Authors note: Well, I haven't updated in a while, but hopefully this will make up for it. It's a long chapter. I mean LONG! The longest I've ever written!!! Merry Christmas everyone!!!!
(Authors note 2 – nah, this isn't a new chapter I'm afraid. I just wanted to clean this last chapter up --- edit out a few bugs. The new chapter will be on its way soon --- I promise!)
(The lovely Mizz Marvel pointed out in the original version of this chapter that I should have disclaimed the song at the end. Big oopsie on my part! I can't believe I could have missed something so bloody obvious *sighs*. Anyway, the song belongs to No Doubt and I own it in no way or form ^^)
"Are you sure that you wanna do this?"
Kurt pushed his head through the top of his sweater, ruffling the hair that he had so carefully combed only moments before. "Hey, you're the one that keeps telling me to stop moping about my bedroom all day. I'd have thought that you would be pleased that I was stepping back into the social circle."
"Yeah, by like, you know, hanging out at the mall one evening --- or maybe going out with the guys for a burger. Ease into it gradual, yo." Todd raised his eyes heavenward despairingly. "I don't think that just turning up at school is going to be such a good idea."
"I have to start living my life again. I'm sixteen years old - most of my life revolves around school." He checked his reflection in the mirror propped up against the chest of drawers. A frown grossed his pale features briefly. "Hey, does this outfit look alright?"
Todd shrugged, disinterested. "It ain't your normal look."
Kurt sighed and looked back at his reflection. The black shirt was, perhaps, a bit too dressy for his tastes --- the pants not quite as baggy as he was used to. He felt like he was dressing up for church. Still, beggars couldn't be choosers, and the outfit had been all that Pietro could spare. The silver haired mutant was being uncharacteristically generous in letting Kurt borrow his stuff, and Kurt didn't want to seem ungrateful.
He turned and picked up his shoulder bag. "It'll do. Who knows, it might impress the ladies?"
Todd snorted. "It'll take more than a set of borrowed threads to help you in that department, blue boy."
The two friends walked out of the room and down the rickety old stairwell. Kurt, being now fully used to the quirks of the Brotherhood house, remembered to hop the broken stair.
Freddy was waiting for them in the living room. The large mutant smiled when the young German entered the room. "Hey Kurt. You coming to school today?"
"Ja. I figured that it would be a crime to hide a face like this from the world for much longer."
Freddy sniggered. "Yeah maybe, just so long as that holo-watch thing of yours holds up."
"Of course it will," Kurt told him, hoping that he sounded more assured than he felt. Since having left the X-Men, his image inducer remained something of a worry for him. If something went wrong with it now, it wasn't going to be simply a matter of bamfing back to the Institute and getting the prof to repair it.
Still, that wasn't something that he wanted to dwell on. He could deal with it if and when the need arose. Until then, he had other things to think about ----
Fred was watching him closely, apparently deep in thought. It was a long moment before he finally spoke. "So --- what are you going to do in you run in with any of the X-geeks? You gonna talk to them?"
Ahh, the million-dollar question, the question that had kept his awake all of the previous night. He shrugged with exaggerated casualness.
"I don't know. Maybe. Why?"
A voice from behind cut off any reply that Freddy might have said.
"You can't blame us for wondering where your loyalties lie. After all we don't want you to go running to your little loser friends with Brotherhood secrets now do we?"
All three boys turned around to find Lance leaning against the open doorway, arms folded over his chest. Behind the customary curtain of dark hair, his eyes fixed intently on Kurt.
Kurt felt himself straighten unconsciously. Truth be told, he was still a little --- uneasy around Lance. Lance had yet to mention the way that Kurt had treated him during his time at the Institute, but he could sense that it was an unresolved issue between them. Not that he blamed him. He knew that he had acted like a jerk.
He swallowed and gave a brief nod. "I'm not going to go running back to Xavier at the first opportunity, if that is what you are thinking. I don't owe him nothing anymore."
Lance continued to stare at him. "You sure about that?"
"I'm not an X-Man anymore."
It was surprising how easily the words slipped out. He almost hadn't even realized it until they were said.
---He wasn't an X-Man anymore---
And the truth was, he wasn't sorry about it. Not in the least little bit.
The sound of a horn beeping outside brought him back from his thoughts. Pietro's voice, sharp with annoyance, drifted in from the driveway.
"Come on ladies! We're late for school!"
Freddy glanced at Todd and rolled his eyes. They all started moving towards the front door. "Since when did he care if we were late or not?"
"Since the Cheerleaders started doing pre-class practices," the toad-like mutant informed him dryly. "Now let's make a move, yo."
Todd hopped out of the living room, Freddy falling in step behind him. Kurt was about to follow when a heavy hand rested on his shoulder, pulling him firmly back. He turned around in surprise and found himself face to face with Lance Alvers.
"Hang up a second fuzz ball, I've got something to say."
The raven-haired boy shifted uneasily, eyebrows drawing together.
"What is it?"
There was a slight pause. "Me and the guys were talking last night, and we just wanted you to know that you're welcome to stay with the Brotherhood for as long as you like. And not just because of the boss lady." He sighed and scratched his head, obviously not comfortable with the whole sharing/caring scene. "Look, what I'm trying to say is that if you want to crash here on a permanent basis --- well, that's cool with us."
Kurt stared up at the older boy, surprised. For a long moment he said nothing. Then, sighing, he looked away, eyes closed in shame. "But I was such a jerk to you --- to all of you --- you know, before."
Lance nodded. "Well, no one around here is going to argue that. And don't think that I've forgotten it, blue boy. But--" he shrugged one shoulder "That's all in the past now. You're an all right guy --- once you get rid of that holier-than-thou X-Men attitude, I mean."
"You mean that?" Kurt glanced up hopefully. It was strange, but he really wanted his approval. He wanted all of their approval.
Lance gave a lopsided smile.
"Would I say it if I didn't?" Steering Kurt towards the door, he ignored the annoyed beeping of the jeep horn outside. "Come on, let's go to school before Pietro gives himself a hernia."
Walking towards the door with Lance, Kurt practically glowed with happiness. Time and time again, he young German had been rejected. When he looked back on his life all he saw was bitter loneliness and fear. Rogue hadn't been the first one to reject him, and God knows she probably wouldn't be the last. But, at least for the time being, that didn't matter. He was in a place that could accept him. And it didn't matter if it was only a rag-taggle bunch of high-school losers like the Brotherhood.
Right now they were the only friends he had.
The door slammed shut behind them as the two boys left the house.
The roar of the jeep faded away into nothing, silence returning to the dilapidated old house. From the shaded kitchen doorway, a figure stepped out, a shadow disengaging from a shadow. Her azure arms were folded across her chest, slow smile flittering across her mouth.
Mystique.
How easy his ties to the X-Men were severed, she mused. The Brotherhood had accepted him far more readily that she would have guessed. That was good. It would help him to distance himself from Xavier.
Kurt was ready, she could tell. Very soon the Institute would be nothing but a distant dream to him, and his X-Men 'friends' would be lost to indifference. Her son would be hers once more, and nothing would ever separate them again.
And of her daughter, Rogue?
Mystique could sense her growing need to be with her brother. Eventually, she would seek him out of her own accord. Rogue's loyalty to the X-Men paled in comparison to her love for Kurt. Given time, everything would fall into place.
Unfortunately, Mystique wasn't certain if she could wait that long.
Biter experience had taught her the value of patience. Her entire life she had bided her time, waiting in shadow until the right moment to strike. She was a shrewd and cunning woman, a factor that had kept her alive where so many others had died. But suddenly --- after so many long years of pain --- her son was with her. She could touch him - she could hear him. Having Kurt so close brought pleasure to an old heart long resigned to never feeling such emotions again. The only thing that was missing from her life now was Rogue, and that wasn't something that she was willing to wait for.
Rogue was so close to turning from the X-Men. All she would need is a slight push in the right direction, just a tiny confrontation, and then it would be finished.
Mystique's family would be complete once more.
She smiled softly to herself and began to walk towards the door. It was a Friday morning, and Risty Wilde was due to meet Rogue at the fountains before first lesson. Everything was going to plan.
Rogue was not waiting by the fountain when Risty arrived at school. Nor was she by her locker. When Risty eventually located her, she was sitting on the school steps, books hugged against her chest. She didn't seem to notice the chill autumn breeze, and was dressed only in her normal skirt and vest-top combo.
"Rogue?"
The gothic painted girl stirred at the sound of her name. "Hey Risty," she greeted quietly, not moving.
"You alright luv?"
Rogue gave a weary shrug. "Fine."
Risty could sense that this wasn't going to be an easy conversation. She moved to sit next to her friend, prodding her gently with her elbow. "So, did you go and see him?"
"See who?"
"The President of the United States," the purple haired teen rolled her eyes, English accent clipped in annoyance. "Kurt of course! You know, your long lost brother??"
Rogue scowled darkly and looked away. "No."
"What?! Why not?"
"Well what am I supposed to do? Waltz up to the Brotherhood boarding house, nock on the door and say 'hey, remember me? We used to be friends until I found out that you were my brother and you tried to put your tongue down my throat.'" She snorted and hugged her books closer, hair shifting in the breeze. "Give me a break."
"It wouldn't be like that."
"That is exactly what it would be like."
Risty's expression softened as she looked at her friend, amber eyes lowering considerately. "You know that he wants to talk to you as much as you want to talk to him. Why are you fighting this?"
Rogue blinked dully and turned to look at her. "And why are you pushing it? If I talk to Kurt, I'll do it when I want to, okay?"
There was a long pause. Kids passed them on the steps, completely oblivious to what was going on between the two teenagers sitting on the steps. Somewhere inside the school, the bell rang for first lesson.
"Well, if that's the way you feel," Risty sighed, gathering up her bag and rising to her feet. "Then I guess you won't want to hear the big news that I had for you."
Rogue frowned as she picked up her books. "What big news?"
The English girl blinked with accentuated innocence. "Oh, haven't you heard?"
"Heard what?" The young X-Man wasn't in the mood for idle games. Not today.
"Kurt's back in school. I saw him by his locker when I was looking for you." She smiled, eyebrows arched. "Not that you care, of course."
The revelation was met with only a stunned silence. The only sound was that of Rogue's books clattering to the floor---
Kurt and Todd sat together in the cafeteria for lunch that day.
The place was crowded with kids pushing to eat their lunch, air filled by the combined clamor of a thousand idle conversations. The two mutants had managed to find an isolated corner in which to sit in relative quiet. Kurt prodded half-heartedly at the mess on his plate before pushing it away.
"Sheesh. You think it would kill them to serve burgers every once in a while."
Todd looked up, chewing hungrily. "Hey man, you gonna eat that?"
The young German wrinkled his nose. "You seriously want to risk ingesting that stuff?"
"When you live with the Brotherhood, you're never quite sure where your next meal is coming from. It's best to get food when and where you get it. You'll learn that."
Kurt nodded wearily. "Yeah, yeah - I'll keep it in mind."
"Soooo ---- have you seen Rogue yet?"
The toad-like boy didn't look up, only continued shoveling food into his open mouth. Despite this, Kurt got the distinct impression that he was studying him intently.
Kurt frowned and shrugged. "No, not yet."
"You gonna go look for her?"
"Nope."
Todd sighed and shook his head. "You're an idiot, man."
"There are few who would argue with you there." Kurt took a half-hearted swig from his soda can and wiped his mouth on the back of his sleeve. "But I told you, I'm just going to try and stay out of her way, okay? Now can we just drop it please?"
Todd held his hands up in mock defeat. "Okay, okay. I was just saying, is all."
They settled into an easy silence, both eating without looking up at the other, Kurt becoming suddenly engrossed in his meat-loaf. The noise in the cafeteria carried on regardless.
"You still care about her though, right?"
Kurt stared down at his meant-loaf, jabbing his fork idly. "Of course I do."
Todd raised his eyebrows questioningly. "Love her?"
A shrug. "I don't know."
"She's your sister, how can you not know?"
A dusky blush crept into the boys pale cheeks. "It's not as simple as that. You don't know what happened."
The Brotherhood mutant leaned across the table, gaze resting intently on his friends face. "Then why don't you enlighten me? It might help, yo."
Kurt snorted bitterly. "I doubt it. You'll only think I'm some kind of sick freak."
"Dude, that's pretty much what I already think of you." Todd gave a snigger and scratched his greasy head.
"No. Really." Kurt glanced up, dark eyes fixed and solemn. His expression carried about it an uncharacteristic severity. It caught Todd's attention instantly.
"You're not kidding here, are you?"
Kurt shook his head and sighed. "I only wish that I were."
Todd blinked. "What did you do?"
There was a pause. Mystique's young son looked away. "I don't want to talk about it."
"Well I do. It's obviously bothering you." He tilted his head thoughtfully. "Might help to get it off your chest?"
It was tempting --- so tempting just to tell someone and lift the weight from his shoulders once and for all. What had happened with Rogue was eating him up inside. He just had to talk about it with someone --- and right now Todd was the only one offering.
Taking a deep breath, he began to tell his story.
"You kissed her? You knew she was your sister and you kissed her?!!"
Kurt looked away, shame faced. "I knew that you wouldn't understand."
Todd leaned back heavily against his chair, giving a low whistle. Kurt's revelation had been shock to say the least, and it took a few minutes to recover. He stared dully at the ceiling. Despite his calm demeanor, his mind was racing.
---Kurt was in love with Rogue. Rogue was Kurt's sister. Kurt had kissed Rogue ---
It was mildly disturbing.
"Do you think I'm sick?"
Todd paused, then slowly shook his head. "You can't help how you feel about someone. If you've had a crush on someone for that long, those feelings don't just go away."
The raven haired boy sighed. "Maybe not, but most people wouldn't have kissed her."
"Yeah. Your timing wasn't great, yo." He looked up at his friend, expression clouded by sympathy. All the unanswered questions about Nightcrawler's departure from the X-Men were staring to make sense. "Is that why you ran away?"
Kurt sniffed and shrugged. "There were lots of reasons. But ja, I guess it helped make my decision easier."
Todd sighed and lifted a pale eyebrow. "You don't like to make things easy for yourself do you, fuzz boy?"
"I don't go looking for complications, you know. All I want is a little normality in my life." He cast the Brotherhood mutant a look of weary resignation, eyes dark and tired. "These things just seem to happen to me."
There was a considering silence. "Are you still in love with her?"
Kurt looked away. "I'm not sure."
"How can you not be sure? Do you want to screw her or don't you?"
The young German turned to stare at him indignantly. "Don't be so crude!"
"Ah come on. She's a cool chick with a hot ass! Don't act like you never noticed."
That made Kurt pause. Of course he's noticed Rogue's beauty --- it had led to many a guilty dream in the past. But now --- he didn't know how he felt.
"Close your eyes."
Mystique's young son frowned, pulled from his thoughts. "Hm?"
Todd leaned over the table. "I said, close your eyes."
"Why?"
"What is this, twenty questions?? Just close your eyes, blue boy, I've got a little experiment for ya."
Kurt scowled doubtfully. He opened his mouth to refuse, but the sincerity in Todd's oversized eyes convinced him that he was being serious. He paused, then dutifully closed his eyes, sighing.
Todd waved a hand in front of his eyes. "You peeking?"
A weary grunt. "Would it make any difference if I was?"
"Nope."
"Then just get on with it."
The toad-like mutant nodded, elbows still resting on the cafeteria table. The rest of the kids in the room ignored them, and that was fine by him. Clearing his throat, he began to speak in a low, clear voice.
"You're traveling through another dimension, a dimension not only of sight and sound but of mind; a journey into a wondrous land whose boundaries are that of imagination--"
"---Todd?"
He gave a start, blinking. "Huh? Oh sorry --- got a little carried away there." He shook his head. "Anyway, I want you to picture yourself in the shower, okay?"
Kurt raised a dark eyebrow doubtfully. "The shower?"
"Just do it fuzz boy."
He muttered incoherently but seemed to be concentrating. A slight frown furrowed his pale forehead. "Okay, okay. Which shower? The one at the Institute, the school locker room, the one at the Brotherhood house---?"
Todd thought for a moment, considering the question carefully. "The showers in the locker room would be best I guess. Are you imagining it?"
"Yup."
"Good. Okay, so --- you're in the shower after a long session of Phys Ed. You stayed behind later than the other guys and you're all alone."
"But I don't take Phys Ed."
Todd gave a low growl of frustration. "It's just a hypothetical situation. Use your imagination. Anyway, you're showering down by yourself --- or at least you think so. You stoop down to pick up the soap or something, and when you stand back up you see Rogue standing in front of you."
Kurt frowned uneasily, eyes still closed. "Where is this going---?"
"She's totally naked! Hot water and steam everywhere, man. She presses her body close against yours and starts kissing you --- hands sliding all over the place-"
Kurt's dark eyes snapped open now, mouth opening in shock. "Todd!!"
Todd flashed him a wicked grin over the table, leaning forward even more. "The showers pounding against your back, and you're both getting really hot and sweating. She's moaning your name dude 'cos you're turning her on so bad. Then she starts to move down, dropping down on her knees and putting her mouth over your hard-"
Whatever he was about to say was lost in the sound of a chair being hurriedly scarped across the floor. He glanced up to see his friend stand swiftly, the young German's pale cheeks darkening to a dusky shade of crimson. His jaw was clenched firmly and he trembled with barely contained rage.
"I----that is disgusting. I have --- *never* ---- I mean, I wouldn't---"
Todd looked up at him calmly and raised an eyebrow. "Something wrong?"
Kurt's lithe frame trembled. "I can't believe you said those things."
"So you didn't enjoy it?"
"Of course I didn't enjoy it!"
"And why not?" Todd challenged. "I thought that you were in love with her?"
Kurt stared down at him incredulously. "I was --- I mean, I am. But that doesn't mean I think about doing stuff like --- well, like *that*."
"Ah of course you do. You're a red blooded teenager just like the rest of us. It ain't nothing to be ashamed of - you should see some of the video's that Pietro rents."
"But I'm a Catholic!"
The bug-eyed mutant shrugged indifferently. "What difference does that make? My family is Jewish, that don't mean that I can't think about stuff. Come on Kurt, does thinking about Rogue get you hot or doesn't it?"
"No! Of course not!!"
Todd pressed on. "Why?"
"Because she's my sister!!!"
The outburst was greeted by a short silence from Todd. Around them the clamor of cafeteria noise continued as usual, the other kids either neither noticing nor caring about the drama unfolding on their table. Kurt stood motionless, stunned by what he had said. After weeks of denial, the truth had finaly sunk it. Rogue was his sister.
He slowly sunk back into his chair, staring sorrowfully ahead to his friend. His mouth was pressed tightly shut, jaw trembling. "Why did you do that?" he asked quietly.
Todd shook his head. "You had to face up to your feelings sooner or later, yo. I just helped it along a little."
Kurt rested his elbows weakly on the table in front of him. "But what does it mean?"
A shrug. "That you don't want to screw her, that's what it means. You're not attracted to her in that way."
"But --- I love her."
Todd looked at him sadly. "Of course you love her. But there are different kinds of love, you know? There's always been that bond between you, even right in the beginning. You just got a little confused about what you were feeling is all."
The raven haired mutant swallowed, charcoal eyebrows pulled together. Something subtle had changed in Todd Tolanski at that moment. He wasn't just some weird looking social reject with personal hygiene issues. There was something older --- something wiser about him. His strange pale eyes had an uncharacteristic focus to them, intense and serene. He had shed his customary immaturity for a look of jaded understanding. Kurt could only stare at him, awestruck, the full meaning of his words sinking in.
Todd leaned back and smirked, the moment gone. Now there was only Toad.
"Yo fuzz face, you gonna eat that?"
Her heart was pounding, throat unnaturally tight. She could feel her hands shaking as she clasped them in front of her. Nervous anxiety made the adrenaline buzz through her veins. In all of her fifteen years on the earth, she couldn't think of a single time she had been more afraid. All the confrontations with the Brotherhood --- all the battles --- she would gladly go through them all again rather than do what she was about to do.
Rogue looked down the corridor, grey eyes scanning for a familiar face in the crowd. Lunch break had just finished and she was standing beside Kurt's locker, waiting to speak with her brother for the first time since they had parted almost two weeks ago. She was frightened - terrified - but she had to see him.
There was so much that she had to tell him.
And so much that she wanted to know too. She wanted to see him --- to know that he was okay. The news that he was staying with the Brotherhood hadn't come as much of a comfort to the young girl and she was growing increasingly worried about him. If he was with the Brotherhood, then he was with Mystique. Rogue shuddered to think of the lies that that woman was poisoning him with.
Then, through the shifting sea of teenage faces, she saw him.
Kurt Wagner.
Same raven black hair, same ivory white skin, same intensely blue eyes. And yet something had changed. Maybe it was the dark clothes. Maybe it was the look on his face. Whatever it was, he had lost all trace of his former playful boyishness. His expression was harder, more focused - his jaw set firm and his brow pulled together in a look of thought. His physical appearance might not have changed, but Kurt had aged. He wasn't a little kid anymore. He was a man. And Rogue wasn't sure that she liked it.
Their eyes met over the crowded corridor. She saw him slow down slightly, staring at her in a mixture of surprise and confusion. The look was gone quickly though, replaced by fixed resolution. He continued walking towards his locker. Rogue her throat tighten dryly - she wasn't sure if she was ready for this.
"Hey Kurt," she murmured quietly as he approached, lowering her head self consciously.
Mystique's young son reached out and worked at his locker combination. His gaze was fixed doggedly ahead, not looking at her. He gave a single nod by way of greeting.
Seeing him again brought up so many emotions. She was frightened angry, happy, relieved --- she wanted to rush into his arms and hold him close, and she wanted to slap him across the face for putting her through what he had. Most of all she was confused. They hadn't seen each other in almost two weeks and now he wasn't even looking at her?
"It's good to see you again."
Her comment was met with silence. Kurt retrieved his bag from his locker and begun getting the books that he needed for his next lesson, not once turning to look at her.
Her heart sank. This wasn't how she had imagined their first meeting to be.
"I heard that you've been staying with the Brotherhood."
After a long moment of quiet, he gave a slowly nod, finally acknowledging her. "I didn't know where else to go."
"You could have stayed at the Institute."
He glanced up at her. Behind his natural expression, Rogue saw a flash of pain burn in his eyes. "I don't think that that would have been such a good idea, do you?"
She licked her dry lips nervously. "Running away wasn't exactly a stroke of genius either, you know. We've all been worried about you."
"I'm touched by your concern," he spat bitterly. He instantly regretted his words as Rogue flinched visibly. He didn't know why he was reacting like this. He loved her so much --- but he couldn't bring himself to show her that. He retreated back to the safety of indifference, turning away and continuing to load his bag with books. "There was no need to worry about me. I've been fine. Mother has been taking care of me."
Rogue's eyebrows pulled together in a frown. "Mother?"
"Mystique then, if that makes you more comfortable."
The gothic painted beauty leaned back against the locker next to his, completely ignoring the other students as they filed past on their way to class. "You call her mother now?"
Kurt scowled irritably. "Why shouldn't I? That's what she is."
Rogue folded her arms over her chest and said nothing. "Your *real* mother is up at the Institute, along with your father. They're worried sick about you."
Guilt twisted sharply in his gut at the thought of his mother and father. He quickly pushed the feeling aside, knowing that if he focused on it too much he would completely lose any resolve he had worked up over the past few days. He was already losing focus by just being so close to Rogue. More than anything he just wanted to smile and let her know that everything was alright. But he couldn't. He had made a decision to distance himself from her, and that was what he was going to do. It was going to be hard, but it was the only way that Rogue was going to be happy.
The bell rang for the start of lesson, pulling the young mutant from his thoughts. He blinked in confusion, then swung the bag of books over his shoulder and prepared to move away.
A gloved hand on his arm pulled him back.
"Kurt, we have to talk."
He turned to glance at Rogue, clenching his jaw. She stared up at him with wide grey eyes, darkly painted mouth lips parted. It was going to break his heart, but he knew what he had to do.
With as much cold detachment as he could muster, he shrugged her hand off and stepped away.
"No Rogue. No more talking. Not now, not ever."
A slow look of uncertainty came over her pale features, eyebrows drawing together. She shook her head slowly. "I don't understand."
Despite his hard expression, Kurt trembled.
"I don't think that we should see each other anymore. I think --- I think that it would be best if we avoided each other. I'll stay out of your way and you stay out of mine." He took a deep breath, steadying himself. "Maybe that way we can just forget about each other."
Forget? Rogue didn't want to forget! She wanted to sort things out --- make things right between them. Aside from Risty, Kurt was the best friend that Rogue had ever had. She didn't want to lose him over this ---
But the words wouldn't come out. All she could do was watch as Kurt pulled away from her and walked quickly down the corridor, disappearing in the shifting crowd. He didn't even look back.
Rogue's mind ran through the conversation, snatching desperately at the memory of her brother. She didn't understand. What had just happened? That couldn't have been Kurt - not the Kurt Wagner that she knew at least. He had been so cold --- so distant ---
The girl leaned back against the cold metal locker and closed her eyes tightly. A hot lump was forming in her throat, forcing her to swallow hard to subdue the tears swelling behind her closed eyelids.
"I miss you, Kurt."
The kids around her milled slowly to their classrooms, chatting idly between themselves. No one noticed the gothic painted girl, or if they did, they paid her little attention. The mass of teenagers gradually dispersed, leaving Rogue alone in an empty corridor.
Alone and broken, there was nothing she could do but wish herself away.
Sitting in the back of Lance's jeep later that day, Kurt Wagner found himself staring dully out at the grey afternoon sky. They pulled away from the school and began the short drive back to the Brotherhood House as the first drops of rain began to fall.
Sitting at the front of the car, Fred groaned audibly and used a book to shield his head from the falling precipitation. "Awww man! I guess it'd be too much to ask for a ride with a *roof* on it!"
Lance scowled and gripped at the steering wheel. "Hey, if you're willing to pay for it, be my guest. Until then, shut your trap and quit complaining."
Kurt listened to them with idle interest for a moment, then turned back to watching the neighborhoods crawl past. Every now and again, through the gaps in the houses, he would catch a glimpse of the Institute. Something in his throat tightened at the thought that his parents were up there --- and Rogue ----
"Hey, you okay?"
The young German frowned and glanced around. Pietro Maximoff was staring at him, silver eyebrows pulled together in a mild frown.
"Was?"
"I said, are you okay? You haven't said a word since you got in the car." The speedster tilted his head inquisitively. "You feeling alright, blue?"
Kurt blinked blankly for a moment. "What? Oh --- right. Yeah, I'm fine -- - no worries."
Pietro narrowed his eyes doubtfully. "Yousureaboutthat?"
"Positive," he assured him.
Magneto's young son continued to watch him for a moment further, then shrugged and turned away. Kurt sighed and leaned back in his chair, eyelids sliding closed. He let his mind drift away. Away from his problems - away from all the hurt and confusion. He was so tired.
Sitting beside him, Todd frowned.
Mystique was waiting for the boys when they returned home. Sitting cross legged on the arm chair in the haphazard living room, she rose to her feet as soon as they entered, taking them all momentarily by surprise. Mystique rarely put in an appearance until early evening, and even then it was only for a short while. Nobody was sure exactly what she did during the day, but it seemed to occupy a lot of her time. Either that or she simply avoided being with them. Either way was possible.
"Good afternoon boys," she greeted coolly. "I hope that your day has been productive."
Todd was the first to respond. He moved to his usual position on the bean bag, flopping down wearily and picking up the television remote. "It's been eventful," he admitted, glancing at Kurt as he spoke.
Mystique arched an eyebrow. "I'm glad to here it."
Kurt shifted uneasily, setting down his school bag by his feet. "Hello mother," he murmured quietly.
The azure skinned mutant offered her son a small smile. "Kurt, I have something that I need to discuss with you."
"What --- now?"
A nod. "I see no reason in waiting."
He thought about it for a moment and then shrugged one shoulder indifferently. "Sure, what's it about?"
Lance, who had been glancing between mother and son for a second or two, suddenly spoke up. "Ahh --- do you want us to leave or something?"
Mystique shook her head. "No. This concerns you as much as it does him." She gestured to the chairs. "Please, sit, all of you."
The members of the Brotherhood moved obediently to sit as requested, all knowing better than to question their boss. Kurt found himself lodged on the sofa between Pietro and Freddy, Lance taking up position on the arm chair and Todd remaining on his bean bag. Wanda always found her own way home, and was not present. All eyes were trained on the older woman in the centre of the room.
"Kurt, it has been almost two weeks since you renounced your position as a member of the X-Men. During that time, you have lived here with us. Observing your behavior in that time, it has become apparent to me that you have formed friendships with the boys --- and they, in turn, have come to accept you as well. Living with your former enemies has been far less painful a process than I would have imagined for either side."
There was a pause as the teenagers watched her in silence. Everything that she had said so far was true. Looking around at the expressions on their faces, Mystique could see that she had their attention. She fixed her gaze on Kurt, who stared back, eyes clouded in thought.
"You must know that you can never rejoin Xavier's team. You have come too far for that. And what did he ever do but lie to you and your sister? To deceive you and keep the truth from you?" She took a step closer, pale eyes gleaming. "That is why I am offering you the opportunity to move on. I can complete your training --- to show you how to use your powers properly. You can stay here, with your new friends --- with me."
Kurt frowned, face upturned to hers. "What are you saying?"
Mystique looked down at the young boy. "I want you to join the Brotherhood, son."
"Join the Brotherhood?"
Kurt stared at her in disbelief, shocked by her words. He was under no illusions. He had dissolved all ties with the X-Men the minute he had run from the Institute gates. He had no desire to return there. But join the Brotherhood? It sounded so --- so final.
It wasn't that he didn't trust them. Quite to the contrary. Over the past few days they had built up a gradual alliance --- a kind of friendship. They still teased him of course - and he gave as good as he got - but he had learnt a lot about the Brotherhood members over the past couple of weeks. Not that he would have ever admitted it to anyone, but he was actually finding himself liking their company.
There was Freddy - strong and quick tempered. But beyond that, he was also one of the gentlest people that Kurt had ever met. He read Shakespeare in bed at night and carried a photograph of his father in his wallet. He was always the first to defend Kurt from his teammate's biting wit --- and for that gesture Kurt was always grateful.
And then there was Pietro. At first there had been friction between the two boys. Pietro was quick and arrogant, his jokes both astutely observed and merciless in their cruelty. But once you got over his cool exterior, Pietro was actually a pretty decent guy. He had actually been going out of his way to be nice to Kurt - delivering his letter to Rogue, letting him borrow his clothes, including him in their conversations --- it helped Kurt to know that he had Pietro on his side.
Lance had been even tougher to get used to. Kurt had been a jerk to him when he had tried to join the X-Men, and for a while there had been an uneasy tension between the two boys. But Lance had always treated him civilly, if with some distance, and their conversation that morning had assured Kurt that he was willing to put the past behind them. Lance was a natural born leader, and Kurt found himself not only respecting the older mutant, but also wanting to meet his approval.
And Todd?
Todd was one of the best friends he had ever found.
So these were his friends. His new friends. He lived with them, ate with them, hung out with them --- but could he ever bring himself to fight with them? To fight against those who had been his family for so long?
He sighed, frowning. "I don't want to have to fight the X-Men," he admitted quietly.
Standing in front of him, Mystique shook her head slowly. "You don't have too. They started the fight, Kurt - not us. All I'm offering you is a chance to join our group ---- to learn how to master your powers. You need only do what you feel comfortable in doing."
Kurt mulled over her softly spoken words, glancing up too look her in the eye. He saw no deceit reflected in their pale debts, no glint of cunning -- - only the gentle gaze of a mother. *His* mother. If he couldn't be with Rogue, then at least he could be with her.
He nodded, a hint of a shy smile playing at the corners of his mouth. "Okay," he murmured quietly, "I'm in."
Before he could say anything further, his breath was cut off by a pair of gigantic arms wrapping around his shoulders in a crushing hug. Freddy laughed and squeezed the lithe boy so hard that his ribs hurt.
"Glad to have ya on the team, fuzz ball!"
Kurt gasped for air as the immovable mutant released his hold. He flashed him a quick grin. "Jeez Fred! Not so tight next time, huh?"
Sitting next to him, Pietro elbowed him sharply in the gut. "If you're going to be a member, blue boy, you think you could maybe get hold of some clothes of your own? I mean no offence, but the thought of sharing underwear with you for much longer is disturbing."
The raven haired boy rolled his eyes and snorted, knowing that he was only joking around. "Who says I'm wearing underwear?"
Pietro shot a snowy eyebrow heavenward. "Wearing my pants then you'd better be, boy."
Kurt was about to mark a smart ass quip back when a shadow fell over him. He glanced up to see Lance standing in front of him, hand out stretched. Kurt paused, then smiled broadly and shook his hand. No matter what differences they had had in the past, they were on the same team now.
Lance looked uncomfortable, then laughed self-consciously, breaking the shake. "This doesn't mean I want your fur clogging up the drain in the bath, okay?"
Last of all there was Todd. Kurt glanced over to where the Toad-like mutant was still flopped over the bean bag, watching the scene unfold thoughtfully. He waited for him to respond in some way, eyebrows raised hopefully.
Todd was quiet for a long moment, then gave him a strangely sad smile. "Guess this makes us brothers, yo."
Kurt blinked. "Yeah --- I guess so. Brothers."
Mystique watched her son greet his new teammates. A strange and unfamiliar feeling grew in her chest. She was proud of her son. He had been hurt, lied to, down trodden --- and yet he rose above it time and time again. The pride she felt when she looked at him now was beyond anything she had ever experienced as a mother.
Her plan was almost complete, the hole in her heart almost healed. Her son was with her, his allegiance to the X-Men severed completely. Now there was only Rogue --- but that would be dealt with soon enough.
She moved towards where her son was sitting and rested a hand on his shoulder. He smiled up at her, and, somehow, she found herself smiling back.
"Welcome to the Brotherhood --- son."
Rogue lay on her bed, head resting against her pillow. Her hair splayed around her like a shining halo, eyes red rimmed and shot with pink. The radio played quietly in the background, put on the hide the sound of her tears from those who might be passing outside. Irene had stopped by almost ten minutes ago, but had left when her soft knocking had received no answer. Rogue didn't want to see her. She didn't want to see anyone. She just wanted to be left alone to grieve in peace.
And that's what it was. Grief. Kurt had made it perfectly clear that he wanted nothing more to do with her. As far as he was concerned, any friendship they had once had was dead.
The worst thing was - Rogue knew that it was all her fault.
If she had only been calmer when she first found out, if only she had sat down and talked to him. Instead she had screamed abuse and treated him like a freak. And now she had lost him forever. Her love was rejected by her own brother, leaving her with an empty pain instead of a heart.
She thought back to his cold explanation of his feelings earlier that day. Of how he had told her that he wanted nothing further to do with her. That had hurt.
Rogue closed her eyes and buried her face in her pillow, immersing herself in her grief. The Kurt Wagner that she had loved was gone, leaving only a cold imitation by way of replacement. She remembered his innocence, his unwavering optimism --- lost forever because of her stupidity.
The radio station played a new song now. Slowly, Rogue fell asleep. Her dreams were cluttered and confused - invaded by the gentle strumming of guitars and a woman's velvety voice. And beyond it all was the image of pale eyes and raven hair, and a playful smile that would haunt her dreams for many nights to come.
In the end, dreams were all she had left.
You and me
We used to be together
Every day together --- always
I really feel
I'm losing my best friend
I can't believe this could be --- the end
It looks as though you're letting go
And if it's real,
Well I don't want to know
Don't speak
I know just what you're saying
So please stop explaining
Don't tell me 'cause it hurts
Don't speak
I know what you're thinking
I don't need your reasons
Don't tell me 'cause it hurts
Our memories
They can be inviting
But some are all together mighty frightening
As we die, both you and I
With my head in my hands
I sit and cry
Don't speak
I know just what you're saying
So please stop explaining
Don't tell me 'cause it hurts
Don't speak
I know what you're thinking
I don't need your reasons
Don't tell me 'cause it hurts
It's all ending
I gotta stop pretending who we are---
You and me
I can see us dying---are we?
Don't tell me 'cause it hurts.
Hush, hush darling.
Hush, hush darling.
Don't tell me cause it hurts.
(Authors note 2 – nah, this isn't a new chapter I'm afraid. I just wanted to clean this last chapter up --- edit out a few bugs. The new chapter will be on its way soon --- I promise!)
(The lovely Mizz Marvel pointed out in the original version of this chapter that I should have disclaimed the song at the end. Big oopsie on my part! I can't believe I could have missed something so bloody obvious *sighs*. Anyway, the song belongs to No Doubt and I own it in no way or form ^^)
"Are you sure that you wanna do this?"
Kurt pushed his head through the top of his sweater, ruffling the hair that he had so carefully combed only moments before. "Hey, you're the one that keeps telling me to stop moping about my bedroom all day. I'd have thought that you would be pleased that I was stepping back into the social circle."
"Yeah, by like, you know, hanging out at the mall one evening --- or maybe going out with the guys for a burger. Ease into it gradual, yo." Todd raised his eyes heavenward despairingly. "I don't think that just turning up at school is going to be such a good idea."
"I have to start living my life again. I'm sixteen years old - most of my life revolves around school." He checked his reflection in the mirror propped up against the chest of drawers. A frown grossed his pale features briefly. "Hey, does this outfit look alright?"
Todd shrugged, disinterested. "It ain't your normal look."
Kurt sighed and looked back at his reflection. The black shirt was, perhaps, a bit too dressy for his tastes --- the pants not quite as baggy as he was used to. He felt like he was dressing up for church. Still, beggars couldn't be choosers, and the outfit had been all that Pietro could spare. The silver haired mutant was being uncharacteristically generous in letting Kurt borrow his stuff, and Kurt didn't want to seem ungrateful.
He turned and picked up his shoulder bag. "It'll do. Who knows, it might impress the ladies?"
Todd snorted. "It'll take more than a set of borrowed threads to help you in that department, blue boy."
The two friends walked out of the room and down the rickety old stairwell. Kurt, being now fully used to the quirks of the Brotherhood house, remembered to hop the broken stair.
Freddy was waiting for them in the living room. The large mutant smiled when the young German entered the room. "Hey Kurt. You coming to school today?"
"Ja. I figured that it would be a crime to hide a face like this from the world for much longer."
Freddy sniggered. "Yeah maybe, just so long as that holo-watch thing of yours holds up."
"Of course it will," Kurt told him, hoping that he sounded more assured than he felt. Since having left the X-Men, his image inducer remained something of a worry for him. If something went wrong with it now, it wasn't going to be simply a matter of bamfing back to the Institute and getting the prof to repair it.
Still, that wasn't something that he wanted to dwell on. He could deal with it if and when the need arose. Until then, he had other things to think about ----
Fred was watching him closely, apparently deep in thought. It was a long moment before he finally spoke. "So --- what are you going to do in you run in with any of the X-geeks? You gonna talk to them?"
Ahh, the million-dollar question, the question that had kept his awake all of the previous night. He shrugged with exaggerated casualness.
"I don't know. Maybe. Why?"
A voice from behind cut off any reply that Freddy might have said.
"You can't blame us for wondering where your loyalties lie. After all we don't want you to go running to your little loser friends with Brotherhood secrets now do we?"
All three boys turned around to find Lance leaning against the open doorway, arms folded over his chest. Behind the customary curtain of dark hair, his eyes fixed intently on Kurt.
Kurt felt himself straighten unconsciously. Truth be told, he was still a little --- uneasy around Lance. Lance had yet to mention the way that Kurt had treated him during his time at the Institute, but he could sense that it was an unresolved issue between them. Not that he blamed him. He knew that he had acted like a jerk.
He swallowed and gave a brief nod. "I'm not going to go running back to Xavier at the first opportunity, if that is what you are thinking. I don't owe him nothing anymore."
Lance continued to stare at him. "You sure about that?"
"I'm not an X-Man anymore."
It was surprising how easily the words slipped out. He almost hadn't even realized it until they were said.
---He wasn't an X-Man anymore---
And the truth was, he wasn't sorry about it. Not in the least little bit.
The sound of a horn beeping outside brought him back from his thoughts. Pietro's voice, sharp with annoyance, drifted in from the driveway.
"Come on ladies! We're late for school!"
Freddy glanced at Todd and rolled his eyes. They all started moving towards the front door. "Since when did he care if we were late or not?"
"Since the Cheerleaders started doing pre-class practices," the toad-like mutant informed him dryly. "Now let's make a move, yo."
Todd hopped out of the living room, Freddy falling in step behind him. Kurt was about to follow when a heavy hand rested on his shoulder, pulling him firmly back. He turned around in surprise and found himself face to face with Lance Alvers.
"Hang up a second fuzz ball, I've got something to say."
The raven-haired boy shifted uneasily, eyebrows drawing together.
"What is it?"
There was a slight pause. "Me and the guys were talking last night, and we just wanted you to know that you're welcome to stay with the Brotherhood for as long as you like. And not just because of the boss lady." He sighed and scratched his head, obviously not comfortable with the whole sharing/caring scene. "Look, what I'm trying to say is that if you want to crash here on a permanent basis --- well, that's cool with us."
Kurt stared up at the older boy, surprised. For a long moment he said nothing. Then, sighing, he looked away, eyes closed in shame. "But I was such a jerk to you --- to all of you --- you know, before."
Lance nodded. "Well, no one around here is going to argue that. And don't think that I've forgotten it, blue boy. But--" he shrugged one shoulder "That's all in the past now. You're an all right guy --- once you get rid of that holier-than-thou X-Men attitude, I mean."
"You mean that?" Kurt glanced up hopefully. It was strange, but he really wanted his approval. He wanted all of their approval.
Lance gave a lopsided smile.
"Would I say it if I didn't?" Steering Kurt towards the door, he ignored the annoyed beeping of the jeep horn outside. "Come on, let's go to school before Pietro gives himself a hernia."
Walking towards the door with Lance, Kurt practically glowed with happiness. Time and time again, he young German had been rejected. When he looked back on his life all he saw was bitter loneliness and fear. Rogue hadn't been the first one to reject him, and God knows she probably wouldn't be the last. But, at least for the time being, that didn't matter. He was in a place that could accept him. And it didn't matter if it was only a rag-taggle bunch of high-school losers like the Brotherhood.
Right now they were the only friends he had.
The door slammed shut behind them as the two boys left the house.
The roar of the jeep faded away into nothing, silence returning to the dilapidated old house. From the shaded kitchen doorway, a figure stepped out, a shadow disengaging from a shadow. Her azure arms were folded across her chest, slow smile flittering across her mouth.
Mystique.
How easy his ties to the X-Men were severed, she mused. The Brotherhood had accepted him far more readily that she would have guessed. That was good. It would help him to distance himself from Xavier.
Kurt was ready, she could tell. Very soon the Institute would be nothing but a distant dream to him, and his X-Men 'friends' would be lost to indifference. Her son would be hers once more, and nothing would ever separate them again.
And of her daughter, Rogue?
Mystique could sense her growing need to be with her brother. Eventually, she would seek him out of her own accord. Rogue's loyalty to the X-Men paled in comparison to her love for Kurt. Given time, everything would fall into place.
Unfortunately, Mystique wasn't certain if she could wait that long.
Biter experience had taught her the value of patience. Her entire life she had bided her time, waiting in shadow until the right moment to strike. She was a shrewd and cunning woman, a factor that had kept her alive where so many others had died. But suddenly --- after so many long years of pain --- her son was with her. She could touch him - she could hear him. Having Kurt so close brought pleasure to an old heart long resigned to never feeling such emotions again. The only thing that was missing from her life now was Rogue, and that wasn't something that she was willing to wait for.
Rogue was so close to turning from the X-Men. All she would need is a slight push in the right direction, just a tiny confrontation, and then it would be finished.
Mystique's family would be complete once more.
She smiled softly to herself and began to walk towards the door. It was a Friday morning, and Risty Wilde was due to meet Rogue at the fountains before first lesson. Everything was going to plan.
Rogue was not waiting by the fountain when Risty arrived at school. Nor was she by her locker. When Risty eventually located her, she was sitting on the school steps, books hugged against her chest. She didn't seem to notice the chill autumn breeze, and was dressed only in her normal skirt and vest-top combo.
"Rogue?"
The gothic painted girl stirred at the sound of her name. "Hey Risty," she greeted quietly, not moving.
"You alright luv?"
Rogue gave a weary shrug. "Fine."
Risty could sense that this wasn't going to be an easy conversation. She moved to sit next to her friend, prodding her gently with her elbow. "So, did you go and see him?"
"See who?"
"The President of the United States," the purple haired teen rolled her eyes, English accent clipped in annoyance. "Kurt of course! You know, your long lost brother??"
Rogue scowled darkly and looked away. "No."
"What?! Why not?"
"Well what am I supposed to do? Waltz up to the Brotherhood boarding house, nock on the door and say 'hey, remember me? We used to be friends until I found out that you were my brother and you tried to put your tongue down my throat.'" She snorted and hugged her books closer, hair shifting in the breeze. "Give me a break."
"It wouldn't be like that."
"That is exactly what it would be like."
Risty's expression softened as she looked at her friend, amber eyes lowering considerately. "You know that he wants to talk to you as much as you want to talk to him. Why are you fighting this?"
Rogue blinked dully and turned to look at her. "And why are you pushing it? If I talk to Kurt, I'll do it when I want to, okay?"
There was a long pause. Kids passed them on the steps, completely oblivious to what was going on between the two teenagers sitting on the steps. Somewhere inside the school, the bell rang for first lesson.
"Well, if that's the way you feel," Risty sighed, gathering up her bag and rising to her feet. "Then I guess you won't want to hear the big news that I had for you."
Rogue frowned as she picked up her books. "What big news?"
The English girl blinked with accentuated innocence. "Oh, haven't you heard?"
"Heard what?" The young X-Man wasn't in the mood for idle games. Not today.
"Kurt's back in school. I saw him by his locker when I was looking for you." She smiled, eyebrows arched. "Not that you care, of course."
The revelation was met with only a stunned silence. The only sound was that of Rogue's books clattering to the floor---
Kurt and Todd sat together in the cafeteria for lunch that day.
The place was crowded with kids pushing to eat their lunch, air filled by the combined clamor of a thousand idle conversations. The two mutants had managed to find an isolated corner in which to sit in relative quiet. Kurt prodded half-heartedly at the mess on his plate before pushing it away.
"Sheesh. You think it would kill them to serve burgers every once in a while."
Todd looked up, chewing hungrily. "Hey man, you gonna eat that?"
The young German wrinkled his nose. "You seriously want to risk ingesting that stuff?"
"When you live with the Brotherhood, you're never quite sure where your next meal is coming from. It's best to get food when and where you get it. You'll learn that."
Kurt nodded wearily. "Yeah, yeah - I'll keep it in mind."
"Soooo ---- have you seen Rogue yet?"
The toad-like boy didn't look up, only continued shoveling food into his open mouth. Despite this, Kurt got the distinct impression that he was studying him intently.
Kurt frowned and shrugged. "No, not yet."
"You gonna go look for her?"
"Nope."
Todd sighed and shook his head. "You're an idiot, man."
"There are few who would argue with you there." Kurt took a half-hearted swig from his soda can and wiped his mouth on the back of his sleeve. "But I told you, I'm just going to try and stay out of her way, okay? Now can we just drop it please?"
Todd held his hands up in mock defeat. "Okay, okay. I was just saying, is all."
They settled into an easy silence, both eating without looking up at the other, Kurt becoming suddenly engrossed in his meat-loaf. The noise in the cafeteria carried on regardless.
"You still care about her though, right?"
Kurt stared down at his meant-loaf, jabbing his fork idly. "Of course I do."
Todd raised his eyebrows questioningly. "Love her?"
A shrug. "I don't know."
"She's your sister, how can you not know?"
A dusky blush crept into the boys pale cheeks. "It's not as simple as that. You don't know what happened."
The Brotherhood mutant leaned across the table, gaze resting intently on his friends face. "Then why don't you enlighten me? It might help, yo."
Kurt snorted bitterly. "I doubt it. You'll only think I'm some kind of sick freak."
"Dude, that's pretty much what I already think of you." Todd gave a snigger and scratched his greasy head.
"No. Really." Kurt glanced up, dark eyes fixed and solemn. His expression carried about it an uncharacteristic severity. It caught Todd's attention instantly.
"You're not kidding here, are you?"
Kurt shook his head and sighed. "I only wish that I were."
Todd blinked. "What did you do?"
There was a pause. Mystique's young son looked away. "I don't want to talk about it."
"Well I do. It's obviously bothering you." He tilted his head thoughtfully. "Might help to get it off your chest?"
It was tempting --- so tempting just to tell someone and lift the weight from his shoulders once and for all. What had happened with Rogue was eating him up inside. He just had to talk about it with someone --- and right now Todd was the only one offering.
Taking a deep breath, he began to tell his story.
"You kissed her? You knew she was your sister and you kissed her?!!"
Kurt looked away, shame faced. "I knew that you wouldn't understand."
Todd leaned back heavily against his chair, giving a low whistle. Kurt's revelation had been shock to say the least, and it took a few minutes to recover. He stared dully at the ceiling. Despite his calm demeanor, his mind was racing.
---Kurt was in love with Rogue. Rogue was Kurt's sister. Kurt had kissed Rogue ---
It was mildly disturbing.
"Do you think I'm sick?"
Todd paused, then slowly shook his head. "You can't help how you feel about someone. If you've had a crush on someone for that long, those feelings don't just go away."
The raven haired boy sighed. "Maybe not, but most people wouldn't have kissed her."
"Yeah. Your timing wasn't great, yo." He looked up at his friend, expression clouded by sympathy. All the unanswered questions about Nightcrawler's departure from the X-Men were staring to make sense. "Is that why you ran away?"
Kurt sniffed and shrugged. "There were lots of reasons. But ja, I guess it helped make my decision easier."
Todd sighed and lifted a pale eyebrow. "You don't like to make things easy for yourself do you, fuzz boy?"
"I don't go looking for complications, you know. All I want is a little normality in my life." He cast the Brotherhood mutant a look of weary resignation, eyes dark and tired. "These things just seem to happen to me."
There was a considering silence. "Are you still in love with her?"
Kurt looked away. "I'm not sure."
"How can you not be sure? Do you want to screw her or don't you?"
The young German turned to stare at him indignantly. "Don't be so crude!"
"Ah come on. She's a cool chick with a hot ass! Don't act like you never noticed."
That made Kurt pause. Of course he's noticed Rogue's beauty --- it had led to many a guilty dream in the past. But now --- he didn't know how he felt.
"Close your eyes."
Mystique's young son frowned, pulled from his thoughts. "Hm?"
Todd leaned over the table. "I said, close your eyes."
"Why?"
"What is this, twenty questions?? Just close your eyes, blue boy, I've got a little experiment for ya."
Kurt scowled doubtfully. He opened his mouth to refuse, but the sincerity in Todd's oversized eyes convinced him that he was being serious. He paused, then dutifully closed his eyes, sighing.
Todd waved a hand in front of his eyes. "You peeking?"
A weary grunt. "Would it make any difference if I was?"
"Nope."
"Then just get on with it."
The toad-like mutant nodded, elbows still resting on the cafeteria table. The rest of the kids in the room ignored them, and that was fine by him. Clearing his throat, he began to speak in a low, clear voice.
"You're traveling through another dimension, a dimension not only of sight and sound but of mind; a journey into a wondrous land whose boundaries are that of imagination--"
"---Todd?"
He gave a start, blinking. "Huh? Oh sorry --- got a little carried away there." He shook his head. "Anyway, I want you to picture yourself in the shower, okay?"
Kurt raised a dark eyebrow doubtfully. "The shower?"
"Just do it fuzz boy."
He muttered incoherently but seemed to be concentrating. A slight frown furrowed his pale forehead. "Okay, okay. Which shower? The one at the Institute, the school locker room, the one at the Brotherhood house---?"
Todd thought for a moment, considering the question carefully. "The showers in the locker room would be best I guess. Are you imagining it?"
"Yup."
"Good. Okay, so --- you're in the shower after a long session of Phys Ed. You stayed behind later than the other guys and you're all alone."
"But I don't take Phys Ed."
Todd gave a low growl of frustration. "It's just a hypothetical situation. Use your imagination. Anyway, you're showering down by yourself --- or at least you think so. You stoop down to pick up the soap or something, and when you stand back up you see Rogue standing in front of you."
Kurt frowned uneasily, eyes still closed. "Where is this going---?"
"She's totally naked! Hot water and steam everywhere, man. She presses her body close against yours and starts kissing you --- hands sliding all over the place-"
Kurt's dark eyes snapped open now, mouth opening in shock. "Todd!!"
Todd flashed him a wicked grin over the table, leaning forward even more. "The showers pounding against your back, and you're both getting really hot and sweating. She's moaning your name dude 'cos you're turning her on so bad. Then she starts to move down, dropping down on her knees and putting her mouth over your hard-"
Whatever he was about to say was lost in the sound of a chair being hurriedly scarped across the floor. He glanced up to see his friend stand swiftly, the young German's pale cheeks darkening to a dusky shade of crimson. His jaw was clenched firmly and he trembled with barely contained rage.
"I----that is disgusting. I have --- *never* ---- I mean, I wouldn't---"
Todd looked up at him calmly and raised an eyebrow. "Something wrong?"
Kurt's lithe frame trembled. "I can't believe you said those things."
"So you didn't enjoy it?"
"Of course I didn't enjoy it!"
"And why not?" Todd challenged. "I thought that you were in love with her?"
Kurt stared down at him incredulously. "I was --- I mean, I am. But that doesn't mean I think about doing stuff like --- well, like *that*."
"Ah of course you do. You're a red blooded teenager just like the rest of us. It ain't nothing to be ashamed of - you should see some of the video's that Pietro rents."
"But I'm a Catholic!"
The bug-eyed mutant shrugged indifferently. "What difference does that make? My family is Jewish, that don't mean that I can't think about stuff. Come on Kurt, does thinking about Rogue get you hot or doesn't it?"
"No! Of course not!!"
Todd pressed on. "Why?"
"Because she's my sister!!!"
The outburst was greeted by a short silence from Todd. Around them the clamor of cafeteria noise continued as usual, the other kids either neither noticing nor caring about the drama unfolding on their table. Kurt stood motionless, stunned by what he had said. After weeks of denial, the truth had finaly sunk it. Rogue was his sister.
He slowly sunk back into his chair, staring sorrowfully ahead to his friend. His mouth was pressed tightly shut, jaw trembling. "Why did you do that?" he asked quietly.
Todd shook his head. "You had to face up to your feelings sooner or later, yo. I just helped it along a little."
Kurt rested his elbows weakly on the table in front of him. "But what does it mean?"
A shrug. "That you don't want to screw her, that's what it means. You're not attracted to her in that way."
"But --- I love her."
Todd looked at him sadly. "Of course you love her. But there are different kinds of love, you know? There's always been that bond between you, even right in the beginning. You just got a little confused about what you were feeling is all."
The raven haired mutant swallowed, charcoal eyebrows pulled together. Something subtle had changed in Todd Tolanski at that moment. He wasn't just some weird looking social reject with personal hygiene issues. There was something older --- something wiser about him. His strange pale eyes had an uncharacteristic focus to them, intense and serene. He had shed his customary immaturity for a look of jaded understanding. Kurt could only stare at him, awestruck, the full meaning of his words sinking in.
Todd leaned back and smirked, the moment gone. Now there was only Toad.
"Yo fuzz face, you gonna eat that?"
Her heart was pounding, throat unnaturally tight. She could feel her hands shaking as she clasped them in front of her. Nervous anxiety made the adrenaline buzz through her veins. In all of her fifteen years on the earth, she couldn't think of a single time she had been more afraid. All the confrontations with the Brotherhood --- all the battles --- she would gladly go through them all again rather than do what she was about to do.
Rogue looked down the corridor, grey eyes scanning for a familiar face in the crowd. Lunch break had just finished and she was standing beside Kurt's locker, waiting to speak with her brother for the first time since they had parted almost two weeks ago. She was frightened - terrified - but she had to see him.
There was so much that she had to tell him.
And so much that she wanted to know too. She wanted to see him --- to know that he was okay. The news that he was staying with the Brotherhood hadn't come as much of a comfort to the young girl and she was growing increasingly worried about him. If he was with the Brotherhood, then he was with Mystique. Rogue shuddered to think of the lies that that woman was poisoning him with.
Then, through the shifting sea of teenage faces, she saw him.
Kurt Wagner.
Same raven black hair, same ivory white skin, same intensely blue eyes. And yet something had changed. Maybe it was the dark clothes. Maybe it was the look on his face. Whatever it was, he had lost all trace of his former playful boyishness. His expression was harder, more focused - his jaw set firm and his brow pulled together in a look of thought. His physical appearance might not have changed, but Kurt had aged. He wasn't a little kid anymore. He was a man. And Rogue wasn't sure that she liked it.
Their eyes met over the crowded corridor. She saw him slow down slightly, staring at her in a mixture of surprise and confusion. The look was gone quickly though, replaced by fixed resolution. He continued walking towards his locker. Rogue her throat tighten dryly - she wasn't sure if she was ready for this.
"Hey Kurt," she murmured quietly as he approached, lowering her head self consciously.
Mystique's young son reached out and worked at his locker combination. His gaze was fixed doggedly ahead, not looking at her. He gave a single nod by way of greeting.
Seeing him again brought up so many emotions. She was frightened angry, happy, relieved --- she wanted to rush into his arms and hold him close, and she wanted to slap him across the face for putting her through what he had. Most of all she was confused. They hadn't seen each other in almost two weeks and now he wasn't even looking at her?
"It's good to see you again."
Her comment was met with silence. Kurt retrieved his bag from his locker and begun getting the books that he needed for his next lesson, not once turning to look at her.
Her heart sank. This wasn't how she had imagined their first meeting to be.
"I heard that you've been staying with the Brotherhood."
After a long moment of quiet, he gave a slowly nod, finally acknowledging her. "I didn't know where else to go."
"You could have stayed at the Institute."
He glanced up at her. Behind his natural expression, Rogue saw a flash of pain burn in his eyes. "I don't think that that would have been such a good idea, do you?"
She licked her dry lips nervously. "Running away wasn't exactly a stroke of genius either, you know. We've all been worried about you."
"I'm touched by your concern," he spat bitterly. He instantly regretted his words as Rogue flinched visibly. He didn't know why he was reacting like this. He loved her so much --- but he couldn't bring himself to show her that. He retreated back to the safety of indifference, turning away and continuing to load his bag with books. "There was no need to worry about me. I've been fine. Mother has been taking care of me."
Rogue's eyebrows pulled together in a frown. "Mother?"
"Mystique then, if that makes you more comfortable."
The gothic painted beauty leaned back against the locker next to his, completely ignoring the other students as they filed past on their way to class. "You call her mother now?"
Kurt scowled irritably. "Why shouldn't I? That's what she is."
Rogue folded her arms over her chest and said nothing. "Your *real* mother is up at the Institute, along with your father. They're worried sick about you."
Guilt twisted sharply in his gut at the thought of his mother and father. He quickly pushed the feeling aside, knowing that if he focused on it too much he would completely lose any resolve he had worked up over the past few days. He was already losing focus by just being so close to Rogue. More than anything he just wanted to smile and let her know that everything was alright. But he couldn't. He had made a decision to distance himself from her, and that was what he was going to do. It was going to be hard, but it was the only way that Rogue was going to be happy.
The bell rang for the start of lesson, pulling the young mutant from his thoughts. He blinked in confusion, then swung the bag of books over his shoulder and prepared to move away.
A gloved hand on his arm pulled him back.
"Kurt, we have to talk."
He turned to glance at Rogue, clenching his jaw. She stared up at him with wide grey eyes, darkly painted mouth lips parted. It was going to break his heart, but he knew what he had to do.
With as much cold detachment as he could muster, he shrugged her hand off and stepped away.
"No Rogue. No more talking. Not now, not ever."
A slow look of uncertainty came over her pale features, eyebrows drawing together. She shook her head slowly. "I don't understand."
Despite his hard expression, Kurt trembled.
"I don't think that we should see each other anymore. I think --- I think that it would be best if we avoided each other. I'll stay out of your way and you stay out of mine." He took a deep breath, steadying himself. "Maybe that way we can just forget about each other."
Forget? Rogue didn't want to forget! She wanted to sort things out --- make things right between them. Aside from Risty, Kurt was the best friend that Rogue had ever had. She didn't want to lose him over this ---
But the words wouldn't come out. All she could do was watch as Kurt pulled away from her and walked quickly down the corridor, disappearing in the shifting crowd. He didn't even look back.
Rogue's mind ran through the conversation, snatching desperately at the memory of her brother. She didn't understand. What had just happened? That couldn't have been Kurt - not the Kurt Wagner that she knew at least. He had been so cold --- so distant ---
The girl leaned back against the cold metal locker and closed her eyes tightly. A hot lump was forming in her throat, forcing her to swallow hard to subdue the tears swelling behind her closed eyelids.
"I miss you, Kurt."
The kids around her milled slowly to their classrooms, chatting idly between themselves. No one noticed the gothic painted girl, or if they did, they paid her little attention. The mass of teenagers gradually dispersed, leaving Rogue alone in an empty corridor.
Alone and broken, there was nothing she could do but wish herself away.
Sitting in the back of Lance's jeep later that day, Kurt Wagner found himself staring dully out at the grey afternoon sky. They pulled away from the school and began the short drive back to the Brotherhood House as the first drops of rain began to fall.
Sitting at the front of the car, Fred groaned audibly and used a book to shield his head from the falling precipitation. "Awww man! I guess it'd be too much to ask for a ride with a *roof* on it!"
Lance scowled and gripped at the steering wheel. "Hey, if you're willing to pay for it, be my guest. Until then, shut your trap and quit complaining."
Kurt listened to them with idle interest for a moment, then turned back to watching the neighborhoods crawl past. Every now and again, through the gaps in the houses, he would catch a glimpse of the Institute. Something in his throat tightened at the thought that his parents were up there --- and Rogue ----
"Hey, you okay?"
The young German frowned and glanced around. Pietro Maximoff was staring at him, silver eyebrows pulled together in a mild frown.
"Was?"
"I said, are you okay? You haven't said a word since you got in the car." The speedster tilted his head inquisitively. "You feeling alright, blue?"
Kurt blinked blankly for a moment. "What? Oh --- right. Yeah, I'm fine -- - no worries."
Pietro narrowed his eyes doubtfully. "Yousureaboutthat?"
"Positive," he assured him.
Magneto's young son continued to watch him for a moment further, then shrugged and turned away. Kurt sighed and leaned back in his chair, eyelids sliding closed. He let his mind drift away. Away from his problems - away from all the hurt and confusion. He was so tired.
Sitting beside him, Todd frowned.
Mystique was waiting for the boys when they returned home. Sitting cross legged on the arm chair in the haphazard living room, she rose to her feet as soon as they entered, taking them all momentarily by surprise. Mystique rarely put in an appearance until early evening, and even then it was only for a short while. Nobody was sure exactly what she did during the day, but it seemed to occupy a lot of her time. Either that or she simply avoided being with them. Either way was possible.
"Good afternoon boys," she greeted coolly. "I hope that your day has been productive."
Todd was the first to respond. He moved to his usual position on the bean bag, flopping down wearily and picking up the television remote. "It's been eventful," he admitted, glancing at Kurt as he spoke.
Mystique arched an eyebrow. "I'm glad to here it."
Kurt shifted uneasily, setting down his school bag by his feet. "Hello mother," he murmured quietly.
The azure skinned mutant offered her son a small smile. "Kurt, I have something that I need to discuss with you."
"What --- now?"
A nod. "I see no reason in waiting."
He thought about it for a moment and then shrugged one shoulder indifferently. "Sure, what's it about?"
Lance, who had been glancing between mother and son for a second or two, suddenly spoke up. "Ahh --- do you want us to leave or something?"
Mystique shook her head. "No. This concerns you as much as it does him." She gestured to the chairs. "Please, sit, all of you."
The members of the Brotherhood moved obediently to sit as requested, all knowing better than to question their boss. Kurt found himself lodged on the sofa between Pietro and Freddy, Lance taking up position on the arm chair and Todd remaining on his bean bag. Wanda always found her own way home, and was not present. All eyes were trained on the older woman in the centre of the room.
"Kurt, it has been almost two weeks since you renounced your position as a member of the X-Men. During that time, you have lived here with us. Observing your behavior in that time, it has become apparent to me that you have formed friendships with the boys --- and they, in turn, have come to accept you as well. Living with your former enemies has been far less painful a process than I would have imagined for either side."
There was a pause as the teenagers watched her in silence. Everything that she had said so far was true. Looking around at the expressions on their faces, Mystique could see that she had their attention. She fixed her gaze on Kurt, who stared back, eyes clouded in thought.
"You must know that you can never rejoin Xavier's team. You have come too far for that. And what did he ever do but lie to you and your sister? To deceive you and keep the truth from you?" She took a step closer, pale eyes gleaming. "That is why I am offering you the opportunity to move on. I can complete your training --- to show you how to use your powers properly. You can stay here, with your new friends --- with me."
Kurt frowned, face upturned to hers. "What are you saying?"
Mystique looked down at the young boy. "I want you to join the Brotherhood, son."
"Join the Brotherhood?"
Kurt stared at her in disbelief, shocked by her words. He was under no illusions. He had dissolved all ties with the X-Men the minute he had run from the Institute gates. He had no desire to return there. But join the Brotherhood? It sounded so --- so final.
It wasn't that he didn't trust them. Quite to the contrary. Over the past few days they had built up a gradual alliance --- a kind of friendship. They still teased him of course - and he gave as good as he got - but he had learnt a lot about the Brotherhood members over the past couple of weeks. Not that he would have ever admitted it to anyone, but he was actually finding himself liking their company.
There was Freddy - strong and quick tempered. But beyond that, he was also one of the gentlest people that Kurt had ever met. He read Shakespeare in bed at night and carried a photograph of his father in his wallet. He was always the first to defend Kurt from his teammate's biting wit --- and for that gesture Kurt was always grateful.
And then there was Pietro. At first there had been friction between the two boys. Pietro was quick and arrogant, his jokes both astutely observed and merciless in their cruelty. But once you got over his cool exterior, Pietro was actually a pretty decent guy. He had actually been going out of his way to be nice to Kurt - delivering his letter to Rogue, letting him borrow his clothes, including him in their conversations --- it helped Kurt to know that he had Pietro on his side.
Lance had been even tougher to get used to. Kurt had been a jerk to him when he had tried to join the X-Men, and for a while there had been an uneasy tension between the two boys. But Lance had always treated him civilly, if with some distance, and their conversation that morning had assured Kurt that he was willing to put the past behind them. Lance was a natural born leader, and Kurt found himself not only respecting the older mutant, but also wanting to meet his approval.
And Todd?
Todd was one of the best friends he had ever found.
So these were his friends. His new friends. He lived with them, ate with them, hung out with them --- but could he ever bring himself to fight with them? To fight against those who had been his family for so long?
He sighed, frowning. "I don't want to have to fight the X-Men," he admitted quietly.
Standing in front of him, Mystique shook her head slowly. "You don't have too. They started the fight, Kurt - not us. All I'm offering you is a chance to join our group ---- to learn how to master your powers. You need only do what you feel comfortable in doing."
Kurt mulled over her softly spoken words, glancing up too look her in the eye. He saw no deceit reflected in their pale debts, no glint of cunning -- - only the gentle gaze of a mother. *His* mother. If he couldn't be with Rogue, then at least he could be with her.
He nodded, a hint of a shy smile playing at the corners of his mouth. "Okay," he murmured quietly, "I'm in."
Before he could say anything further, his breath was cut off by a pair of gigantic arms wrapping around his shoulders in a crushing hug. Freddy laughed and squeezed the lithe boy so hard that his ribs hurt.
"Glad to have ya on the team, fuzz ball!"
Kurt gasped for air as the immovable mutant released his hold. He flashed him a quick grin. "Jeez Fred! Not so tight next time, huh?"
Sitting next to him, Pietro elbowed him sharply in the gut. "If you're going to be a member, blue boy, you think you could maybe get hold of some clothes of your own? I mean no offence, but the thought of sharing underwear with you for much longer is disturbing."
The raven haired boy rolled his eyes and snorted, knowing that he was only joking around. "Who says I'm wearing underwear?"
Pietro shot a snowy eyebrow heavenward. "Wearing my pants then you'd better be, boy."
Kurt was about to mark a smart ass quip back when a shadow fell over him. He glanced up to see Lance standing in front of him, hand out stretched. Kurt paused, then smiled broadly and shook his hand. No matter what differences they had had in the past, they were on the same team now.
Lance looked uncomfortable, then laughed self-consciously, breaking the shake. "This doesn't mean I want your fur clogging up the drain in the bath, okay?"
Last of all there was Todd. Kurt glanced over to where the Toad-like mutant was still flopped over the bean bag, watching the scene unfold thoughtfully. He waited for him to respond in some way, eyebrows raised hopefully.
Todd was quiet for a long moment, then gave him a strangely sad smile. "Guess this makes us brothers, yo."
Kurt blinked. "Yeah --- I guess so. Brothers."
Mystique watched her son greet his new teammates. A strange and unfamiliar feeling grew in her chest. She was proud of her son. He had been hurt, lied to, down trodden --- and yet he rose above it time and time again. The pride she felt when she looked at him now was beyond anything she had ever experienced as a mother.
Her plan was almost complete, the hole in her heart almost healed. Her son was with her, his allegiance to the X-Men severed completely. Now there was only Rogue --- but that would be dealt with soon enough.
She moved towards where her son was sitting and rested a hand on his shoulder. He smiled up at her, and, somehow, she found herself smiling back.
"Welcome to the Brotherhood --- son."
Rogue lay on her bed, head resting against her pillow. Her hair splayed around her like a shining halo, eyes red rimmed and shot with pink. The radio played quietly in the background, put on the hide the sound of her tears from those who might be passing outside. Irene had stopped by almost ten minutes ago, but had left when her soft knocking had received no answer. Rogue didn't want to see her. She didn't want to see anyone. She just wanted to be left alone to grieve in peace.
And that's what it was. Grief. Kurt had made it perfectly clear that he wanted nothing more to do with her. As far as he was concerned, any friendship they had once had was dead.
The worst thing was - Rogue knew that it was all her fault.
If she had only been calmer when she first found out, if only she had sat down and talked to him. Instead she had screamed abuse and treated him like a freak. And now she had lost him forever. Her love was rejected by her own brother, leaving her with an empty pain instead of a heart.
She thought back to his cold explanation of his feelings earlier that day. Of how he had told her that he wanted nothing further to do with her. That had hurt.
Rogue closed her eyes and buried her face in her pillow, immersing herself in her grief. The Kurt Wagner that she had loved was gone, leaving only a cold imitation by way of replacement. She remembered his innocence, his unwavering optimism --- lost forever because of her stupidity.
The radio station played a new song now. Slowly, Rogue fell asleep. Her dreams were cluttered and confused - invaded by the gentle strumming of guitars and a woman's velvety voice. And beyond it all was the image of pale eyes and raven hair, and a playful smile that would haunt her dreams for many nights to come.
In the end, dreams were all she had left.
You and me
We used to be together
Every day together --- always
I really feel
I'm losing my best friend
I can't believe this could be --- the end
It looks as though you're letting go
And if it's real,
Well I don't want to know
Don't speak
I know just what you're saying
So please stop explaining
Don't tell me 'cause it hurts
Don't speak
I know what you're thinking
I don't need your reasons
Don't tell me 'cause it hurts
Our memories
They can be inviting
But some are all together mighty frightening
As we die, both you and I
With my head in my hands
I sit and cry
Don't speak
I know just what you're saying
So please stop explaining
Don't tell me 'cause it hurts
Don't speak
I know what you're thinking
I don't need your reasons
Don't tell me 'cause it hurts
It's all ending
I gotta stop pretending who we are---
You and me
I can see us dying---are we?
Don't tell me 'cause it hurts.
Hush, hush darling.
Hush, hush darling.
Don't tell me cause it hurts.