Rating: PG 13 for reasons you shall never know (muahhahaha)
Disclaimer: I don not own Tolkien's creations (yet)
Sorry this took so long, School and other dreadful things (not like there is anything worse) got in the way and I got wellllll lazy. Anyway, this promises to be an interesting chapter as it is of course where the Fellowship must split up. Boromir dyes. no he doesn't.. yes precious he does. no..yes.. we'll see.
5. Hair dye
As the pleasant sun shone into the woods of Lothlorien, elven voices could be heard calling out for a certain former hobbit. They found him, finally after six hours of searching, hissing to himself and giggling under a bridge. After convincing him no one would take the ring, they captured him, tied him up and brought him to where the rest of the Fellowship waited.
"Mr Frodo, we where sooooo worried. Don't you ever ever run away like that again." Sam wept as he received his master from the elves. Who fetched a collection of supplies from a nearby tree house.
"These are for you, take them, and for Eru's sake just leave." They pleaded shoving cloaks into the Fellowships arms. They then gave Pippin a belt and knife before tossing him into a nearby boat. They gave Merry a brand new halter and led him into a boat where he was forced to lay down in, least it tipped. Aragorn was given a coil of rope, and several words of encouragement. He took his place in the boat by Merry, who neighed with fear. Sam received a dagger and a comb (obviously some type of message about his new, rugged look). Frodo was given a belt, and was set lose again. Boromir was given a small phial. The elves gave him a weak smile, and he realized that they had no idea what he would have wanted, and hoped the phial would suffice. Gimli then received a brush, and several other hair treatments (Legolas was not the only one who thought the blond locks needed some attention). Legolas was given a set of arrows, and the elves comforted him at his loss.
Soon the whole Fellowship was paddling down the Anduin, each attempting to discover the value of their gifts.
"Do you think she was trying to tell me something?" Gimli asked as he dropped the hair treatment in the water.
"What the $%#," Legolas screamed as he bounded into the freezing water after them, "Why didn't you give them to me?" He came up with the hair treatments in hand, but soon began to sink. "Help, oh Valar, help!!!"
Aragorn quickly discovered the usefulness of his own gift, and tossed a corner of the rope to the former elf and towed him in. "We'd best turn in here for the night, Legolas will catch hypothermia if we don't," He growled steering the boat toward the shore.
"Not like that would be a bad thing," Gimli sighed.
The Fellowship found a nice camp site by the shore and settled down for the night. Gimli was given first watch as punishment for his antics by the lake. As he sat near the fire smoking his pipe he thought of evil, and yet enjoyable things to do to the former elf, or at least his body. Before Legolas had fallen asleep they had a heated argument about the damages of pipe weed on a smoker's body. After discovering it could cause hair loss, Gimli had vowed to smoke every minute of his occupation of the elves body. "Hmmm," Gimli thought to himself as he dipped a golden lock into the pipe and watched it smolder, "Dye, I wonder if I brought any, ohhh, yes Gloin left some in my bag. He insists on turning his gracefully grayed hair to a dark brown. Perfect,"He immediately began to rummage through his back.
"OH MY ERU!!" Legolas yelled as he awoke to find his former blond lock blotched with dark brown. "What the hell did you do, you can't do that!!"
"Shut the #$%% up" Aragorn ordered pulling a pillow over his head.
"Who made you boss fatty?" Boromir retorted as he awoke the others, "It's past dawn; you need to get those chubby legs moving."
Aragorn began his morning exercises, Boromir attempted to teach Bill to make pancakes, Pippin (tired of being ignored) carved his name and other explicatives on the side of one of the boats. Frodo climbed a tree and picked the sequences of his jacket hissing "they glint, they will make us seen." Legolas put large amounts of hair treatment on his matted head while cursing Gimli who set to covering himself head to foot in muck. Merry searched around for a spot of grass and pondered ways to sit more comfortably in the boat.
After a eating a very disgusting and messy breakfast the Fellowship set out again, but not after Boromir insisted on giving Bill a bath. The company drew lots and who would ride with whom, to the great dismay of all, Gimli and Legolas got stuck together. Never the less it was a long day.
"Get your hand of my half you nancy!!!!" Gimli yelled hacking at Legolas's arm.
"Then stop rocking the damn boat, you're making me sick. I'll puke up on your beard." Legolas yelled back grasping at his stomach.
"Puke on the beard and I'll cut off the hair," Gimli warned holding his axe up to the already mutilated locks. The argument continued for a long time.
Boromir forced his boat ahead of the others and handed his paddle off to Bill, "Come on, it's not that hard, you can to it boy, I have faith in you." he urged showing the former pony how to stroke. With a deep thrust Bill shot the boat around a corner.
"Hey, wait up Boro!" Aragorn cried out paddling furoisly to keep up, the others followed.
"Holy Rosy," Sam whispered in awe, 'What are those?"
"The Aragornath. Long have I desired to look upon the kings of old, my kin."Aragorn replied.
"We'll they aren't your kin anymore short stuff," Boromir laughed as he took the paddle from Bill and back tracked to the others.
"Who are you to talk, your shorter then me?" Aragorn retorted.
"Fine, when we get to shore we'll see." Boromir steered his boat toward land.
"Nooo, no we musn't go ther, there be orcses there, orcses and worst, we stay in boatses."Frodo hissed cluthching at his chest.
"Oh lay off it," Aragorn growled as he pulled his boat up on the shore. "We are stopping here, orcs or no orcs." He immediately fell back to back with Boromir, "Okay, we need the truth, who's taller?"
"Hmmm, well actually you're about the same. Hard to tell though I think Boromirs taller." Legolas guessed sizing the two up.
"Are you kidding, Aragorn obviously, geez can't you see Boromirs standing on a rock. Your sooo stupid I mean really." Gimli sighed as he lit up his pipe.
"Hey, don't you dare smoke in that body, I've told you a million times. I have lived for three thousand years with out inhaling a single weed, you are not going to ruin that for me." Legolas yelled ripping the pip from Gimli's grasp and flinging it into the river.
"What the, that was my grandfathers pipe, a family heir loom. Don't you elves ever think?" Gimli cried wading in after it.
"It's long gone Gimli, here I have an extra," Pippin said handing the former dwarf his bag, "I think it's in the second pocket, under the pink dye, and water balloons. With the mention of dye Gimli's eyes lit up, luckily for him Legolas was too busy cleaning his nails to notice.
Opps that dragged on a bit longer then I thought, ohh well I guess you'll have to wait till chapter six to discover the fait of Boromir Muahahahaha.
Disclaimer: I don not own Tolkien's creations (yet)
Sorry this took so long, School and other dreadful things (not like there is anything worse) got in the way and I got wellllll lazy. Anyway, this promises to be an interesting chapter as it is of course where the Fellowship must split up. Boromir dyes. no he doesn't.. yes precious he does. no..yes.. we'll see.
5. Hair dye
As the pleasant sun shone into the woods of Lothlorien, elven voices could be heard calling out for a certain former hobbit. They found him, finally after six hours of searching, hissing to himself and giggling under a bridge. After convincing him no one would take the ring, they captured him, tied him up and brought him to where the rest of the Fellowship waited.
"Mr Frodo, we where sooooo worried. Don't you ever ever run away like that again." Sam wept as he received his master from the elves. Who fetched a collection of supplies from a nearby tree house.
"These are for you, take them, and for Eru's sake just leave." They pleaded shoving cloaks into the Fellowships arms. They then gave Pippin a belt and knife before tossing him into a nearby boat. They gave Merry a brand new halter and led him into a boat where he was forced to lay down in, least it tipped. Aragorn was given a coil of rope, and several words of encouragement. He took his place in the boat by Merry, who neighed with fear. Sam received a dagger and a comb (obviously some type of message about his new, rugged look). Frodo was given a belt, and was set lose again. Boromir was given a small phial. The elves gave him a weak smile, and he realized that they had no idea what he would have wanted, and hoped the phial would suffice. Gimli then received a brush, and several other hair treatments (Legolas was not the only one who thought the blond locks needed some attention). Legolas was given a set of arrows, and the elves comforted him at his loss.
Soon the whole Fellowship was paddling down the Anduin, each attempting to discover the value of their gifts.
"Do you think she was trying to tell me something?" Gimli asked as he dropped the hair treatment in the water.
"What the $%#," Legolas screamed as he bounded into the freezing water after them, "Why didn't you give them to me?" He came up with the hair treatments in hand, but soon began to sink. "Help, oh Valar, help!!!"
Aragorn quickly discovered the usefulness of his own gift, and tossed a corner of the rope to the former elf and towed him in. "We'd best turn in here for the night, Legolas will catch hypothermia if we don't," He growled steering the boat toward the shore.
"Not like that would be a bad thing," Gimli sighed.
The Fellowship found a nice camp site by the shore and settled down for the night. Gimli was given first watch as punishment for his antics by the lake. As he sat near the fire smoking his pipe he thought of evil, and yet enjoyable things to do to the former elf, or at least his body. Before Legolas had fallen asleep they had a heated argument about the damages of pipe weed on a smoker's body. After discovering it could cause hair loss, Gimli had vowed to smoke every minute of his occupation of the elves body. "Hmmm," Gimli thought to himself as he dipped a golden lock into the pipe and watched it smolder, "Dye, I wonder if I brought any, ohhh, yes Gloin left some in my bag. He insists on turning his gracefully grayed hair to a dark brown. Perfect,"He immediately began to rummage through his back.
"OH MY ERU!!" Legolas yelled as he awoke to find his former blond lock blotched with dark brown. "What the hell did you do, you can't do that!!"
"Shut the #$%% up" Aragorn ordered pulling a pillow over his head.
"Who made you boss fatty?" Boromir retorted as he awoke the others, "It's past dawn; you need to get those chubby legs moving."
Aragorn began his morning exercises, Boromir attempted to teach Bill to make pancakes, Pippin (tired of being ignored) carved his name and other explicatives on the side of one of the boats. Frodo climbed a tree and picked the sequences of his jacket hissing "they glint, they will make us seen." Legolas put large amounts of hair treatment on his matted head while cursing Gimli who set to covering himself head to foot in muck. Merry searched around for a spot of grass and pondered ways to sit more comfortably in the boat.
After a eating a very disgusting and messy breakfast the Fellowship set out again, but not after Boromir insisted on giving Bill a bath. The company drew lots and who would ride with whom, to the great dismay of all, Gimli and Legolas got stuck together. Never the less it was a long day.
"Get your hand of my half you nancy!!!!" Gimli yelled hacking at Legolas's arm.
"Then stop rocking the damn boat, you're making me sick. I'll puke up on your beard." Legolas yelled back grasping at his stomach.
"Puke on the beard and I'll cut off the hair," Gimli warned holding his axe up to the already mutilated locks. The argument continued for a long time.
Boromir forced his boat ahead of the others and handed his paddle off to Bill, "Come on, it's not that hard, you can to it boy, I have faith in you." he urged showing the former pony how to stroke. With a deep thrust Bill shot the boat around a corner.
"Hey, wait up Boro!" Aragorn cried out paddling furoisly to keep up, the others followed.
"Holy Rosy," Sam whispered in awe, 'What are those?"
"The Aragornath. Long have I desired to look upon the kings of old, my kin."Aragorn replied.
"We'll they aren't your kin anymore short stuff," Boromir laughed as he took the paddle from Bill and back tracked to the others.
"Who are you to talk, your shorter then me?" Aragorn retorted.
"Fine, when we get to shore we'll see." Boromir steered his boat toward land.
"Nooo, no we musn't go ther, there be orcses there, orcses and worst, we stay in boatses."Frodo hissed cluthching at his chest.
"Oh lay off it," Aragorn growled as he pulled his boat up on the shore. "We are stopping here, orcs or no orcs." He immediately fell back to back with Boromir, "Okay, we need the truth, who's taller?"
"Hmmm, well actually you're about the same. Hard to tell though I think Boromirs taller." Legolas guessed sizing the two up.
"Are you kidding, Aragorn obviously, geez can't you see Boromirs standing on a rock. Your sooo stupid I mean really." Gimli sighed as he lit up his pipe.
"Hey, don't you dare smoke in that body, I've told you a million times. I have lived for three thousand years with out inhaling a single weed, you are not going to ruin that for me." Legolas yelled ripping the pip from Gimli's grasp and flinging it into the river.
"What the, that was my grandfathers pipe, a family heir loom. Don't you elves ever think?" Gimli cried wading in after it.
"It's long gone Gimli, here I have an extra," Pippin said handing the former dwarf his bag, "I think it's in the second pocket, under the pink dye, and water balloons. With the mention of dye Gimli's eyes lit up, luckily for him Legolas was too busy cleaning his nails to notice.
Opps that dragged on a bit longer then I thought, ohh well I guess you'll have to wait till chapter six to discover the fait of Boromir Muahahahaha.