Chapter 2
"Spike ... you're the Oracle."
"Bloody wanker, I told Morpheus to get Buffy, not you."
Willow raised an eyebrow. "I think he's been taking a few to many red pills."
He flitted his hand in the air. "Go back and tell him I meant The Chosen One; not The One or The Other One. And definitely not The Souled One, or the Lame Bad Joking One. Not to mention The Other Gay One and The Horny One."
Willow rolled her eyes. "Can't you just say their names?"
He smirked. "Now where would be the confusion in that?"
He looked down at his the tray sitting on the side table. "Here, have a Wheat-a-bit. Their a bit stale, but I promise you by the time you finish eating it you'll feel right as rain."
Willow partook of the Wheat-a-bit and left the tomb. Morpheus greeted her and held his hand to her mouth before she could speak.
"What was said in there was for you alone."
"But ..." Willow protested.
"No."
"He ... " She tried once again.
"Zip!"
"Wrong ..."
"El shuto upo."
"Tightass," she finally muttered.
"While you were gone, Trinity was abducted by Agent Smith. We must go rescue her. And with The One and The Other One we shall be victorious!"
"Where is she being held?" Willow asked.
Morpheus and Neo both frowned. "In L.A. with a broody vampire name of Angle."
Willow smirked. "Don't you mean Angel."
Morpheus shook his head. "No Angle is Angel's broodier evil counterpart."
Broodier? Willow shuddered.
(Later on the Shepunchedthebuzzer)
Morpheus laid out the security plans for Angle's compound.
"Security will be our biggest problem. There will be cameras every five feet, monitoring devices every two feet and a contingent of other house guards, whereupon most of which could be used against you two as Agents at any time. There will be at least 27 Agents, a 7 year old schnauzer with no teeth and a rotten pumpkin on the premises as well."
Willow raised her non-existent eyebrow. "And you will be where?"
Morpheus eyes shifted back and forth. "Why right here, of course, holding my hand over this button which will send out an electromagnetic pulse just in case you two are captured which will effectively shut down the Shepressedthebuzzer and make you both brain-dead."
Neo looked on in amazement "Whoa."
"Too late for one of us." Willow quipped. "And why are we trying to rescue her if there is this much security?"
Morpheus grimaced. "She borrowed my Avril Lavigne CD and I don't know where she put it."
(Later in the Matrix - Angle's compound)
"Neo, would you quit grabbing my butt."
Neo was spooked. "And she will not enjoy a playful game of Booty-Grab as did Trinity and Morpheus. She is..."
Willow sighed. "I'm The Other One already. I think everyone has that figured out."
"And she will blow you off like a bad cold..."
"Shut up!"
Willow watched as Neo dealt with the 27 Agents at the front lobby. The carnage was nothing short of awful. Agents exploded left and right. Some just fell down and died on the spot. After it was over Neo returned and opened the bared double gates and let Willow in.
"Ack! The smell is awful," she commented.
Neo nodded. "Before I was The One I was known as The Gassy One."
Willow looked around at the dead bodies laying on the ground. "Remind me never to serve boiled cabbage for dinner."
(At that same moment aboard the Shepunchedthebuzzer)
Morpheus had mistaken his Viagra with the red pills and had downed two 'ludes instead.
*Singing to the tune "The Love Boat"*
"The Shepunchedthebuzzerrrrr, soon will be making another run. The shepunchedthebuzzerrrrr promises something for everyone. Set a course for adventure, your mind on a new romance... Gopher, get me another vodka tonic, a tube of K-Y Jelly, and a picture of Pat Sajak. I'm feeling a bit depraved tonight."
(Thankfully back to the Matrix - Angle's compound)
"OOOOOooooo Baby! Brood for me, Angle! Brood deeper!"
Trinity's voice sang out through the hallway just as Willow and Neo approached Angle's bedroom door.
"That PVC perverted ho is boning the bad guy." Neo said unbelievingly.
Willow's eyes bugged out. "So that's where she got all of that hair gel!"
They couldn't look away. The scene played before them was much like a train wreck; lots of squealing and pennies being flattened.
Willow was treated with one last shock for the night. "Ahh, that's why they call him Angle."
(Later on the Shepunchedthebuzzer)
Morpheus face was in his hands. "We've lost her."
Willow tried to console him in his grief. "There was nothing you or anyone else could do. Once a woman finds the right man that can hit that so-right spot ... well.
Morpheus nodded. "We better be off then."
Suddenly Willow got a bright idea. "Think we can stop by and pick up the rest of the gang before we take off? I have a feeling that Xander will fall for the Cream-of Wheat gag. I need to make some bets."
End