A/n: Er..I just finished The Truth, The Fifth Elephant, The Last Continent, mmm, Interesting Times…and am starting Equal Rites, Carpe Jugulum, and The Reaper Man. AARRRRGHH!!! And Where the Red Fern Grows, for school…and I just finished Night Watch…which I loved, but now I'm very sleeeeepy... Help….
Ps: Okay, okay, Rincewind isn't exactly 18. I read Interesting Times, okay? I think he's 22-23. Okay? Er...Ella's 19.
* * *
"Now what?"
"Er..just wait…" Ponder tried typing "Universes" into the keyboard.
+ + + Which one? + + +
"Are you telling us there are more than one?" the Dean said.
"Bursaar! Get down from that chandelier!" cried the Chair.
"Whee…I can swing…wheee!"
"Bursaar!"
"Did he have his pills already?" the Archchancellor. He checked his watch, tapped it a few times, and shook his head. "Guess not. Check your pockets, Bursar. There you'll find a lovely treat…"
+ + + Which one? + + +
Ponder flinched. It was unnerving to see the Hex use italics. It wasn't supposed to, strictly. Ponder knew there wasn't even italics on the keyboard. He typed in, "The previously viewed", and this came up:
+ + + Loading…Please wait. + + +
They waited.
+ + + Universe: Earth + + +
"Does anyone know of Ear-th?"
"I think it's pronounced 'Earth', Archchancellor." Said Ponder.
"What a stupid name. Earth is earth. It's dirt. Who names their universe after bloody dirt?" said the Dean.
+ + + Entering AOL chatroom 2,342, 089. + + +
"I have no idea what a chatroom is, so don't ask me," said Ponder immediately.
There was a pause.
"What's a chatroom, Mister Stibbons?"
Rincewind woke up, and got up. Well, he was still in his cell. He touched his head to make sure that no one had stolen his hat, found that it wasn't there, and began to shout various obscenities. After a while, he heard a voice behind him, saying,
"Looking for this?"
Ella, clad in a frilly green gown that Rincewind thought brought out her big green eyes nicely, stood behind him innocently, and was picking up Rincewind's pointy hat from the ground with her forefinger and thumb, cautiously. She saw Rincewind staring at it with the expression only a wizard could wear, and looked down at Rincewind's grubby hat. To Rincewind's utmost horror, she started to inspect it, and even began to put it on. Rincewind slowly advanced towards her.
"Well, I suppose you think it's funny, do you? Haha, yes, but that's my hat, you see, and I would like it back please, don't you dare put it on give it back or else—" He grabbed for the hat, which Ella gave to him quickly, and put it back on his head.
"Thank you." He looked at Ella, who was staring at him. She had that mischevious look in her rainforest eyes, and she cocked her head.
"Curiouser and curiouser."
"What do you mean?" She stood on her tiptoes and looked at him curiously.
"Are all wizards so protective of their hats? Do they all have man-eating baggages? Are they all cowards? Do they all," she said venomously, "let themselves be kidnapped?"
"Yes, no, at different levels, and…I'm not sure about the last one, but I didn't let myself, it just happened…"
"Can't you do any magic?" Ella said, not unkindly, just…neutrally.
"No! Don't expect me too! Can't do any, haha! I'm a wizard joke!"
"Dad mentioned that. So you lived through all the adventures I've heard you've had…how?"
"Running."
"Ah." Ella smiled to herself. Rincewind couldn't help thinking it was a nice smile. Not sensual like Ella's half-sister (he supposed) Conina, but pretty. And cute. Definitely cute.
He noticed her hair. He mentioned this.
"Yeah, my hair's not naturally curly. See, it's really wavy."
"And long. Is it supposed to have all that…stuff in it?"
She scowled. "No."
Ella's black hair was long and wavy, with a beautiful clean sheen. That was normal, of course, but the fact that it had silver powder in it made it look like Ella had a bad case of dandruff.
"It's some sort of style."
"Odd style."
"I know. I have to go. I know what's happening, but you need proof so as the king'll believe you." Ella blew through her teeth, making a faint, whistling noise. "I could get some evidence for you, but…I can't really explain the place. And you can't tell the king I told you, okay? Dunno if it goes by the rules."
"Ella?"
"Yes?"
"You go there in the night, right?"
"Yeah…oh, and one of the sister's going to give you some beer or wine or something, she's done this before, she says, but don't drink it."
Rincewind frowned, and asked, "How will I get into…the place you're all going?"
"You'll have to come to the women's bedroom, of course…" Ella trailed off, glaring at him. Rincewind was blushing the color of his robes and hat, i.e., red.
"Don't you dare do anything…pervertish. Or I will hurt you. Very, very, much. And all that'll be left of you is that stupid hat!"
Rincewind swallowed. "Oh, okay."
A lone figure trudged into an alleyway, sniffing the air. It was the way dogs sniffed, when their owners told them to find someone with a handkerchief or glove, but this was purely of the figure's own will.
Angua inhaled the air cautiously. It smelled strongly of something. Something you only found in battlefields or hospitals.
…Or murders.
It was blood. Fresh blood. Angua glanced into the alley and looked away quickly. She cursed herself. She knew something had been odd in this alley, but she hadn't noticed because of the strong smell of beer from the pub, and the thick taste of it clogging her brain. Good thing she wasn't on duty.
Well, now she was.
"You don't smell…?" Carrot came up behind her, and, shrinking back, shut his eyes, swallowing. Angua knew what he'd seen, and kept her eyes down.
"We'd better get the others from the pub."
"Right."
Angua felt Carrot's presence leave from behind her. She took a deep breath, and stepped into the passageway.
The young lady looked scared and there were tear strains visible. Angua could see blood on the young women's head, pouring down into the lady's ears and hair. There was blood at the mouth too. Angua saw a heavy bloodstained metal rod next to her, and shuddered. She heard a noise behind her and she swerved around quickly.
Detritus, Carrot, and Cheery Littlebottom were looking at the body in disgust and nausea.
"Ah…" said Cheery. "Another one…"
___
A/N: Ah. Right. Will have more humor in the second one. Promise. I know this one is short too, and I promise to make the next one longer, okay? It's 1:32am. Please, give me a break! I suppose I'll answer reviews now, to add more words.
Mobius Shadow: Thank you sooo much for all the reviews. They are greatly appreciated, and I luv your story! Yea! Yeah, I know, there are so little Rinso ficlets! I agree, let's all team up. Please email me.
Bush Adminastration? XD Well, I don't know, but I get your point.
Discworld for teens? But I find the books in the adult section…:P. How'd you like Maurice and His Educated Rodents then?
Clanker: The reading piles up…but I tried to get the Bursar in character, and I'll change the first chapter after fixing Cohen's character, okay? Rincewind is a little older, I understand. But he's so sarcastic and cynical! Come on! He's a lot like a teenager!! *blows raspberry* Yeah, well Pterry should make him 22 or something…I mean, how can he suddenly have a love life at 33?!
God Almighty: *blushes* Yeah right…anyhow 8 sons?! Jeez, will be lucky if he even goes on a bloody date with a girl…But, yeah, would they be powerful wizards, since he is sort of one? Or would they be normal human beings?
Rutu: Review when only necessary! Use email!
Lucky Strawberry: Thanks! But now all my other stories feel like widdle, and I must…up..date…them….
Ponder Stibbons: Oh, Gods, what's wrong with you people?! How do you not know "terrible and horrible writin'" right there in front of yer face! But…thank you so much anyhow. Kidby's rendition of Rincewind's clothes is definitely off, and in The Last Hero, he looks WAY too old. Dunno who Kirby is, must check…. (Just call me Callie, mmkay?)
Tam Lynne: Thank you. My sole purpose of this fic is to keep people interested in it. Yeah, sorry 'bout the age…I like to keep people young.
Lunar: Yea! You reviewed! Another cool author! :3 Don't worry, madam, Vimes is coming. So's Sybil!!! Fluff, that's what we need, fluff. We need fluff so fluffy that it's worse than brushing your teeth with sugarcane and cotton candy. 3
Love you all,
Callie