Disclaimer: I don't own the wonderful show Gilmore Girls!

Author's Note: Sorry it took me so long to update!!! Every time I tried to log on to ff.net, I'd see the message site experiencing overload, come back later. It was really frustrating. Anyway… without any further ado… I present to you chapter eight.

Reliving the Past

Chapter Eight

I always hated this day. Every year, this day gets harder and harder. November 9. The Night Mom Never Came Back.

It's horrible. I mean, I rarely cry. Tristan doesn't cry. Dad doesn't cry. But on this day, we all do. Of course, not that anyone sees. I don't see my brother or dad cry. But I know they do. On this day, dad's eyes always seem red-rimmed, and you can tell that Tristan has been crying because he refuses to look anyone in the eye.

On this day, we always spend it here. At the Stars Hollow graveyard. Mom insisted that if ever she died, she be buried here. Not in the DuGrey family plot.

We don't talk much during this day. We sit nearby, writing our own letters to her, we bring flowers… me and dad only of course.

Tristan goes to Star's Hollow, but he doesn't go into the graveyard, much less look at the grave. He waits in the car, despite the fact that we usually spend the whole morning there.

I wrote my letter to mom, attached pictures of all that I'd been doing… I slipped it into the flowers we had put there so it wouldn't be blown away.

"Hey mom… I'm still top in my class… but I might not be anymore. There's this new girl. Her name's Stephanie Parker. She's as smart as I am. But I can handle competition. Anyway… Tristan got into a fight yesterday too. Which is strange because he's not a violent person… at least not that I know.

"It's strange you know. Doing this. Playing mom." I sighed. "You were supposed to do this. You're supposed to remind dad to take his medicines, go to the hospital… you're supposed to be the one talking to Tristan, getting him to open up… not me."

I ran a finger over the inscription. Lorelai Leigh Gilmore-DuGrey. Beloved Wife and Mother.

I walked to the car, so dad could talk to her alone. I glanced at him, and he was walking closer, kneeling next to her grave.

I got into the backseat of the car.

Tristan was staring at the dashboard with a far off expression on his face. It didn't take a genius to know that he was thinking about mom.

He sighed and looked at the mirror, looking at me. "Talk to me."

I frowned. "What?"

"Talk to me. To get my mind off… all this." He gestured to the cemetery, but didn't look at it.

"About what?"

"Anything. Just not… mom."

I glanced at dad. I saw him hunched over, a hand on the grave, another clasping a single long-stemmed rose.

"Why did you beat up Zach?"

"Something else, Lor."

"Do you have feelings for Stephanie?"

He turned around to look at me. "What makes you think that?"

I couldn't gauge anything from his expression. I shrugged. "You knew where her house was, you asked her out but she's never said yes, and you picked a fight with her boyfriend."

"And all this makes you think I have feelings for her."

"Well, yeah." I looked him in the eye. "Seriously. Do you?"

He looked at his feet. "I don't know. I mean, sure, she's funny, smart, beautiful… and I probably would have dated her and gone on to the next girl… but…"

I smirked. "She's never said yes, so you can't move on to the next girl yet."

"Exactly."

"Sorry to break it to you sweetie, but you've got it bad." I smiled cheerfully at him.

"What?"

"Tristan, I think the whole school knows you have feelings for her."

He scoffed. "The whole school?"

I nodded.

"Lor. It's only because she's never said yes."

"So you do have feelings for her."

He smirked. "Well, more like deeply in lust."

That was disturbing. He was my brother. "Ew."

"Hey, you asked."

"So… you like her because she's never said yes to you."

"No. I pay attention to her because she's different," he pointed out. "Lor, you know you're the only girl in my life."

"Don't suck up to me and think I'm going to drop this subject."

"I'm not!" Tristan put on an innocent expression. It so didn't suit him.

"Well, then answer me," I pressed on.

He looked expectantly.

I dropped the bomb. "Do you have feelings… more than lust, more than interest, in Stephanie?"

Tristan turned around completely. "Perk up your ears little sister. Stephanie is pretty, smart, and totally out of league. Or so my friends say."

My eyes widened. "It was a bet?"

"No. Just my proving that no one was out of my league." He sat back in his seat.

"So she's a bet?"

He shrugged. "Kind of."

"What do you get if you get her to go out with you?"

"Respect."

"All this for respect?" I asked incredulously. "Tristan, was the entire beating up her boyfriend, helping her out… was that all just an act?"

He looked at me. "Well, of course. Stephanie's the type who wants a nice guy to help her out, play possessive… even if she won't admit it. Besides. There's something about her boyfriend that gets on my nerves."

"Tristan, that's sick!" I exclaimed. I never knew by brother was capable of doing something like that.

He shrugged. "Lor, you've known me your whole life. You know I always get what I want."

*

Journal

January 6

Well, wedding preparations are ongoing, and Tristan and I are going back to Harvard. The Haydens didn't want to have any part in the wedding, after all, I wasn't their only grandchild, they had my stepsister. Before we left, Tristan and I had a very awkward conversation. Extremely awkward.

End Journal

I glanced at dad from the couch. We were at my grandparents house. Dad, Lane, and Paris were talking… Tristan was talking with Jess and Luke. Grandma was talking with Grandmother (dad's mom). Grandfather was talking to Kathy, mom's college room mate.

I opened the journal, with the intention to read, but after I started… it just didn't feel right to read her journal on this day. This day was about loosing her. The journal was about keeping her alive. They didn't mix.

I stared at the pages, not reading, but pondering Tristan's words. You know I always get what I want.

It was true. There are many tales about Tristan in school, some probably greatly exaggerated. I hope.

I've never questioned Tristan about these stories. I don't want to. It's a topic best left alone.

I remember that when we were younger, Tristan was always something of a mama's boy. Every time something bothered him, he would run straight to mom. There are pictures of the two of them, when he's on her lap and she's reading him a story… there's a video of his first day of kindergarten, Tristan is there, refusing to let go of her leg. When we were younger, dad would always tease Tristan about it.

I was a serious daddy's girl when I was younger as well. When I was very young. Until I was about five, I think. After that, dad realized he was favoring me and started treating us both equally. Mom never favored Tristan though, she loved us equally… but still, Tristan always ran to her when he was hurt, or angry, or upset. And I always ran to dad.

When mom died… well. I guess we all became introverts.

I think, all those years ago… we both lost our parents. Mom to the car crash, and Dad to his grief.

I looked at dad… and I realized we'd be loosing him soon. I didn't like thinking about it. I mean… I never let myself think about it much. I know that I'd probably end up crying like a baby.

I looked at Tristan. My brother was always confident, poised… like dad. I'm glad that he's my brother. I'd hate to be in Stephanie's shoes.

But really, Stephanie seems immune to Tristan. So… good for her.

Willow asked me once why I didn't do anything about Tristan. I remember I just shrugged and walked on. I think I never did anything about Tristan is that I was afraid he would pull away from me. I mean, I lost mom, dad was ignoring me… Tristan was the only one who seemed to care. I mean, grandma and Luke, and grandfather and grandmother… I know they all love me, but, I don't see them all that often.

I don't know if it was right of me to do that or not. I mean, think about it. What were the chances that Tristan would listen to me? He probably would have just shut me out too. And if he did listen to me… he'd probably resent me. On the other hand, I ignored his faults… and there are a lot of girls out there whose hearts he broke.

Maybe there's another reason I don't complain about his not-caring attitude about other girls. Maybe I'm afraid that I'll loose him. Maybe that's why I hate Stephanie so much.

Okay… I know that's selfish of me… but Tristan is soon going to be the only family I have left… and I don't want to give him up.

And in my defense, Tristan hated… really hated… the two boyfriends I had. One he beat up when we broke up… the second… he made Chilton hell for him. It was strange… I always shut my cell phone off on dates, because he calls every minute past my curfew. Dad didn't care really.

One scary time was when I went to this Chilton party. I went with my boyfriend, and Tristan went with… I don't remember. He went with some girl. Anyway, Tristan watched my boyfriend like a hawk. The minute my boyfriend picked up a drink, Tristan's glare if possible, was even more intense.  When we were going to go home, Tristan came up. They started arguing. Rather, Tristan was saying things like 'You had a drink and you're going to drive her home? Over my dead body.'

The entire thing ended with Tristan driving me home, my boyfriend going home alone, and the girl Tristan was with, I think, hooking up with another guy.

I wonder if Tristan will ever fall in love. I wonder if there will be a girl to see past the façade that he shows the rest of the world. Tristan… once you get to know him, is actually the nicest person I've ever known. He's responsible, caring, sensitive… he's a very good friend.

Before mom died, so many people would comment on what adorable children Tristan and I were, how friendly and helpful we were. The people at school would say the same. We were like the poster family for a happy home life. When mom died… well, lets just say that adorable was replaced by snob and asshole.

People call me a snob because after mom died, I kept to myself more, started smiling less. Before, I would smile all the time, always greet people hello… well after I didn't feel like it anymore. Willow was the only one of my friends who stuck with me, and I'm so thankful for her.

Tristan on the other hand pushed away all his friends, and when he started Chilton, he made a new life for himself.

I looked at the journal, and put it back in my bag. I glanced at my watch and made my way over to the phone, and slowly dialed Stephanie's number.

"Hello, Parker residence," a cheerful voice chirped.

"Good afternoon, may I please speak to Stephanie?"

"Hold on a sec."

Stephanie came on the line after lots of yelling and passing on messages. "Hello?"

"Stephanie? It's Lorelai. Look, we have to decide how we're going to present our Algebra project. Soon. Preferably now."

"Lorelai, we still have like a month to do it."

I barely contained my impatience. "If you want to fail, that's fine. I'll do it on my own."

"Lorelai, wait! Look, are you in Star's Hollow?"

"Yes."

"Do you want to meet there?"

I looked at everyone gathered. "Hold on a second."

I walked to where dad and Luke were talking. "Luke, can I stay at the diner to discuss a project with a classmate?"

Luke looked at me. "Uh… sure. Here are the keys."

He fished the keys out of his pocket. Dad frowned at me. "You're going to do school work? Today?"

I froze guiltily, but recovered. "The world will go on turning whether mom's here or not. She's dead, there's nothing anyone can do about it."

The entire room froze. I walked out the door, and picked up my cell phone. "Stephanie? Yeah. Meet me at Luke's. You know where it is? Good."

*

To Be Continued…

*

Author's Note: I finally know how to change the Tristan/Stephanie story so it's not clichéd anymore! Thanks for all your ideas!!!