Title: Vessel
Chapter 2/?
Spoilers: Just Lessons so far. I'm slow.
Summary: Set at the same time as Lessons. A new name and the sad excuse for a plot slightly develops.
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Xander looked up at Buffy who was currently leaning over the window and nervously flipping her hair. "Um, we have a problem? Like the new school design not up to your standards problem or you are hearing voices but you can't see who's talking problem? Not that I've been hearing voices or anything like that."
"Like a oh-those-people-are-dead-and-can-still-touch-me-but-are-vanishing-into-thin-air problem," Buffy interrupted. "And they're dangerous. At least, I'm pretty sure they are dangerous because they seem to know who I am, and apparently I'm responsible for their deaths."
"Oh come on, Buffy, you didn't kill them so how can you be responsible? I mean it's not like they have any proof or reason to believe you killed them. In fact, you probably saved their lives." He stopped and reconsidered, "Of course not technically, but in the "they got to live longer if only for a moment" way."
"Well, it's kinda hard to convince them of that when they keep repeating 'it's your fault, Slayer' over and over, but that's not the point. The point is that I don't want to let Dawn be in a school where bad things are going on and I'm not able to be there all the time for her and I just can't --" She broke off suddenly and tried to compose herself. Speaking in a softer tone she continued, "I just can't leave her in a place where I won't be able to protect her. I want to keep her away from danger, but I don't think she's ever going to be safe. And it's my fault, if I weren't so . . ." She trailed off.
"Weren't so what?" Xander asked just as softly. "Buffy, you do realize that you are the bravest girl around, don't you? I don't think that Willow or I would have survived without you. Because of you, we got to have a chance without being--"
A high-pitched beeping noise interrupted them. Quirking her head to the side Buffy listened carefully, jumping slightly in recognition she fumbled for her phone. "Hello? Dawn? What's are you doing? Why aren't you in class? What's wrong?" She paused, "IN THE BASEMENT?!" Buffy looked up at Xander quickly, mouthed, "I gotta go."
And ran off towards the school.
Xander sat, staring blankly at her retreating back until he heard a quiet command: "Follow her."
Immediately complying, he opened the door and began to head towards the school. Reaching the hallway, he stopped and began to look for a sign of Buffy. Turning around, he glanced side-to-side searching for flashes of blonde hair. He peered in random classroom windows and checked in the janitor's closets; walking by another door he heard the voice say, "In there." Not even thinking he pushed the door in before coming to his senses and backing up.
"Whoa, hey. I'm not going into the girls' bathroom." He backed away waving his hands in front of him, as if trying to ward off some unseen force. "That's like, I mean I could get in trouble for going in there. Sued for trespassing or something."
A quick click was all the warning given before the voice broke into his monologue, "What? After all this time you can't go into the little girls' room?" Xander gave a mental glare to it before explaining himself.
"I just don't know if this is some grand scheme conjured up by a guy who owed you money. You know, to humiliate me or something."
It gave a short bark of laughter before speaking once again, "Nah. If Angel wanted to get you back for all those old insults he'd rip off your leg and beat you with it."
"Oh, well THAT'S original."
The voice looked affronted. Ok, sounded affronted at least. He began to wonder about how a voice without a face could still feel like it was looking affronted, or give an eye roll at that, because he just knew that he was getting those from the stupid Angel voice. Before he could continue in his reverie the damn thing interrupted him again, "Fine. He'd rip off your dad's leg and beat you with it. Like back to the beginning. Poetic, no?"
"Not particularly. And also a big whatever. I'm not going into the girls' bathroom." He was cut off by the phone ringing. "Hello? Oh hey Buffy. You're in the basement too? Oh ok . . . a talisman, find it, and break it. In the girls' bathroom. Sure. No problem." He hung up before reluctantly stepping forward and pushing the door open. He looked straight ahead and caught a glimpse of red hair before the reflection rearranged itself into Angel's form.
"Oh, now that Mommy says it's ok, everything's just fine." Angel crossed his arms.
Xander started to defend himself before stopping, thoughtfully staring off into space. "You know that thing with the red hair? Are you like one of those dolls that you can change the faces to different bodies, like Angel's face on Buffy's body and EW bad picture." He took in a deep breath. "So. . . nevermind."
Angel gaped at the boy blinking in the bathroom. "You are a freak."
"And you are a freak's semi-disembodied voice that's trapped in a mirror. So I'm thinking I got the better deal." Xander cheerfully added. A growl echoed in his mind as the face in the mirror narrowed his eyes. "Another thing, I can't just keep thinking of you as 'the voice,' so I've got to name you! I never had a split personality-neural clone before."
Angel quickly interrupted, "You are NOT naming me Harvey."
Raising his eyebrows, Xander looked the Angel image up and down, "And here I thought you didn't know any cultural references."
"I'm not Angel. I'm you."
Xander continued as if he hadn't heard Angel at all, "No, no. I can't give you recycled names. Oh! I know!" He paused dramatically, "I hereby name you Lulabelle!" A smile brightened his entire face as he went in search for the talisman.
Lulabelle growled in the mirror and narrowed his eyes. Pointing to the side of the counter he clipped out, "The talisman is over there." And promptly disappeared.
"Oh come on, Lula, don't be mad." Xander grabbed the talisman and picked it up to break it, "It's kinda masculine if you tilt your head and squint really haarrrrrrrr—oomph!" He was slammed from behind, by something very strong, and propelled into the wall. Taken by surprise he fell into an undignified heap, dangerously close to the edge of the hole and he yelled at the stupid voice again, "Why didn't you warn me!"
"You're mean. And you pissed me off. So deal with it."
"Oh FUCK you." Banging the talisman onto the floor the zombie vanished and Xander sat down panting heavily next to the gaping crevice. The gaping crevice in the girls' bathroom that was right next to his construction site. He smiled as he thought over that again. "Looks like completion of the building has been delayed. Here's hoping for another raise." He picked himself off the floor and went outside to grab yellow tape and cones to block off the door.
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Darkness surrounded the place and a faint sound of feet tapping on the floor echoed around the room. Peeking her head into the door, Buffy cautiously walked up to the crumpled, dirty figure of the man on the floor. Kneeling close to him, she gazed around the room, noticing the rancid smell of rotten animals. She eyed the corner where the stench was wafting from, and breathed in slowly so as to not inhale the brunt of the odor. Crinkling her nose she looked him over and whispered, "It's not safe here. You could get hurt or you could hurt others. You aren't in your right mind. You could hurt people without understanding. Students who don't know anything could be in danger, Spike." Pausing she glanced behind her, "I managed to throw Dawn and Xander off. They are so angry with you, for what you did to me. . ." Buffy took a stabilizing breath before saying, "I know I've forgiven you. I'll always forgive you. But you knew that. Or if you didn't, you know it now. It's just so wrong that I can't do anything about this feeling inside when all you'll do is hurt the people I love. Do you want me to love only you and be alone, away from all my friends? Is that what you want?" A low whining noise began as Spike started to rock back and forth slowly.
"I can do it, you know. For you. I can be alone and apart and all ready for you. It will ruin what I am. Who I am, but you can live with that. It is what you are. Hurting people is what you do." She slowly lifted her arm to touch his face. "It's what I do. We're the same, Spike. Don't ever think otherwise. If I'm in pain, it must be love. Only love can hurt this much. Remember?" Spike closed his eyes and brought his hands to his face. The continuous rocking bringing a soothing rhythm to his mind, the constant chanting of "I didn't. . . no . . .I'm so sorry" taking him places other than the dark and the cold of the basement. A softer, more melodic voice filled the room and brought with it a dangerously silent air of authority.
"I've got them all wrapped around whomever's fingers I want them wrapped around, and there isn't anything you can do about it. You can try. Oh yes, you can try all you want." It paused before stroking the crusted over hair, the new voice wavering between a strong commanding tone and a soft lilt, "In fact you might have fun trying to do all things "good and proper" now, atonement and such. But in the end, My Spike, you will just make a mess. A giant mess that nothing can fix. Not sunlight, nor stakes, nor love. You will be all alone." She laid a gentle kiss on his forehead, the constant rocking ceasing for just a moment. "Fight it sweetly. And make Princess a pretty plaything too." Smiling, Drusilla stood, the velvet rustled as she straightened the wrinkles. As she faded away, Spike lunged forward catching an unfortunate rat that happened to be walking by. Gripping it tightly, he sank his teeth into it, obscene tearing noises filling the quiet room and bile dripping down his chin. Throwing the carcass to a slowly growing pile of animal skeletons, he fell back against the wall, clutched his head in phantom pain, and set out for hopeless unreachable penance once more.
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Author's Note: Ok, so this beta thing that I can't find. It's basically so I stay in character because I have a tendency to pretend that the anything other than certain traits exists. One more thing, this chapter wasn't supposed to take so long to write. My computer ate the first final draft and I had to rewrite this entire section over. It's still not like I had it before but oh well. And thanks for the reviews! I'm excited no one is suffering over this. Yet.
Chapter 2/?
Spoilers: Just Lessons so far. I'm slow.
Summary: Set at the same time as Lessons. A new name and the sad excuse for a plot slightly develops.
***************************************
Xander looked up at Buffy who was currently leaning over the window and nervously flipping her hair. "Um, we have a problem? Like the new school design not up to your standards problem or you are hearing voices but you can't see who's talking problem? Not that I've been hearing voices or anything like that."
"Like a oh-those-people-are-dead-and-can-still-touch-me-but-are-vanishing-into-thin-air problem," Buffy interrupted. "And they're dangerous. At least, I'm pretty sure they are dangerous because they seem to know who I am, and apparently I'm responsible for their deaths."
"Oh come on, Buffy, you didn't kill them so how can you be responsible? I mean it's not like they have any proof or reason to believe you killed them. In fact, you probably saved their lives." He stopped and reconsidered, "Of course not technically, but in the "they got to live longer if only for a moment" way."
"Well, it's kinda hard to convince them of that when they keep repeating 'it's your fault, Slayer' over and over, but that's not the point. The point is that I don't want to let Dawn be in a school where bad things are going on and I'm not able to be there all the time for her and I just can't --" She broke off suddenly and tried to compose herself. Speaking in a softer tone she continued, "I just can't leave her in a place where I won't be able to protect her. I want to keep her away from danger, but I don't think she's ever going to be safe. And it's my fault, if I weren't so . . ." She trailed off.
"Weren't so what?" Xander asked just as softly. "Buffy, you do realize that you are the bravest girl around, don't you? I don't think that Willow or I would have survived without you. Because of you, we got to have a chance without being--"
A high-pitched beeping noise interrupted them. Quirking her head to the side Buffy listened carefully, jumping slightly in recognition she fumbled for her phone. "Hello? Dawn? What's are you doing? Why aren't you in class? What's wrong?" She paused, "IN THE BASEMENT?!" Buffy looked up at Xander quickly, mouthed, "I gotta go."
And ran off towards the school.
Xander sat, staring blankly at her retreating back until he heard a quiet command: "Follow her."
Immediately complying, he opened the door and began to head towards the school. Reaching the hallway, he stopped and began to look for a sign of Buffy. Turning around, he glanced side-to-side searching for flashes of blonde hair. He peered in random classroom windows and checked in the janitor's closets; walking by another door he heard the voice say, "In there." Not even thinking he pushed the door in before coming to his senses and backing up.
"Whoa, hey. I'm not going into the girls' bathroom." He backed away waving his hands in front of him, as if trying to ward off some unseen force. "That's like, I mean I could get in trouble for going in there. Sued for trespassing or something."
A quick click was all the warning given before the voice broke into his monologue, "What? After all this time you can't go into the little girls' room?" Xander gave a mental glare to it before explaining himself.
"I just don't know if this is some grand scheme conjured up by a guy who owed you money. You know, to humiliate me or something."
It gave a short bark of laughter before speaking once again, "Nah. If Angel wanted to get you back for all those old insults he'd rip off your leg and beat you with it."
"Oh, well THAT'S original."
The voice looked affronted. Ok, sounded affronted at least. He began to wonder about how a voice without a face could still feel like it was looking affronted, or give an eye roll at that, because he just knew that he was getting those from the stupid Angel voice. Before he could continue in his reverie the damn thing interrupted him again, "Fine. He'd rip off your dad's leg and beat you with it. Like back to the beginning. Poetic, no?"
"Not particularly. And also a big whatever. I'm not going into the girls' bathroom." He was cut off by the phone ringing. "Hello? Oh hey Buffy. You're in the basement too? Oh ok . . . a talisman, find it, and break it. In the girls' bathroom. Sure. No problem." He hung up before reluctantly stepping forward and pushing the door open. He looked straight ahead and caught a glimpse of red hair before the reflection rearranged itself into Angel's form.
"Oh, now that Mommy says it's ok, everything's just fine." Angel crossed his arms.
Xander started to defend himself before stopping, thoughtfully staring off into space. "You know that thing with the red hair? Are you like one of those dolls that you can change the faces to different bodies, like Angel's face on Buffy's body and EW bad picture." He took in a deep breath. "So. . . nevermind."
Angel gaped at the boy blinking in the bathroom. "You are a freak."
"And you are a freak's semi-disembodied voice that's trapped in a mirror. So I'm thinking I got the better deal." Xander cheerfully added. A growl echoed in his mind as the face in the mirror narrowed his eyes. "Another thing, I can't just keep thinking of you as 'the voice,' so I've got to name you! I never had a split personality-neural clone before."
Angel quickly interrupted, "You are NOT naming me Harvey."
Raising his eyebrows, Xander looked the Angel image up and down, "And here I thought you didn't know any cultural references."
"I'm not Angel. I'm you."
Xander continued as if he hadn't heard Angel at all, "No, no. I can't give you recycled names. Oh! I know!" He paused dramatically, "I hereby name you Lulabelle!" A smile brightened his entire face as he went in search for the talisman.
Lulabelle growled in the mirror and narrowed his eyes. Pointing to the side of the counter he clipped out, "The talisman is over there." And promptly disappeared.
"Oh come on, Lula, don't be mad." Xander grabbed the talisman and picked it up to break it, "It's kinda masculine if you tilt your head and squint really haarrrrrrrr—oomph!" He was slammed from behind, by something very strong, and propelled into the wall. Taken by surprise he fell into an undignified heap, dangerously close to the edge of the hole and he yelled at the stupid voice again, "Why didn't you warn me!"
"You're mean. And you pissed me off. So deal with it."
"Oh FUCK you." Banging the talisman onto the floor the zombie vanished and Xander sat down panting heavily next to the gaping crevice. The gaping crevice in the girls' bathroom that was right next to his construction site. He smiled as he thought over that again. "Looks like completion of the building has been delayed. Here's hoping for another raise." He picked himself off the floor and went outside to grab yellow tape and cones to block off the door.
*********************************
Darkness surrounded the place and a faint sound of feet tapping on the floor echoed around the room. Peeking her head into the door, Buffy cautiously walked up to the crumpled, dirty figure of the man on the floor. Kneeling close to him, she gazed around the room, noticing the rancid smell of rotten animals. She eyed the corner where the stench was wafting from, and breathed in slowly so as to not inhale the brunt of the odor. Crinkling her nose she looked him over and whispered, "It's not safe here. You could get hurt or you could hurt others. You aren't in your right mind. You could hurt people without understanding. Students who don't know anything could be in danger, Spike." Pausing she glanced behind her, "I managed to throw Dawn and Xander off. They are so angry with you, for what you did to me. . ." Buffy took a stabilizing breath before saying, "I know I've forgiven you. I'll always forgive you. But you knew that. Or if you didn't, you know it now. It's just so wrong that I can't do anything about this feeling inside when all you'll do is hurt the people I love. Do you want me to love only you and be alone, away from all my friends? Is that what you want?" A low whining noise began as Spike started to rock back and forth slowly.
"I can do it, you know. For you. I can be alone and apart and all ready for you. It will ruin what I am. Who I am, but you can live with that. It is what you are. Hurting people is what you do." She slowly lifted her arm to touch his face. "It's what I do. We're the same, Spike. Don't ever think otherwise. If I'm in pain, it must be love. Only love can hurt this much. Remember?" Spike closed his eyes and brought his hands to his face. The continuous rocking bringing a soothing rhythm to his mind, the constant chanting of "I didn't. . . no . . .I'm so sorry" taking him places other than the dark and the cold of the basement. A softer, more melodic voice filled the room and brought with it a dangerously silent air of authority.
"I've got them all wrapped around whomever's fingers I want them wrapped around, and there isn't anything you can do about it. You can try. Oh yes, you can try all you want." It paused before stroking the crusted over hair, the new voice wavering between a strong commanding tone and a soft lilt, "In fact you might have fun trying to do all things "good and proper" now, atonement and such. But in the end, My Spike, you will just make a mess. A giant mess that nothing can fix. Not sunlight, nor stakes, nor love. You will be all alone." She laid a gentle kiss on his forehead, the constant rocking ceasing for just a moment. "Fight it sweetly. And make Princess a pretty plaything too." Smiling, Drusilla stood, the velvet rustled as she straightened the wrinkles. As she faded away, Spike lunged forward catching an unfortunate rat that happened to be walking by. Gripping it tightly, he sank his teeth into it, obscene tearing noises filling the quiet room and bile dripping down his chin. Throwing the carcass to a slowly growing pile of animal skeletons, he fell back against the wall, clutched his head in phantom pain, and set out for hopeless unreachable penance once more.
************************************************
Author's Note: Ok, so this beta thing that I can't find. It's basically so I stay in character because I have a tendency to pretend that the anything other than certain traits exists. One more thing, this chapter wasn't supposed to take so long to write. My computer ate the first final draft and I had to rewrite this entire section over. It's still not like I had it before but oh well. And thanks for the reviews! I'm excited no one is suffering over this. Yet.