shot with crimson, the silky hair on his cheeks matted by streams of hot tears. Sitting, hunched and timid like that, his vulnerability was painfully apparent. The young girl watched him silently for a moment. For all of his jokes, he really was just a kid. But she couldn't bring herself to pity him. He had brought it on himself.
He sniffed and ran a gloved hand over the nape of his neck. "Do you think its true? What Mystique said?"
"Do you?"
"No. Yes. Maybe, I don't know," his dark eyebrows pulled together uncertainly, "What about you?"
Surprisingly, she laughed. But it sounded wrong, even to her. Shrill and feverish ----- was that really her voice?
"What? That you're my long lost brother? Get real Kurt."
He paused, motionless save for the occasional cat-like flick of his tail across the bedspread. "So ----- y-you don't believe it?"
Rogue touched her pale forehead with her hand. She really didn't need to be having this conversation right now. A clammy tremor ran over her pale skin. "Not much of a family resemblance is there?" she sneered.
The reference to his demonic appearance didn't escape Kurt. He blinked quickly and looked away, flinching. Rogue was one of the few people that had never mentioned the way he looked ---- to hear her point it out now caught him off guard. He wasn't certain what to say.
Rogue saw the expression on his face and a small pang of remorse twisted in her gut. But the feeling soon vanished, bitter resentment growing in its place. There and then, she didn't care who she hurt.
A heavy silence passed between them. A sudden fork of lightning illuminated the night sky, thunder rolling around the Institute walls. The rain ran in sheets down the tall French windows, reflecting light mirroring the liquid movements on the opposite wall. Kurt shivered - it was very cold.
"I heard what the Professor said."
The blue furred boy raised his head, frowning questioningly. "Bitte?"
Rogue continued to stare dispassionately at the alarm clock. Another minute had passed. "I heard what the Professor said --- down in the study."
"You were listening?" He didn't seem surprised.
She nodded, curling one hand into a fist and resting it on the pillow by her head. "Behind the door. He knew all along, didn't he?"
It wasn't a question; it was a bland statement of fact.
Kurt nodded. "Ja. Looks like that way."
Rogue felt him shift his weight on the bed. She didn't move, lying still as a corpse on top of the dark bed sheets. She wanted to kick her boots off, but somehow couldn't bring herself to begin the action.
"You sounded pretty worked up in there. I didn't know that you had it in you."
Kurt couldn't decide if she was making fun of him or not. He shrugged feebly.
"Can you blame me? I ---- I just can't believe that he could lie to us like that, knowing what he did." He pursed his lips together thoughtfully. "And not just him either. Storm, Beast ----- who knows how many other people could have known? The Prof said that he would have told us eventually, but I ------ I-I just can't believe him anymore, you know?"
Her darkly painted mouth curved into a sneer of contempt. "So much for the X Men family" she laughed harshly "I should have stayed with the Brotherhood. At least you know where you are with those guys."
He frowned. "You don't mean that, do you?"
She stared into space, considering the question. Finally, she nodded slowly. "I wish I'd never joined the X Men."
Kurt looked down at his folded hands. He ran his fingers over his knuckles nervously, lithe frame shaking.
"I just don't know what to think any more ----- don't know what to do. Can we trust Mystique?"
Rogue pressed her curled fingers down onto her palm. Even through the fabric of the gloves, her nails pushed painfully into her soft flesh. The pain made her feel better.
She sniffed. "Who cares? She told you what you wanted to know didn't she? Just so long as Kurt knows the truth about his past, what does anything else matter?" She turned over so that she was facing away from him. "Ain't that right, hairball?"
Kurt looked confused. "What's that supposed to mean?"
Rogue stared grimly out of the blackened window. "Nothing," she muttered.
The blue furred boy blinked, puzzled and uncertain. He didn't understand. Somehow, this wasn't what he had been expecting. No matter what the problem before, he and Rogue had always managed to stick together. She had always been there for him, no matter what. Why was she pushing him away now? They needed each other.
He NEEDED her.
"Rogue?" Leaning over the bed, he gently touched her hair. "Rogue, are you alright?"
To his surprise, she withdrew sharply from his hand, batting him fiercely away. A dark snarl crossed over her features, lips pulled downwards in a look of venom. Her grey eyes blazed as she whirled to look at him.
"WILL YOU JUST LEAVE ME ALONE??" she yelled angrily.
Kurt recoiled instantly, dark eyebrows pulled together. His hand remained outstretched in between them, gloved fingers - like the rest of his body - trembling. "I-I'm sorry ----"
She glared at him silently, chest rising and falling. The palms of her hands were burning; she was clenching her fists so tightly. Her silver streaked hair fell across her brow, muscles tense. It was a look that Kurt recognized - that of a cornered animal.
Kurt hesitated, not knowing what to do. She continued to watch him warily, silent and fierce. This wasn't Rogue. Not his friend Rogue.
He swallowed at the rising lump in his throat. "Rogue, please," he pleaded desperately "I can't do this without you. You're the only one that I can trust. Please, I need you."
Her muscles shivered. "It's always about what you want, isn't it?" she snarled darkly "Poor little Kurt who doesn't have a family. Well what about me, huh? Do you see me cashing in on the sympathy vote??"
He shook his head doubtfully. "That's not true," he told her quietly.
She watched him mutely for a moment, eyebrows pulled together uncertainly. After a long moment, she finally sighed wearily and looked away, releasing him from her hold. She held a hand to her throbbing forehead, eyes narrowed to the floor.
"Maybe. I don't know." She looked up at him sadly, "All I know is that I needed you back there --- when we were with Mystique. But you left me. You ran away, leaving me alone with HER. You weren't the only one hurt you know. All that bull about being friends ---- looking out for each other? And when I needed you the most you just disappeared. So I'm sorry if I'm not feeling particularly sympathetic now Kurt, but if you took thirty seconds out from your own problems you might realize that the world doesn't just revolve around your angst, okay?" She paused, breathing in and out slowly. A fork of lightning illuminated the room. "Sorry, but that's the way it is."
Kurt stared at her, slow realization gradually dawning on his features. Everything that she had said was true. He had been so caught up in his own worries, his own feelings, that he had hardly stopped to think about Rogue. Somehow, he had just assumed that she would just be there, no matter what. It hadn't occurred to him that she might not want him around. When Mystique had said those words, those two words, he had been blinded by shock. He hadn't paused, hadn't stopped to think. He had just run as far and as fast as he could, hoping to leave the truth behind him. He hadn't realized that he had left Rogue back there as well.
Shame burned hot underneath his fur. Distraught to have hurt the one that he loved, his face contorted into a look of barely suppressed grief. His pale eyes found hers, shining like stars against the darkness.
"I'm so sorry," he murmured earnestly, voice trembling. "I'm so sorry."
The gothic painted girl shrugged feebly and folded her arms protectively across her chest. She sank back, leaning heavily against the wall. "Oh, forget it." What difference did it make now anyway? Everyone Rogue had ever trusted seemed to have let her down in one way or another, why should Kurt be any different?
Kurt watched her silently for a moment. It hurt, to see her withdrawing further and further away from him. If he lost Rogue then that was it, he had lost everything.
He reached out his hand hesitantly, tentatively holding it close to her face. When she didn't draw away, he softly brushed a strand of silver hair from her pale brow, gloved fingers brushing against her skin. She felt cold. A familiar knot tightened in his throat, the longing to hold her was so strong that it hurt to breath. In all of the lies and confusion, how he felt about her was the only thing that rang true any more. He let his hand run down her cheek, cupping her chin in his palm.
She looked up at him, a whisper of a frown shadowing her pale face.
"Kurt?"
His heart thudded dully against his chest, body trembling. He didn't know what he was doing any more --- he had stopped caring. All he was aware of was the gnawing fear at the back of his mind, clouding his thoughts. He was so afraid, of what he was, of what it all meant. But most of all he was afraid of being alone. He couldn't deal, not by himself.
Without stopping to think, he kissed her.
With a startled cry, Rogue pulled herself away from him. Their lips had met only for a fraction of a second, but the affect was startling. Just for a brief moment, Kurt lived every minute of his life at the same time. He was split into infinite selves, remaining whole at the same time. His past rushed towards him, black and pooling, and not just his either - Toad, Quicksilver, Cody, Lance, Mystique ------ so many minds ----- so many memories. He saw their lives --- he LIVED their lives, existing everywhere and nowhere.
For that single split second, Kurt saw Rogue's power.
And then it was gone. He swayed uncertainly for a moment, the memory swiftly fading into nothing. A clammy shiver ran down his spine and he reached out a hand to the wall to help steady himself. He suddenly remembered what he had done, looking across to Rogue.
She stared at him in horror, hands clasped in front of her chest. The shock on her face was evident, but there was something else there as well. Kurt knew, he had seen that look many times before.
Disgust.
"Kurt?" she blinked fearfully "What are you doing??"
Desperation made him foolhardy. He couldn't lose her - she was all that he had left.
He swallowed; raven colored hair falling across his forehead. "I shouldn't have done that."
Her eyes were wide with shock, body tensed. "Damn right you shouldn't have done that! What the Hell were you thinking??"
This was it. Now or never.
"I ------- I'm in love with you."
There was a sudden silence. Rogue stared, terror stricken, at the boy kneeling before her. It took a moment for the full implications of what he said to sink in. Her chest rose as she breathed in deeply, revulsion etched deeply on her face. She backed away until she was pressed against the wall, her back against the cool plaster. The stillness was broken only by the low growl of thunder and the relentless hammering of rain.
"You're in love with me?" she whispered, disbelieving.
He nodded mutely, milky blue eyes threatening to spill over. "I know how it sounds, but it's the truth."
"But-" Rogue shook her head, still not understanding fully "But ---- but didn't you hear what Mystique said? You could be my brother." She glared at him, enraged at the suggestion. "My BROTHER for God's sake!"
Kurt closed his eyes wearily and raised his head Heavenward. "I know, I know! But I can't help the way I feel. I've loved you for so long Rogue. I-I didn't know it then, but I do now. You're everything to me, and I don't care what the others said. You can't be my sister. You can't-" He looked pleadingly towards her. "-Because of the way I feel about you. I love you."
Rogue stared at him silently, unmoving. To his surprise, tears were streaming down her cheeks, hot and unashamed. Her darkly painted lips trembled.
He paused, watching her uncertainly. Everything seemed to be happening as though through a haze --- it didn't seem real. Her expression was frozen in place - impossible to read.
He sighed, reaching out a hand to touch her. "Rogue, I-"
She started suddenly, recoiled away from him. With a sudden bout of anger, she pushed him fiercely away, making him stumble backwards. Her thick hair fell in front of her like a dark halo.
"GET AWAY FROM ME YOU FREAK!!" she screamed.
Kurt filched from the words as though she had physically struck him. He blinked, grief making his frame shudder.
Freak. She had called him a freak.
It hung in the air between them, pain-filled and accusing. Neither moved, neither spoke. The enormity of what had just happened weighed around them in the smothering darkness, black sorrow gathering in the gloom. Rogue looked away, not wanting to meet his hurt expression. From the moment the words had slipped out, she had instantly regretted them. She had wanted to hurt him, wanted to lash out at his weakness, but now that she had done it, all she was left with was cold emptiness. But she couldn't take it back. So she sat still, guilt and anger conflicting within her, chewing on her lower lip.
She sensed him lower his head, heard the first shame racked sob. He murmured something, so quietly it was almost a whisper ----
"I didn't mean to hurt you."
Then, in a flash of light, he was gone, and Rogue was alone.
Irene was sitting in her arm chair when the call came. The sound of the telephone ringing drew her sharply from her thoughts, and she set aside the brail book, carefully marking her page.
Standing tall, she took three steps directly in front of her and reached out with her left hand. Her long fingers instantly made contact with the smooth plastic phone. It was a simple system of finding her way around, but it meant that she didn't have to rely on her stick.
"Hello? Who's there please?" Irene took of her darkened glasses, rubbing her tired eyes.
There was a pause at the other end of the phone, and then the voice spoke.
"Irene?"
The blind woman was instantly alert. "Rogue? Rogue honey, what's wrong?"
There was a silence, only the crackle of static on the line.
"Rogue?"
Finally, the girl spoke.
"Irene ---- I-I really need to talk to you."
Kurt stood motionless, letting the cold rain seep into his fur. His lithe frame shook in the freezing night air, and his breath was coming in short, haggard gasps. He stared dully at the building in front of him. His last refuge.
He didn't know how long it had been since he had bamfed out of the mansion. His head felt so cluttered, he could hardly remember what was real anymore. All he was aware of was stumbling blindly through the streets of Bayville, not caring whether anyone saw him without his holographic disguise. What did it matter anymore? He had lost everything. First the Professor had turned from him, then his God, and now Rogue. He grief made his body shudder with heaving sobs, tears indistinguishable from the streaming rain.
And now he was here.
He wasn't aware of having specifically planned to come to this place. There was no reason why he should. And now it loomed above him from the dark, a single window glowing garishly against the night. He dragged himself weakly up to the front step and knocked on the door. He waited only for a second before it swung open, a figure in the shadows waiting to greet him.
Kurt shivered, fur matted and soaking. He looked up at her through swollen eyes.
"I didn't know where else to go," he murmured quietly.
He felt a warm blanket being placed over his quaking shoulder. She steered him gently out of the cold, into the yellow light. A slow smile crossed over the woman's mouth.
"You know that you are always welcome here --- son."
It half occurred to her to wonder why Kitty hadn't yet interrupted her solitude. Probably still in the library putting the finishing touches on her English essay. Nerd. Rogue hadn't even started hers. Maybe the professor would give her a note for her teacher?
----- Dear Ms Flinch. Rogue has not completed her class assignment due to an upset in her personal life. She has just found out that one of her best friends is, in fact, her brother, and that one of her most hated enemies may turn out to be her mother. Also she seemed a little displeased that I lied to her about it. Sorry for the inconvenience. Sincerely, Prof. Charles Xavier. ------
The thought was so absurd that she almost laughed out loud. But she didn't. She just rolled over in bed and screwed her eyes tightly shut. She wasn't going to school tomorrow. How could she face them, knowing what she did?
Storm and Beast had been in on it - that much she had gathered - and the Professor of course. Deep down, she had always known that he knew more about their pasts than he was willing to let on, but somehow she had always managed to push that thought to the back of her mind. If she didn't have to think about it, then it was easier just to pretend that it wasn't there. She wasn't like Kurt; she didn't have that incessant need for the truth driving her. She had been happy just to leave things the way that they were. For the first time in a long time, things were starting to go right for her. She had been happy. And then in two whispered words that whole fantasy had come crashing around her.
---- Its Rogue ----
She was Kurt Wanger's sister.
Despite herself, she shuddered.
A sudden flash of lightning illuminated the darkness behind her closed eyelids. The storm was still in full swing, the wind gathering force as it howled despondently around Bayville. The pounding rain had started hammering at her window almost an hour ago, and showed no signs of stopping any time soon. Rogue let herself drift into the darkness, its warm oblivion surrounding her like a soft shroud. She didn't want to think, didn't want to feel. With thoughts came pain, and she wasn't ready for that. Not yet. Not ever.
The hollow silence was disturbed by a muffled *bamf*.
Rogue felt him standing beside the bed, wavering and uncertain, not knowing what to say. She ignored him, remaining motionless. Maybe if she stayed like this long enough, he would just go away -----
"Rogue?"
The words were spoken low, a questioning murmur. Her cold grey eyes slid open. She didn't have to look at him to know that he had been crying, the tremor in his voice had said all that she needed to know. But she could feel no sympathy for him anymore. After all, he was the one that had gotten her into this situation in the first place. If it hadn't been for him, everything would have remained the same. Mystique would have been her enemy, Charles her protector, and Kurt her friend. Too much had changed now and things could never be the same again. She could never care for Kurt in the same way ---- not after what he had done to her. At the end of the day, it was all his fault.
"What do you want?" she muttered into the pillow.
She sensed him moving around the bed frame and then felt the mattress lower by her feet. He had sat down.
"Just to talk I guess." Kurt shrugged weakly, clasping his three fingered hands in his lap. He wasn't wearing his holo-watch and his blue fur made him near invisible against the surrounding darkness. Lowering his head, heavy strands of thick raven hair fell over his brow. "I wanted to see how you were."
Rogue snorted bitterly and cast him a sidelong glance, not lifting her head from the bed. "What's that? Brotherly concern?"
He winced. She had guessed correctly about him having been crying - his pale eyes were swollen and shot with crimson, the silky hair on his cheeks matted by streams of hot tears. Sitting, hunched and timid like that, his vulnerability was painfully apparent. The young girl watched him silently for a moment. For all of his jokes, he really was just a kid. But she couldn't bring herself to pity him. He had brought it on himself.
He sniffed and ran a gloved hand over the nape of his neck. "Do you think its true? What Mystique said?"
"Do you?"
"No. Yes. Maybe, I don't know," his dark eyebrows pulled together uncertainly, "What about you?"
Surprisingly, she laughed. But it sounded wrong, even to her. Shrill and feverish ----- was that really her voice?
"What? That you're my long lost brother? Get real Kurt."
He paused, motionless save for the occasional cat-like flick of his tail across the bedspread. "So ----- y-you don't believe it?"
Rogue touched her pale forehead with her hand. She really didn't need to be having this conversation right now. A clammy tremor ran over her pale skin. "Not much of a family resemblance is there?" she sneered.
The reference to his demonic appearance didn't escape Kurt. He blinked quickly and looked away, flinching. Rogue was one of the few people that had never mentioned the way he looked ---- to hear her point it out now caught him off guard. He wasn't certain what to say.
Rogue saw the expression on his face and a small pang of remorse twisted in her gut. But the feeling soon vanished, bitter resentment growing in its place. There and then, she didn't care who she hurt.
A heavy silence passed between them. A sudden fork of lightning illuminated the night sky, thunder rolling around the Institute walls. The rain ran in sheets down the tall French windows, reflecting light mirroring the liquid movements on the opposite wall. Kurt shivered - it was very cold.
"I heard what the Professor said."
The blue furred boy raised his head, frowning questioningly. "Bitte?"
Rogue continued to stare dispassionately at the alarm clock. Another minute had passed. "I heard what the Professor said --- down in the study."
"You were listening?" He didn't seem surprised.
She nodded, curling one hand into a fist and resting it on the pillow by her head. "Behind the door. He knew all along, didn't he?"
It wasn't a question; it was a bland statement of fact.
Kurt nodded. "Ja. Looks like that way."
Rogue felt him shift his weight on the bed. She didn't move, lying still as a corpse on top of the dark bed sheets. She wanted to kick her boots off, but somehow couldn't bring herself to begin the action.
"You sounded pretty worked up in there. I didn't know that you had it in you."
Kurt couldn't decide if she was making fun of him or not. He shrugged feebly.
"Can you blame me? I ---- I just can't believe that he could lie to us like that, knowing what he did." He pursed his lips together thoughtfully. "And not just him either. Storm, Beast ----- who knows how many other people could have known? The Prof said that he would have told us eventually, but I ------ I-I just can't believe him anymore, you know?"
Her darkly painted mouth curved into a sneer of contempt. "So much for the X Men family" she laughed harshly "I should have stayed with the Brotherhood. At least you know where you are with those guys."
He frowned. "You don't mean that, do you?"
She stared into space, considering the question. Finally, she nodded slowly. "I wish I'd never joined the X Men."
Kurt looked down at his folded hands. He ran his fingers over his knuckles nervously, lithe frame shaking.
"I just don't know what to think any more ----- don't know what to do. Can we trust Mystique?"
Rogue pressed her curled fingers down onto her palm. Even through the fabric of the gloves, her nails pushed painfully into her soft flesh. The pain made her feel better.
She sniffed. "Who cares? She told you what you wanted to know didn't she? Just so long as Kurt knows the truth about his past, what does anything else matter?" She turned over so that she was facing away from him. "Ain't that right, hairball?"
Kurt looked confused. "What's that supposed to mean?"
Rogue stared grimly out of the blackened window. "Nothing," she muttered.
The blue furred boy blinked, puzzled and uncertain. He didn't understand. Somehow, this wasn't what he had been expecting. No matter what the problem before, he and Rogue had always managed to stick together. She had always been there for him, no matter what. Why was she pushing him away now? They needed each other.
He NEEDED her.
"Rogue?" Leaning over the bed, he gently touched her hair. "Rogue, are you alright?"
To his surprise, she withdrew sharply from his hand, batting him fiercely away. A dark snarl crossed over her features, lips pulled downwards in a look of venom. Her grey eyes blazed as she whirled to look at him.
"WILL YOU JUST LEAVE ME ALONE??" she yelled angrily.
Kurt recoiled instantly, dark eyebrows pulled together. His hand remained outstretched in between them, gloved fingers - like the rest of his body - trembling. "I-I'm sorry ----"
She glared at him silently, chest rising and falling. The palms of her hands were burning; she was clenching her fists so tightly. Her silver streaked hair fell across her brow, muscles tense. It was a look that Kurt recognized - that of a cornered animal.
Kurt hesitated, not knowing what to do. She continued to watch him warily, silent and fierce. This wasn't Rogue. Not his friend Rogue.
He swallowed at the rising lump in his throat. "Rogue, please," he pleaded desperately "I can't do this without you. You're the only one that I can trust. Please, I need you."
Her muscles shivered. "It's always about what you want, isn't it?" she snarled darkly "Poor little Kurt who doesn't have a family. Well what about me, huh? Do you see me cashing in on the sympathy vote??"
He shook his head doubtfully. "That's not true," he told her quietly.
She watched him mutely for a moment, eyebrows pulled together uncertainly. After a long moment, she finally sighed wearily and looked away, releasing him from her hold. She held a hand to her throbbing forehead, eyes narrowed to the floor.
"Maybe. I don't know." She looked up at him sadly, "All I know is that I needed you back there --- when we were with Mystique. But you left me. You ran away, leaving me alone with HER. You weren't the only one hurt you know. All that bull about being friends ---- looking out for each other? And when I needed you the most you just disappeared. So I'm sorry if I'm not feeling particularly sympathetic now Kurt, but if you took thirty seconds out from your own problems you might realize that the world doesn't just revolve around your angst, okay?" She paused, breathing in and out slowly. A fork of lightning illuminated the room. "Sorry, but that's the way it is."
Kurt stared at her, slow realization gradually dawning on his features. Everything that she had said was true. He had been so caught up in his own worries, his own feelings, that he had hardly stopped to think about Rogue. Somehow, he had just assumed that she would just be there, no matter what. It hadn't occurred to him that she might not want him around. When Mystique had said those words, those two words, he had been blinded by shock. He hadn't paused, hadn't stopped to think. He had just run as far and as fast as he could, hoping to leave the truth behind him. He hadn't realized that he had left Rogue back there as well.
Shame burned hot underneath his fur. Distraught to have hurt the one that he loved, his face contorted into a look of barely suppressed grief. His pale eyes found hers, shining like stars against the darkness.
"I'm so sorry," he murmured earnestly, voice trembling. "I'm so sorry."
The gothic painted girl shrugged feebly and folded her arms protectively across her chest. She sank back, leaning heavily against the wall. "Oh, forget it." What difference did it make now anyway? Everyone Rogue had ever trusted seemed to have let her down in one way or another, why should Kurt be any different?
Kurt watched her silently for a moment. It hurt, to see her withdrawing further and further away from him. If he lost Rogue then that was it, he had lost everything.
He reached out his hand hesitantly, tentatively holding it close to her face. When she didn't draw away, he softly brushed a strand of silver hair from her pale brow, gloved fingers brushing against her skin. She felt cold. A familiar knot tightened in his throat, the longing to hold her was so strong that it hurt to breath. In all of the lies and confusion, how he felt about her was the only thing that rang true any more. He let his hand run down her cheek, cupping her chin in his palm.
She looked up at him, a whisper of a frown shadowing her pale face.
"Kurt?"
His heart thudded dully against his chest, body trembling. He didn't know what he was doing any more --- he had stopped caring. All he was aware of was the gnawing fear at the back of his mind, clouding his thoughts. He was so afraid, of what he was, of what it all meant. But most of all he was afraid of being alone. He couldn't deal, not by himself.
Without stopping to think, he kissed her.
With a startled cry, Rogue pulled herself away from him. Their lips had met only for a fraction of a second, but the affect was startling. Just for a brief moment, Kurt lived every minute of his life at the same time. He was split into infinite selves, remaining whole at the same time. His past rushed towards him, black and pooling, and not just his either - Toad, Quicksilver, Cody, Lance, Mystique ------ so many minds ----- so many memories. He saw their lives --- he LIVED their lives, existing everywhere and nowhere.
For that single split second, Kurt saw Rogue's power.
And then it was gone. He swayed uncertainly for a moment, the memory swiftly fading into nothing. A clammy shiver ran down his spine and he reached out a hand to the wall to help steady himself. He suddenly remembered what he had done, looking across to Rogue.
She stared at him in horror, hands clasped in front of her chest. The shock on her face was evident, but there was something else there as well. Kurt knew, he had seen that look many times before.
Disgust.
"Kurt?" she blinked fearfully "What are you doing??"
Desperation made him foolhardy. He couldn't lose her - she was all that he had left.
He swallowed; raven colored hair falling across his forehead. "I shouldn't have done that."
Her eyes were wide with shock, body tensed. "Damn right you shouldn't have done that! What the Hell were you thinking??"
This was it. Now or never.
"I ------- I'm in love with you."
There was a sudden silence. Rogue stared, terror stricken, at the boy kneeling before her. It took a moment for the full implications of what he said to sink in. Her chest rose as she breathed in deeply, revulsion etched deeply on her face. She backed away until she was pressed against the wall, her back against the cool plaster. The stillness was broken only by the low growl of thunder and the relentless hammering of rain.
"You're in love with me?" she whispered, disbelieving.
He nodded mutely, milky blue eyes threatening to spill over. "I know how it sounds, but it's the truth."
"But-" Rogue shook her head, still not understanding fully "But ---- but didn't you hear what Mystique said? You could be my brother." She glared at him, enraged at the suggestion. "My BROTHER for God's sake!"
Kurt closed his eyes wearily and raised his head Heavenward. "I know, I know! But I can't help the way I feel. I've loved you for so long Rogue. I-I didn't know it then, but I do now. You're everything to me, and I don't care what the others said. You can't be my sister. You can't-" He looked pleadingly towards her. "-Because of the way I feel about you. I love you."
Rogue stared at him silently, unmoving. To his surprise, tears were streaming down her cheeks, hot and unashamed. Her darkly painted lips trembled.
He paused, watching her uncertainly. Everything seemed to be happening as though through a haze --- it didn't seem real. Her expression was frozen in place - impossible to read.
He sighed, reaching out a hand to touch her. "Rogue, I-"
She started suddenly, recoiled away from him. With a sudden bout of anger, she pushed him fiercely away, making him stumble backwards. Her thick hair fell in front of her like a dark halo.
"GET AWAY FROM ME YOU FREAK!!" she screamed.
Kurt filched from the words as though she had physically struck him. He blinked, grief making his frame shudder.
Freak. She had called him a freak.
It hung in the air between them, pain-filled and accusing. Neither moved, neither spoke. The enormity of what had just happened weighed around them in the smothering darkness, black sorrow gathering in the gloom. Rogue looked away, not wanting to meet his hurt expression. From the moment the words had slipped out, she had instantly regretted them. She had wanted to hurt him, wanted to lash out at his weakness, but now that she had done it, all she was left with was cold emptiness. But she couldn't take it back. So she sat still, guilt and anger conflicting within her, chewing on her lower lip.
She sensed him lower his head, heard the first shame racked sob. He murmured something, so quietly it was almost a whisper ----
"I didn't mean to hurt you."
Then, in a flash of light, he was gone, and Rogue was alone.
Irene was sitting in her arm chair when the call came. The sound of the telephone ringing drew her sharply from her thoughts, and she set aside the brail book, carefully marking her page.
Standing tall, she took three steps directly in front of her and reached out with her left hand. Her long fingers instantly made contact with the smooth plastic phone. It was a simple system of finding her way around, but it meant that she didn't have to rely on her stick.
"Hello? Who's there please?" Irene took of her darkened glasses, rubbing her tired eyes.
There was a pause at the other end of the phone, and then the voice spoke.
"Irene?"
The blind woman was instantly alert. "Rogue? Rogue honey, what's wrong?"
There was a silence, only the crackle of static on the line.
"Rogue?"
Finally, the girl spoke.
"Irene ---- I-I really need to talk to you."
Kurt stood motionless, letting the cold rain seep into his fur. His lithe frame shook in the freezing night air, and his breath was coming in short, haggard gasps. He stared dully at the building in front of him. His last refuge.
He didn't know how long it had been since he had bamfed out of the mansion. His head felt so cluttered, he could hardly remember what was real anymore. All he was aware of was stumbling blindly through the streets of Bayville, not caring whether anyone saw him without his holographic disguise. What did it matter anymore? He had lost everything. First the Professor had turned from him, then his God, and now Rogue. He grief made his body shudder with heaving sobs, tears indistinguishable from the streaming rain.
And now he was here.
He wasn't aware of having specifically planned to come to this place. There was no reason why he should. And now it loomed above him from the dark, a single window glowing garishly against the night. He dragged himself weakly up to the front step and knocked on the door. He waited only for a second before it swung open, a figure in the shadows waiting to greet him.
Kurt shivered, fur matted and soaking. He looked up at her through swollen eyes.
"I didn't know where else to go," he murmured quietly.
He felt a warm blanket being placed over his quaking shoulder. She steered him gently out of the cold, into the yellow light. A slow smile crossed over the woman's mouth.
"You know that you are always welcome here --- son."