~Chapter 6~

~*September 1, 1999*~

Seventeen years ago he'd said goodbye to this place for what he thought was the last time. Thirteen years ago he'd believed he'd had a reason to return someday. Twelve years ago he'd lost everything, and all this place served as was a reminder to him, a reminder of days past. A reminder of a youth filled with hope and faith, of years spent arrogantly believing that he was special, that he was loved, that he had a family.

Ten years ago he'd believed that he would never be able to set foot here without feeling the familiar flame of anger dancing through his very veins. Five years ago he'd believed he would never be able to remember this place without feeling the sting of tears and the bone crushing sorrow of loss. One year ago, he never would have thought he'd be back here today.

But, then again, life always did have a way of proving him wrong.

"He's escaped. Harry needs protection. The DADA position is open. Be on the train with him just in case."

No "please." No "Hello, Remus, how have you been?" No "I'm sorry to tell you this, but your best friend turned traitor and psychopathic murderer has escaped from the one place that everyone thought to be the most secured stronghold in the world in all of history and is now hunting the one remaining memory and legacy of your other best friend whom the above mentioned betrayed and killed."

Would that have been so hard for the old man to write? Surely the old coot could pick up a quill for longer than it took to write the letter that he'd received that morning three weeks ago. But then again, he was Dumbledore. What else could you honestly expect? The man wasn't exactly known as one for many words. Besides, no matter what, he couldn't say "no" to the headmaster.

Why?

Well, because, for as much as he moped and groaned about wishing none of it had ever happened, he knew deep down he treasured those years that he'd spent within the walls of Hogwarts. All of the happy memories he had, he owed to the aging headmaster.

So, like a good little werewolf, he packed and made his way here, to Kings Cross Station in London on September the 1st, 1999, as instructed. And now that he was standing here, he wished he could be home in his bed, away from all of this. He didn't want to remember. He didn't want to think of the implications of Dumbledore's letter.

Sure, the DADA position would be easy. Even the protecting Harry part would be easy. But the question was: when the time came, could he turn Sirius Black over? Could he send Padfoot back to a fate worse than death? Twelve years ago he would have said yes. But time had passed since then, and he'd grown up from the hot headed, ill tempered, angry at the world young werewolf, into the weary old man that had lost all faith in the world and accepted his fate to live a life in solitude and then to die alone.

Now, he wasn't so sure anymore. He wasn't so sure if he could give up his last link to the past. He wasn't sure if he wanted to give it up.

Stretching out cramped muscles, he stood, took one last look around and climbed the familiar stairs of the Hogwarts Express. It shouldn't have surprised him at all that his feet carried him to the Marauders' old compartment towards the back of the train, but it was still a shock when he realized where he was. Images of a young James, Sirius, and Peter materialized in front of him as he stood in the doorway. Memories that he'd buried emerged, not completely unwelcome, but uncomfortable. He fancied that if he concentrated hard enough he could actually hear James' laughter, he could see the boy that would grow to be the legend.

But that's when he saw them: a pair of green eyes as pure and beautiful as the most flawless of emeralds hidden behind a pair of owl-like glasses. A pair of green eyes that held the same compassion and warmth as the ones that would gaze upon him when he'd wake up after a particularly hard full moon. A pair of green eyes that were exactly like Lily's.

So, this was Harold James Potter: James and Lily's son, the boy that he'd been called to protect.

He couldn't help but smile. By God he'd grown. But then again, it had been twelve years, hadn't it? And babies did have a tendency of growing up. Never in his life would he have expected for the boy to look that much like James, to sound that much like James. His friend would have been so proud of his son. Both of his friends would have been proud to see the boy like this.

And Harry?

He would have been equally as proud to have parents like James and Lily. Part of him wondered if the boy even knew about them. Had Petunia told the boy about the girl his mother had been? About how beautiful she was? How utterly enchanting she could be? Had she told him about the boy his father had been? How he could charm the frown off of even McGonagall herself when he wanted to?

Had Petunia told him the story about the man and his loyal wife? –how they'd both given their lives so that their son could live in a world without fear?

Had she even mentioned them to the boy?

He couldn't help but wonder...and he couldn't help but grieve when he realized that the most probable answer was: No. It hurt to think about the things that Harry must have gone through. At least he knew who his parents were. At least he'd known who Amanda and Perseus Lupin were. At least he'd had siblings, and known them. At least he'd had the opportunity to create memories of his own.

Harry, for whatever reason, had never been granted that opportunity. Fate had deemed him unworthy of that chance, and in this case, "fate" had been Sirius Black.

"Not this time, Sirius," he whispered as he shook himself out of his reverie. "You will not touch him again...Never again.

***

St. Mungo's Hospital

Waiting Room

~*July 1986*~

"Prongs, would you stop pacing?! You're making me dizzy!"

James Potter turned and glared at his tawny haired friend. "I'd like to see how calm you'd be if you were in my situation! My WIFE is in there...having MY son...and I have absolutely no bloody fucking clue what's going on!"

Remus just leaned back in his seat and stared up at the newly made Ministry Auror. "You know," he started slyly, "you could always go in there...it's not like men aren't allowed in the delivery room..."

"WHAT?! NO! No...that's Lily's area...I wouldn't want to intrude...besides," James said, swallowing hard, "I don't think I'd be able to handle seeing something as big as a head coming out of..."

"ENOUGH! I don't want to hear it, Prongs! Ugh."

Both men looked at each other, shuddered, looked at each other again, and then started laughing. "God, Moony, how did it come to this?" James asked as he wiped the corner of his eye. "It seems like just yesterday we were running around Hogwarts, planning our next big prank. Now? Now...God...It's...I mean...the mere NOTION that I, James Potter, am responsible for the proper upbringing of another human being...it's, well, it's preposterous! I can barely take care of myself, Moony! What am I gonna do? What if I'm a complete and utter failure at being a dad?" The only thing that stopped James from continuing was the presence of Remus' hand covering the 21 year old's mouth. Remus saw something in his friend's eyes, that he couldn't exactly identify, but he let it pass as longing for times past, for things to stay the way they had been a couple of years ago.

"Listen to me, Jim. You are going to be an excellent father. The fact that you're worrying about it is proof enough. Everyone has doubts about things like this. I'd be worried about you if you were totally confident. Harold James Potter will count himself blessed for having a father like you, and a mother like Lily. Love will guide you, Jim, that's all you need. Not medical or parenting books, just your heart and your love for your son."

"I think...I know that it was you that was meant to be the father first, Moony." James paused at Remus' snort of disbelief. "I mean it. I think you'd make a good father. I mean, you always took care of the three of us, Lily, and Bella...Always making sure that Peter studied for his tests, that Padfoot ate all of his vegetables, that Lily always remembered to write her parents...whenever Bella started losing confidence in herself, you were the one that noticed and did something about it...and you always took care of me, kept me grounded when Sirius' playfulness would have me leaping into things before thinking things through..."

"I think you give me too much credit, Prongs, way too much cre..."

"No, Remus, I mean it. I don't know where I'd be without you." James grabbed onto Remus' shoulders, forcing the younger man to look at him. "Remus, I know...I know that Lily and my decision to name Sirius as Harry's godfather hurt you..."

Remus started to shake his head at that. "No, James. You made the right decision. You've known Sirius for longer. The man loves Harry more than anything, and the boy isn't even born yet. You definitely chose the better man."

James' eyes grew sad, and for a moment Remus wondered what he'd said. "Sirius definitely loves my son, Remus...but he's not meant to be a father; he's too much of a child himself. Padfoot will forever be a child at heart. I'm not being mean, it's the truth, Moony, so don't shake your head at that. It's his nature. Lily wanted to name you as Harry's godfather, his legal guardian, and so did I...but the bloody Ministry and it's stupid bloody rules..."

"James, it's all right. Sirius will be a much better godfather than I ever could. He loves Harry a little too much to fail at that."

James, being a little too weary to argue with his friend, just nodded. "Moony..." he hesitated a moment, not really knowing whether or not to tell his friend what he'd seen in the tea leaves. The only reason he'd even considered it was the fact that he knew Remus' own sister had been a true seer, and so the young man wasn't skeptical about the study of divinations, like most people of the wizarding world. That was why Remus had been the only one he'd told about his gift of the Sight, why Moony had been the only one he trusted not to laugh.

His gift hadn't developed until after Remus' sister had died, so he couldn't go to her for advice, but Remus had told him the story of her last vision before her death. For a while, he'd wondered why Athena Lupin hadn't done anything with her knowledge of the future. In fact, he'd been deeply angered by the fact that she'd let herself and her family get killed, leaving his friend to face a cruel and unforgiving world all on his own. But now...now that he knew what it felt like to hold the knowledge of the future, he realized that the woman had made the right decision...a very difficult and painful decision, but the right one.

If anyone understood his situation, it would be Moony. "Moony, with the way this war is going, and the violence, and my job and Lily's job...well...I have a feeling that things aren't going to end well..."

"You've foreseen something?" James was silent for a moment too long for there to be any doubt. "Don't lie to me, Prongs. What did you see?"

"Nothing in detail." It was a lie, and both of them knew it, but thankfully, Remus was willing to let it slide. "I only have this feeling that I won't live to see better days..."

"Lily?" Remus asked with a sinking feeling. His throat having closed up from emotion, James didn't trust himself to speak. So, he just shook his head. "No, James, no...No, you've seen something, you need to do something about it, Prongs. Don't...don't do to Harry what Athena did to me. He will not thank you for it! Harry needs his parents! Not, Sirius, or me, or Bella! He needs YOU! Don't do..."

"Do you think this is easy for me?!" Not being able to hold back the tears of fear and despair anymore, James let them fall without shame. "Do you really think that I want to die?! I don't, Remus, I don't! I want to be there for Harry's first day of school, for his first date! I want to be the one who shows him how to shave for the first time! I want to be there to tell him how proud I am on his graduation day...But there's nothing I can do about it!"

"Yes there is, you stupid ass! It's called the GIFT of Sight for a reason! You can do something about!" Remus Lupin wasn't known for his calm for no reason; he hardly ever lost his temper, and he never yelled, let alone screamed. So his exclamation left a dead silence in its wake. When he was calm enough to continue, he did so with his usual calm. "You've been given this chance to change things so that it doesn't have to be this way."

"Mine and Lily's deaths will mark the fall of Voldemort, Remus. Mine will be the first, setting off a chain reaction, then Lily's will follow soon after, and somehow, Harry will be the one to bring him down..."

"You're talking about an attack on your family...when? How?"

"I don't know when, Remus, and that's the truth...I told Dumbledore, and he wants us to go into hiding as soon as we can, but I don't think it's going to do any good, Moony...I saw that vision for a reason. The course of time is counting on that to happen. I didn't see it so that I can change it, I was meant to see it so I that I can make amends..."

"Does Lily know?"

James sat down next his friend with a heavy sigh. "No...and I think it'd be best if it stays that way...I know she has a right to know, Moony, so don't lecture me about that. It's just...she's so scared right now, Remus. She hides it, but she's scared, and I don't want to add to that. With Harry in her life now, she can at least be a little happy during the time that is left...Promise...swear to me that you'll look out for them, Moony...swear that you'll make sure Sirius isn't too lenient with Harry, and that Bella doesn't spoil him too much. Promise..."

"I swear it, James. I will take care of them. I will guard them with my life..."

"Take care of yourself as well, Moony...You don't need anyone to look after you too much, but you tend to forget sometimes that you need help as well..."

"It was always you who took care of me, Prongs...If I was the one who kept you grounded, then you were the one who taught me to dream a little."

"Well, you know, there is a Prongs Jr. now...perhaps he'll fill his dad's shoes..."

He stared at the photo of himself and James that had been taken at the Marauder's joint graduation party. The two of them looked truly happy despite the war that was raging outside. He couldn't help but wish for his friend. He couldn't help but be a bit selfish and wish that Prongs and Lily had been at his side through the past twelve years, but the logical side of him reminded him that had Prongs and Lily not sacrificed themselves, the war probably would have ended with the dark side as the victors.

He glanced at the seat across from him, vacated only recently by Harry. "You have no idea how much he resembles you, Prongs...and not just in looks either. He's got your heart...I look at him sometimes, and feel as if I'm thirteen again. He reminds me of just how much I miss you and Lily..." He gazed down at the picture James, waving with a big dopey grin on his face.

"I haven't told him about the Marauders yet, but I will as soon as the year is over. For some reason I don't think Severus will tolerate my presence here for any longer than that. It just doesn't feel right to tell him about all the stunts we pulled while being his professor. Perhaps after I leave, I'll tell him the spell we used to create the map...hell...maybe I'll just make him another copy of it...or break into Filch's office and steal it. I am a Professor now, after all, he can't question my authority about stuff like that. By God, I'm speaking to a picture...that's never a good sign...But I do miss you, Prongs...and Padfoot in a way...He wasn't always like this; there had been a time when he was loyal to us...all of us...

Well, there's really nothing I can do about it now, is there? I will protect Harry though, James. I promised you before when he was born, and I'm renewing the promise now. By my life or death, if I can protect him I will, you can trust me on that...it's just...a part of me can't help but think that there's been a mistake...with Padfoot, I mean...something about it just doesn't sit well with me. Perhaps when he's captured, I'll be able to talk to him. Perhaps I'll get some answers..."

***

Images of four young boys danced before him, each one of them the embodiment of youth itself. Where had it gone? Had it truly been that long since he'd laughed like the little boy before him? Had that really been him? So happy? So youthful? So carefree? How was it that he could remember so much from picking up one simple scent lingering in the air?

Moony.

Remus was near...in the forest somewhere. Only this time he wasn't playing a carefree game of hide and seek in the dark. This time his discovery wouldn't bring about a chorus of boyish giggles and a playful match of wrestling. Sirius Black may be considered mad, but he wasn't so mad as to think that all would be well with his school and classmate. This time Remus was hunting him, and he would fight with intensity and passion as any dog would when protecting his beloved owner. He would do anything to protect the one remaining memory of his friends. He would die for the boy, just as James and Lily had. If only he realized that Sirius would do the same.

"I really don't understand why the headmaster even bothers to send you out on these patrols, Lupin. Given your past history with the murderer, you're, in all probability, aiding him." Padfoot's ears perked up at the familiar sneering voice.

Even twelve years couldn't quench the flame of hate that danced in Severus Snape's heart. In school Sirius never truly understood how Moony could stand the greasy git. It wasn't as if the long nosed bastard didn't ask for half the things the marauders had done to him. More than half, if you really analyzed the situations. He never understood how Lupin could sit quietly through the taunting and the hateful words, especially after what had happened their sixth year.

But he did, and just like in his school days, Remus Lupin calmly turned to regard his peer and said quite simply, "Sirius Black is no friend of mine, Severus."

Snape snorted. "Do you really expect me to believe that, Lupin?"

"Yes, Severus, I do. Sirius stopped being a friend when he turned on James and Lily."

For a moment brown eyes stared into hazel, and hazel stared right back. For a moment it seemed as if Snape and Lupin came to an understanding. But like most good things that came to Severus Snape, the moment ended with a quick shake of the head, and a snarled comment. "You're good, Lupin. You almost had me fooled there."

An exasperated sigh. "I truly don't know what else you want from me, Severus. No matter what I say, you don't believe it. Why are you so bitter?"

Sirius had to make a point to remind himself that he wasn't back at school, that he couldn't just jump out and come to Remus' rescue. But the look in Snape's eyes scared him. Never in his life had he seen such hate radiating out from one person. "You want to know why I'm so bitter, Lupin? I'll tell you...You and Black tried to kill me just so you could have a good laugh, that's why!"

"I didn't try to kill you, Severus. I had no part in what happened that night. Sirius told you how to get past the whomping willow because he was angry at me, because he knew that the one thing I feared more than anything in the world was to spread my disease to someone else..."

"Oh really?! Then why is it that you were so quick to forgive Black about it? Hmmm? If what you say is true, it means that Black betrayed you to the first jackass to cross him, and this is definitely not a betrayal to be taken lightly. You had other friends, you didn't need him. In fact Potter, Evans, and that little sniveling tack on of a friend Pittegrew were perfectly wiling to cut off all ties to him if you'd given them the word..."

"A life without friends is not worth living, Severus. You had your friends growing up, tell me, what would it have done to you if you'd lost every last one of them because of a stupid mistake you'd made?"

Snape was completely silent for a moment, considering what Remus had asked him. "If the person were truly my friend, I wouldn't have betrayed them in the first place. Let's for one moment pretend that I believe you...If what I hear is correct, you forgave him because you wished to spare him an empty life?"

"Simply put? Yes, Severus."

"And yet he ended up turning on all of you. A great deal of good came from your faith in him, didn't it?" Snape muttered sarcastically.

Sirius watched with growing anger as Remus' eyes turned sad. "Yes, well...that is definitely not a decision that I regret, Severus...You forget that Sirius wasn't always the man that he is now...I believe that at one point in his life, he loved us...more than anything."

Snape snorted, his disbelief very evident. "Well, he's got a very interesting way of showing his love, doesn't he?" There was a pause and for a second, Sirius thought the conversation was over. "Seriously, Lupin...why did you forgive him so quickly?"

Padfoot's ears perked up. In all of his years, he'd never truly figured out the answer either. He was thankful for it, but Remus' forgiveness had been too easily given.

"Trust, faith, and second chances, Severus, that is what friendship...what TRUE friendship, is made of. If you've never had a friendship like that, I pity you."

"I don't need, nor do I want your pity, Lupin," Snape sneered before stalking off.

Remus stayed behind for a moment, gazing out into the Forbidden Forest, and for a moment, Sirius felt as if Remus had seen him. In fact, he knew that Remus had seen him, the recognition in the hazel eyes couldn't be denied. So, he waited, to see what his old friend would do. The stare lasted for another second or so before Remus turned, effectively breaking it, and walked off back towards the castle.

Sirius didn't know whether to breathe a sigh of relief or to cry in frustration. "Trust, faith, and second chances, Severus, that is what friendship is made of..." He was sure he'd used up all of his second chances, but perhaps Remus would find it in his heart to forgive him one more time. If he could only explain to Remus what had happened that night, then maybe...just maybe he'd have a shot at forgiveness?

***

He didn't know when he'd fallen asleep, lord knows he hadn't planned on it, but when he awoke, it was to a pair of hazel eyes staring at him. It wasn't supposed to be like this, Moony was supposed to wake up to meet his eyes, not the other way around! Like most things in his life, he screwed up his shot to make a "good" impression. He'd had it all planned out too. Moony would wake up, turn sleep weary eyes to meet his, and he'd say, "I'm sorry," in true muggle movie dramatic, angsty fashion.

But nothing seemed to work for him nowadays, and it was really starting to annoy the shite out of him.

"What are you doing here?" Remus croaked as Padfoot jumped off the bed and transformed back into Sirius.

"Prongs came and got me when he heard about what happened to you...I guess he felt that just in case...you...I guess some part of him decided it was time to let me near you again..." He stopped, not knowing what else to say. His planned speech felt too empty and rehearsed to use in a situation as real as this. "Listen, Moony...I uh..."

"You hurt me," Remus interrupted.

His eyes shot up to Remus' face immediately at that. Had he seen anger or hatred...or some other emotion that was just wholly un-Moony-like, he would have been able to handle it. But all he saw was pain, eyes that sparkled with unshed tears, barely held at bay. What was he supposed to answer to a statement as simple as that? "I know..." He watched, fascinated as the tears started their journey down the curves of his friend's face.

Remus reached up and quickly wiped the tears away as he sniffled. Composure regained, he spoke again. "Don't ever do it again." That was it. That was all that was needed. In true Lupin fashion and grace, he forgave Sirius that easily.

Part of him wished that Moony had asked for something more, had requested for him to beg. He'd wanted to grovel and cry and...just be all out pathetic in asking for his friend's forgiveness, but Remus had too good of a heart to make him go through the humiliation of begging on his knees. He was too kind to make his friend go through even a mere sliver of the pain that he'd had to endure.

It wasn't until Remus reached up and wiped his face that he realized he was crying. He didn't even try to pull back in his usual male macho fashion when Remus pulled him into a gentle hug. He had to remind himself not to cling too hard, as his friend had just been patched up, and he knew for sure that Madame Pomfrey would kill him if he did anything to hurt her pup.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." He didn't know how long he sat there, crying into Moony's shoulders, but when he woke up, it was to the same hazel gaze as the last time, only now the eyes weren't cold or pained. They held a hint of the normal humor in them, and that was a sight that Sirius would be forever thankful for.

***

Forever...well it was a long time, and part of him thought that perhaps, if Remus hadn't forgiven him, James and Lily wouldn't have let him back in their lives, then the secret keeper switch wouldn't have happened, James would have chosen Remus for the job, and they would still be alive and happy because, despite whatever he had thought at the moment, Moony would never betray his friends.

How was it that even after ten years of friendship, he still didn't fully trust Moony? He loved him like a brother, yes, but he never really trusted him, and the painfully honest side of him realized it was because Remus was a werewolf. The truth of the matter was, he'd never actually gotten over the fact that Remus turned into a beast once every month, part of him never forgot what his family had taught him about werewolves as a child. How do you de-program a lifetime's worth of fear and hate?

Usually nothing can, but life being life, and Sirius being Sirius, and life treating Sirius in its usual fashion, he was once again proved wrong. In retrospect, it should have been obvious that Remus wasn't the traitor, for purely logical reasons. Yes, it was true that the Dark Lord was offering a so called "cure" for lycanthropy. Yes, he was sure that an offer had been made to Remus to join them. (Who wouldn't want a mind like his on their side?) What he'd failed to take into consideration was the fact that Moony was a canine, and loyalty came first to a dog, no matter what species. Moony was bound to his pack, his Prongs, Padfoot, and Wormtail, not to Voldemort and his cure. It should have been so obvious.

So, why hadn't it? Why hadn't he realized until now?

~Because you're an idiot, Black, and that's the way of it,~ his inner voice, which sounded remarkably like Remus, snorted to him.

True, but he wasn't the stupid, pigheaded sixteen year old anymore. He was twenty-two now, he was older, wiser... ~Yeah, okay!~

So, maybe not wiser, but, still, he should have known better!

~Should have, could have, would have?! What is that going to do for James and Lily and Harry...and Moony now?! You were an ass! That's the basic truth of it. You were a fucking wanker! You deserve whatever they give you. You are just as responsible as that rat, Peter.~

Well, okay, so the voice was a bit more cruel than Remus', but it did have a point. All he could do was hope that he'd have a chance to talk to Remus, tell him what really happened, so that this way at least one person would know of his 'innocence.' Remus would believe him, right? Moony always was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt, no matter how much he didn't deserve it. Unlike most, Moony would trust him...

***

But that hadn't happened. The Ministry Aurors, his past coworkers, didn't give him a chance to explain himself to Moony, let alone anyone else. He'd been dragged off to Azkaban the next day. He'd seen Remus, of course, but only in passing on his way to the boat. He'd been just another face in the crowd, only, Moony's face hadn't been angry or hateful. No, Moony would never wear an expression like that. It'd had been confusion and pain that he'd seen on Moony that day. After promising never to hurt him again, he'd turned around and did it once more.

He'd had hope until that day. He'd believed that Remus would swoop in and save him, declaring that it was all wrong, that Sirius Black would never betray his best friend and his own godson. But in Moony's eyes, he had. After all, he'd betrayed his packmate, hadn't he? So, why wouldn't he do it to his friend, especially if an offer of power had been made?

~No! NO! Moony, I didn't do it! It was Peter! Moony, please!~

He'd wanted to scream out to him, but he'd known the words would only pain the young man more. His eyes had been dead, devoid of their usual sparkle, his face was completely calm, no trembling lips, no pained expression, the only show of emotion had been in the tears that had flowed down his cheeks unchecked.

"Sirius Black is no friend of mine, Severus."

Perhaps, he'd run out of second chance...

***