A/N: Lesse…*weakly* Ponder, you hated it? Waah, I didn't like it…will someone help me? Email me and help me? Pwease? Oh well, my brain hurts from reading too much humor…Vimes is the coolest guy ever…XD He says "mwahahaa."!!! Hee hee! That is sooo funny and cool…Mhm, mhm. *laughs*

***

Rincewind waited quietly in his cell. He was supposed to meet the other princesses today. That would be…interesting. Were they human? Hmmm…he'd never heard of Metta, they could be vampires for all he knew…or trolls…

He shuddered. Hopefully, they were all fully human.

Not like Ella was, but…anyway…she should not be occupying my brain at all! Even if what I'm going through is for her…and obviously to get away.

Someone opened the door of his cell. Rincewind looked at the humpbacked figure, and looked again. The person was very much deformed. He had scars criss-crossing all over his face, and Rincewind had the impression that the hands of the…creature were sown on.

"Hi," Rincewind said.

"Hello, thir. You're thuppothed to come with me, thir. Follow me pleathe." The small, deformed creature hobbled out and motioned for Rincewind to follow him. Rincewind got up and hurried after him.

"Er…have you had anything…bad happen to you?"

"I burned a special angel cake that I wath preparing for the marther. I have been very unhappy about it. Kind of you to care, thir."

"Right. Right. You did look a bit down," said Rincewind hurriedly. "What's your name, please?" They were starting up a long staircase, and as they went up, Rincewind could see more light.

"Igor, thir."

"Ah. Right. Thank you. I'm Rincewind, by the way."

"Very nithe name, Rinthwind, but uth Igorth prefer "thir" or "marther", thir."

"Excuse me…Igors?" They were now going down a long hallway, which was furnished with rapiers and swords and other weapons that were good for gouging people in the eye…and other places.

"Yeth, thir. Everyone in our family ith called Igor, thir, to avoid confuthion."

"Oh." Rincewind decided not to press matters; if that was the way they liked it, then oh well, he didn't really mind…dwarfs had it much stranger anyway.

They entered the large room.

Rincewind stared.

It was the next morning, after finding the body. Corporal Cheery Littlebottom had performed an autopsy on the body, and she was reporting what she knew to Sam Vimes, Carrot, and Angua.

"Why couldn't you detect anything, Angua?" said Carrot. "There wasn't any smell?"

Angua shook her head. "None other than of the garbage, the woman, and her blood. But someone had been there. I saw markings near the corpse of someone recently running away."

"You mean a Clue?" said Sam Vimes. He groaned. "That's not going to help! Clues never help! Could it have been a golem?"

"No sir. I didn't smell any clay or anything like that."

"She was beaten to death, wasn't she?"

"Yes, sir. At least, I think so. Her eyes would be wide open. The murderer probably closed them. Maybe a guilty conscience, sir?" Said Cheery. "Her name was Cindra."

"Any family?"

"Yessir," said Cheery, gravely. "An elderly mother and two younger siblings."

Vimes groaned again, this time inwardly. Cindra was probably the only thing keeping them alive, he thought. She probably worked for all of them.

"Make sure they get something from charity. And Cindra was…?"

"A seamstress, sir." Cheery saw their faces and blushed. "What? No! She was a real seamstress. Er, not from the Guild, sir. Very nice person, actually."

Then there was no reason to kill her, Vimes thought. She was an ordinary everyday person, not breaking anyone's heart or anything that might've led to a vengeful murder. Just like all the others.

There had been many recent attacks on women the last few days. In fact, Vimes thought, about four women had died. All somewhat innocent, in their own right.* There was never any scent that Sergeant Angua could ever find, and they were all inventive ways of dying, like someone trying something new each time.

"But how come all these women die? They don't seem to be doing anything wrong." Carrot said. "It doesn't make any sense."

"Oh, yes, it does," said Angua, coldly. "They're doing this for fun. To get our attention. Either that, or they're…" She trailed off, thoughtfully.

"…Looking for someone?" said Vimes. The words hung in the air, a very likely suggestion. A question also hung beside it, like a two-in-one deal.

"Who?" Carrot said. "Who do they want?"

"A women, obviously. And not for any good reason, that's for sure," said Vimes.

Carrot nodded slowly, processing this information. "Sir? We have to go to the palace now," he said.

Vimes nodded. "I have a feeling today's topic has to do with those murders."

They went to the palace. Little did they know, they had been watched at that time. By the people who would usually call you "friend".

But they aren't that friendly.

___

*Commander Vimes thinks everyone is guilty of something. They must've done something bad, because if you ask enough, they usually confess, though they don't always know what they're confessing to.

            ___

"You left markings?" It was the deep smooth voice again, though it wasn't anymore. It had become very high and shrieky. "I told you to be careful!"

"I was, guv, I was!" The squeaky voice insisted. "Didn't mean to make any marks! I just tripped over some rats!"

"Rats," said the other voice blankly. "Rats."

"Er…yes?"

"You fell over rats?" The smooth voice had come back to its original smoothness, and there was icicles hanging from each syllable.

"They were very big ones, g—sir." The squeaky voice had found itself in a very bad situation, and had decided "sir" would be better to use than "guv".

"What kind of idiot are you?!"

"Er..the kind that kills, sir?"

"Yes. Yes, that's right," said the smooth voice, calming down. "But they weren't supposed to find out yet."

"I know, sir. Not my fault, sir."

"Understood, Hugh. It's that stupid Vimes's  fault."

"It is?"

"Oh yes…bit too smart for my taste…we aren't sure if we've found her…the one we think it is might not even be her."

"Her, sir? Who her?"

"Her, Hugh, her! Must I explain again?!"

"Er, no, that's alright."

"None of the ones we seen have shown enough signs of it except the green-eyed one. But these tiny signs aren't enough. Damn those stupid gods! They take too long!" The smooth voice shouted.

"Yes, sir. You're absolutely right, sir."

"Yes. I know."

***

I promise the sixth chapter will be better cos Vetinari'll be innit! Yaysies!

Luv ya!