Chapter 18
"Who is it?" Sara shouted. When no answer came she groaned and got up off her bed and opened the door. "Wha." Her question floated away from her as she saw who stood on the other side.
They stood there staring at each other for ages, neither knowing what to say or what to do.
Nick ran up the stairs and pushed Grissom on purpose into her. "Sorry need the loo." He ran into the bathroom and quickly bit down on a bathroom towel to stop from laughing.
Grissom fell into Sara and instinctively balanced himself by grabbing her waist while she braced herself against his chest. She looked down at his hands and watched him pulled them back slowly. Turning around quickly she closed her eyes as his smell invaded her senses. She lowered her head and rubbed her face.
He closed the door and leaned against it for support. All that ran through his head was that she smelled so good.
Sara looked out of the window and ran a hand through her hair. "Sorry."
Snapping his head up, he couldn't think what she was apologising for. "Sorry for what?"
"Not." She trailed off and leaned against the windowsill. "I'm. sorry for not saying goodbye."
"Why did you go in the first place?" His voice was quiet.
"I. I was confused."
He shook his head. "I don't understand."
She laughed cruelly. "You don't understand?" She turned to him. "I don't understand Grissom." His eyes grew wide as she used his last name. "I'm the one who's not understanding here. I see you with some other sophomore from another college and she's all over you. I figured it out you know. I'm too young for you, but I realised that if you sleep with a freshman just once that you can run back to the other sophomore's and blab that you did a freshman." She waved her hands in the air. "You know, some sort of initiation game, a bet. Its been done before. You could have told me." Her eyes were dark brown and glistened with unshed tears as she watched him. "I went away to think, I even convinced myself I was being stupid, but too much time made me question everything." He pushed himself off the door to stand straight as she continued. "I was letting myself. No, you know what? It doesn't matter."
"Letting yourself what?" He asked stepping closer, but stopped when she took a step back. "Don't do that." He said harshly.
"What, do what?" She said in a hard tone.
He moved closer and again she took step back. He pointed at her feet. "That. Stop moving away from me."
She took another step away. "I don't want you near me, so go back by the door." He moved closer, only a step. "Grissom stop."
"Why?" She stopped moving away as he stood in front of her. Keeping her eyes to the floor she let a tear roll down her cheek.
"Gil please go back." Her pleading tone scared him, but he reached out to her. "No." She snapped and brushed his hand away.
Turning sharply he took his glasses off and threw them on the floor angrily. "You practically run away and don't tell me why. You didn't say goodbye, you didn't ring." He leaned his hands against the door with his back to her. "You didn't let me explain, you didn't even wait for me to explain." Turning abruptly. "You left like you didn't even care." He seethed. "Like you didn't want to know, like you didn't want me to beg you to believe me." He scratched his head and laughed sadly as he began to cry. "You realise how much you hurt me? You realise how much I needed you?" He sat on her bed and wiped his tears away. "I needed you so much. I needed someone to help me through that day, that week."
Sara sank to the floor. "Why that day?"
He laughed again and brushed the tears away angrily. "What do you care?"
"I care." She said through a sob. He pushed himself up and headed towards her door. "Gil?"
His hand reached for the door handle and turned it. "You obviously didn't want to know then, why should you know now?" He opened the door but didn't move. "I came to see you, to see if you wanted to see me, to explain that I was as scared as you. That no one could take your place and they never will." Stepping into the hallway. "I thought you blamed me for what Terri did, I pushed her away, I did. Warrick helped me and I told her to leave." Pausing he rubbed his face. "I understand now that you thought it was my fault, you don't trust me and I understand that. We've known each other over a month and that doesn't warrant trust, but I had it in my head that we could trust each other. I was even fal." He shook his head and walked down the stairs.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Catherine stood by the door and smiled as Grissom came towards her. "You talk to her?"
He nodded. "I'm going home."
"Gil wait." Catherine asked touching his arm lightly.
"No, I'm going. Tell Nick I'm sorry." With that he left.
She watched him go. "What happened?" Warrick asked as he and Nick looked out the front door.
"I'm not sure, but to hazard a guess, it didn't go to plan." She said leaning against Warrick.
Nick looked upstairs. "I'm going to check on her."
"Nick, he said to say he was sorry." She shrugged and let him go upstairs.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Sara was lying on her bed crying, her blanket covering her tightly. Nick sat on the edge of her bed. "Hey. You ok?" He asked rubbing her arm gently.
"Why did he have to come? All I did was shout at him." She cried harder into her pillow. "I accused him of so many things Nicky."
"Like what, it can't be that bad." Nick assured.
Nodding, she took a strangled breath. "I accused him of sleeping with me for a bet. Told him he would brag about us sleeping together with his sophomore buddy's."
He brushed her hair from her face. "Shhh.He had to know that you were angry, that you were picking things to hurt him back."
"I didn't even let him touch me. He looked so hurt, but my brain wouldn't let me. Nicky I'm so scared he's going to do something stupid." She said as her body shook with uncontrollable sobs.
"What do you mean Sara?" There was puzzlement all over his face as he tried to calm her down.
"He said that he needed me, that he thought I didn't care. Something happened Nicky." She wiped her eyes and looked up at him. "What happened when I left?"
Nick shook his head. "I don't know."
"His mother died." Catherine said quietly.
Sara sat up and looked at her not believing what she just said. "No, she can't have. He would have told." Shaking her head she started to cry again. "I didn't let him. I left." She got up and pulled on her jacket.
"Where are you going Sara?" Nick asked worried about her present state as she bent down to pick something up off the floor.
"I'm going to find him. I need to tell him.I'll be back later." Sara gave Nick a hug and squeezed Catherine's hand as she passed her.
Chapter 19
The first place Sara looked was his flat, but he wasn't there. She thought about the library, but figured it would be closed now. The only over place was college. She walked all the way there, hugging her jacket against the biting night cold. She walked up the path and stood in front of the door. The letters stood out with the floodlights shining on the building.
Looking around she couldn't see him anywhere so she sat on the wall and shivered against the cold. "You'll catch a cold out here in that jacket." He said leaning against the tree on the grass where it was dark.
Sara followed the voice. "It would be worth it." She said recognising the voice, but still couldn't find the body it came from. "Where are you?"
"Does it matter?" He asked not moving.
"Of course it matters." She stood and turned towards the grass. "I wanted to say I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said what did. You didn't deserve it."
He moved into the light on the path and shrugged. "Doesn't matter anyway." He turned and started to walk away.
"Gil wait, please." He stopped but didn't turn.
Sara walked up behind him. "You might want to step back. Don't want to get too close."
"I'm sorry for that too. I was hurting."
He turned and looked straight into her eyes. "So was I."
She gasped at the sight of his tears pooling down his face. She reached up, but he flinched away. Dropping her hand she said. "I had no right to accuse you of something your not capable of. I should have stayed instead of running away." She stepped closer to him and reached out to wipe his tears away. "I should have been there for you when your mother died. I'm so sorry."
He hiccuped and grasped her hand. "I never got to say goodbye Sara." She pulled him to her and kissed his lips softly as he wrapped his arms around her. He sobbed into her hair and pulled at her jacket. "I should have been there." Sara cried realising that she made things worse by going away. Not saying goodbye hurt him the most and pulling away hurt him even more.
"You didn't know." She soothed as she rubbed his back. "I should have been here. You must have thought I didn't care, but I do I always will.
Grissom pulled away gently to see her face. He ran his hand down her cheek and shook his head. "I was upset. We said things we shouldn't have. I know you care and I'm sorry I didn't come after you when I saw you leave the game."
"How could you have known? Only Catherine knew." Sara covered his hand with hers.
He smiled. "She seems to know before anyone what's going on in this relationship, even us."
"Sorry. I didn't know what to do. I was scared." He stopped her by kissing her tenderly.
She pulled him closer as he held her face in his hands and kissed her. They could taste the salt from their tears as the kiss deepened. Grissom's hand tangled in her hair as he pressed his body against hers. "God I missed you." He murmured resting his head on hers.
"I missed you too." She shivered and instinctively stepped further into his body heat. Running her hands down his back she noticed Goosebumps covered his skin. "You're cold." Steeping back she realised he was only wearing a single thin shirt. "Come on lets get you to mine to warm you up. You're freezing."
"I'm fine." He protested brightly.
Covering his lips with her hand she shook her head. "I don't want you getting ill. Lets go home and get warm." She looped her arm through his and walked back to her house.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
They didn't say anything on the way back to her house, but when they reached the driveway Grissom broke the comfortable silence. "It's quiet."
Sara looked at his watch and shook her head. "It's 2 in the morning. It's late. Come on."
He followed her up to her room and sat on her bed while she pulled her jacket off and shivered again. He reached out for her hand and pulled her to him. She hugged his head as he wrapped his arms around her waist. "I'm so tired."
Pulling way she took her shoes and pants off and moved to Grissom whom was now standing. She locked eyes with him as she unbuttoned his shirt while he kicked his shoes off and pants until he was standing in just his boxers. Sara grabbed his hand and led him to the bed. Crawling under the covers and pulling Grissom with her, she snuggled close to him and hummed as he wrapped his arms around her, holding her tightly to him.
"Its not going to be easy is it?" She asked into the darkness.
Looking down at her he kissed her hair. "What isn't?"
"Being in a relationship." She clarified.
Chuckling he leaned into her. "They never are."
"But we could be different. Trust each other explicitly, never taking each other granted and talk." Sara turned in his arms to look at him.
"I trust you." He stressed brushing a strand of hair from her cheek.
"I trust you too, but we need to talk, a lot." She smiled and brushed her lips with his. "I'll talk for both of us."
He shook his head. "No, I promise I'll talk, but it won't be easy." He glanced away.
"What's wrong?" She placed her hand on his cheek.
"I need to go away to Venice for a day or two. I need to sort through my mother's things." He said looking into her eyes.
Sara laid her head on his shoulder. "Oh."
"You can come with me." He offered and smiled as she lifted her head again. "I mean it."
"Really?" She asked grinning.
He kissed her lightly. "Really really." Pushing her back he smiled against her mouth before kissing her long and passionately.
"Who is it?" Sara shouted. When no answer came she groaned and got up off her bed and opened the door. "Wha." Her question floated away from her as she saw who stood on the other side.
They stood there staring at each other for ages, neither knowing what to say or what to do.
Nick ran up the stairs and pushed Grissom on purpose into her. "Sorry need the loo." He ran into the bathroom and quickly bit down on a bathroom towel to stop from laughing.
Grissom fell into Sara and instinctively balanced himself by grabbing her waist while she braced herself against his chest. She looked down at his hands and watched him pulled them back slowly. Turning around quickly she closed her eyes as his smell invaded her senses. She lowered her head and rubbed her face.
He closed the door and leaned against it for support. All that ran through his head was that she smelled so good.
Sara looked out of the window and ran a hand through her hair. "Sorry."
Snapping his head up, he couldn't think what she was apologising for. "Sorry for what?"
"Not." She trailed off and leaned against the windowsill. "I'm. sorry for not saying goodbye."
"Why did you go in the first place?" His voice was quiet.
"I. I was confused."
He shook his head. "I don't understand."
She laughed cruelly. "You don't understand?" She turned to him. "I don't understand Grissom." His eyes grew wide as she used his last name. "I'm the one who's not understanding here. I see you with some other sophomore from another college and she's all over you. I figured it out you know. I'm too young for you, but I realised that if you sleep with a freshman just once that you can run back to the other sophomore's and blab that you did a freshman." She waved her hands in the air. "You know, some sort of initiation game, a bet. Its been done before. You could have told me." Her eyes were dark brown and glistened with unshed tears as she watched him. "I went away to think, I even convinced myself I was being stupid, but too much time made me question everything." He pushed himself off the door to stand straight as she continued. "I was letting myself. No, you know what? It doesn't matter."
"Letting yourself what?" He asked stepping closer, but stopped when she took a step back. "Don't do that." He said harshly.
"What, do what?" She said in a hard tone.
He moved closer and again she took step back. He pointed at her feet. "That. Stop moving away from me."
She took another step away. "I don't want you near me, so go back by the door." He moved closer, only a step. "Grissom stop."
"Why?" She stopped moving away as he stood in front of her. Keeping her eyes to the floor she let a tear roll down her cheek.
"Gil please go back." Her pleading tone scared him, but he reached out to her. "No." She snapped and brushed his hand away.
Turning sharply he took his glasses off and threw them on the floor angrily. "You practically run away and don't tell me why. You didn't say goodbye, you didn't ring." He leaned his hands against the door with his back to her. "You didn't let me explain, you didn't even wait for me to explain." Turning abruptly. "You left like you didn't even care." He seethed. "Like you didn't want to know, like you didn't want me to beg you to believe me." He scratched his head and laughed sadly as he began to cry. "You realise how much you hurt me? You realise how much I needed you?" He sat on her bed and wiped his tears away. "I needed you so much. I needed someone to help me through that day, that week."
Sara sank to the floor. "Why that day?"
He laughed again and brushed the tears away angrily. "What do you care?"
"I care." She said through a sob. He pushed himself up and headed towards her door. "Gil?"
His hand reached for the door handle and turned it. "You obviously didn't want to know then, why should you know now?" He opened the door but didn't move. "I came to see you, to see if you wanted to see me, to explain that I was as scared as you. That no one could take your place and they never will." Stepping into the hallway. "I thought you blamed me for what Terri did, I pushed her away, I did. Warrick helped me and I told her to leave." Pausing he rubbed his face. "I understand now that you thought it was my fault, you don't trust me and I understand that. We've known each other over a month and that doesn't warrant trust, but I had it in my head that we could trust each other. I was even fal." He shook his head and walked down the stairs.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Catherine stood by the door and smiled as Grissom came towards her. "You talk to her?"
He nodded. "I'm going home."
"Gil wait." Catherine asked touching his arm lightly.
"No, I'm going. Tell Nick I'm sorry." With that he left.
She watched him go. "What happened?" Warrick asked as he and Nick looked out the front door.
"I'm not sure, but to hazard a guess, it didn't go to plan." She said leaning against Warrick.
Nick looked upstairs. "I'm going to check on her."
"Nick, he said to say he was sorry." She shrugged and let him go upstairs.
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Sara was lying on her bed crying, her blanket covering her tightly. Nick sat on the edge of her bed. "Hey. You ok?" He asked rubbing her arm gently.
"Why did he have to come? All I did was shout at him." She cried harder into her pillow. "I accused him of so many things Nicky."
"Like what, it can't be that bad." Nick assured.
Nodding, she took a strangled breath. "I accused him of sleeping with me for a bet. Told him he would brag about us sleeping together with his sophomore buddy's."
He brushed her hair from her face. "Shhh.He had to know that you were angry, that you were picking things to hurt him back."
"I didn't even let him touch me. He looked so hurt, but my brain wouldn't let me. Nicky I'm so scared he's going to do something stupid." She said as her body shook with uncontrollable sobs.
"What do you mean Sara?" There was puzzlement all over his face as he tried to calm her down.
"He said that he needed me, that he thought I didn't care. Something happened Nicky." She wiped her eyes and looked up at him. "What happened when I left?"
Nick shook his head. "I don't know."
"His mother died." Catherine said quietly.
Sara sat up and looked at her not believing what she just said. "No, she can't have. He would have told." Shaking her head she started to cry again. "I didn't let him. I left." She got up and pulled on her jacket.
"Where are you going Sara?" Nick asked worried about her present state as she bent down to pick something up off the floor.
"I'm going to find him. I need to tell him.I'll be back later." Sara gave Nick a hug and squeezed Catherine's hand as she passed her.
Chapter 19
The first place Sara looked was his flat, but he wasn't there. She thought about the library, but figured it would be closed now. The only over place was college. She walked all the way there, hugging her jacket against the biting night cold. She walked up the path and stood in front of the door. The letters stood out with the floodlights shining on the building.
Looking around she couldn't see him anywhere so she sat on the wall and shivered against the cold. "You'll catch a cold out here in that jacket." He said leaning against the tree on the grass where it was dark.
Sara followed the voice. "It would be worth it." She said recognising the voice, but still couldn't find the body it came from. "Where are you?"
"Does it matter?" He asked not moving.
"Of course it matters." She stood and turned towards the grass. "I wanted to say I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said what did. You didn't deserve it."
He moved into the light on the path and shrugged. "Doesn't matter anyway." He turned and started to walk away.
"Gil wait, please." He stopped but didn't turn.
Sara walked up behind him. "You might want to step back. Don't want to get too close."
"I'm sorry for that too. I was hurting."
He turned and looked straight into her eyes. "So was I."
She gasped at the sight of his tears pooling down his face. She reached up, but he flinched away. Dropping her hand she said. "I had no right to accuse you of something your not capable of. I should have stayed instead of running away." She stepped closer to him and reached out to wipe his tears away. "I should have been there for you when your mother died. I'm so sorry."
He hiccuped and grasped her hand. "I never got to say goodbye Sara." She pulled him to her and kissed his lips softly as he wrapped his arms around her. He sobbed into her hair and pulled at her jacket. "I should have been there." Sara cried realising that she made things worse by going away. Not saying goodbye hurt him the most and pulling away hurt him even more.
"You didn't know." She soothed as she rubbed his back. "I should have been here. You must have thought I didn't care, but I do I always will.
Grissom pulled away gently to see her face. He ran his hand down her cheek and shook his head. "I was upset. We said things we shouldn't have. I know you care and I'm sorry I didn't come after you when I saw you leave the game."
"How could you have known? Only Catherine knew." Sara covered his hand with hers.
He smiled. "She seems to know before anyone what's going on in this relationship, even us."
"Sorry. I didn't know what to do. I was scared." He stopped her by kissing her tenderly.
She pulled him closer as he held her face in his hands and kissed her. They could taste the salt from their tears as the kiss deepened. Grissom's hand tangled in her hair as he pressed his body against hers. "God I missed you." He murmured resting his head on hers.
"I missed you too." She shivered and instinctively stepped further into his body heat. Running her hands down his back she noticed Goosebumps covered his skin. "You're cold." Steeping back she realised he was only wearing a single thin shirt. "Come on lets get you to mine to warm you up. You're freezing."
"I'm fine." He protested brightly.
Covering his lips with her hand she shook her head. "I don't want you getting ill. Lets go home and get warm." She looped her arm through his and walked back to her house.
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They didn't say anything on the way back to her house, but when they reached the driveway Grissom broke the comfortable silence. "It's quiet."
Sara looked at his watch and shook her head. "It's 2 in the morning. It's late. Come on."
He followed her up to her room and sat on her bed while she pulled her jacket off and shivered again. He reached out for her hand and pulled her to him. She hugged his head as he wrapped his arms around her waist. "I'm so tired."
Pulling way she took her shoes and pants off and moved to Grissom whom was now standing. She locked eyes with him as she unbuttoned his shirt while he kicked his shoes off and pants until he was standing in just his boxers. Sara grabbed his hand and led him to the bed. Crawling under the covers and pulling Grissom with her, she snuggled close to him and hummed as he wrapped his arms around her, holding her tightly to him.
"Its not going to be easy is it?" She asked into the darkness.
Looking down at her he kissed her hair. "What isn't?"
"Being in a relationship." She clarified.
Chuckling he leaned into her. "They never are."
"But we could be different. Trust each other explicitly, never taking each other granted and talk." Sara turned in his arms to look at him.
"I trust you." He stressed brushing a strand of hair from her cheek.
"I trust you too, but we need to talk, a lot." She smiled and brushed her lips with his. "I'll talk for both of us."
He shook his head. "No, I promise I'll talk, but it won't be easy." He glanced away.
"What's wrong?" She placed her hand on his cheek.
"I need to go away to Venice for a day or two. I need to sort through my mother's things." He said looking into her eyes.
Sara laid her head on his shoulder. "Oh."
"You can come with me." He offered and smiled as she lifted her head again. "I mean it."
"Really?" She asked grinning.
He kissed her lightly. "Really really." Pushing her back he smiled against her mouth before kissing her long and passionately.