Red leaped out of bed feet first, throwing off the covers. "It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood, a beautiful day in the neighborhood," he sing-sang as he brushed back his antennae, straightening out the sleep kinks.

He's given the Jackers all the keys and security bypasses they needed to sneak into Purple's room once the tallest had gone to bed. Once there, they would snatch a sleeping Amber from her cradle, and do away with her as they saw fit. And Red would be able to sleep through the nights once more.

"No more Amber," he muttered gleefully to himself, rubbing his palms together before sliding on his heavy white gauntlets. "I slept the whole night without waking up once to "Wah, wah, wah!"

Just as the words left Red's mouth, a loud "Waaaah!" resounded from the next room.

Red's antennae immediately feel as his eyes narrowed into slits. Those stinking, lying Planet Jackers," Red muttered as he stormed into Purple's room, kicking open the door.

"Purple! Shut your brat up!"

The bed was empty and still made, apparently having not been slept in.

"Purple?" Red inquired, looking about the room. "Purple?"

From her cradle, Amber stood up as tall as her smeet legs would allow, her tiny orange-red eyes and little green fingers peeking over the edge of the bars. "Mama? Mama?" she asked. Her tiny stomach-like organ rumbled and she rubbed it hungrily. "Mama?" she asked again, her eyes boring questioningly into Red's.

Slowly, two and two were coming together in Red's head, and they weren't adding up the four he'd expected. "Uh-oh…" was all Red could say as he stood there, a wailing Amber by his side.

Holding Amber upside down, not to be mean but because he simply lacked any knowledge of how to properly handle a smeet, Red stormed into the next room. Turning on a private communication line, he contacted the Jacker ambassadors.

"WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?" he screamed into the microphone.

The Jackers jumped, looking confused. "We… did exactly as you requested."

"I wanted you to take this, THIS!" Red hissed, holding up a confused looking Amber. "Not my co-tallest!"

The Jackers looked back and forth at one another. "You wanted us to kidnap a baby?" the female asked, incredulous.

"Not even we're that immoral!" another ambassador chimed from behind her.
"You throw thousands of babies into your sun every year!" Red argued, exasperated.

"Yeah, but it's not like it's anything personal," the Jacker shrugged in response.

Red slapped his forehead. "Look, okay, you messed up. Just return Purple and all will be forgiven."

The Jacker female smiled slyly at Red. "What about the three planets you promised us?"

Red cringed visibly, causing Amber to giggle at the funny face he was making. "All right, all right. You'll get your planets. Just return Purple safe and sound!"

The Jacker continued to smile. "Once you tell him that the reason he was kidnapped was because you wanted us to kidnap his infant daughter."

What is the sound of one Irken jaw hitting the floor? Whatever it was, it was the sound Red made at that particular moment. "You've got to be kidding," he shrieked, his voice rising up a pitch so he almost sounded like Purple.

The female shook her head. "No, we're serious. We know you Irkens. You'd try to pin the kidnapping on us to keep your own innocent. Just confess to your friend that you were responsible for the kidnapping, and we'll return him. Easy as that."

"Never!" Red cried, waving a fist in protest.

A male standing to the left of the female lead leaned over to his boss. "You know, I'm sure the Meekrob would give us more than three plants for the precious Irken leader."

"You wouldn't dare!" Red sputtered, his fingers gripping the keyboard so hard the joints were starting to turn white.

"Wouldn't we?" the female asked. "After all, that's why you hired us. We're immoral. You have twelve hours to decide if you're going to apologize of if we're going to turn your friend over to the Meekrob. Any attacks on us will jeopardize his life." With that, the female reached over and cut the transmission.

While Red ran in circles like a chicken without its head on, not that he knew what a chicken was, Purple stood up from behind the female Jacker's chair.

"Did I do all right?" she asked.

"You deserved an Oscar," Purple said politely, stretching out his long arms. The truth was, they'd attempted to snatch Amber while he was in the bathroom. He'd emerged before they'd managed to get away. The Jackers, fearful for their lives, had immediately given in and confessed to the tallest why they'd attempted to kidnap his daughter.

After a few moments, Purple had looked slyly at them. "Don't worry," he grinned. "I don't get mad… I get even."

Red finally stopped panicking long enough to realize that he was alone in the room. "Amber?" he asked, looking curiously around. "Amber?" Nothing but silence and the occasional space cricket chirping, which reminded Red that he needed to schedule an appointment with exterminators to get the Massive fumigated again.

Suddenly a sharp, biting pain came from within his pouch, causing him to squeal and double over, holding his midsection. "What the hell?" he asked, pulling it open.

There was the missing Amber, lying on top of the sandwich he'd been saving, attempting to… well, Red didn't want to think about what she was attempting to do, but it involved feeding herself. She was biting because she was irritated that nothing was coming out.

"Oh no you don't!" he cried, yanking on her. Amber growled and dug her baby teeth in tighter, clinging to his skin. "This is worse than parasites!" Red moaned as he finally managed to pull hard enough to dislodge the mini-parasite from his body, tumbling backwards in the process.

As he fell, he hit his head on a shelf. As he hit his head on the shelf, a large jar filled with decorative marbles fell over. As Red fell flat on his butt, the marbles rolled towards the edge of the shelf, and all down onto his head. One by one they fell, eliciting no less than thirty-two cries of "ow" from the now wounded tallest.

Amber giggled and clapped her tiny hands in approval, despite the fact that her tiny organs were still rumbling for food. The door to Purple's chamber slid open as Morris entered. "Your tallest, you didn't come down for Amber's smeet food yet. What's wrong?" Finally noticing that the tallest on the floor surrounded by marbles with Amber on his lap was not Purple, Morris blinked.

"Your tallest? Where is… er… your other tallest?" She wasn't sure if it was socially acceptable to use the tallests "names" in public or in front of one another or not, so she simply skirted the issue.

"Never you mind that, you have a hungry smeet on your hands!" Red said, thrusting Amber forward.

"Oh, no, your tallest! She never lets me feed her! She just keeps asking for her 'mama' and shutting her mouth when I get near her."

"But she was just biting me!" Red snapped. He could still feel the sting of her tiny teeth against his flesh.

"Oh, that means she really likes you!" Morris said brightly, smiling.

Red flailed his arms wildly. "I don't want her to like me!" he cried. "I don't even like her!"

Amber, meanwhile, had crawled across the floor and was snuggling up to Red's ankles like a loving puppy. "Aw, she's so cute!" Morris giggled, completely ignoring Red's rants to point at Amber.

Red was about to drop-kick Amber when she looked directly up into his eyes, her own big eyes wet with tears. "Hungry, baby hungry," she whimpered as one big, round dab of whatever fluid it is Irken bodies are lubricated with. "Where mama?"

"Your mama… er… doing important official business," Red lied, backing away from Amber. She sniffled, looking up at him. To anyone else, it would have been the innocent stare of a hungry child, unable to comprehend what was causing her pain. To a guilty soul like Red, however, it was a stare of accusation.

"Perhaps she'd take food from you. You do look and probably smell a bit like him."

"No way," Red replied, vigorously shaking his head in disagreement. "I ain't letting her redecorate my front with spit."

Morris sighed, her shoulders slumping forward as she leaned towards Amber, taking the kicking smeet in her arms. "Come on, little one, you're going to have to take treats from me or not at all.

Amber wailed like a hurt banshee as Morris carried her out of the room, her squeals broken only by hiccups and desperate cries of "mama!" Amber, it seemed, had reached the "clingy" stage of her childhood, and being separated from her mother-figure was the most traumatic thing that could happen to her at that point in her tiny development.

Red was allowed a quiet half an hour to ponder the situation with the Planet Jackers. First he kicked a table. Then he swore a bit. After that, he hovered around the room in wobbly circles and uneven ovals.

He was going to have to give in to their demands. There was no way Red could see around it, short of sending a small army after the Jacker ship, which could be hiding anywhere by that point. Not to mention that the first thing they'd probably do if threatened would probably be to send poor Purple to the heaven.

Red balled his claws into fists and threw back his head, a mangled scream-groan emitting from the back of his throat. He hated giving in. He hated, hated, HATED it! He needed something small to kick…

As if on cue, Morris entered, carrying a sniveling Amber in her arms. "Sir, please. I know you're a tallest and I'm a lowly servant, but Amber needs to eat, and she won't take anything from me!"

"She'll eat when she gets hungry enough," Red answered, staring intensely at the miserable smeet. She was small, and if he used his imagination, almost shaped like a football. After all, she'd been the cause of all his problems… Purple would never know…

"Don't worry, I'll take good care of her," Red purred, snatching Amber from a startled Morris' arms. "You can go now. Shoo, shoo," he said, waving her off with his long fingers.

"But your tallest, you just said…"

"Forget what I said and do what I say!" Red snapped, pushing Morris out the door and slamming it in her face as she tried to stutter a response.

Turning quickly around, Red plopped Amber down on the floor. She rolled over on her back, giggling and kicking her legs in the air. "No, no!" Red scolded, sitting her upright and turning her around so her back faced him. "Now, you just sit like that, and…" he said, drawing his leg back.

Amber fell over on her side, blowing spit bubbles out of her mouth. "No!" Red cried in frustration, bending over and sitting her back up. "I can't punt you when you're lying down."

Amber, not seeming to understand, drooled on Red's hand. "Ewww!" he complained, wiping his hand on his robe. He'd have to make a mental note to have that robe burned.

He sat Amber back down. Amber way paying very little to no attention to her, as her stomach was still empty and she was busy babbling away in smeet-talk.

Red backed carefully up. This time, it was straight to the moon with the tiny cause of his problems. He swung back his leg, mentally counting down. Five… four… three… two…