A/N: Sorry it took my so long to update guys, I have had a major case of
writer's block. I know what's gonna happen in the next oh, 30 chapters or
so (lol, j/k), but I just can't get these ones written. I'm doing my best.
In school, I am in two different groups, me being the only girl in the
groups with 2 to 3 boys. Me, being the only one who has a brain, I have to
do all the work. Yay me, right? Then on top of that, I have been sick the
last two weeks. I'm just getting over it now. OK. I'll stop rambling now.
If you have any ideas for me that I can use, or criticism, send it in a
review or an email at By the way, I MAY BE GOING TO RAW IN HALIFAX!!!!!
Sry, I just had to get that out. Lol. Story starting now. I'll shut up.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Chapter Three:
April 3rd, 2003
Dear Diary,
After we sang that night, I wrote more songs. Most of these were emotional ones, mainly because I was emotional that week. I wrote one about my father and the beatings. None of them ever heard it.
I sang at open mic night only when they were on the road. Kate MacDonnell sounded so lame, so I changed it for stage uses only. I was now Christina Aguilera, or X-tina, as I was known to the many people at the bar. Some days I would just walk to the stage and everyone would be chanting my stage name. "X-tina, X-tina, X-tina" was all I heard. It was nice, knowing that people knew about me.
I don't know why I only sang when they were on the road. I guess I just didn't want them to know what I was feeling. Some nights I would go and see Gil, some nights I would go to Jeff's house, some nights I would go to Matt's house, where I would finally fall asleep, after crying for awhile. I guess long distance relationships were always hard on me.
Jeff, being the great friend, no, brother he was, always let me use his studio whenever I wanted to. I felt safe in there, knowing that everyone else knew that nobody was to come in when the light was on.
While recording, or trying to record the song about my father, so many memories came rushing back. I had to stop singing because I was crying so hard. I gave up trying to record at all that day.
The next day I felt a little better so I went in the studio again. I would start by playing the music, guitar, then piano, then I would sing. I closed my eyes and started the music.
"When I think,
How life used to be,
Always walking in the shadows,
Then I look at what you've given me,
I feel like dancing on my tiptoes,
I must say,
Everyday I wake,
And realize you're by my side,
I know I'm truly blessed,
For everything you've given me,
Blessed for all the tenderness you show,
Do my best,
With every breath that's in me,
Blessed to make sure you never go.
There are times that I test your faith,
Till you think you might surrender,
Baby, I'm, I'm not ashamed to say,
That my hopes were growing slender.
You walked by,
In the nick of time,
Looking like an answered prayer,
You know, I'm truly blessed,
For everything you've given me,
Blessed for all the tenderness you show,
Do my best,
With every breath that's in me,
Blessed to make sure you never go,
Blessed with love and understanding,
Blessed when I hear you call my name,
Do my best,
With faith that's never-ending,
Blessed to make sure you feel the same,
Deep inside of me,
You fill me with your tender touch,
You know I'm truly,
Blessed for everything you've given me,
Blessed for all the tenderness you show,
Do my best,
With every breath that's in me,
To see you never go,
Never, never, never go..."
The next day, I preformed that song at the club. I could tell everyone loved it. I'm glad they did. I was Spanish so I preformed one of my oldies too, "Mi Reflejo (Reflection)"
"Para ti (Look at me)
Lo que ves de mi (You may think you see)
Es la realidad (Who I really am)
Mas tu no conoces (But you will never know me)
El papel que la vida (Everyday)
Me hace actuar(It's as if I play a part)
Siendo asi (Now I see)
Yo puedo burlar (If I wear a mask)
Mi mundo exterior (I can fool the world)
Pero al corazon jamas (But I cannot fool my heart)
Hoy no reconoci (Who is that girl I see )
A quien vi frente a mi (Staring straight back at me)
Mi reflejo no mostro (When will my reflection show)
Quien soy en verdad (Who I am inside)
Un dia mas (I am now in a world)
Que me corazon tengo que ocultar (Where I have to hide my heart)
Todo mi sentir (And what I believe in)
Al final (But somehow)
Sabran como soy (I will show the world)
Que pienso en verdad (What's inside my heart)
Ese dia llegara, oh, oh (And be loved for who I am)
Hoy no reconoci (Who is that girl I see?)
A quien vi frente a mi (Staring straight back at me)
Esa en mi reflejo (Why is my reflection)
Se que no soy yo (Someone I don't know)
No quiero aparentar (Must I pretend that I'm)
Quiero ser realidad ( Someone else for all time)
Mi reflejo no mostro (When will my reflection show)
Quien soy en verdad (Who I am inside)
Y mi corazon sentir, volar (There's a heart that must be)
No soy, como quiero no (Free to fly)
Y voy a cambiar (That burns with a need to know)
No debe ser asi (The reason why)
El fingir no es vivir (Why must we all conceal)
La que veo frente a mi (What we think, how we feel)
No aguanta mas (Must there be a secret)
Ya no voy a ocultar (I'm forced to hide)
La que soy (I won't pretend)
Nunca mas (That I'm)
Un buen dia el amor (Someone else for)
Me rescatara (All time)
Y ese dia (When will my)
Quien yo soy se reflejara, ooh (Reflection show, who I am inside)"
I hope they liked this one. It took me awhile to write this one, but I didn't have to do the translations. I knew Spanish. I was fine. I always feel better after I sing.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
A/N: Wow! OK, I didn't plan for that one to be that long! It's nine pages. Sorry about the Spanish, I'm not Spanish, so I had to use a translation page. The songs in this chapter are "Blessed" and "Mi Reflejo", both by Christina Aguilera. I didn't plan on using her name in here, but I said what the hell, it's fiction, so go for it! N-E-Wayz, there's a good RAW on tonite, Eric Bitchoff v.s. Stone Cold. Hehe I like that name, Bitchoff....well, g2g peeps! Happy St. Partick's Day! R U wearing green....?*Looks at self* Uh...gotta go!!!!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Chapter Three:
April 3rd, 2003
Dear Diary,
After we sang that night, I wrote more songs. Most of these were emotional ones, mainly because I was emotional that week. I wrote one about my father and the beatings. None of them ever heard it.
I sang at open mic night only when they were on the road. Kate MacDonnell sounded so lame, so I changed it for stage uses only. I was now Christina Aguilera, or X-tina, as I was known to the many people at the bar. Some days I would just walk to the stage and everyone would be chanting my stage name. "X-tina, X-tina, X-tina" was all I heard. It was nice, knowing that people knew about me.
I don't know why I only sang when they were on the road. I guess I just didn't want them to know what I was feeling. Some nights I would go and see Gil, some nights I would go to Jeff's house, some nights I would go to Matt's house, where I would finally fall asleep, after crying for awhile. I guess long distance relationships were always hard on me.
Jeff, being the great friend, no, brother he was, always let me use his studio whenever I wanted to. I felt safe in there, knowing that everyone else knew that nobody was to come in when the light was on.
While recording, or trying to record the song about my father, so many memories came rushing back. I had to stop singing because I was crying so hard. I gave up trying to record at all that day.
The next day I felt a little better so I went in the studio again. I would start by playing the music, guitar, then piano, then I would sing. I closed my eyes and started the music.
"When I think,
How life used to be,
Always walking in the shadows,
Then I look at what you've given me,
I feel like dancing on my tiptoes,
I must say,
Everyday I wake,
And realize you're by my side,
I know I'm truly blessed,
For everything you've given me,
Blessed for all the tenderness you show,
Do my best,
With every breath that's in me,
Blessed to make sure you never go.
There are times that I test your faith,
Till you think you might surrender,
Baby, I'm, I'm not ashamed to say,
That my hopes were growing slender.
You walked by,
In the nick of time,
Looking like an answered prayer,
You know, I'm truly blessed,
For everything you've given me,
Blessed for all the tenderness you show,
Do my best,
With every breath that's in me,
Blessed to make sure you never go,
Blessed with love and understanding,
Blessed when I hear you call my name,
Do my best,
With faith that's never-ending,
Blessed to make sure you feel the same,
Deep inside of me,
You fill me with your tender touch,
You know I'm truly,
Blessed for everything you've given me,
Blessed for all the tenderness you show,
Do my best,
With every breath that's in me,
To see you never go,
Never, never, never go..."
The next day, I preformed that song at the club. I could tell everyone loved it. I'm glad they did. I was Spanish so I preformed one of my oldies too, "Mi Reflejo (Reflection)"
"Para ti (Look at me)
Lo que ves de mi (You may think you see)
Es la realidad (Who I really am)
Mas tu no conoces (But you will never know me)
El papel que la vida (Everyday)
Me hace actuar(It's as if I play a part)
Siendo asi (Now I see)
Yo puedo burlar (If I wear a mask)
Mi mundo exterior (I can fool the world)
Pero al corazon jamas (But I cannot fool my heart)
Hoy no reconoci (Who is that girl I see )
A quien vi frente a mi (Staring straight back at me)
Mi reflejo no mostro (When will my reflection show)
Quien soy en verdad (Who I am inside)
Un dia mas (I am now in a world)
Que me corazon tengo que ocultar (Where I have to hide my heart)
Todo mi sentir (And what I believe in)
Al final (But somehow)
Sabran como soy (I will show the world)
Que pienso en verdad (What's inside my heart)
Ese dia llegara, oh, oh (And be loved for who I am)
Hoy no reconoci (Who is that girl I see?)
A quien vi frente a mi (Staring straight back at me)
Esa en mi reflejo (Why is my reflection)
Se que no soy yo (Someone I don't know)
No quiero aparentar (Must I pretend that I'm)
Quiero ser realidad ( Someone else for all time)
Mi reflejo no mostro (When will my reflection show)
Quien soy en verdad (Who I am inside)
Y mi corazon sentir, volar (There's a heart that must be)
No soy, como quiero no (Free to fly)
Y voy a cambiar (That burns with a need to know)
No debe ser asi (The reason why)
El fingir no es vivir (Why must we all conceal)
La que veo frente a mi (What we think, how we feel)
No aguanta mas (Must there be a secret)
Ya no voy a ocultar (I'm forced to hide)
La que soy (I won't pretend)
Nunca mas (That I'm)
Un buen dia el amor (Someone else for)
Me rescatara (All time)
Y ese dia (When will my)
Quien yo soy se reflejara, ooh (Reflection show, who I am inside)"
I hope they liked this one. It took me awhile to write this one, but I didn't have to do the translations. I knew Spanish. I was fine. I always feel better after I sing.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
A/N: Wow! OK, I didn't plan for that one to be that long! It's nine pages. Sorry about the Spanish, I'm not Spanish, so I had to use a translation page. The songs in this chapter are "Blessed" and "Mi Reflejo", both by Christina Aguilera. I didn't plan on using her name in here, but I said what the hell, it's fiction, so go for it! N-E-Wayz, there's a good RAW on tonite, Eric Bitchoff v.s. Stone Cold. Hehe I like that name, Bitchoff....well, g2g peeps! Happy St. Partick's Day! R U wearing green....?*Looks at self* Uh...gotta go!!!!