A.N: HA HA HA! I know... This took longer then I had hoped, BUT IT WAS
WORTH IT! AHEM! (Looks around) LADIES AND GENTELMEN! I GIVE YOU ANGST!
(Hears the various Ooos and Aaaaaas) YAY! (Bows to the voice in my head
as they clap) Yes... I'm very much insane. And you'll all be happy to
know... That I found my fluff. I'm now content... But you're still not
getting off the hook. I still intend to make you all SUFFER! My new
reason is... well... BECAUSE I'M TIRED! There.... That's my reason. Ha.
Man... This Note just goes no where and is rather pointless... AND I
KNOW THAT THIS CHAPTER IS INSANELY SHORT.... But... I don't care.
Sometimes the best chapters are the shortest...
Disclaimer: I own NOTHING! And I mean it! Okay... Maybe that comic book over there is mine... But technically I bought it with my money that I got from mom for my weekly allowance of five bucks. Joy... So... Um... My dimes are still mine though! HA! I FOUND THOSE ON THE GROUND! FINDERS KEEPERS! HA HA HA HA HA HA! Touch my dimes and I'll sick the duck on you. The duck and the Lunatic with a bat.
Notes on Chapter: This is all down from Nny's POV. Hope it doesn't confuse anyone... It's just his stream of thoughts.... You'll figure it out if you're smart. If you don't figure it out... Uhh.... Sorry? Now read and enjoy. .................................................................... Ch. 4: To Try...
I tried so hard. I saw you, and knew that you needed more then I could give. You needed love, and comfort. You needed to feel safe, and wanted... I tried so hard. But then, like always... everything came crashing down. Why did I have to be this way? Why couldn't I just give you what you needed? What I wanted to give you? I wanted to love you. I tried so hard. I loved you...
You ran. God how you ran. Like hell it's self was after you. Did you even look back? Did you glance behind to see me? Did you wish that it had been different? Did you see me try and fail? Fail... I fail at everything. I can't even keep the demons away long enough to love. To be loved. I need it too you know. I need to be loved, to be cared for.
Do you see me at nights? Curled up in a fetal position, hugging myself, pretending that I'm cared for? When was I last held close by a living being who cared? I don't know... I can't remember. Did my mother ever gaze down on me, and smile in that special way? Did she ever gather me up in her arms to simply let me know that she loved me? Did she love me? I wish I knew...
But then again... Now all I see is you. I can't remember my mothers face anymore. It's now your face that I long to gaze up into. It's now your face that I want to see that special smile from. Are you warm on cold nights? Does the light dance in your eyes to chase the darkness away? Can you cast these demons aside? I wish I were stronger.... I wish I could do it all for you... But I tried... I tried... and I failed. Sometimes I see you... Do you know that I see you? Could you ever know, and understand? I couldn't protect you from myself... so I long to protect you from everything else. I want to save you, like in the movies... Those movies I have grown to hate. She falls into trouble, and the strong hero shines through, and saves her. And they live happily ever after...
But this isn't a child's story.... this is no sweet lullaby to sing at night that sooths a tender heart. No... Nothing that beautiful could ever come from this twisted wrecked soul.
It hurts.... It hurts so much to know that I tried... and failed. Can I every try again? Will you let me just try again? I reach out... But no. This ugly mass of death could never be granted that right. I have no right to be near you. To hold your face in my eyes. I have no right to even think about trying with you... For you. My failure only serves to taint your wonderful life's light.
And so... I turn these bitter pained eyes away... I can only say that I tried... I can only dream at night... I can only dream that trying is enough... God... I can only dream.... I tried... I turn my face to the cold lonely stars and scream a sound that serves to tear my very soul from its pit, and for a breathless moment... for a moment when time seems to skip... I smile...
I tried... My smile mocks everything... I tried. I can laugh; I can smile.... Because I was able to try... Maybe there is some hope.... I could try.... maybe... I can try again. And even though I failed... I can say that I tried... And I will try again. And then.... time leaps forwards again. And I turn back.... my eyes find your face again... and my fists clench tightly, drawing my own blood....
"I tried..." I whisper. "And I will continue to try..." My smile returns sadly. "After all... It's all I have.... It's all I'll ever have."
I tried.
*~*~
AN// YES! IT'S ME AGAIN! YAY! Um... Ha! AND THE NEXT CHAPTER WILL BE WORSE! AND WORSE! AND... You know... I intended for this to be a five- chapter fic... It SHOULD still be one... But then again... It might make it to six? Unless the evil Lunatic with a Bat inspires me again... DON'T EXPECT THE NEXT CHAPTER RIGHT AWAY! It takes a while to inspire me... especially for complete angst... I'M AN ARTIST DAMN IT! Okay... So I just ramble until something sounds good.... Uhh.... NEXT CHAPTER COMMING SOON! YAY!
Disclaimer: I own NOTHING! And I mean it! Okay... Maybe that comic book over there is mine... But technically I bought it with my money that I got from mom for my weekly allowance of five bucks. Joy... So... Um... My dimes are still mine though! HA! I FOUND THOSE ON THE GROUND! FINDERS KEEPERS! HA HA HA HA HA HA! Touch my dimes and I'll sick the duck on you. The duck and the Lunatic with a bat.
Notes on Chapter: This is all down from Nny's POV. Hope it doesn't confuse anyone... It's just his stream of thoughts.... You'll figure it out if you're smart. If you don't figure it out... Uhh.... Sorry? Now read and enjoy. .................................................................... Ch. 4: To Try...
I tried so hard. I saw you, and knew that you needed more then I could give. You needed love, and comfort. You needed to feel safe, and wanted... I tried so hard. But then, like always... everything came crashing down. Why did I have to be this way? Why couldn't I just give you what you needed? What I wanted to give you? I wanted to love you. I tried so hard. I loved you...
You ran. God how you ran. Like hell it's self was after you. Did you even look back? Did you glance behind to see me? Did you wish that it had been different? Did you see me try and fail? Fail... I fail at everything. I can't even keep the demons away long enough to love. To be loved. I need it too you know. I need to be loved, to be cared for.
Do you see me at nights? Curled up in a fetal position, hugging myself, pretending that I'm cared for? When was I last held close by a living being who cared? I don't know... I can't remember. Did my mother ever gaze down on me, and smile in that special way? Did she ever gather me up in her arms to simply let me know that she loved me? Did she love me? I wish I knew...
But then again... Now all I see is you. I can't remember my mothers face anymore. It's now your face that I long to gaze up into. It's now your face that I want to see that special smile from. Are you warm on cold nights? Does the light dance in your eyes to chase the darkness away? Can you cast these demons aside? I wish I were stronger.... I wish I could do it all for you... But I tried... I tried... and I failed. Sometimes I see you... Do you know that I see you? Could you ever know, and understand? I couldn't protect you from myself... so I long to protect you from everything else. I want to save you, like in the movies... Those movies I have grown to hate. She falls into trouble, and the strong hero shines through, and saves her. And they live happily ever after...
But this isn't a child's story.... this is no sweet lullaby to sing at night that sooths a tender heart. No... Nothing that beautiful could ever come from this twisted wrecked soul.
It hurts.... It hurts so much to know that I tried... and failed. Can I every try again? Will you let me just try again? I reach out... But no. This ugly mass of death could never be granted that right. I have no right to be near you. To hold your face in my eyes. I have no right to even think about trying with you... For you. My failure only serves to taint your wonderful life's light.
And so... I turn these bitter pained eyes away... I can only say that I tried... I can only dream at night... I can only dream that trying is enough... God... I can only dream.... I tried... I turn my face to the cold lonely stars and scream a sound that serves to tear my very soul from its pit, and for a breathless moment... for a moment when time seems to skip... I smile...
I tried... My smile mocks everything... I tried. I can laugh; I can smile.... Because I was able to try... Maybe there is some hope.... I could try.... maybe... I can try again. And even though I failed... I can say that I tried... And I will try again. And then.... time leaps forwards again. And I turn back.... my eyes find your face again... and my fists clench tightly, drawing my own blood....
"I tried..." I whisper. "And I will continue to try..." My smile returns sadly. "After all... It's all I have.... It's all I'll ever have."
I tried.
*~*~
AN// YES! IT'S ME AGAIN! YAY! Um... Ha! AND THE NEXT CHAPTER WILL BE WORSE! AND WORSE! AND... You know... I intended for this to be a five- chapter fic... It SHOULD still be one... But then again... It might make it to six? Unless the evil Lunatic with a Bat inspires me again... DON'T EXPECT THE NEXT CHAPTER RIGHT AWAY! It takes a while to inspire me... especially for complete angst... I'M AN ARTIST DAMN IT! Okay... So I just ramble until something sounds good.... Uhh.... NEXT CHAPTER COMMING SOON! YAY!