Rating: PG 13, well the movie was PG 14 (
Disclaimer: em ton ,neikloT R.R.J detaerc erehw sretcarahc sti f olla dna ,thraE elddiM *Use a mirror wise guy*
8. Ahhh, Dutch Elms Disease The orcs where arguing, as Pippin watched, he was reminded of Gimli and Legolas. Most of them wanted to stop, to take a break. It seemed that a few where hoping for a bit of a wash up, not that it would do much good. Pippin noticed them fighting over a piece of rotten bread, the stench of which brought to mind Aragorn.
Bill groaned, and began to mutter, "No, not pink one, I want hay, I want it.@$#@" A trace of drool ran down his chin. His vocabulary what getting better, and ^with the company of the orcs, was getting into the four letter variety
"Bill, hey Bill," Pippin whispered shaking his friend.
"Hmmm, rock, I don't like rock, rock hard." Bill responded.
"Ah, yeah sure. Do you here that?" Pippin asked as a steady groan met his ear.
"hmmhmm, tis tummy," Bill said pointing to his stomach. The groan grew loader. "Maybe ain't tummy. where's Boro?"
"Never mind," Pippin growled, "and they think I'm an idiot."
"I'm starving. We ain't 'ad nothin' but maggoty bread for three stinkin' days!" Shouted one Orc, throwing aside the bread.
"Yeah, Why can't we have some meat?" Shouted another, his eyes rested on the captives "What about them? They're fresh."
"You don't want us, where sick, we have." Pippin struggled to think up a disease, "Dutch Elms Disease, we have it, don't touch us!"
The orcs met his excuse with laughter, laughter cut short by the whistling of arrows. Suddenly several mounted horsemen burst out from the forest. "Yeeha, gonna rustle me up some Uruks" shouted one, running several of the orcs through.
"Ahhhh, run Bill, runnnn!!!" Pippin yelled darting into the forest; he looked back and noticed the former pony, deep in discussion with one of the horses. "Bill, come on!!"
"Sec," Bill replied rubbing noses with the steed, "here I come."
"Finaly, jeeze, did you meet a girl friend?" Pippin asked sarcastically.
"That was a he. you are stupid." Bill laughed as he jogged into the woods. "Boromir said it, and Boromir's always right."
"What do you mean Boromir said it, I thought he liked me?"
"He hated you," Bill replied flatly.
"The red sun rises. Blood has been spilled this night." Legolas whispered watching the sun rise.
"Aye, and if you don't shut it, more will be." Gimli growled from up ahead.
"Something's coming, duck and cover!" Sam yelled throwing himself behind a large boulder. Gimli hurled himself after him, leaving Legolas, seated on Bill staring up at the sky. "Come on Leggy, they will see you."
"Nothings coming, I don't hear anything." Legolas huffed.
"You idiot, of course you don't, dwarves have a horrible sense of . Oh, here they are." Gimli hissed crawling into the rocks protective shadow. More then fifty riders galloped up the hill and circled the former elf, who stared at them in embarrassment and fear.
"What is a dwarf doing in the Riddermark?" asked one, removing his helmet to reveal long, ill kept, blond locks. "Speak quickly."
"Nothin" Legolas gulped, eyes fixated on the rider hair.
"I would cut off your head dwarf if it stood, but a little higher above the ground." The rider growled.
"You would die before your stroke fell!" Sam yelled leaping out from behind the rock. He had Aragorn's bow pointed at the riders head, an arrow on the string.facing toward himself. "Oh, umm opps."
"Obviously neither of you is a threat to us, Give us your names, and your business here, and we will let you go."
"I am Samwise of the Shire." Sam introduced, the riders did not bat an eye at his title, ~they must not be familiar with the Shire~ Sam thought. "My companion is Legolas Greenleaf of Mirkwood." This was met with a fit of laughter.
"Him, an elf. Well now I have seen every thing." The rider laughed clutching at his sides.
"We, umm had a run in with a nasty curse." Sam gushed in embarrassment.
"I am Eomer of the Mark, these are my men. Would the wizard you speak of be Saruman the white?"
"The very same," Legolas answered.
"Well then, may the enemy of my enemy be my friend." Eomer said, shaking Sam's hand. "Now, what is your business here?"
"My friends and eye." Sam began
"Friends, but I only see one." Eomer commented
"Oh, yes of course, Gimli come on out they are friends!" Sam called out to the former dwarf, who stumbled out from behind the rock.
"There is another site I shall never see again," Laughed Eomer as the bedraggled elf made his way beside his friends.
"We are searching for our companions, Hobbit of the Shire. They would be children in your eyes," Sam continued. "They where captured by a group of uruk-hai.
"Shire, is that not where you are from? Oh yes the curse." Eomer replied. 'We found a group of Uruk-Hai, we killed them, and we found no children. We pilled the carcasses and burned them as is the custom of our people." He pointed to a burning pile in the distance.
"Dead." Gimli moaned leaning his head on Sam's shoulder.
"I am sorry," Eomer apologized. "Hasufel, Arod" He whistled and two horses moved up. "May they bring you better luck then their former masters. Farewell." With that he mounted his own horse and the entire troop took off. "Look for your friends, but do not trust to hope, it has forsaken these lands. We go north!"
"Well I say we check it out." Legolas decided, steering Merry toward the smoke in the distance.
"Of course we will go and look, what else do we have to do?" Sam replied mounting Hasufel. Gimli mounted Arod, and the trio set off.
Disclaimer: em ton ,neikloT R.R.J detaerc erehw sretcarahc sti f olla dna ,thraE elddiM *Use a mirror wise guy*
8. Ahhh, Dutch Elms Disease The orcs where arguing, as Pippin watched, he was reminded of Gimli and Legolas. Most of them wanted to stop, to take a break. It seemed that a few where hoping for a bit of a wash up, not that it would do much good. Pippin noticed them fighting over a piece of rotten bread, the stench of which brought to mind Aragorn.
Bill groaned, and began to mutter, "No, not pink one, I want hay, I want it.@$#@" A trace of drool ran down his chin. His vocabulary what getting better, and ^with the company of the orcs, was getting into the four letter variety
"Bill, hey Bill," Pippin whispered shaking his friend.
"Hmmm, rock, I don't like rock, rock hard." Bill responded.
"Ah, yeah sure. Do you here that?" Pippin asked as a steady groan met his ear.
"hmmhmm, tis tummy," Bill said pointing to his stomach. The groan grew loader. "Maybe ain't tummy. where's Boro?"
"Never mind," Pippin growled, "and they think I'm an idiot."
"I'm starving. We ain't 'ad nothin' but maggoty bread for three stinkin' days!" Shouted one Orc, throwing aside the bread.
"Yeah, Why can't we have some meat?" Shouted another, his eyes rested on the captives "What about them? They're fresh."
"You don't want us, where sick, we have." Pippin struggled to think up a disease, "Dutch Elms Disease, we have it, don't touch us!"
The orcs met his excuse with laughter, laughter cut short by the whistling of arrows. Suddenly several mounted horsemen burst out from the forest. "Yeeha, gonna rustle me up some Uruks" shouted one, running several of the orcs through.
"Ahhhh, run Bill, runnnn!!!" Pippin yelled darting into the forest; he looked back and noticed the former pony, deep in discussion with one of the horses. "Bill, come on!!"
"Sec," Bill replied rubbing noses with the steed, "here I come."
"Finaly, jeeze, did you meet a girl friend?" Pippin asked sarcastically.
"That was a he. you are stupid." Bill laughed as he jogged into the woods. "Boromir said it, and Boromir's always right."
"What do you mean Boromir said it, I thought he liked me?"
"He hated you," Bill replied flatly.
"The red sun rises. Blood has been spilled this night." Legolas whispered watching the sun rise.
"Aye, and if you don't shut it, more will be." Gimli growled from up ahead.
"Something's coming, duck and cover!" Sam yelled throwing himself behind a large boulder. Gimli hurled himself after him, leaving Legolas, seated on Bill staring up at the sky. "Come on Leggy, they will see you."
"Nothings coming, I don't hear anything." Legolas huffed.
"You idiot, of course you don't, dwarves have a horrible sense of . Oh, here they are." Gimli hissed crawling into the rocks protective shadow. More then fifty riders galloped up the hill and circled the former elf, who stared at them in embarrassment and fear.
"What is a dwarf doing in the Riddermark?" asked one, removing his helmet to reveal long, ill kept, blond locks. "Speak quickly."
"Nothin" Legolas gulped, eyes fixated on the rider hair.
"I would cut off your head dwarf if it stood, but a little higher above the ground." The rider growled.
"You would die before your stroke fell!" Sam yelled leaping out from behind the rock. He had Aragorn's bow pointed at the riders head, an arrow on the string.facing toward himself. "Oh, umm opps."
"Obviously neither of you is a threat to us, Give us your names, and your business here, and we will let you go."
"I am Samwise of the Shire." Sam introduced, the riders did not bat an eye at his title, ~they must not be familiar with the Shire~ Sam thought. "My companion is Legolas Greenleaf of Mirkwood." This was met with a fit of laughter.
"Him, an elf. Well now I have seen every thing." The rider laughed clutching at his sides.
"We, umm had a run in with a nasty curse." Sam gushed in embarrassment.
"I am Eomer of the Mark, these are my men. Would the wizard you speak of be Saruman the white?"
"The very same," Legolas answered.
"Well then, may the enemy of my enemy be my friend." Eomer said, shaking Sam's hand. "Now, what is your business here?"
"My friends and eye." Sam began
"Friends, but I only see one." Eomer commented
"Oh, yes of course, Gimli come on out they are friends!" Sam called out to the former dwarf, who stumbled out from behind the rock.
"There is another site I shall never see again," Laughed Eomer as the bedraggled elf made his way beside his friends.
"We are searching for our companions, Hobbit of the Shire. They would be children in your eyes," Sam continued. "They where captured by a group of uruk-hai.
"Shire, is that not where you are from? Oh yes the curse." Eomer replied. 'We found a group of Uruk-Hai, we killed them, and we found no children. We pilled the carcasses and burned them as is the custom of our people." He pointed to a burning pile in the distance.
"Dead." Gimli moaned leaning his head on Sam's shoulder.
"I am sorry," Eomer apologized. "Hasufel, Arod" He whistled and two horses moved up. "May they bring you better luck then their former masters. Farewell." With that he mounted his own horse and the entire troop took off. "Look for your friends, but do not trust to hope, it has forsaken these lands. We go north!"
"Well I say we check it out." Legolas decided, steering Merry toward the smoke in the distance.
"Of course we will go and look, what else do we have to do?" Sam replied mounting Hasufel. Gimli mounted Arod, and the trio set off.