The Lord of the Oops
Rating: PG 13 don't ask why, I don't even know.
Disclaimer: Anyone who thinks I came up with Middle Earth is a first class moron.
From my reviews for the first chapter I take it you like this, great! I'm more pumped this morning so ,I'll be able to write a little better (I hope) then again, I'd better make sure (Runs to fridge and grabs Pepsi). I think I have an Idea how to deal with Gandalf's fall and Boromir's death, but I'm not saying nothing. Thanks to Artemis and Oddwin for reviewing.
2. Daisies
"Ahhhhh, it wasn't a dream!" Legolas wailed he awoke the next morning, "What will my father think, I'm a freak, a pudgy stupid freak!!"
"Hey, you think this is bad, now I look like a girl!!" Gimli retorted holding out his new blond locks to prove it.
"I do not look like a girl!!" Legolas yelled back pouncing on Gimli.
"Correction, you did look like a girl," Gimli sneered as he leaped back from Legolas who promptly landed on his face. The two then set to damaging the others precious items, Legolas bashed Gimli's axe against the rocks and Gimli rubbed ash in Legolas's old hair.
"Okay then," Aragorn sighed as he began his attempt to "fix" his new body, twenty push ups, twenty sit ups, one hundred jumping jacks, fifty sit ups, fifty push ups.
"When's breakfast?" Sam asked as he began to rummage through the packs.
"Don't listen to him, tune him out, he isn't real'" Aragorn muttered as he continued his exercises.
Pippin joined Sam's search for food by looking through Gandalf's pack, " Hey, fire works," he grinned pulling several small cracklers out of the bag, lets go have some fun." He grabbed Merry by the halter and led him outside.
"Those are mine; give those back, their not safe for you! Don't you remember Bilbo's birthday!?" Gandalf cried out as he chased after the two former hobbits.
Boromir resumed his attempt to teach Bill some vocabulary, "Can you say: let Boromir go. come on say: let Boromir go."
"Raw.k. Rock," the pony replied, nuzzling against the tied former man.
"Ha, he said it, I taught him that guys, I taught Bill to say rock!!" Boromir gloated.
"Fantastic," Frodo replied quietly as he fingered the ring, "Now teach him to walk properly." He eyed the oddity as he stumbled around the cave bashing into things.
"I can't teach him to walk unless you untie me," Boromir stated.
"Very well, we'll untie you," Aragorn agreed finishing his work out, "Listen up guys, I'm untying Boromir, keep an eye on him." He unsheathed Sam's sword and slit the ropes. Boromir leaped up and grabbed Bill by the shirt.
"Let's go and teach you to walk," he said leading Bill outside where Gandalf was wrestling the fireworks from Pippin.
"We should take the road through Moria, it will cut many days from our journey, and my people will welcome you most eagerly," Gimli piped in noticing Aragorn looking at a map.
"I wonder if they'll welcome you master Former dwarf." Legolas sneered as he continued to bash the axe against the wall.
"Oh, right, never mind, let's go up the Caradras again, we nearly made it last time." Gimli changed his mind.
"No, that trip took us three day's, we don't have time to do that again," Aragorn growled. Gandalf entered the cave with Pippin who was covered in ash. Merry trotted behind them carrying the remains of a fire cracker. "Gandalf, we have decided to go through Moria,"
"No, please no, not there. not there." Gandalf screamed running back out side were he tripped over Bill who was crawling around on all fours.
"I thought one was supposed to grow out of being afraid of the dark?" Legolas muttered as he began to back his things.
After finding Gandalf who was curled up in a bush, and getting Bill to sit on Merry the Fellowship continued on to Moria.
"Wow, you had great eyes; I can see the lice in my old hair from here." Gimli commented to Legolas.
"Ewww, get them out, get them out!" Legolas cried shaking his new, tangled mass of hair.
Boromir walked beside Bill and held him steadily on Merry, who was beginning to get used to the being a pony. "Can you say your name Bill, say Bill. come on say Bill." He urged.
"Frodo walked beside Gandalf and attempted to explain the advantages of now being short. Ganadalf in return was muttering under his breath. "I need to get out, he'll ruin every thing, the imp is going to be the end of us all," he glared intently at Pippin who was skipping ahead of the pack, singing a song about daisies.
They turned a corner and saw that they where coming to a dead end.
"The walls of Moria," Gimli sighed in awe. "In order for this to work Legolas try to act dwarf like, and in return I'll act gay."
"Elves are not gay!" Legolas screamed pushing Gimli into a small lake that lay by the side of the path.
"Oh no, you got your old hair all slimy," Gimli said in mock dismay.
"Nooo, that's it, your axe is going down!" Legolas cried out dipping the steel weapon in the water. "Say hello to rust hahaha."
"Won't you two just shut up!!?" Aragorn yelled, "All of us are switched, you two are not the worst done by, I'm now fat, Gandalf's short, Merry's a pony. So please just shut up!"
Gandalf stepped up to the mountain wall and jumped up and down to brush away the dirt covering it. "Isildin. It mirrors only starlight and moonlight. It reads: The gates of Durin, Lord of Moria. Speak friend and enter."
Pippin stopped singing long enough to ask a stupid question, "What do you suppose it means?"
"Stupid half wit, what do you think it means?!" Gandalf yelled at him.
"Daisies," stated Pippin before breaking forth into song again.
Gandalfs eyes began to make an odd twitching motion. "No, Pippin it means that if you are a friend, you speak the password and enter," He replied very slowly. Now let me see if I can remember it.
Pippin halted his singing again, "Is it Daises?" he asked.
"NO IT IS NOT DAISES, NOTHING IS DASIES, SO FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY SHUT UP!!" Gandalf yelled into Pippin's face before regaining his composure and continuing to search for the right word.
Aragorn turned to Boromir who was holding Merry's reins and supporting Bill. "The Mines are no place for a pony, even for one as brave as Bill."
"But Bill can walk now, I taught him to walk, please let us keep him. Merry's the one who will cause all the hassle." Boromir pleaded stroking Bills curly head.
Merry let out a load snort and glared intently at Boromir.
"Fine we can take Bill, but he's your responsibility."
"What about Merry?" Boromir asked lifting Bill off the former hobbit's back.
"I guess we'd better take him, who knows maybe we'll meet someone who can help us."
Merry let out a joyful whinny and nuzzled Aragorn.
Legolas's and Gimli's argument was becoming more and more heated. Legolas keeped bashing the dwarf's axe against the door insisting that the impact might open it. In turn Gimli continued to rub slim in Legolas' former blond locks. At the sight of this Legolas got so angry he took one of Gimli's throwing axes and threw it into the pool, "Hahaha that will show you to treat my hair with respect."
"It's my hair now; I'll treat it how ever I want to." Gimli yelled back grabbing Legolas' bow and preparing to cast it into the pool. Aragorn grabbed his arm and pulled him back.
"Do not disturb the water," He growled before letting the dwarf go. Legolas' immediately pounced on him and grabbed his bow. Gimli in turn grabbed his axe. "That's better, how about you just exchange weapons and well doing that grab some maturity." Aragorn turned to help Boromir who was tying a lead onto Bill.
"Mae Carnon mellon nin (Well done my friend)," Legolas huffed sarcastically. Suddenly the doors opened.
"What, what did you say!" Gandalf cried out.
"Mae Carnon mellon nin," Legolas relied quietly.
"Of course, friend, it was a riddle." Gandalf laughed, "Well come on, lets get going."
"Gimli prodded Legolas in the ribs, "Soon you will know why it is better to be a dwarf, roaring fire, malt beer, red meat right off the bones. This is the home of my cousin Balin, and they call it a mine, a mine!"
"I'm a vegetarian," Legolas stated prodding Gimli back.
"No way, not well your in my body, it needs meat," Gimli commanded.
"It's my body now," Legolas retorted sticking his tongue out at the enraged dwarf.
"Wow, I didn't know that drwarven interior decorating involved so many corpses," Boromir whistled.
"No, no, noooo," Gimli cired out as he began to run franticly around the cavern.
"Goblins," Legolas quaked pulling an arrow from on of the corpses.
"Ahhh," the former hobbits yelled as the turned tail and ran out the door. Boromir followed them, but was immediately picked up by a tentacle coming from the pool.
"Aragorn," he yelled, "Help!"
Aragorn ran into the water with Sam's sword, as did Gimli and Legolas, together they hacked at the tentacles till the best let Boromir fall. Aragorn caught him, and Legolas let fly a deadly arrow into the creature's head.
"Into the mines," Gandalf cried as he herded every one through the door.
"That's the best idea I've heard all year," Aragorn agreed letting Boromir down and following him. Suddenly the creature broke the doors behind them, trapping them in Moria.
"Head count, head count," Sam yelled out in the darkness. Gandalf immediately set a glowing stone on his staff.
"One, two, three, four hobbits (sort of), One, two men (er.. nevermind) yeah, every one's here." Gandalf reported. "Now we have only one choice," he shudder, "We must go through the mines."
Rating: PG 13 don't ask why, I don't even know.
Disclaimer: Anyone who thinks I came up with Middle Earth is a first class moron.
From my reviews for the first chapter I take it you like this, great! I'm more pumped this morning so ,I'll be able to write a little better (I hope) then again, I'd better make sure (Runs to fridge and grabs Pepsi). I think I have an Idea how to deal with Gandalf's fall and Boromir's death, but I'm not saying nothing. Thanks to Artemis and Oddwin for reviewing.
2. Daisies
"Ahhhhh, it wasn't a dream!" Legolas wailed he awoke the next morning, "What will my father think, I'm a freak, a pudgy stupid freak!!"
"Hey, you think this is bad, now I look like a girl!!" Gimli retorted holding out his new blond locks to prove it.
"I do not look like a girl!!" Legolas yelled back pouncing on Gimli.
"Correction, you did look like a girl," Gimli sneered as he leaped back from Legolas who promptly landed on his face. The two then set to damaging the others precious items, Legolas bashed Gimli's axe against the rocks and Gimli rubbed ash in Legolas's old hair.
"Okay then," Aragorn sighed as he began his attempt to "fix" his new body, twenty push ups, twenty sit ups, one hundred jumping jacks, fifty sit ups, fifty push ups.
"When's breakfast?" Sam asked as he began to rummage through the packs.
"Don't listen to him, tune him out, he isn't real'" Aragorn muttered as he continued his exercises.
Pippin joined Sam's search for food by looking through Gandalf's pack, " Hey, fire works," he grinned pulling several small cracklers out of the bag, lets go have some fun." He grabbed Merry by the halter and led him outside.
"Those are mine; give those back, their not safe for you! Don't you remember Bilbo's birthday!?" Gandalf cried out as he chased after the two former hobbits.
Boromir resumed his attempt to teach Bill some vocabulary, "Can you say: let Boromir go. come on say: let Boromir go."
"Raw.k. Rock," the pony replied, nuzzling against the tied former man.
"Ha, he said it, I taught him that guys, I taught Bill to say rock!!" Boromir gloated.
"Fantastic," Frodo replied quietly as he fingered the ring, "Now teach him to walk properly." He eyed the oddity as he stumbled around the cave bashing into things.
"I can't teach him to walk unless you untie me," Boromir stated.
"Very well, we'll untie you," Aragorn agreed finishing his work out, "Listen up guys, I'm untying Boromir, keep an eye on him." He unsheathed Sam's sword and slit the ropes. Boromir leaped up and grabbed Bill by the shirt.
"Let's go and teach you to walk," he said leading Bill outside where Gandalf was wrestling the fireworks from Pippin.
"We should take the road through Moria, it will cut many days from our journey, and my people will welcome you most eagerly," Gimli piped in noticing Aragorn looking at a map.
"I wonder if they'll welcome you master Former dwarf." Legolas sneered as he continued to bash the axe against the wall.
"Oh, right, never mind, let's go up the Caradras again, we nearly made it last time." Gimli changed his mind.
"No, that trip took us three day's, we don't have time to do that again," Aragorn growled. Gandalf entered the cave with Pippin who was covered in ash. Merry trotted behind them carrying the remains of a fire cracker. "Gandalf, we have decided to go through Moria,"
"No, please no, not there. not there." Gandalf screamed running back out side were he tripped over Bill who was crawling around on all fours.
"I thought one was supposed to grow out of being afraid of the dark?" Legolas muttered as he began to back his things.
After finding Gandalf who was curled up in a bush, and getting Bill to sit on Merry the Fellowship continued on to Moria.
"Wow, you had great eyes; I can see the lice in my old hair from here." Gimli commented to Legolas.
"Ewww, get them out, get them out!" Legolas cried shaking his new, tangled mass of hair.
Boromir walked beside Bill and held him steadily on Merry, who was beginning to get used to the being a pony. "Can you say your name Bill, say Bill. come on say Bill." He urged.
"Frodo walked beside Gandalf and attempted to explain the advantages of now being short. Ganadalf in return was muttering under his breath. "I need to get out, he'll ruin every thing, the imp is going to be the end of us all," he glared intently at Pippin who was skipping ahead of the pack, singing a song about daisies.
They turned a corner and saw that they where coming to a dead end.
"The walls of Moria," Gimli sighed in awe. "In order for this to work Legolas try to act dwarf like, and in return I'll act gay."
"Elves are not gay!" Legolas screamed pushing Gimli into a small lake that lay by the side of the path.
"Oh no, you got your old hair all slimy," Gimli said in mock dismay.
"Nooo, that's it, your axe is going down!" Legolas cried out dipping the steel weapon in the water. "Say hello to rust hahaha."
"Won't you two just shut up!!?" Aragorn yelled, "All of us are switched, you two are not the worst done by, I'm now fat, Gandalf's short, Merry's a pony. So please just shut up!"
Gandalf stepped up to the mountain wall and jumped up and down to brush away the dirt covering it. "Isildin. It mirrors only starlight and moonlight. It reads: The gates of Durin, Lord of Moria. Speak friend and enter."
Pippin stopped singing long enough to ask a stupid question, "What do you suppose it means?"
"Stupid half wit, what do you think it means?!" Gandalf yelled at him.
"Daisies," stated Pippin before breaking forth into song again.
Gandalfs eyes began to make an odd twitching motion. "No, Pippin it means that if you are a friend, you speak the password and enter," He replied very slowly. Now let me see if I can remember it.
Pippin halted his singing again, "Is it Daises?" he asked.
"NO IT IS NOT DAISES, NOTHING IS DASIES, SO FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY SHUT UP!!" Gandalf yelled into Pippin's face before regaining his composure and continuing to search for the right word.
Aragorn turned to Boromir who was holding Merry's reins and supporting Bill. "The Mines are no place for a pony, even for one as brave as Bill."
"But Bill can walk now, I taught him to walk, please let us keep him. Merry's the one who will cause all the hassle." Boromir pleaded stroking Bills curly head.
Merry let out a load snort and glared intently at Boromir.
"Fine we can take Bill, but he's your responsibility."
"What about Merry?" Boromir asked lifting Bill off the former hobbit's back.
"I guess we'd better take him, who knows maybe we'll meet someone who can help us."
Merry let out a joyful whinny and nuzzled Aragorn.
Legolas's and Gimli's argument was becoming more and more heated. Legolas keeped bashing the dwarf's axe against the door insisting that the impact might open it. In turn Gimli continued to rub slim in Legolas' former blond locks. At the sight of this Legolas got so angry he took one of Gimli's throwing axes and threw it into the pool, "Hahaha that will show you to treat my hair with respect."
"It's my hair now; I'll treat it how ever I want to." Gimli yelled back grabbing Legolas' bow and preparing to cast it into the pool. Aragorn grabbed his arm and pulled him back.
"Do not disturb the water," He growled before letting the dwarf go. Legolas' immediately pounced on him and grabbed his bow. Gimli in turn grabbed his axe. "That's better, how about you just exchange weapons and well doing that grab some maturity." Aragorn turned to help Boromir who was tying a lead onto Bill.
"Mae Carnon mellon nin (Well done my friend)," Legolas huffed sarcastically. Suddenly the doors opened.
"What, what did you say!" Gandalf cried out.
"Mae Carnon mellon nin," Legolas relied quietly.
"Of course, friend, it was a riddle." Gandalf laughed, "Well come on, lets get going."
"Gimli prodded Legolas in the ribs, "Soon you will know why it is better to be a dwarf, roaring fire, malt beer, red meat right off the bones. This is the home of my cousin Balin, and they call it a mine, a mine!"
"I'm a vegetarian," Legolas stated prodding Gimli back.
"No way, not well your in my body, it needs meat," Gimli commanded.
"It's my body now," Legolas retorted sticking his tongue out at the enraged dwarf.
"Wow, I didn't know that drwarven interior decorating involved so many corpses," Boromir whistled.
"No, no, noooo," Gimli cired out as he began to run franticly around the cavern.
"Goblins," Legolas quaked pulling an arrow from on of the corpses.
"Ahhh," the former hobbits yelled as the turned tail and ran out the door. Boromir followed them, but was immediately picked up by a tentacle coming from the pool.
"Aragorn," he yelled, "Help!"
Aragorn ran into the water with Sam's sword, as did Gimli and Legolas, together they hacked at the tentacles till the best let Boromir fall. Aragorn caught him, and Legolas let fly a deadly arrow into the creature's head.
"Into the mines," Gandalf cried as he herded every one through the door.
"That's the best idea I've heard all year," Aragorn agreed letting Boromir down and following him. Suddenly the creature broke the doors behind them, trapping them in Moria.
"Head count, head count," Sam yelled out in the darkness. Gandalf immediately set a glowing stone on his staff.
"One, two, three, four hobbits (sort of), One, two men (er.. nevermind) yeah, every one's here." Gandalf reported. "Now we have only one choice," he shudder, "We must go through the mines."