Lizzie

~I'm so tired of being here. Suppressed by all my childish fears.~

            I won't believe it, I refuse to. I keep telling myself this isn't real, it can't be. Ever since I was a little kid I have tried imagining what life would be with out Gordo. Do you have any idea how weird that would be? I can't even begin to describe it. The thought used to always scare me to tears.

            And so, here I am sitting in a hospital room experiencing the weirdest feeling I have ever felt. I feel so lost…and alone. I've never felt this way before. And what makes it even worse is the fact that I'm looking my Gordo who seems so far away from me. I just want to go home, and make everything better. I hope nobody ever has to feel like this.

            You know how hospital rooms are full of so many machines? Well this one had twice as many, and let me tell you, I could definitely notice. They were humming all around me…surrounding me. They were putting me in a mindless trance. They were hypnotic. There was one, though, that I just wanted to through out the window. The sound would drill through my head, invade my thoughts, it wouldn't leave me alone. All day I heard Beep, Beep, Beep, I could scream. Why did it have to be so loud?

            I couldn't even look at Gordo, it was too hard. Seeing your best friend and love, lying in a hospital bed, hooked up to machines, is so scary. The only thing I could look at that wouldn't make me cry was the silver ring on my left ring finger. Amazingly, it brought a smile to my face.

~Flashback: Friday, four days earlier.~

            "Happy nineteenth birthday, McGuire." He had covered my eyes with his hands and just as he said that, he removed them to reveal a beautiful candle-lit picnic in my backyard.

            "Oh thank you, Gordo." I wrapped my arms around him for one of our famous hugs that just seemed to make the world a better place. We then walked over, hand in hand, to the red and white checkered blanket (a picnic wouldn't be complete with one) and started eating.

            We sat there what seemed like, not long enough. We talked for hours about anything that came to mind, friends, enemies, our childhood…anything. Then, that inevitable part of the evening came. It was time for goodbye.

            We walked to the front door and stood outside.

            "I don't want you to go. Can't you stay a little longer?" I pleaded. I didn't want him to go.

            "No, sweetie, I can't. You need your beauty sleep if you're going to be extra, extra gorgeous for me tomorrow at prom." He kissed my nose; I loved it when he did that.

            "Okay, if you've got to." Here it came, the famous pout and puppy dog eyes. I knew he hated them because he just couldn't resist them.

            "No…don't do that. That's not fair." We kissed each other, not a deep kiss, but a good enough kiss to be excellent.

"Lizzie, I have one more thing for you before I go." He started fishing through the abyss that you would sometimes call pockets, for some unknown object. "Lizzie, do remember a couple years ago, how we talked about marriage, and we said that no matter what, it was going to happen?"

"Yeah, I remember the day like it was yesterday." I noticed he had finally found what he was looking for. In his hand, he produced a tiny black velvet box. He lowered himself to one knee, lifted his head, and opened the box.

"Gordo."

"Elizabeth Brooke McGuire, will you marry me? Can I be yours forever?" Oh my gosh! I knew what I wanted to say, but it wouldn't come out. It was one of those weird nervous happy moments. Tears of joy slowly glided down my cheeks.

"Oh! Of course, Gordo!" We wrapped our arms around each other one more time.

"I love you!"

"I love you, too!" was his reply, and just before we departed for the night, we gave each other a light kiss. I was thinking about that the other day. I've noticed that engaged couples don't kiss each other deeply as often as other couples do. I guess it's because they can kiss without fear. They don't have to worry about the other breaking up with them; they can savor each sweet little moment. It's really nice, and I finally get to experience it.

Gordo turned to walk over to his house. I stood there and watched...a habit I'd picked up somewhere; we were both guilty of doing it. He was half way across the street when he turned around and blew me a kiss. I caught it, of course, and blew him one back.

~Back to reality~

            Oh, how much I despised reality right now. I just wanted to stomp on it, a lot. I felt a tear slide down my cheek. Great, here they come. Soon the endless flood will emerge and I will never be able to stop. I hated crying.

            I sat there for a few more moments of silence. I tried not to think. I couldn't. I knew if I would, I would have thought about him, and that would have caused me to cry. I wanted to hold the tears back as long as I could. I had to be strong for him. He needed me to be strong for him.

            I looked out of the window that I was sitting in. It had been raining all day. It looked like it had gotten worse, too. Lightning flashed, lighting up the dark dismal room for a split second. I hated lightning, too. For that split second that it lit the room, I thought I saw Gordo's eyes open. They didn't

            I heard a knock at the door. I didn't even look. It was probably some unknown nurse, who could care less that Gordo was there, to them, he was just another job.

            "Hey," came the familiar voice of Miranda Sanchez. I was wrong. What's new? I was wrong a lot lately; I didn't know the world anymore.

            "Hey," came my weak response. At least it was better than yesterday when I didn't even address her. I stood up from my perch for the last four hours and look over at her. "So, how are the kids?" She was a candy striper for the pediatrics department here at the hospital. Most of them were in for chemo and what not.

            "They're doing okay, but I'm more worried about you and Gordo. How is he?" I walked over to his bedside. He was hooked up to so many machines. I noticed the yellow rose next to him and tried to smile. Then I looked at him for the first time since I saw him hooked up to all those machines. I saw a lock of curly hair out of place, probably tickling his nose, if he could feel it, and begging for relief. I moved it out of the way. I loved his hair…

(a/n: just so you don't think I'm weird, she says that because she will miss everything about him that much…get it? I hope so.)

"The doctor says he seems to be doing okay, but the longer he's asleep…the less…likely…he'll wake…up." That was it, that's what opened those damn gates. I hate tears so much, I hate feeling like this, I just want it to stop! Tears were cascading down my cheeks. I couldn't take it any longer. I'm sorry, Gordo, I tried.

            "Oh, Lizzie, it will be alright. He'll be okay." Miranda threw her arms around me. She was starting to cry, too. Even tough Miranda Sanchez couldn't hold it in, so why did I expect myself to?

            "Miranda, I love him so much! I don't know if I can live without him. I need him, Miranda, I need him. Oh God! Please let my Gordo wake up…please let him live!" by this time, we didn't have the strength to stay standing. We were both sitting on the floor. I would like to think we were both comforting each other, but I know she was comforting me more. I felt so bad; she needed someone to comfort her, too. But, I'm just not strong enough for this. We are both lost without him…and now I think Miranda realizes that, too.

a/n: before I forget, I have one thing to say. I know many people have done something like this, and if you feel that I am copying you're work, I am completely sorry, it wasn't supposed to be like that. If you think about it, it is kind of hard to come up with something completely original with a topic that has almost 1,000 stories written about it. So sorry if you feel that I am copying, my apologies. ~Rhiannon~