Rating: PG 13 for obvious reasons (obvious to the smart. are you smart?)
Disclaimer: I don't own this, I will never own this, I will never forget this, I will never like homework, I will never stop insisting my school defies my rights, I will.
9. Hahaha, They Tried to Ruin my Week, but They Didn't
"Eww, that is just disgusting, I think I'm going to puke!" Legolas gagged as they neared the pile, "All over your beard." He grinned suddenly and shot Gimli a look.
"Aye, and then I'll rub your hair in it!" Gimli yelled back as he dismounted.
"It really couldn't get much worse! Can it?" Legolas wept flinging himself at the former dwarf.
"Couldn't you two just shut up!?" Sam cried he held a piece of melted metal in his hand. "Please for just one moment."
"What's that?" They asked at once.
"It's. It's Pippins pin!" Sam blubbered sinking to his knees.
"Nweaah!" Merry neighed tears began to slide down his horse cheeks.
"Oh, oh dear," Gimli sighed plunking himself down beside Sam. "We are too late then. poor little guys didn't stand a chance with this lot." He began to weep uncontrollably.
"Legolas owed his head and began to muter away in elvish. Suddenly he to fell to his knees and rustled his hand through the crushed grass. "A hobbit lay here!"
"Of course he lay, you don't think he hovered when they stuck him, do you!?" Gimli yelled in frustration.
The outburst failed to hinder the former elf. "And the other here.they crawled!" he began to move toward the forest, still crouched low to the ground. "Their bonds where cut. eww, no they where chewed off. Bill's job I guess." Gimli and Sam looked up hopefully, Merry neighed in relief. "Then they ran into the forest." Legolas finished and stood up, a broad smile on his cheeks.
"What madness drove them in there!?" Gimli cried out.
Sam glared at him and pointed to the smoldering pile. "That. duh."
"Oh, yeah."
Bill ran up beside Pippin and grabbed at his shirt. "WHAT!!" Pippin yelled.
"Orc," Bill squeaked pointing behind them. A rather ugly, rather smelly minion was crashing through the trees a little ways behind.
"Well, run then!" Pippin replied as he picked up the pace.
"We lost him, I thinks." Bill huffed several minutes later leaning against a tree.
"I'm gonna rip your filthy little innards out!!" Growled a voice from behind them as a brown, cold hand grasped Pippin's shoulder. "Come here!!"
"Gahh!" both the fugitives cried running behind a tree.
"Climb, tree climb!" Bill offered.
"What. tree what?" Pippin asked.
"Climb!!!" Bill darted up the tree as fast as his little legs could carry him.
"Ohh, climb!" Pippin darted up after him. "Why didn't you say.?" Suddenly Pippin was hulled back down again and flung onto the ground. The orc stood over him, caressing a rusty blade. "Mommy!!"
The tree began to shake and groan. "Hooo."
"Mommy!!" Pippin squeaked again.
Bill lost his grip and began to fall toward the ground. A branch shot out and caught him. "Arghhh!"
The orc stood, deaf to the large tree heading his way. "Let's put a maggot hole in your belly!" He yelled, before being squashed by the approaching oak.
"Pip, Run!!" Bill cried attempting to squeeze out of the trees grasp. Pippin gets up, but is immediately grabbed by the tree.
"Daddy" Pippin squeaked staring into a great big eye that protruded from the old tree.
"Little orcs! Burárum" The tree groaned. "If it's not squirrels it's woodpeckers, and if it's not them it's you!"
"Tree talk, tree not supposed to talk!" Bill moaned.
"Tree, I am no tree!" The creature yelled, its breath smelled oddly of dirt. "I am an Ent, and a rather handsome one at that." "You're a tree herder, a shepherd of the forest!" Pippin realized.
"No, no encourage, don't say to it!" Bill pleaded.
"Some call me Treebeard, you can call me. that." The Ent continued.
"Whose side are you on?" Pippin asked, beginning to fell the grip on him loosen.
"Side, I am on no ones side. except perhaps mine! But nobodies on my side little orc," Treebeard informed him.
"We aint orcs, we."Bill blurted out.
"We are hobbits. well not him, he's an accident." Pippin interrupted.
"Ohh, what type of accident, poor breeding?" Treebeard asked turning to the former pony. "You do look like you had poor breading."
"No, a magic accident. Although, he was a mutt, I do believe." Pippin replied as Bill glared at him.
"Makes no sense, neither of you make sense. Ah well the white wizard will know what you are, and who you are." Treebeard began to lumber deeper into the forest.
"The white wizard?" Bill asked.
"Saruman," gulped Pippin. They where dropped down at the foot of a hummock, and on top of it, stood an old man, shinning and robed in white.
Far away, Aragorn found himself being lead by a very insane creature and followed by another. "I should be leading, I really should. If this Gollum creature isn't the death of me, then surely Frodo will be." He muttered.
"See, see we leads you out! Hurry precious, hurry. Very lucky we find you." Gollum cried out in delight as he bounded ahead and perched on one of the rocks. Frodo walked past, his eyes darting every which way. Aragorn followed behind him. "Nice hobbit" Gollum croaked as he leaned away from the former ranger.
"I am not a hobbit" Aragorn growled shoving the wretched thing off the rock and down the rest of the mountain. Gollum landed in the mist with a splash.
"It's a bog precious,he has lead us to a bog!" Frodo wailed grasping to Aragorn's cloak. "We must kills him, or he kills ussss!"
Aragorn stared at him in shock. "You two are exactly the same, you know that. It's all precious that, and kill this, if he wasn't so ugly I'd swear you where related! And what is with the whole third person thing!" Frodo did not respond, but instead slunk back to the end of the procession.
"A swamp, yes, yes. Come, master. We will take you on safe paths through the mist. Come, hobbits, come. We move quickly." Gollum hissed from in the mist. "I found it, I did. The way through the marshes. Orcs don't use it. Orcs don't know it. They go round for miles and miles. Come quickly. Swift and quick as shadows we must be."
"Gee, I wonder why they don't use it?"Aragorn asked sarcasticly as his foot slipped and became covered in muck. The trio made there way into the muck, and traveled silently for several hours.
"There are dead things, dead faces in the water." Aragorn cried. "Who are you trying to kid, leading us in here!"
Gollum just turned and glared "All dead. All rotten. Elves and men and orcses. A great battle long ago. The Dead Marshes. Yes, yes that is the name. Tried to reach them once, I did, but they far down."
"Reach them, what ever for?" Cried Aragorn staring at a particularly dead elf, "never mind, I don't think I want to know."
"This way. Don't follow the lights!" Gollum commanded. Aragorn grabbed a long stick and thrust it into the pool. "Careful now, or hobbits go down to join the dead ones and light little candles of their own."
"I am not a hobbit." Sighed Aragorn dropping the stick.
Disclaimer: I don't own this, I will never own this, I will never forget this, I will never like homework, I will never stop insisting my school defies my rights, I will.
9. Hahaha, They Tried to Ruin my Week, but They Didn't
"Eww, that is just disgusting, I think I'm going to puke!" Legolas gagged as they neared the pile, "All over your beard." He grinned suddenly and shot Gimli a look.
"Aye, and then I'll rub your hair in it!" Gimli yelled back as he dismounted.
"It really couldn't get much worse! Can it?" Legolas wept flinging himself at the former dwarf.
"Couldn't you two just shut up!?" Sam cried he held a piece of melted metal in his hand. "Please for just one moment."
"What's that?" They asked at once.
"It's. It's Pippins pin!" Sam blubbered sinking to his knees.
"Nweaah!" Merry neighed tears began to slide down his horse cheeks.
"Oh, oh dear," Gimli sighed plunking himself down beside Sam. "We are too late then. poor little guys didn't stand a chance with this lot." He began to weep uncontrollably.
"Legolas owed his head and began to muter away in elvish. Suddenly he to fell to his knees and rustled his hand through the crushed grass. "A hobbit lay here!"
"Of course he lay, you don't think he hovered when they stuck him, do you!?" Gimli yelled in frustration.
The outburst failed to hinder the former elf. "And the other here.they crawled!" he began to move toward the forest, still crouched low to the ground. "Their bonds where cut. eww, no they where chewed off. Bill's job I guess." Gimli and Sam looked up hopefully, Merry neighed in relief. "Then they ran into the forest." Legolas finished and stood up, a broad smile on his cheeks.
"What madness drove them in there!?" Gimli cried out.
Sam glared at him and pointed to the smoldering pile. "That. duh."
"Oh, yeah."
Bill ran up beside Pippin and grabbed at his shirt. "WHAT!!" Pippin yelled.
"Orc," Bill squeaked pointing behind them. A rather ugly, rather smelly minion was crashing through the trees a little ways behind.
"Well, run then!" Pippin replied as he picked up the pace.
"We lost him, I thinks." Bill huffed several minutes later leaning against a tree.
"I'm gonna rip your filthy little innards out!!" Growled a voice from behind them as a brown, cold hand grasped Pippin's shoulder. "Come here!!"
"Gahh!" both the fugitives cried running behind a tree.
"Climb, tree climb!" Bill offered.
"What. tree what?" Pippin asked.
"Climb!!!" Bill darted up the tree as fast as his little legs could carry him.
"Ohh, climb!" Pippin darted up after him. "Why didn't you say.?" Suddenly Pippin was hulled back down again and flung onto the ground. The orc stood over him, caressing a rusty blade. "Mommy!!"
The tree began to shake and groan. "Hooo."
"Mommy!!" Pippin squeaked again.
Bill lost his grip and began to fall toward the ground. A branch shot out and caught him. "Arghhh!"
The orc stood, deaf to the large tree heading his way. "Let's put a maggot hole in your belly!" He yelled, before being squashed by the approaching oak.
"Pip, Run!!" Bill cried attempting to squeeze out of the trees grasp. Pippin gets up, but is immediately grabbed by the tree.
"Daddy" Pippin squeaked staring into a great big eye that protruded from the old tree.
"Little orcs! Burárum" The tree groaned. "If it's not squirrels it's woodpeckers, and if it's not them it's you!"
"Tree talk, tree not supposed to talk!" Bill moaned.
"Tree, I am no tree!" The creature yelled, its breath smelled oddly of dirt. "I am an Ent, and a rather handsome one at that." "You're a tree herder, a shepherd of the forest!" Pippin realized.
"No, no encourage, don't say to it!" Bill pleaded.
"Some call me Treebeard, you can call me. that." The Ent continued.
"Whose side are you on?" Pippin asked, beginning to fell the grip on him loosen.
"Side, I am on no ones side. except perhaps mine! But nobodies on my side little orc," Treebeard informed him.
"We aint orcs, we."Bill blurted out.
"We are hobbits. well not him, he's an accident." Pippin interrupted.
"Ohh, what type of accident, poor breeding?" Treebeard asked turning to the former pony. "You do look like you had poor breading."
"No, a magic accident. Although, he was a mutt, I do believe." Pippin replied as Bill glared at him.
"Makes no sense, neither of you make sense. Ah well the white wizard will know what you are, and who you are." Treebeard began to lumber deeper into the forest.
"The white wizard?" Bill asked.
"Saruman," gulped Pippin. They where dropped down at the foot of a hummock, and on top of it, stood an old man, shinning and robed in white.
Far away, Aragorn found himself being lead by a very insane creature and followed by another. "I should be leading, I really should. If this Gollum creature isn't the death of me, then surely Frodo will be." He muttered.
"See, see we leads you out! Hurry precious, hurry. Very lucky we find you." Gollum cried out in delight as he bounded ahead and perched on one of the rocks. Frodo walked past, his eyes darting every which way. Aragorn followed behind him. "Nice hobbit" Gollum croaked as he leaned away from the former ranger.
"I am not a hobbit" Aragorn growled shoving the wretched thing off the rock and down the rest of the mountain. Gollum landed in the mist with a splash.
"It's a bog precious,he has lead us to a bog!" Frodo wailed grasping to Aragorn's cloak. "We must kills him, or he kills ussss!"
Aragorn stared at him in shock. "You two are exactly the same, you know that. It's all precious that, and kill this, if he wasn't so ugly I'd swear you where related! And what is with the whole third person thing!" Frodo did not respond, but instead slunk back to the end of the procession.
"A swamp, yes, yes. Come, master. We will take you on safe paths through the mist. Come, hobbits, come. We move quickly." Gollum hissed from in the mist. "I found it, I did. The way through the marshes. Orcs don't use it. Orcs don't know it. They go round for miles and miles. Come quickly. Swift and quick as shadows we must be."
"Gee, I wonder why they don't use it?"Aragorn asked sarcasticly as his foot slipped and became covered in muck. The trio made there way into the muck, and traveled silently for several hours.
"There are dead things, dead faces in the water." Aragorn cried. "Who are you trying to kid, leading us in here!"
Gollum just turned and glared "All dead. All rotten. Elves and men and orcses. A great battle long ago. The Dead Marshes. Yes, yes that is the name. Tried to reach them once, I did, but they far down."
"Reach them, what ever for?" Cried Aragorn staring at a particularly dead elf, "never mind, I don't think I want to know."
"This way. Don't follow the lights!" Gollum commanded. Aragorn grabbed a long stick and thrust it into the pool. "Careful now, or hobbits go down to join the dead ones and light little candles of their own."
"I am not a hobbit." Sighed Aragorn dropping the stick.