Chapter 4: Another Side
A/N- I completely forgot to write Banks vs. Ken over the liquid nitrogen in the last chapter, where it should've been. Tsk tsk, bad Aqua.
*****
Thursday after classes I go straight back to my dorm, instead of hanging around with the rest of the Ducks like I usually would. Banks and I are finally getting around to working on our project. (I've been warned that he's found out Russ and I were behind the liquid nitrogen thing, and he's going to kill me for it, but I'll worry about that when it happens.)
When I get there, though, I run into something that puts biology completely out of my mind. Russ walks out of the room. With a girl. I duck around a corner, so I can't hear what they're saying, but they're definitely enjoying themselves.
I think I recognize the girl, but I can't figure out why. All that runs through my mind is: that has to be his girlfriend.
What did you expect, stupid? I snap at myself. After all, I've spent the entire year telling myself this could never work out, I really shouldn't be hurting so much, but... who ever said love has to make sense? I check to make sure they're well down the hall before running into the room and flinging myself on the bed.
I let myself cry, no point in holding it back. Better get it out sooner than later. Why did it have to be me? Why did it have to be him? Should I tell him anyway? Yeah, a lot of good that would do, a lot of good.
But maybe a final rejection would help me sort myself out. Because even now I'm still hoping it was just a mistake.
Somebody knocks on the door. I ignore it, it's not like Russ doesn't have a key. And I can't think of anyone else that might be paying a visit.
"Ken?"
Dammit! In approximately five minutes, I managed to forget all about that stupid project. "Banks, maybe we should reschedule," I manage to choke out in a relatively normal voice. "I'm... not feeling all that great." Well, it's not really a lie.
Pause. "Sure..."
I pound my pillow. That was probably stupid, now I can fail biology as well as not having a boyfriend. But the only thing I want less than a Duck coming in here is a Varsity jock who wants to kill me coming in here.
That was mean. But at this point I don't care.
Banks has only been gone for a minute or two when the door swings open and Russ comes in. Completely without warning. I force myself to lie still, and try to pretend I'm sleeping. Usually I'm good at that, but this time it's not working.
"Yo, Kenny, what's goin' on? Heard you're not feelin' too good, but you've been fine all day... what's up?"
Sigh. Like I can tell him. "Just tired." I bury my face in my pillow. After a little while he leaves. Great job, Ken, he wants to help and you just shove him away. Real brilliant.
I force myself to sleep.
~~~~~
Where am I?
I look around, a little startled. Then I remember. I'm at the ice rink... I've been here all night. Right. I ran away because I knew he'd been drinking too much. I came to skate. And since I knew he'd be both drunk and furious if I went home that evening, I'd just spent the night.
They obviously hadn't caught me, so... that's okay.
The trick was to make it back home when he was sober. He wouldn't be angry at all, then. He'd tell me how sorry he is and I had every right to run away and he'll try to stop—always, he'll try to stop—then we go out for ice cream.
But if he's drunk when I get there...
I don't want to think about that. I pick up my skates and pop up out of the bleachers for a quick look around. If the place is open, I can just walk on out. If it's closed I'll probably have to sneak through the same window I came in. I'm in luck today, there are several people already on the ice.
I take a look at my watch. 8 in the morning, okay, that works. He shouldn't be awake yet, which means he won't know I'm not home. If he doesn't know I'm not home, he won't get worried. If he's not worried, he won't start drinking before I get there. But I don't have a lot of time to waste.
The second I walk in the door, I know something's wrong. There's lights on, but there shouldn't be any lights on if he's not—
"Kenneth!"
Uh oh. He only calls me Kenneth when he's drunk. And mad. And looking for a punching bag. I turn around quickly and head back out the door but he comes thundering into the room before I can make it out.
"Just where do you think you're going! I think you've been away quite enough for today!"
I sigh, and just let him
hit me. There's no point in crying about it, he'll have to stop eventually.
Just have to wait it out... in spite of the pain.
~~~~~
I wake up, and cringe, not opening my eyes. Someone is hitting me. No, not really... there's definitely someone stroking my hair, though, and it's kind of.. soothing. I open my eyes to see who it is.
How many people would be in your room, stupid?
Russ immediately jerks his hand away, he looks very startled. I sigh, furious at myself for ruining it. "What was...?"
"Sorry," he answers before I can finish.
Sorry? Why? Why did you have to stop? "No, it's okay, really. I was just curious."
He looks so uncomfortable, and I feel bad for asking. Finally, "You were yelling and stuff and I figured you must be having a nightmare, and I thought I should wake you up, but I know I hate it when people scare me awake, so I thought..."
Wow. Here's a side of Russ I've never seen before. I guess it makes sense, there's got to be more to him than attitude, right? At the same time, I'm disappointed. He was just worried about me having a nightmare. Nothing more...
He has a girlfriend, stupid.
"Thanks," I manage to get out.
He smiles. "No problem." He stands up, and returns to his bed. "Oh, by the way."
"Yeah?"
"If you want to talk, I'm available." There he goes again, that uncharacteristic seriousness.
I smile into my pillow. Behind all that sarcasm... Russ is really a good friend. "I'll remember that." And I'll probably take him up on it, too. But not right now. I'm in too good a mood now for the nightmares to come back. For now, I'll just sleep.
