A/N: Okay…well, now, I'm already on the 3rd chapter!…Cool!!!!! Yay!!!! :)
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"Ahhh!!"
"Do you know how to fly this thing?"
"Of course!"
"THEN FLY IT!"
"Stop shouting! You're ruining my concentration!"
"I'M NOT SHOUTING!!" Rincewind shouted.
They zipped through the sky, fast. Rincewind made the stupid mistake of looking down, and saw Ankh-Morpork below. Down, down, down, below…His head revolved…his palms got sweaty, and he realized he was slipping. He kept his hands on as much as he could, and ended up hanging on the broom upside down, like a mon—ape. Or a parrot.
"Don't tell me you're afraid of heights?" Ella turned her head, smirking, and then saw Rincewind hanging on for dear life, staring up queasily at the sky.
"What are you doing? You idiot!" Ella crossed her legs tightly onto the broom, and pulled at Rincewind's robe to get him up, almost falling down with him. She put her hands back on to the broom and started to steer once more. *
"No."
"What?"
"To your question." Rincewind exhaled and inhaled quickly. "The answer. Is no."
"Then why are you so riled up?"
"Grounds." Rincewind gasped for air. "That's what I'm afraid of."
"Don't you mea—"
"No! It's the grounds that kill you! No one ever listens to me!"
Ella winced. Obviously, she was dealing with someone who wasn't sure himself if he was sane or not.
Someone like her. Well, almost. She knew she was a bit insane….
_____
* Not that she knew where they was going.
"Sir! Sir!" Ponder ran through the halls like a madman, which is unusual for him. He was usually a very sensible fellow, except when he got mad. Then he simply cracked.**
Well, now he wasn't being his sensible self, he was…acting like a madman, as the writer's said.
Ponder banged open the double doors, which weren't used to the sudden impact. All the momentum caused them to fly back to him, and render him unconscious. He fell to the ground like a Barbie without a stand.
…For about fifteen seconds. He stayed unmoving, except for his hand, which raised itself up and pointed triumphantly to the sky.
"Ai've 'ondacted anudda uni' 'ers!"
"You're late for midday, Mister Stibbons." Ridcully said sagely.
Ponder lifted himself of the ground. "I have contacted another universe."
"Oh. Well, I suppose we'll have to check that out."
Ponder glowed with happiness. They were taking him seriously!
"Yes, sir. Now—"
"Right after we finish our midday."
____
** Not like the Bursar. In a more dangerous way. Like a homicidal maniac.
"Um…Rincewind…" Ella began, eyes widening.
Rincewind nodded nonchalantly. "Don't tell me. We're falling, aren't we?"
"Er. Yes."
"Into a big forest?"
"Uh-huh."
"Where there are horrible beasts who'd love to pick us out of their teeth?"
"Most likely."
"Bring it on." Rincewind said under his breath, coolly.
They weren't cool about it. They fell straight down, both screaming. They fell in a heap into the branches of a large tree, all tangled together.
"Get off me!"
"I'm hanging! I can't!" Rincewind was in a difficult situation. His hands were holding on to Ella's waist, who was clutching her branch tightly. He didn't dare look down.
"That does not give you the excuse to hang on to me for dear life!"
"Then help me!"
"Okay." Ella slowly began prying Rincewind's fingers off her, one at a time.
"What're you doing?!"
"Helping you!" She pried his last fingers off her, making Rincewind lose his grip and fell—
—About one foot, approximately. Rincewind stared up at Ella, who was glaring at him. He glanced at the forest around them. It was a normal deciduous forest, with tall trees with white bark. There were birds singing well. Rincewind hardly ever heard birds sing in Ankh-Morpork, though they did make strange gargling sounds.
Rincewind heard Ella fall down next to him, holding her broom. Behind her came the Luggage.
"How—?" Ella began, and then shook her head. "There's a town up there."
"Rincewind looked. There was a normal town. Nothing like Ankh-Morpork, it was just normal. There was a giant tower in the middle that looked a bit like a palace. He followed Ella, who had already got up and gone to look at the sign in front of the city.
"'Metta, City of the Magic Thief.'" Rincewind read. "They named their town after a thief?"
"Must be a very good thief."
Rincewind twitched. "Well, let's go on that broom of yours and get back to Ankh-Morpork."
Ella stared at the sign. Then she stared at him. Then she looked back. She licked her finger and put it against the wind. She stared at the sky.
Ella crossed her arms. "No."
"What?"
" No."
"Why bloody not?" Rincewind snapped uneasily.
"Do you know the way to Ankh-Morpork?" Ella said this is a slow, quiet voice, making Rincewind suspicious.
"No."
"WELL, NEITHER DO I!!" Ella shouted angrily. "Use your mind, man! We would be off already!"
"Okay, okay! Look, why don't we go and ask for directions?" Ella didn't answer, she just started to walk in to the town. Rincewind went up behind her.
Hey.
What's that?
This is your libido.
Oh.
She's nice, isn't she?
A bit crazy. Not my type.
I don't have a type.
Oh. Right.
Try not to screw this up. I'm lonely.
Yeah, yeah, that never worked before….
Ella stuffed her broomstick into the Luggage, and got out a backpack.
"What's that?" Rincewind said.
"Oh. Survival stuff. Provisions. That sort of thing."
"D'you have any weapons?"
"Of course I do. There not in the bag."
"Then where are they?" Ella went up to a policeman, and he followed behind her. Rincewind wasn't exactly sure it was a policeman. He looked like one, though, the stuffy, kind of superior, look. Nothing like the Watch back home.
"There on me."
"What?"
"I have knives, guns, fireworks…you name it, and I have it. Especially swords." Ella turned her head and smiled at the policeman.
"Sir?"
"Yes?" The 'policeman' turned at looked down at her. His eyes fixated on Ella's chest. He grinned.
"Sir, I'd appreciate you look at me, at me, hello, up here, not at my chest!"
The man blinked, and looked down at Ella, who was a bit on the short side, Rincewind thought, to talk like that.
Just then, someone covered Ella's and Rincewind's mouths with chloroform soaked cloths, and started to drag them to the giant tower.
* * *
"Hey." Rincewind felt someone nudge him. "Hey." He felt someone pull his beard hard.
"Ow! Okay, okay, I'm up!" Rincewind put up his hands in defense and forgot to put them down again. He stared at the room around them. It was a dungeon. He looked at the person who had pulled his beard. He blushed when he saw Ella wearing a long beautiful silver dress. She had ripped the hem off and tied back her black hair with the material, making her look like some sort of gypsy. In Rincewind's eyes, it looked like an improvement for the dress. She wasn't wearing shoes*, and she looked very uncomfortable wearing the dress.
She gave him a bowl of some sort of soup, which he decided that soup's contents wasn't very important, since he was ravenous.
"Ella?" He started eating the soup with his hands, quickly.
"Yes?" She raised an eyebrow at him, and handed him a silver spoon, which Rincewind took sheepishly.
"Ah…what just happened?"
"Well, you and I were kidnapped, obviously, and they put me in a room where these maids made me this stupid dress, and I just found out they put you here, so I sneaked in," she said.
"Oh. Um, do you know why they did that?"
"Yes." Rincewind waited.
"Well?"
Ella sighed. "It's a bloody stupid thing."
"And it is…?" he coaxed.
"Well…the king has eleven daughters."
"So?"
"Well, he found out that they keep ruining their shoes every night and are always tired. He says this has been going on for some time. The king also says that anyone—excuse me, man," Ella scowled darkly. "—Who can find what's been happening all this time will be rewarded with half the kingdom, one of his daughters, and twelve bags of gold."
And, well, "Eleven Dancing Princesses' doesn't roll off the tongue, does it? So I'm the twelfth princess."
"Oh." Rincewind put his soup down on the ground of the dungeon. "And I have to find out?"
"Yes. I'll help, don't worry. It's easy, I've done other mysteries."
"But I don't want the kingdom or the money or—"
"Well, I just suppose I'll have to stay here until the next man comes around, won't I?" Ella hissed. "I am not getting married to some old prat off the street." She glared at Rincewind. "Don't worry, you can just pick me when the time comes." Rincewind blushed at this, not exactly expecting it.
"Don't you mean 'if'?"
Ella gave him a glare that could've boiled water and froze ice at the same time. It was a glare that made Rincewind wince, as if Ella had already put him through the tortures he was promised if he did not agree.
"Uh, no worries?" Rincewind coughed. "Okay, okay. But what if you go somewhere?" he added, when he saw Ella starting to leave.
"Use this." Ella threw him a drab black cloak.
"Is it for invisibility?"
Ella rolled her eyes. "No, but it'll disguise you well. Now, try to sleep, your "trial" is tomorrow. I'll find out where all those girls are going. Good night, Rincewind."
"Good night, Ella…" Rincewind trailed off, a little dreamily. Ella stopped in her tracks and turned around.
"One more thing, Rincewind."
"Yes?" Rincewind answered expectantly.
"They kill anyone who can't find out the answer in three days. G'night." She said this quickly, and he heard her softly patter in stocking feet up the stairs.
Slowly a penny dropped in Rincewind's brain.
"KILL?!"
HELLO.
Rincewind turned around to see a familiar skull. "Death?"
YES. JUST IN CASE.
"Like always?"
AS ALWAYS. BUT I DOUBT THIS, SINCE YOU HAVE HIRED SOME GOOD HELP.
"Er…thanks." Rincewind laid down on the small, surprisingly well-made bed.
AND I DOUBT YOU NOT GETTING OUT OF HERE ALIVE. ELLA HAS A TENDANCY TO DO SOME OF THE SAME AS YOU. GOOD LUCK.
That's when Rincewind realized he had just put his life almost entirely in the hands of a girl he hardly knew. Well, he knew she was a stubborn, animal-like hot-tempered, dangerous, a bit on the insane side, tomboy of Cohen…and pretty, too…
And that isn't the most comforting thing to have on your mind before you go to sleep.
____________________
*She was holding one hot pink shoe in her mouth and holding another one in her other hand. Rincewind had no hatred against the colour, though it looked like they'd grown useless quick.
* * *
A/N: What do you think? I hope you all like the idea. Sorry it took so long. I'm prob'bly going to add in the Watch, the witches, and Lobsang and Susan.
Just to tell you!
Please, when you review, please put your favorite parts. I love when people do that! :D
Lodes of Love!