Xander had to jog in order to keep up with Buffy. From demon hangout to cemetery to crypt she hurried with Xander in tow. Back and forth they went until the sun sank low in the sky and the first stars of the night came into view.

Buffy, we aren't getting anywhere, I say we go back to the house and see if Willow and Dawn have found anything. At worst they'll at least have the demons' name. That's a lot more than we have right now which is a great big bowl of juicy nothingness. Xander sighed and sat down on a tombstone to catch his breath.

Buffy whipped around, stake in hand, and glared at him. Xander, I'm not giving up! Spike's out there and I'm going to find him--with or without your help!

I know, Buff, but we've been beatin' up demons all day and haven't heard anything that will help us. Buffy, we're running out of time! Please, let's just go back to the house and check in with Willow. If she has nothing, I will go with you to beat up more demons, I promise!

Why are you suddenly so worried about Spike? You hate him! Buffy's voice went cold. I know what I am doing, Xander. I'm the slayer, remember? Buffy's cheeks were red with anger and her eyes were cold as ice.

Xander shifted nervously and stared at the ground. After moving some dirt and dead flowers around with his foot, he finally spoke softly.

I'm not worried about him....I hate him. I'm worried about you, Buffy. Xander took a deep breath and slowly let it out. Buffy, I love you. Xander looked at Buffy. He wanted some reaction but got none so he continued. Tears started to well up in his eyes and his voice quivered. I have loved you since----since forever! I love Anya so much, but I just......I just can't stop loving you, Buffy. I have tried----god knows I have tried to stop! But everyday it's there, in my heart, eating away at me. I don't know how I could fall deeply in love with two amazing women, but somehow I did and I can't take it anymore. The question I have to ask myself is, who loves me? I know Anya's a bit much sometimes, but she loves me---she really does. But you? I know you don't. Buffy Summers does not love Xander Harris--I guess it just isn't meant to be. Xander stopped for a second and tried to control the oncoming rush of emotion. Buffy Summers loves Spike.

Silence stood between the two friends for a few second while Xander's words registered with Buffy. His last words struck her like a knife.

Now wait just a minute--

Buffy, you can't fool your best friend! Xander help up his hand to stop Buffy from denying it. You are in love with that---that inhuman, impertinent, disgusting--demon! But that's okay. I don't care what he is anymore, Buff. I just want you to be happy.

But how do you know--


Think about it, Buffy! Xander's voice raised slightly and cracked. You never loved Riley--Angel maybe--but never Riley. Y-You just used him to be somewhat normal. When that didn't work you started ignoring him and made every excuse possible to hang out with Spike. You took all your anger out on him and-- Xander stopped. He didn't want to say it but he knew he had to. And you only seem to do that to someone you care about. Buffy opened her mouth to object but Xander cut her off before she could say anything. I know you, Buff.

Buffy stared at the ground uneasily. She knew he was right. She only seemed to take her anger out on those who she cared for because in some strange way, she knew they wouldn't fight back.

When your mom died, when Dawn was in trouble, when you died and were brought back---who did you go to for help? Who did you tell your secrets to? Who did you depend on the most? Not us--not your friends, Buffy. You turned to Spike.

A tear fell from Buffy's eye and landed on her hand. She stared at it with surprise. I didn't mean to. He was just there.

Xander sighed softly. It's okay to love him, Buff. He may be an evil demon, but he has done everything he can to protect you and take care of you--to love you. Xander's voice quivered and he tried desperately to keep from crying. That is more than I have ever done or could ever do. As much as I hate to say it, Xander swallowed the oncoming tears and forced the words out, Spike is a better man than I am. You deserve to be happy, Buff. He makes you very happy. I know you can't deny that.

Buffy looked around frantically as thoughts rushed through her head. But he's a vampire, Xander. Buffy whispered, tears fell freely from her eyes.

Xander finally lost the battle with his tears and they streamed down his face leaving wet streaks. He doesn't have to be! He can be human again, Buffy---human! I don't care what Will says, Spike is strong! He will tame the power inside him--he can do it! But only with your help.

A tense silence held the two friends tight as emotion overwhelmed them both. Buffy looked stunned as if she were in a trance and didn't know where she was or what she was doing there. Silent tears dripped from her chin but she hardly seemed to notice.

Xander spoke again, so softly that Buffy strained her ears to hear him Buffy, Spike needs you...and you need Spike.

Buffy stood silent staring at the ground between herself and her friend. She felt emotionally exhausted inside. Suddenly she felt as if she had been searching for something for a long time and now found it had been right in front of her all along.

Buffy wiped away the tears with the back of her hand before turning around. Slowly she began to walk towards the cemetery gates. Quietly Xander followed.

***

We have to find it, slayer. No time. They are going to kill me if we don't. You know where it is--please show me! Show meeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Spike screamed half in pain half in desperation. He didn't know why, but for the first time in as long as he could remember he was terrified. He had been scared when Glory had Dawn and killed Buffy, he had been very scared. But for some reason this was different.

Spike's face was twisted in pain as he shivered continuously. For the first time he realized he had no shirt on and his pants were torn. Ignoring the pain and cold, Spike tried to think about Buffy.

Instantaneously, his face softened and the twist of pain disappeared. His eyes were full of deep sadness.

I love you, Buffy. How come you won't love me? Is it because I've been a bad man? I try not to be bad but it's hard you know. They hurt me--I-I had to hurt them back.

Suddenly the vampire screamed in pain. The screams echoed in his head only hurting him worse.

Spike clenched his eyes shut and panted. Sweat poured down his forehead and face though he shivered uncontrollably.

A single tear escaped his tightly shut eyes and trickled down his cheek. His voice was weak and full of pain and desperation.

Love me, Buffy. Save me.