AN: Here it is guys! Chapter 3! :D If your wondering why I took so long to get this chapter out, just refer to the AN between chapters 2 and 3. No need to explain it all again. I'm very happy with how this chapter came out. A lot longer than I thought it would. I do want to repost a note on the story line itself:

AN2: I realize that the episode this is based on ("The Killer in Me") aired ages ago. But it's not gonna change this at all. I'll still write it like I had planned from the beginning, as if the episode hasn't happened yet. So the spoilers for this story are still only up until the one before KiM ("Potential", 7-12). Any similarities between what I write and what actually happened is purely dumb luck. It's still gonna happen how I wanted it to.

Anyway, many thanks go out to my beta Wynn, who has been a super help with this chapter. Her help and good comments are always appreciated. :) Without further ado, on to the chapter. And don't forget to review it when you're done, please. You've all been great so far with reviews. Makes me so happy. :D Thanks.

A New Beginning

Chapter 3

"How long has he been like this?"

"Since early this morning. Like around three or so."

Buffy stood at the side of her bed. Xander, Willow, Dawn, and Anya were gathered around the bed with her. Buffy had alerted them to what was going on with Spike, and they had come to see him. Buffy was surprised to see concern on all their faces. Even Xander was upset. He spoke up again. "Do you have any idea what's wrong with him?"

"I think-"

Buffy was cut off by a moan. She turned toward the bed to find Spike reaching for his head again. After his episode in the bathroom, she had helped him back to her room, laying him down on her bed. He had immediately curled up on himself, but at least the head splitting pain was gone. Now, however, it appeared to be back.

"Buffy…" Spike moaned her name, clutching his head and beginning to tremble. She went over to him and sat on the edge of the bed. She reached out and began to stroke his head gently, reassuring him. She spoke softly and soothingly.

"It's okay, Spike. I'm right here."

"Buffy, it's…it's the…" Spike tried to get out what he wanted to say, but he was cut off by his own ear splitting scream. The pain hit him hard. He curled up tighter, screaming so loudly that Buffy was sure they could hear him all over Sunnydale.

The others watched, wincing at the sound of his screams. Dawn felt her eyes begin to tear as it got louder.

Buffy reached out and grabbed one of his hands, pulling it away from his head, and she grasped it in her own, trying to lend him her strength. Buffy ignored the pain in her hand as he squeezed it hard. She took her other hand off of his head and put it on his back, rubbing it in slow, gentle circles. She hated seeing him like this and being powerless to stop it. All she could do was comfort him as best she knew how and reassure him that he wasn't alone. She fought back her tears, concentrating on rubbing his back.

Finally, Spike's tense body went slack. He stopped screaming and he dropped his hand from his head. His grip on Buffy's hand loosened, but he didn't let go. He let out a sigh as the attack passed, panting with breath he didn't need. Buffy was relieved to see that it had passed. At the same time, she got even more scared. Without him gripping her hand, she could see just how weak he really was. How much this was really killing him.

Dawn took a step toward the bed. "Buffy…"

"It's the chip."

"What?"

"Is that right, Spike? Is it the chip?"

"Yeah," Spike replied quietly. He seemed to relax a bit, having gotten across what he had wanted to say before. He laid his head down beside Buffy's leg and he closed his eyes, trying to rest.

The room grew silent. Nobody knew what to say or what to do. It all seemed surreal. The chip had been in his head causing him pain for how long now? Three years? Now all of a sudden it decided he needed some more?

Buffy continued to sit with him, gently rubbing his back. Her eyes never left his face. The face that was usually so strong was now so weak. The eyes that normally glittered and brimmed with energy, life, and love, were now closed in exhaustion. The mouth that usually moved constantly was now screwed shut. She had to fix this. She had to make him better again. She couldn't let him suffer like this. She needed her strong warrior back. The man who loved her. The man she…

"We have to do something," she said, breaking the silence. Her face was set, determined. She had what Willow would call "resolve face". No one was going to argue with her.

"What can we do?" Xander asked.

"The Initiative," Dawn whispered.

"What?"

"The Initiative. We have to find them. Contact them some how. That's our best option right?"

"It's our only option," Buffy replied.

Xander spoke up again. "But how are we gonna-"

Willow's face lit up and she smiled, looking like she had just had a great revelation. "I've got it!" she cried, snapping her fingers. "I'll be right back." Willow turned and high tailed it out of the room.

"Would have been nice if she'd told us what it was before she ran off," Xander retorted.

Meanwhile, Dawn had slowly crept her way up to the bed. She approached Spike, looking at him sadly. She seemed to be considering something deeply. Buffy looked toward her, wondering what was on her mind.

Finally, Dawn spoke. "Can I…." She gestured toward the bed.

Buffy smiled and moved over on the bed, making room for her sister.

Dawn sat down next to Spike. She continued to just stare at him.

Having felt the bed move, Spike opened his eyes. He gave Dawn a small smile. "Hey, Nibblet," he whispered, his voice scratchy from all his screaming.

Dawn smiled back at him, a small, forced smile. "Hey. How are you feeling?"

"Like I got hit by a truck. But other than that I'm fine."

Dawn smiled at the fact that even in pain, his sense of humor never faltered. But as quickly as the smile had appeared, it was gone. Dawn bowed her head and stared down at Buffy's sheets, too upset to look at Spike, normally so strong, and now reduced to being so weak.

Spike sensed her distress. As carefully as he could, he tried to push himself up. Buffy let go of his hand and helped him sit up. He leaned back against the bedposts after Buffy put a pillow behind him to prop him up. Spike looked toward Buffy. "Buffy, can you-"

"Of course," she cut him off with a small smile. She knew what he was going to ask. She found that she could do that a lot. She got up from the bed and nodded toward Xander and Anya, who were still in the room. "C'mon guys. Why don't we go and see what Willow is up to?"

Neither of the argued as they followed her out of the room. Buffy closed the door behind them and they headed off to find Willow.

Spike turned to Dawn, who was still admiring Buffy's pretty blue sheets. "Dawn, what's wrong?"

She finally looked up at him. "Nothing," she replied, looking back down again.

Spike sighed, looking down at the sheets himself. "I'm sorry," he said sadly.

Dawn looked up at him. "What? What for?"

Spike fidgeted and started to pick at his finger. "For everything. For hurting Buffy. For hurting you."

"What are you talking about?"

"I lost your trust that night. I couldn't even look at you after that. When we had that little talk when I came back after the summer, you told me I'd wake up on fire if I ever hurt her again. You had every right to say that of course. I don't blame you. I blame myself. Hearing you say that, it broke my heart. It killed me to know that I lost everything between us when I hurt her. I knew you could never look at me the same way again. We used to talk all the time. And now…I really miss it. I miss you. I miss your trust. I…." Spike stopped, lifting his face to look at her. Dawn could see tears in his eyes, matching the ones in her own. He continued, his voice shakier and quieter than before. "I'm sorry I hurt you Dawnie. I'm so sorry." Spike looked down again, too ashamed to look at her.

Dawn didn't know what to say to that. He had changed so much since that night. He just couldn't see how much he had changed. She wasn't mad at him anymore. Not after everything he had done. She just hadn't had the guts to talk to him. Maybe it was about time that she tried.

"Spike, you've changed. You've changed so much since then. When I said that, I didn't know what you'd done. I didn't know that you'd gone off in search of your soul. That you went halfway around the world, facing painful trials to get it. Buffy told me about that. She said that you knew how wrong what you did was, and that's why you went away. I didn't really understand it then. But I've had some time to think it over. You did it for her. You felt so bad about what you did that you went out and faced so much pain to get your soul, all so that you wouldn't hurt her anymore. That took so much willpower to do, Spike. You risked everything to be a better man. And you are. You are a better man. I'm just sorry I didn't realize it until now."

Spike smiled, looking up again. "She told me the exact same thing, before the First took me. And then she told me…she said that she believed in me."

Dawn smiled. "She was right, Spike. You are a better man. You risked everything for her. She believes in you, Spike. And so do I. Maybe it's time you started believing in yourself."

Spike's smile grew, lighting up his face. Despite the tears that were gathered in his eyes, it was the best smile Dawn had ever seen. "When did you become so smart?" he asked affectionately.

"You're not the only one that's changed," she answered.

Spike laughed. "Yeah, you did a lot of growing while I was gone didn't ya?"

"Yup."

The room grew silent, both of them lost in thought. All of a sudden, Dawn blurted out, "You're not going to die are you?"

Spike looked surprised. "What?"

"The chip. It isn't gonna kill you, right?"

Spike didn't know what to say to that. So he said the only thing he could think of. "I'm already dead, Bit. It's a little late for that."

Dawn didn't laugh. Instead, the tears that were hiding in the corners of her eyes began to fall. She looked down once more, too upset to look at him.

Spike's heart broke. He hated to see his nibblet in pain. "Dawn, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-"

"You can't die, Spike. You can't." She looked up at him, tears continuing to fall. "We haven't…we haven't hung out together for so long. We used to play cards, and watch movies, and go shopping. You even went to a concert with me."

"Hey, you promised me you wouldn't tell anyone about that."

She smiled at that, but it disappeared as she continued. "We haven't done stuff like that in so long. I miss it. I miss hanging out with you. We have to do it again. You can't leave. You're like my brother. My best friend. You can't leave me. I love you."

Tears were now falling down Spike's face as well. She'd told him that during that dreadful summer when Buffy was gone. He was in so much pain over Buffy's death, and he had planned on standing by her grave, letting the sun come up and end his misery for good. But she had stopped him. She'd dragged him into the nearest crypt, screaming at him and yelling, hitting him when he'd tried to get away. She had told him how much she needed him, how he was like a member of her family, like a brother, the only one she had left who understood her. She'd fallen into his arms, sobbing and saying over and over how she loved him and needed him to stay with her. They'd stayed in that crypt all day, crying in each others arms and doing their best to comfort each other. Now it seemed like that was happening all over again. Spike smiled around the tears. "I love you too, Dawn. You know I do."

She let out a cross between a laugh and a sob. She looked at him, and the look on her face broke his heart once again. He opened his arms and she threw herself at him. She put her arms around him and held him tight, letting the tears fall and the sobs wrack her body. She curled up in his arms, much like she had during that summer. He held her tight and began to rub her back, rocking her slowly. He rested his head on top of hers, letting his tears fall in her hair, failing at fighting back his own sobs and his own shaking. They stayed like that for what seemed like hours. Finally, Dawn stopped shaking. She lifted her head and sniffled. Reluctantly, he let her go. She sat up and began wiping at her eyes. "I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me," she said, suddenly ashamed at her outburst. Some growing up she was doing.

Spike smiled at her embarrassment. "You're a teenager, Bit. All those bloody hormones are just wreaking havoc on you. Either that or it's just that time of the month."

Dawn looked horrified. "Spike!" she whined, punching him lightly on the arm, but grinning, letting him know she wasn't really upset.

Spike rubbed his arm playfully. "Careful, Bit. You're getting pretty strong."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

She smiled widely.

"Listen Dawn, we'll figure this out. I promise. We'll figure out what's wrong, and then you and I can have fun. Go see a movie, play cards…"

"Concerts?"

"Don't count on it. I told you I'd never go to another one of those nancy boy concerts ever again. Just because I have a soul doesn't mean I'm gonna give into that again. Things have changed."

"That they have. I love you, Spike."

Spike smiled, a smile full of life, happiness, and love. A smile he hadn't had in the longest time. Maybe ever. "I love you, too."

Dawn reached out to give him another hug. No tears this time. Just smiles. But Dawn couldn't get rid of the fear she felt. He'd said they'd figure it out. But she still had a bad feeling that something was going to go bad. Dawn was just thinking that living on the Hellmouth really did wonders for destroying your optimism, when all of a sudden, Spike tensed up. "Spike?"

He didn't answer her.

"Spike what's wrong?"

"It's…OH GOD!"

Dawn leapt away as Spike's arms flailed out of hers, his hands reaching up to his head. He curled his legs up to his chest and ducked his head, resting it on his knees. Dawn watched in horror as he started howling in pain as the chip went off again. "Oh my god. BUFFY!!" Dawn yelled.

Ten seconds later, Buffy burst into the room, followed closely by Willow, Xander, and Anya. They found Spike curled up at the top of the bed, Dawn sitting at the end, watching in horror as he screamed and shook. Buffy ran to the bed and sat down next to Spike. She reached out and took one of his hands, holding it like she had done last time. Rubbing gentle circles on his hand, she turned to Dawn. "What happened?"

"We were just talking and all of a sudden he got all tense and then he screamed."

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," she answered. She looked at Spike's pained form. "Just fine."

Fortunately, this attack was shorter than most. Soon he had calmed down, falling back against the back of the bed. Buffy continued to rub his hand. Once they were sure it was passed, Willow spoke up. "Buffy?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you want me to try that spell?"

"If you think it'll help."

"Okay."

"What is she going to do?" Dawn asked.

"It's an easy spell," Willow stated. "All you need is a talisman and the right words. It's supposed to put him in a deep sleep. Help him relax."

"For how long?" Dawn asked.

"I'm not sure. An hour? A couple? It's not too clear. Do you want me to do it?"

Buffy looked at Spike. He was still sitting next to her, looking at her. Seeing the pain in his eyes, Buffy knew what to do. "Do it," she answered quietly.

"Okay. Spike? Is that okay with you?"

Spike was so tired. So very tired. He honestly didn't know how much longer he could take it. But he didn't want to worry anyone. He tried channeling a bit of his humor. "As long as you promise to pronounce all the words right and not to turn me into a bunny rabbit or something, I say go for it."

"NO!!"

Everyone turned to look at Anya.

"No bunnies. No way! No bunnies! You know I hate bunnies!"

"Don't worry Anya. I won't turn him into a bunny."

"You promise?"

"I promise."

"Okay. Cool." Her attitude did a complete one-eighty as she gave a thumbs-up and put on her patented, overly done smile. "Go for it!"

Willow sighed. She would never understand her. "Okay. Here goes." She started to speak the words, when all of a sudden Spike cut her off.

"WAIT!!"

Willow looked toward Spike. "What?"

"Don't you have to put the talisman around my neck or something? To make sure that it puts only me to sleep and not all of you?"

"Willow!" Anya whined.

"Sorry, sorry. You're right. Sorry." Willow took the talisman and handed it to Spike. Spike put the string around his neck, letting the talisman hang down.

"Okay, ready?"

"Go ahead Willow," Buffy replied.

Willow began to chant the Latin words of the spell from the book she held. As the last word was spoken, Spike collapsed. Luckily, Buffy caught him before he could fall to the floor. Gently, she laid him out on the bed. She slowly tucked the blankets around him and put the pillow under his head, making him comfortable. When she was done, she got up to look at him.

Willow's spell seemed to have worked well. He wasn't moving at all, which was a little disconcerting. But the look on his face was a peaceful one. Buffy smiled, a tear coming to one eye. He looked so peaceful. The only other time she'd seen him like this was after she had rescued him from the First. She had taken him home to her house, bringing him upstairs, not stopping to answer the millions of questions she was bombarded with. She had gotten out a first aid kit and begun to bandage his ribs. She had taken care of his cuts and bruises as best she could. When she was done playing doctor, she had tucked him into her bed, making him comfy. He hadn't said a word up until that point. She had turned to leave when he whispered, "I knew you would come for me.

Buffy turned around to look at him. He had the most adoring look on his face. Fresh tears were falling, but they were tears of happiness. His smile was full of awe and wonder. And, as always, love. He continued. "It told me you wouldn't come. But I knew you would. I knew it."

Buffy had smiled at him, fighting back her tears. She had sat back down on the side of the bed. She had reached out and gently stroked his hair. Then she'd whispered, "Everything's going to be okay Spike. Everything's going to be okay. You just rest now." But it was too late. He was already fast asleep. The look on his face was so peaceful and relaxed, totally different from the look he had had when she saw him hanging from the wall. Now, seeing him under the spell, he looked like he had that night that she had "come for him."

Buffy smiled. She turned to face the others.

"I think we should leave him alone. Let him rest for awhile."

The others nodded. Willow left the room with her book, followed by Anya, and Xander. Buffy turned to find Dawn standing next to the bed. "Sleep tight, Spike," she whispered. She gave him an affectionate peck on the forehead. Buffy found herself wondering what had happened when she left. Dawn's attitude toward Spike had done a full one-eighty. Dawn turned to find Buffy staring at her. "What?" she asked.

"He's gonna be okay, Dawn. Willow found Sam's number. She's gonna call her and get her to put Riley on. Then I'm gonna have a talk with him. Get him to come here with some help."

"Do you think he will? Bring help?"

Buffy smiled. "I'll make him. We'll get Spike some help and they'll fix it. I promise. Okay?"

Dawn smiled back. "Yeah. Okay."

"Good. Let's go."

The two sisters turned around and left the room together. Spike rested quietly on the bed.

Buffy closed the door behind her. Dawn headed downstairs to get something to eat. It was about 8 in morning, and there was no way she would get back to sleep. She needed some food. Willow and Anya were nowhere to be seen.

"Buffy?"

Buffy turned to find Xander still standing in the hallway. "Yeah Xander?"

"Can we talk?"

Buffy's heart skipped a beat. He had such a serious look on his face. What could he possibly want to talk about? "About what Xander?"

"Let's go to your Mom's room. Nobody's in there, so we can talk alone."

Buffy was still hesitant, but Xander seemed to really want to have a talk with her. "Sure Xander."

"Okay. Let's go."

Buffy followed Xander down the hall to her mother's old room, wondering as she went just what it was the Xander wanted to say.

TBC

There you go guys. Nice new chapter. It began to get longer than I thought it would, which isn't a bad thing. ;) I was going to add in the next scene between Buffy and Xander, but I wanted to get this out to you guys. I've made you wait long enough. That scene will fit in next chapter, so no worries. Anyway, as usual, please review the chapter. I hope you guys liked it. Once again, I apologize for making you guys wait so long. RL can be a real bitch sometimes. So I'll get to work on the next chapter. You guys just make sure to review this. :) Thanks for reading!