ACT TWO
FADE IN:
INT. MIDDLE SCHOOL – CAFETERIA KITCHEN – DAY
Matt, Melina and Lanny are standing outside the Cafeteria kitchen.
MATT
(to Melina)
Tell me again why we're doing this?
MELINA
Watch and learn.
Presently the CAFETERIA LADY comes to get ready to serve lunch.
CAFETERIA LADY
What are you doing here?
MELINA
We want to help you serve lunch.
CAFETERIA LADY
(suspiciously)
Why?
MELINA
(bluntly)
Pity. I mean, look at this slop.
(beat)
Do you really want to be around it any longer than you have to?
CAFETERIA LADY
Good point. Grab some aprons and let's go.
CUT TO:
A SHORT MONTAGE TO "BEAT IT" BY MICHAEL JACKSON:
INT. CAFETERIA – DAY
Students shuffle in line making disgusted faces at the green gooey glop Melina is happily spooning onto their trays.
INT. CAFETERIA – DAY
Matt places brownies on the trays of the kids in the line. He looks fugitively around and smiling, pockets one before resuming his task.
INT. CAFETERIA - DAY
Lanny artfully places the vegetables on the kids' trays, taking great care and pride in how he arranges each one.
INT. CAFETERIA – DAY
Cafeteria Lady looks upon her three industrious helpers admiringly.
End of Montage
INT. CAFETERIA – DAY
Melina, Matt, Lanny and the Cafeteria Lady are all gathered around putting away the utensils.
MELINA
(making a good show of it)
Well, I guess we get whatever's left for lunch?
CAFETERIA LADY
(incredulously)
What? This crud? No way. Here, let me get you some of the good stuff.
The Cafeteria Lady breaks out all sorts of edible delectables, light years better than what the general student body gets. As they munch down—
MELINA
(to Matt)
(de sotto voice)
What did I tell you? Watch and learn, watch and learn…
CUT TO:
INT. HIGH SCHOOL – MUSIC HALL – DAY
The MUSIC TEACHER is addressing our gang's class.
MUSIC TEACHER
Music is more than just sounds. It's life; it's the very soul of living. Music is the great harmonious matrix that surrounds us all.
At the mention of 'matrix' Tudgeman quotes from the well-known science fiction film of the same title.
TUDGEMAN
(in character)
The red pill or the blue pill? Choose Neo.
GORDO
Not that Matrix Tudgeman.
MUSIC TEACHER
Music is like the life giving waters of Mother Nature's majestic waterfalls.
ANIMATED LIZZIE
I like music as much as the next person, but I don't want to go swimming in it.
MUSIC TEACHER
Music must flow from one's own inner self. It must run wide and free like the great Caribou.
ANIMATED LIZZIE
If this keeps up much longer the Caribou won't be the only things running.
MUSIC TEACHER
I want you to partner up with the person next to you. We'll be conducting an exercise.
Lizzie and Miranda turn to each other. Leaving Gordo with Tudgeman.
TUDGEMAN
Hey partner.
MUSIC TEACHER
The point of this exercise is harmony. Specifically, to learn to harmonize your voice with someone else's. I'll sing a bar and I want you to try and duplicate it. Watch how your partner forms their mouth; take note of their breath control. Do they take air in through their mouth or their nose? These are the things we'll be working on. Now—
The Music Teacher bleats on a pitch pipe then sings his bar.
MUSIC TEACHER
Now you try.
As Lizzie and Miranda replicate the bar they look around confusedly as a calliope of sound issues from everybody else. It sounds more like a zoo than a concert choir.
ANIMATED LIZZIE
Who let the animals out of their cage?
A loud menagerie of various animals stampedes through noisily.
MUSIC TEACHER
(in pain)
Stop, stop! I see I have my work cut out for me…
He points to two students randomly – they happen to be Lizzie and Miranda.
MUSIC TEACHER
You and you. Come up here.
Lizzie and Miranda come up to the front of the class.
MUSIC TEACHER
(to Lizzie and Miranda)
I want to hear you try and repeat the sound we just attempted.
MUSIC TEACHER (CONT.)
Now class, I want to call to your attention those things I talked about before. After they sing, I'll point out what they did right – if anything – and what they did wrong.
He blows on his pitch pipe again.
MUSIC TEACHER
(to Lizzie and Miranda)
Proceed.
Lizzie and Miranda proceed to sing it note perfect. They smile in satisfaction at their accomplishment. The music teacher looks on agog.
MUSIC TEACHER
(stunned)
That… That was perfect!
Lizzie and Miranda beam happily.
MUSIC TEACHER
Misses…
He looks askance at the two girls.
MIRANDA
Miranda Sanchez.
LIZZIE
Lizzie McGuire.
MUSIC TEACHER
Miss Sanchez and Miss McGuire have shown us how it's done. And admirably so.
(beat)
Everybody, you should all seek to imitate them. Good job girls.
They head back to their places.
ANIMATED LIZZIE
(self satisfied)
He's right. Music is the great harmonious matrix that surrounds us all.
CUT TO:
INT. HIGH SCHOOL – HALLWAY – DAY
The kids are streaming out from Music Class.
LIZZIE
(smiling)
Now that wasn't so bad.
GORDO
You didn't have to listen to Tudgeman try and sing all period.
He shakes his head to try and banish the 'pain'. The girls laugh. As they walk down the hallway enter PARKER MCKENZIE.
PARKER
(eyes on Gordo)
Oh, hey Gordo.
GORDO
Hey Parker.
PARKER
So, um, the first day is rough, huh?
ANIMATED LIZZIE
(peeved)
Uh, hello? There's more than one person here!
GORDO
It's not too bad. Just different, that's all.
PARKER
Yeah. I guess so.
ANIMATED LIZZIE
She guesses so? What's going on here?
LIZZIE
(fed up with being ignored)
Hi Parker.
PARKER
Oh, hi Lizzie. You too Miranda.
(to Gordo)
So, uh, I guess I'll see you in Drama class.
GORDO
I guess so.
Parker leaves. Miranda raises her eyebrows at the scene that just unfolded.
LIZZIE
What was that all about?
GORDO
(mystified)
What?
LIZZIE
Parker. What's she up to?
GORDO
She was just making conversation I guess.
MIRANDA
Uh, huh…
ANIMATED LIZZIE
What's Parker doing sniffing around my boyfriend? Lizzie angry! Parker no like Lizzie when she's angry!
Animated Lizzie starts to grow muscle mass and turn green, ala the Incredible Hulk.
GORDO
(oblivious)
I'm sure it was nothing. Come on, we can't be late for Art.
CUT TO:
INT. HIGH SCHOOL – ART ROOM
The class is painting on easels. Lizzie and Miranda are close together; Gordo is slightly off to the side, out of hearing range.
LIZZIE
(to Miranda)
What was with Parker?
MIRANDA
I don't know. You don't think…
LIZZIE
(thinking on same wavelength)
It couldn't be. After all, she turned him down last year, remember?
CLIP: A GORDO STORY – Parker turns down Gordo's invitation to the dance.
BACK TO SCENE
MIRANDA
That's true. But she did come crawling back.
CLIP: A GORDO STORY – Parker asks Gordo to dance.
LIZZIE
Not helping Miranda!
MIRANDA
Sorry.
LIZZIE
Ugh! Well, she had just better not make any moves.
ANIMATED LIZZIE
If she knows what's good for her!
MIRANDA
(supportive)
Don't worry, I got your back.
LIZZIE
Thanks.
GORDO
What are you guys talking about?
MIRANDA
Just girl talk Gordo. Nothing you'd be interested in.
GORDO
Probably not.
ANIMATED LIZZIE
He's so sweet. Clueless. But sweet.
MIRANDA
(to Lizzie)
Anyway, it's not like you have anything to worry about. Gordo isn't even interested in her.
ANIMATED LIZZIE
Miranda's right. Gordo's a one woman man.
LIZZIE
You're right. I'm just being stupid.
MIRANDA
That's okay. We're all that way when it comes to love.
They laugh.
CUT TO:
INT. MIDDLE SCHOOL – GYM – DAY
Matt is finishing up a little talk with the P.E. TEACHER. Melina and Lanny stand nearby.
P.E. TEACHER
You know something? You're right. I'd never thought of it that way before. Dodge ball is just an academically sanctioned propagation of the 'law of the jungle' mentality – the very thing we as an enlightened society strive to overcome.
(beat)
I'll talk to the school board about abolishing it from the curriculum.
The P.E. Teacher wanders away musing.
MELINA
(admiringly)
Not bad.
MATT
I got skills.
But a fellow student, PATRICIA FARNSWORTH, doesn't find the scene so charming. And she makes her opinion known.
PATRICIA
(to Matt)
I for one find it disgusting. The way you manipulate the teachers. You should be ashamed of yourself.
MELINA
(disparagingly)
Who are you sister?
PATRICIA
(adjusts glasses)
Patricia Farnsworth, thank you very much. And I do not approve of the actions you and your friends have taken.
Lanny 'communicates' with Matt.
MATT
Lanny's right. We don't need your approval.
PATRICIA
(outraged)
Why, I never!
MELINA
Well, maybe you should.
PATRICIA
I am not going to take this sitting down. I will not see you turn this school into your own private fiefdom.
MATT
'Fiefdom'?
MELINA
And what do you plan to do about it?
PATRICIA
I intend to alert the faculty to your ways. To prove to them what you really are.
MELINA
(unconcerned)
Which is?
PATRICIA
A bunch of jackanapes!
MELINA
(despairingly)
'Jackanapes'?
PATRICIA
You'll see. You can't wrap this school around your collective fingers. You're not above the rules.
She storms off in a huff.
MATT
I don't think she likes us.
MELINA
Astute observation.
Lanny 'communicates' to Melina.
MELINA
You're right Lanny. I think she's going to be trouble too…
CUT TO:
INT. HIGH SCHOOL – SCHOOL STAGE – DAY
The Drama Class is all grouped together on stage as the teacher talks to them.
DRAMA TEACHER
Welcome to Drama 101. The first thing you need to learn is that this class name is a misnomer. We teach acting and all aspects of the theater here. Not just 'drama'.
DRAMA TEACHER (CONT.)
However, that being said, the first play we'll be studying is a drama.
He picks up a book from a stack of them on a table.
DRAMA TEACHER (CONT.)
Shakespeare's classic "Antony and Cleopatra".
DRAMA TEACHER (CONT.)
(reads from play)
"O this false soul of Egypt! This grave charm—
Whose eye becked forth my wars and called them home,
Whose bosom was my crownet, my chief end—
Like a right gypsy hath at fast and loose
Beguiled me to the very heart of loss!"
(beat)
Who can tell me what that means?
No one knows, except Gordo.
GORDO
He's saying that he did all those things for Egypt, fought its wars and came home, basically did what Egypt wanted and now it's led him to ruin, like an unfaithful woman.
DRAMA TEACHER
(astonished)
That's right. You… You understand Shakespeare?
GORDO
Well, yeah.
DRAMA TEACHER
(pleased)
Finally! Someone who understands! Year after year and no one—
(beat)
Come up front here, we must do a scene. You'll be our Antony.
GORDO
(hesitantly)
I'm not an actor—
DRAMA TEACHER
(interrupting)
You understand the words! You could a tree, as long as you understand the words who cares!
He practically drags Gordo up front. He then looks around randomly.
DRAMA TEACHER (CONT.)
(to Parker)
You, with the eyes. You'll be our Cleopatra.
Parker hesitantly goes up front. The teacher hands them both a copy of the play.
DRAMA TEACHER (CONT.)
We'll start at Act Four, Scene Fifteen. At this point Marc Antony is dying in the arms of his beloved Cleopatra.
He positions Gordo and Parker to lie down with Gordo laying in Parker's arms. Lizzie looks on uneasily.
DRAMA TEACHER
(to Gordo)
Start with, "The miserable change now at my end".
GORDO
(reciting)
"The miserable change now at my end
Lament nor sorrow at; but please your thoughts
In feeding them with those my former fortunes,
Whein I lived the greatest prince 'o the world,
… Now my spirit is going.
I can no more."
DRAMA TEACHER
Excellent, excellent.
He motions to Parker to say her lines.
PARKER
(reciting)
"Noblest of men, woo't die?
Hast thou no care of me? Shall I abide
In this dull world, which in they absence is
No better than a sty? … The crown 'o earth doth melt."
DRAMA TEACHER
Now you kiss him.
ANIMATED LIZZIE
What!
LIZZIE
(panicky)
Ki—kissing? Is that really necessary?
GORDO
(to teacher)
I don't know about—
DRAMA TEACHER
(oblivious)
Nonsense. It's all part of the play. Here she is, Cleopatra, watching the man she loves dying in her arms. She enfolds him in one final tender embrace before he shucks off this mortal coil. It's perhaps the climax of the play.
PARKER
Yeah Gordo. Besides, it'd only be acting.
ANIMATED LIZZIE
Why don't you act a little less eager!
GORDO
I'm not really comfortable with—
DRAMA TEACHER
You'll do fine my boy. Trust me.
Gordo looks to Lizzie with a trapped look on his face. Lizzie looks unsettled/fearful. Just when it looks as though 'the end is neigh', the school bell rings—it's a fire drill.
DRAMA TEACHER
Stay calm everyone, it's just a drill. File out of the room single order. Quietly please.
Lizzie and Gordo share a look of relief as they file out the door.
CUT TO:
INT. HIGH SCHOOL - HALLWAY – LATER
Our trio have just completed the fire drill.
GORDO
(relieved)
That was close. It's a good thing that fire drill took the rest of class. Talk about saved by the bell!
LIZZIE
(distracted)
Yeah…
ANIMATED LIZZIE
Get a grip McGuire. You're Gordo's girlfriend now. Show him how mature and responsible you are.
LIZZIE
(blurts out)
You know, if you'd wanted to kiss Parker I understand.
ANIMATED LIZZIE
Ah, who am I kidding? In a pig's eye!
GORDO
(flabbergasted)
What?
LIZZIE
I mean, I guess she's pretty and—
GORDO
What are you talking about?
MIRANDA
Yeah Lizzie. That's crazy talk. You and Gordo are a couple now, remember?
LIZZIE
I know… But it's just that Parker seemed so eager, and Gordo did show an interest in her last year—
GORDO
(serious)
Lizzie. We've known each other all our lives. We've always known where we stood with one another. You know how I feel about you.
LIZZIE
(softening)
Yeah…
GORDO
There's no other girl in the whole world that I'd rather be with. You're the one for me Lizzie McGuire.
Ethan, who's been standing nearby within earshot, breaks down.
ETHAN
That's so beautiful!
He walks away crying.
ANIMATED LIZZIE
He's right. Waaaahh!
Lizzie and Gordo hold hands.
MIRANDA
Now that that's settled, can we please go home?
LIZZIE
(smiling)
You bet.
ANIMATED LIZZIE
Like Gordo said, we are in High School now, and things are going to be tougher. But it helps to know that no matter how tough it gets I have friends to support me. Look out High School, here comes Lizzie McGuire!
FADE OUT:
END OF SHOW