Christmas morning dawned sunny and bright. Nobody had slept leaving the Scoobies tired and depressed. Willow was the first to climb the stairs to shower and change. Slowly everyone followed with Buffy the last to shower, change, and end up back downstairs.

Anya had borrowed some of Willow's clothes and was bragging about being able to fit in them. Xander was placing gifts under the tree as Dawn put the finishing touches on it. Buffy didn't remember having a tree.

Buffy wandered aimlessly into the kitchen where Willow had donned an apron and was busily preparing the Christmas turkey. Buffy didn't notice Willow's smile as she sat on a stool placing her head in her hands.

Nothing was the same. Christmas was supposed to be a happy time spent with family and friends, not losing them. Buffy didn't feel jolly or happy or anything. She just felt numb.

Hey, Buffy. Merry Christmas. Willow had attempted her cheery smile but it wasn't as bright as usual. Her eyes held a deep sadness for herself and for her friend.

Buffy didn't smile. Merry Christmas, Will. She looked at her hands and frowned. Today was going to be a long day and she wanted it to be over.

I'm baking some cookies--chocolate chip! It's your mom's recipe. They'll be ready in a minute. You want some?

No thanks. My stomach isn't really up for food right now. Maybe later.

Okay, I'll save some for ya.



The timer went off and Willow rushed to pull the cookies from the oven. Xander will probably scarf them down as soon as he sees them. Willow turned back to Buffy and frowned. She was gone.

***

Buffy had escaped the forced hustle and bustle and slipped to her room where she cried and slept the day away. She loved her friends but she couldn't bring herself to be around them. Buffy wanted to be alone.

Buffy had many dreams of Spike, each time she woke crying. She missed him so much. She wanted him to touch her just one more time--to hold her one more time. She longed for the comfort he had always given her, even when she didn't want it. She needed him now more than ever. How could she live without him? If it hadn't been for him, Buffy would never have made it this far from her grave. She needed Spike.

A soft rap at her door startled Buffy. Come in, she called quietly.

Xander walked in and shut the door behind him. he spoke softly and sat down on the bed next to her. How are you feeling? I didn't want to bother you but I started worrying when I hadn't seen you all day.

Buffy sighed. She leaned over and put her head on Xander's shoulder. Burying her face into his shirt she wept silently. Her shoulders shook but she made no sound.

Xander gently placed his arms around her and held her close. One of Buffy's hand grasped Xander's flannel shirt and his heart broke as she clung to him for desperate comfort. He hugged her tightly and softly kissed the top of her head. Her hair smelled sweet and made him smile slightly.

Hey, Buff, I bet you'd feel better with some food in your tummy. Willow is almost finished dinner and Dawn and Anya are setting the table. They've done such a wonderful job, Buffy. Xander waited for his friend's sobs to subside. They didn't. It was my job to come get you for dinner. Please don't let me go back to those women empty handed. They won't let me eat--I'll starve! Buffy's shoulders started to shake harder and Xander frowned. I-I didn't mean it like that. Please don't cry, Buff.

Buffy slowly raised her head. Her face was tear stained and her eyes red and puffy, but that's not why Xander smiled with relief. Buffy's lips were curled into a small smile and she was giggling lightly. Oh come on, Xander. You know they're just playing with you. They would never starve you...well maybe Anya would...but not Willow and definitely not Dawn. She'd actually hide food in a napkin and sneak it to you as if you were a stowaway.

Xander laughed and relaxed. It was good to see her smiling and laughing and it made him feel even better to know it was him who had made her laugh. It tormented him to see her cry and his heart ached to see her so sad.

So what's your verdict on supper? Xander asked hopefully.

Buffy sniffed and smiled. I'm going to clean up a bit and change. I'll be down in a minute.

You promise?

I promise.

Okay, I'll head downstairs and let them know you're coming. Xander headed for the door then turned to smile mischievously at his friend. Hurry! You don't want to miss my victory dance!

Buffy laughed lightly as the door closed behind Xander. Quickly she changed into a somewhat formal white top with white lace that hung from her elbows to her wrists and a pair of black pants. She wanted to look her best for her friends. They had worked hard all day for her and the least she could do was smile and look nice for them. She loved them very much and they were all she had now. She didn't deserve such good friends.

Buffy went into the bathroom and ran some hot water on a cloth to wash her face. It felt good and she held the warm cloth on her face for a few seconds before hanging it over the sink's edge and grabbing a brush for her hair. Deciding to leave her hair down, Buffy glanced in the mirror to make sure everything was in order before she made her way downstairs.

Delicious aromas met Buffy's nose as she descended into the living room. For the first time Buffy realized it was dark outside. She had no idea what time it was but she knew it was getting late. Beautiful white candles with golden designs etched into the wax lit the living room. The candlelight caused the tree to twinkle and sparkle. Wonderfully wrapped gifts sat beneath the tree and Buffy noticed some stockings hanging on the wall next to the tree. Everyone's names were on the stockings in silver writing. Holly and mistletoe hung from the ceiling adding the perfect touch. The room was breathtaking.

Buffy heard laughing and made her way to the dining room. It was decorated the same as the living room with gold and white candles, holly and mistletoe. The table was covered with a beautiful white table cloth covered in gold embroidery. A large centerpiece made of holly and mistletoe held two large white candles which were lit.

What was left of the Scoobies stood around the table and smiled warmly when she walked in, Merry Christmas, Buffy!

Buffy didn't know what to say. Tears welled up in her eyes. It's so beautiful! How could I ever thank you guys? How did you do all this?

Willow smiled with pride. It was nothing. Xander found the box of decorations in the back of a closet. Your mom had good taste! All the pretty decorations you see came from the box. Willow smiled thankfully at Xander who blushed. Willow pointed to the table and continued. Anya and Dawn set the table. They found the table cloth in the box of decorations along with the centerpiece. I think it's an excellent touch! She smiled at Dawn and Anya who smiled back. Willow finished in a modest tone. I just cooked the food. I didn't use any magic! Willow beamed. It's all naturally prepared.

Buffy smiled again and tears spilled onto her cheeks. It's all so wonderful. I-I don't know what to say!

Anya spoke her normal reasoning. You could say thank you.

Xander raised an eyebrow at Anya's logic but spoke quickly before she could continue. Or you could say dig in! I don't know about you gals, but I'm starved!

Thanks, guys! You're the best friends ever! Buffy smiled and wiped the tears from her face. Sorry. I didn't mean to get all misty. I guess my tears are in overdrive.

Dawn walked over and hugged her sister. We love you, Buffy, and we just wanted you to know that no matter what, we are here for you.

Thanks, Dawnie. I love you guys very much. I'm sorry I haven't spent much time with you today. I promise to spend all night with you guys! We'll play games and listen to music and watch black and white Christmas movies! It'll be lots of fun! A low gurgling sound coming from Xander's direction made Buffy laugh. Now for the sake of Xander's rumbly tummy, I say lets dig in!

Everyone hurriedly pulled out a chair and sat down. The friends passed the delicious looking dishes around and hungrily heaped piles of it on their plates. Willow was deciding where to put her turkey when she suddenly remembered what she had wanted to ask Buffy.

Buffy, where's that pendant? You know the one the lady at the mall gave you? I remember coming across a picture of something like it in one of the research books. I'd like to borrow it for a while to do some research on it--if that's okay with you.

Buffy looked at her friend as if she had grown horns. It's right here, Will. Of course you can borr- Buffy stopped as she felt around her bare neck. The pendant was gone. That's weird. I don't remember taking it off. Maybe it's up in my room. I'll check for you later.

Anya spoke matter-of-factly. Oh, you won't find it in your room.

Buffy raised an eyebrow at Anya, What? Why not?

You had it on last night when you went to look for... Anya trailed off and started again. When you came back it was gone.

How do you know that? I could have taken it off before I left and forgotten about it. Buffy nonchalantly passed a bowl of mashed potatoes to Xander who piled them on his plate.

You didn't, Anya's voice became quiet, almost a whisper. I know because I was looking at it. I was going to tell Xander I wanted one for Christmas. Anya's eyes flashed with sadness, but only for an instant.

Xander choked on his potatoes and stared as his ex-fiancé.

Anya returned the stare with one of her own for a second, confusion washed over her eyes...as if she was trying to make a decision...with the blink of her eyes it was gone. Just because you didn't marry me doesn't mean you don't have to buy me a present! I got you one.

Xander noticed everyone watching him silently. Yeah, I knew that. Xander stuffed a forkful of turkey in his mouth.

Willow tried to break the sudden tension but spoke tentatively. Buffy, if you did wear the pendant last night, then it must have come off when you were fighting the demons. Willow left off as if she had something else to say but thought better of it.

Buffy hadn't told the Scoobies what really happened inside the caves. It wasn't because she didn't want them to know, it was because she wasn't quite sure what had happened. Everything happened in a blur.

Uh, yeah...maybe. Buffy stabbed some carrots with her fork.

Dawn decided to change the subject. When do we get to open presents? Dawn's eyes gleamed with excitement and anticipation.

Buffy was glad for the subject change. Ooh! Presents!

Can we open them after dinner? Dawn asked.

Willow smiled warmly. Of course, Dawnie! Willow quickly looked at Buffy. Is it okay with you?

Of course! What's Christmas without presents? Buffy beamed.

Dawn put a fork full of turkey and stuffing into her mouth and smiled secretively. She couldn't wait to give her present to Buffy. It was perfect.

***

The gang had finished eating dinner and slowly moved to the dimly lit living room and the presents. Dawn bounced up and down with excitement. Buffy couldn't help but smile at her sister.

Why don't you go first,Dawnie. Buffy knelt and picked a present from under the tree. The present said To: Dawn From: Anya'. Buffy smiled and handed it to her sister.

Dawn took the present and sat cross-legged in front of Buffy. Dawn didn't hesitate tearing at the paper. I just love Christmas! She tore the last strip of paper to reveal a small white box, similar to the one she had given Spike two days before. It's so full of surprises and it's-- Dawn had pulled the top off and now she stared into the box. It's beautiful! she gasped.

Inside the box was the most beautiful cross she had ever seen. The cross was made of silver and had an intricate pattern etched into the silver with gold. Four tiny diamonds sparkled, one at each of the cross' four ends. The chain was made of tiny strands of silver and gold woven together. The cross shimmered in the candlelight as each of the Scoobies took a peek and gasped.

Is that real gold and silver? Oh my God! Those are real diamonds! Willow couldn't stop staring at it.

Anya took the cross from it's soft cotton bed and placed the cross on Dawn's next where she fastened the clasp. It's a family heirloom, she began. It belonged to my great-great-great-great grandmother who was given it as a gift from an Arabian king. My grandmother gave it to her daughter who gave it to her daughter and so on. My nana gave it to me when my mother died. Nana told me that it would protect me from the great evil' and that I should never take it off.

Willow sat enthralled by the story and urged Anya on for more. Well, why did you take it off? What was the Great Evil'?

Anya sat back and continued for Willow. Well, I never wore it because I didn't want anybody to steal it. It was mine. Nobody had a right to it but me. Anya stopped herself and started back into the story. Then, of course, I became a vengeance demon, Anya's eyes fell for a second and Xander winced inside, so obviously I didn't need it for protection anymore.

Willow whispered in understanding as she stared at the cross around Dawn's neck. It was so pretty.

Anya blurted out.

Instinctively the Scoobies jumped up and set themselves in a fighting stance. Buffy looked around the room and frowned.

Anya glared at her friends with annoyance. Vampires! The great evil' my nana spoke about? Vampires weren't really seen much back then so people didn't know what they were. When people disappeared rumors started about a great evil' that nobody really had a name for. Anya finished in a hurried tone to imply the latter thoughts were really of no importance.

Buffy relaxed a little and everyone sighed with relief. Suddenly they caught their breath again as a knock sounded at the door. Again they sighed with relief and silently scolded themselves for being so jumpy.

Willow jumped up and bolted for the door before anyone could move first. Time for my present, she said smiling slyly.

***

Buffy slowly walked into the kitchen. She didn't have a clue who was at the door at this time of night on Christmas, but she didn't really feel like seeing anybody right now. She was having fun with her friends and didn't feel like being disturbed. She had taken the chance, though, to slip away from the room of people and escape to the kitchen for a moment and compose herself once again. She didn't think anyone would have noticed her leaving until the door was opened to reveal nobody really important.

Buffy felt very guilty. She had no presents to give any of her friends or Dawn. They had done so much for her and she couldn't even get them gifts. She felt even more guilty for being so miserable all day. She was ruining their Christmas.

Buffy picked up a salt shaker that had been left on the counter and walked over to put it back in the cupboard. The hairs on the back of her neck stood on end and a tingling sensation trickled down her back. Buffy turned to face whoever had walked in.

Why did you leave? asked Dawn.

Buffy smiled softly. Sorry. I was thirsty. I figured somebody else would get the door so I came in here to get a drink. Who was it? Anybody we know?

I don't know. I saw you leave so I went up stairs to get your present and I followed you on here. Here. Dawn pulled an awkwardly wrapped package from behind her back and handed it to her sister. It's not wrapped very good, b-but it's not what's on the outside that counts right? Dawn smiled nervously.

Buffy's heart melted. Oh, Dawnie, you shouldn't have. It looks wonderful.

It's nothing. Trust me. Dawn shook her head. Just something I found and thought you would want to keep.

I didn't even get you anything, Buffy thought for a second. Yet! But I will.

It's okay. You're still me favorite sister. Dawn smiled causing Buffy to finally take the present.

Thank you. Buffy smiled and hugged her sister.

Open it! Dawn cried with excitement. Her eyes twinkled.

Buffy untied the silver ribbon and tore the red and green paper. It didn't take long for the paper to be torn away and thrown to the ground, to reveal a gift that Buffy could only stare at with amazement.

Where'd you get this? Buffy half whispered. Her knees suddenly felt weak and her head started to spin. She closed her eyes to steady herself.

Dawn's voice was soft and quivered slightly. He left it here before-- Dawn stopped and took a small breath, before he went away. I found it on the stair railing and I--I was so mad at him--I don't know why I even kept it. Tears appeared in her eyes causing them to glisten. I saw it in my closet and I thought you might like it.

Buffy's eyes swelled with tears. I love it, Dawnie, thank you. Buffy smiled at her sister. It was hard to smile, but she did it.

I'm going to go see who was at the door. Dawn figured the slayer wanted to be alone for a moment so she turned and left the kitchen.

Buffy looked down at the unwrapped gift in her hands. It was a bit worn and slightly faded, but then it was pretty old. Buffy shuddered and tears began to flow relentlessly. She held her gift to her chest, holding it as close as she would him. Burying her face in it she sobbed violently.

It smelled of leather, sweat and cigarettes. The smell comforted her, yet made her cry harder. It was all she had left of him. It was all that remained. It was all that had survived.

Spike's duster.

***

Dawn entered the living room to a din of laughter and Willow's speedy talking. Dawn looked around at the gang and followed their gaze to a corner of the room. the corner was a darker part of the room and Dawn hadn't even noticed him standing there. He stood tall and proud as he always had. His smile was still as warm and reassuring as Dawn remembered it. It was the smile that had always made her and her sister feel like there was hope after destruction.

Dawn stopped and tried again. Dawn couldn't contain her excitement. He was there! It wasn't a dream--he was really there! She ran to him and threw her arms around him. She had missed him so much! Buffy would be so happy!