Reliving the Past

Chapter Nine

Stephanie had brought materials, and we had started working on the project. We were doing the title page. We planned this really intricate design, so we were starting on that. I took the opportunity to ask Stephanie some questions.

"How long have you and Zach been dating?"

Stephanie glanced at me. "Pretty long, actually. Couple years. But we were best friends before he was my boyfriend."

"That must be nice."

"It is. How long have you known Tristan?"

I frowned at her. "My whole life."

"You guys seem really close."

"We are."

There was an awkward pause.

Stephanie spoke again. "Sorry about my mom. She's-"

"I don't mind. My mom was like that."

"Was?"

"She's dead," I said flatly.

"Oh. I'm so sorry," she said quietly.

I wasn't about to say 'Don't be, I'm over it,' or 'It's alright' because I wasn't.

"How did she die?" Stephanie asked… somewhere between curious and concerned.

I glanced sharply at her.

"I'm sorry," Stephanie added hurriedly. "If you don't want to talk about her, it's fine…"

"No, it's okay," I sighed and pushed a some of my hair out of my face. "She was driving home from work, drunk driver hit her car."

"How old were you?"

I closed my eyes briefly and saw it all again. Dad dropping the phone, running out the door. Luke coming with a face more burly and sullen than usual. Grandma sitting looking lost. Dad sobbing into his hands. Tristan's closed eyes as the coffin passed. Mom lying there, looking so beautiful…

I pulled myself out of my reverie. "Eleven."

"That must have been hard. I mean, I know if my mom died, I would be devastated."

"I was. Devastated, I mean."

"Were you close?"

"Extremely." My reply was soft.

"You seem do have dealt well."

I gave a bitter laugh at that. "Yeah, well. People come, people go. Fact of life."

She looked at me with a wry smile. "That's pessimistic."

I shrugged. "That was realistic."

We worked in silence for a while.

"You're lucky, you know," I said softly.

Stephanie glanced at me. "Me? Lucky? How so?"

"Your mom's still alive and you're not about to loose your dad."

"You're about to loose your dad?" she asked gently.

I didn't know why I was talking about it, I don't talk to anyone about this. Not even Willow. Not even Tristan.

"Yeah. Brain tumor."

Stephanie exhaled. "Wow. To think I envied you."

"Envied me?" I repeated.

"Yeah. I mean, you're so smart, pretty, everyone knows you, teachers love you… plus, you're the only girl that Tristan respects, but now I'm realizing…"

"My life isn't that perfect?"

"Exactly."

I smiled weakly. "No one's life is. It can be good for a while, but… eventually, something will always come to screw it up."

"I never knew that you were so cynical."

"Yep, I'm the poster girl for hope, cheer, and optimism," I said sarcastically.

"No… I just meant… you seemed quiet, bit introversive… but not cynical."

I looked up at her from the illustration board laid out before me. "Yeah, well. Maybe it's just today."

"Why?"

"November 9. Day she died."

Stephanie was silent. "I'm sorry," she said after a pause.

I looked at her curiously. "You already said that."

"No, because I thought you skipped school with Tristan. He wasn't in school either, you know."

What? Where had that come from? Didn't she know that Tristan was my brother? "Um, Stephanie-"

"No, I mean, Tristan is the type who'd skip classes, but you aren't. At least you don't seem to."

"Uh, Stephanie, Tristan is-"

"I mean, I know he has a player reputation-"

"Tristan's my-"

"and… I know you care very much for Tristan, and I've been getting in your way-"

My mind was spinning. Be kind, rewind. What did she mean by that?

"-I swear, I never wanted to feel for Tristan the way I did, I did break it off with him-"

My mind had moved on from spinning to caught in a tornado. She and Tristan had dated? How come I didn't know about it? How come no one knew about it?

"But, you know Tristan, he didn't accept it… and… well…" Stephanie glanced at my horrified expression. "Okay, I think that's my cue to leave. I'll see you in school, Lorelai."

My mind was reeling… spinning… out of control… I moved mechanically, cleaning up the place. After of course, I finished staring into space for three minutes. Stephanie had feelings for Tristan? They had had a… secret… liaison? Tristan's only known her three months! She was dating someone! Urkel. Gurgle. Viskok. Wha?

My brain went mush.  I couldn't form coherent sentences.

I stepped outside… and quickly hid behind a tree so I wouldn't be noticed. Not that they would have noticed if the floor blew up from under them.

Who you ask?

Isn't it obvious?

Stephanie. And Tristan.

I wish I hadn't heard their conversation. I think I'm traumatized for life.

They broke away for air probably a few seconds after I stepped outside.

"No… Tristan… we can't…" Stephanie whispered… Tristan still kissing her neck.

Yes, you can't! Do you want to scar me for life?

"Stephanie…" Tristan murmured. "Shut up."

"Okay…"

And they were off.

Oh god, I thought I was going to be sick.

Stephanie pushed him away again.

Thank you, Stephanie. My eternal gratitude. I'll only make you pay fifty percent of my therapy.

"Tristan… this is wrong. You have Lorelai, I have Zach…"

"Lorelai will stay with me no matter what…" Tristan answered… still going at it.

Ilk. Mudge. Wibmle. Okay, that was it. That was it. The minute I get out of here, I'm checking myself into the nearest mental institution. Not even dad will be able to pay for my therapy bills.

"And Zach… does he make you feel like this?" Tristan said huskily.

"Tristan, please go away…" Stephanie whispered. But she wasn't stopping him. I didn't even want to see what Tristan was doing. I turned away… but kissing sounds and conversation was still heard.

"I'm the only one who knows you Stephanie… the only one who understands…"

"Tristan please…"

"Do you think others would accept you if they knew who you really were? They wouldn't."

"Tristan…"

"I know you, Stephanie. No one else can know you like I do."

Finally, Stephanie regained her ability to speak sentences. "Tristan, please. Stay away from me. You're not who I want to be with, you're not-"

"And once again, ladies and gentlemen, she's back to this. I'm from the city, a manipulative, influential family, spoiled brat, golden child. Gets what he wants. I have a secret agenda."

I could practically see Tristan rolling his eyes.

"You think your angelic Zach hasn't kept secrets from you? You think he's really as good as you think he is? He's not. No one is. Not even you."

"Lorelai isn't like that."

Stephanie, please don't bring me into this, I begged silently.

"Lorelai is a whole different story."

"No, Lorelai wants to be valedictorian, and that's what she's going to be. She's not playing any games, or hiding behind names, influence, and money," Stephanie answered. "She's not like you, Tristan. She's not like everyone else in this school. And neither am I."

"First of all, I know how honest Lorelai is. She's innocent, sweet, naïve… and I plan to keep it that way. As for you… you may think you are… but cheating on your boyfriend… you just proved you weren't. You're just like every other person at Chilton, playing the game, living with the rules. Only, you brought an outsider in. Your precious Zach."

I couldn't take it anymore. Anymore that that would put me in a coma.

I didn't trust myself to make sounds, so I dropped my bag, my school bag. Finally, they noticed me.

Tristan had Stephanie pressed against the car. Stephanie was crying, Tristan looked angry. But the minute he saw me, he sighed. He backed away from Stephanie, and walked to me, taking my bag. He put an arm over my shoulders, and cast a final glance at Stephanie.

"Come on, Lorelai. Let's go home."