Santa Fred

(cont.)

3. No Sleeping on Santa's Lap!

Fred's second day as relief Santa went about as well as his first. He had a couple of crying toddlers, and one five-

year-old who kept kicking him in the shins (leg-swinger), but other than that, it was pretty cool.

"When do I get paid?" he asked.

"Next week," the mall manager told him. "It runs a week behind."

"So I have to wait a whole week?"

The manager nodded. "And the costume--I like what you've done to it, by the way--and initial fees come out of the first check. But the next one will be huge!"

Fred was glad to hear that.

Just before six, he saw Toad and Tad in the line. Tad waved at him.

Tad started to say 'Uncle Fred', but Toad cut him off. "Hi, Santa!"

"Hah, Sahda!" Tad said, getting the hint.

When he saw the price list for photos, Toad's jaw dropped. "Ten bucks for a freaking picture? What, do they mail it from the North Pole?"

"Kinda." said Fred/Santa.

"Now I know why you're getting $15 an hour."

Their turn finally came, and Toad lifted Tad up onto "Santa's" lap.

"And what do you want for Christmas, little--hey!"

Tad recognized a familiar tummy when he felt it, and now he was curled up on top of the fake fur, asleep.

"No sleeping on Santa's lap!"

"Forget what I said," Toad said. "I'd pay ten bucks for this picture."

Fred gave him a very un-Santalike look.

Tad loved sleeping on Uncle Fred's soft tummy, but Uncle Fred didn't like it at all.

It wouldn't have looked good, however, for Santa to shout "Get this kid off me!"

And anyway, Toad wanted to take Tad to the little playground near Chuck E. Cheese's, so he gently picked Tad up . . .

When Tad realized what was happening, he let out a wail that could be heard at the other end of the mall.

"Ssshhh, ssshhh."

"Wan' Sada." Tad pleaded.

"Tomorrow we'll come back and see Santa. Other kids have to have their turn." Todd smiled at the baby. "We get to play in the sandbox!"

"San'box!" Tad beamed. He loved playing in the sandbox.

"But no eating the sand, OK?"

Tad just looked confused.

"It tastes yucky."

Yucky Tad understood. "Ah gah babbah bah dah?" he gurgled.

"We'll see,Tad," Toad answered, wondering what the heck the kid had just said.

They stayed at the playground until it was time to go home for supper. Actually, Fred came looking for them as soon as he got off work.

"Hi Ahgoo Sada." said Tad when he saw Fred.

"No more sleeping," Fred said. "Santa's tummy isn't a pillow."

"Yeah, you don't need a pillow," Toad said, and ducked.

"Me lak Ahgoo F'ed tummy. Sof'." said Tad.

"But having you on my tummy makes me feel fat!" Fred moaned. "Besides, you have other soft places to sleep."

"Nah lak Ahgoo F'ed tummy."

"Tad, people are staring at you."

"Hmm?" Tad looked around. Sure enough, a group of girls had stopped and were watching Tad's every move.

"He's so cute!" one cooed. "How old is he?"

"Uh . . . we don't really know. He was kinda left on our doorstep."

"Og! Ibbit!" Tad beamed.

One of the girls did a double-take. "Did he just say ribbit?"

"Yeah, he thinks he's a frog."

"That's so cute! Can I hold him?"

Tad looked at his big brother.

"Ah gah bah," he said. Todd looked at him.

Too bad we couldn't build something to translate for us.

The girls picked Tad up. "What's your name, cutie?"

"Tah," he said.

"What?"

"Tad," Todd translated. "He can kinda talk, but not really."

"Og babee," Tad giggled.

"Yeah, you're a frog baby," Todd said, taking his brother back and putting him in his stroller. "Say bye-bye."

"Bah bah."

"Frog baby?" the second girl asked Todd.

"Long story."

They got to the other end of the mall before Tad started to cry. He had lost Ribbit somewhere, and they had to go all the way back before they found the toy.

They found him inside Video Barn,patiently guarding a shelf of anime tapes. "C'mon,Ibbit." said Tad, putting him in the stroller and clutching him tightly.

When they got home, Mystique called them over.

"Wanda's home," she said.

"Ahdee Babah!" Tad cried happily.

"How's she doin'?" Toad asked.

"She's better, but still very tired and weak. So don't bother her!"

"Who, me?"

"Yes, you."

"Okay, okay!"

Tad had an idea. He crawled up the stairs to Auntie Wanda's room, Ribbit in hand. The door was closed, and Tad still had no clue about doorknobs, so he head-butted the door until someone opened it.

"Tad?"

"Hah, Ahdee Babah!" Tad held up Ribbit. "Ibbit!"

"Yeah, I see."

"Sah hi Ahdee Baba, Ibbit."

He waved one of Ribbit's flippers.

Though she normally wasn't that crazy about stuffed animals, Wanda waved back. "He's cute!"

"Ahdee Baba likoo, Ibbit." Tad told the stuffed frog.

Then Tad had an idea. Maybe Ribbit would help cheer Auntie Wanda up.

"Ibbit stah withoo tonah, Ahdee Babah." Tad beamed.

"Whah?" Wanda wasn't so good at translating Tad-speak.

Tad offered the frog to Wanda.

"But that's your Ribbit."

"He sah he wantoo be happee." Tad told her.

"But what about germs?"

"Ibbit no germs."

"No, no, he could get my germs." She was amazed at how well Tad was talking. Most kids that young could barely manage a few words.

If she only knew where to go to get an IQ test for babies . . .

"Okay. Ribbit can stay with me."

Tad made a happy noise, went to hug her, then remembered about the germs. Germs were bad things.

"Naht, Ahdee Babah."

"Good night, Tad."

Ribbit slept under the covers with her, curled up against her side.

As for Tad . . . he spent the night with a stuffed Teletubby under his arm.

"Naht, Dipsee." he said to the Teletubby.

It wasn't Ribbit, but at least it was green.

The next morning, Wanda felt a lot better.

She washed Ribbit and brought him back to Tad's crib, where Tad was still snuggling Dipsy.

"Here's Ribbit," Wanda said, holding him out.

Tad took Ribbit and gave Wanda his Dipsy. "Ahdee Babah nee'," he said.

"What?"

"I think he wants you to have Dipsy," Fred said.

"You sure,Tad?" Wanda asked.

"Ahdee Babah nee'," Tad repeated.

"OK." Wanda picked up the Teletubby doll, and Tad waved Ribbit's flipper.

"Babye, Dipsee."

When she came downstairs with it, the first words out of her mouth were, "Anyone who laughs gets a hex bolt up the side of the head."

Nobody laughed.

(So . . . how do you like it so far? I'm planning to skip ahead for the next chapter to just before Christmas. I think I'll have five chapters in all, which will be condensed into chapter 8 of "Frog Baby 2". So if I need to make any changes, please let me know.)