Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Saiyuki characters. They honorably belong to Minekura Sensei. Please don't sue me.
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Ayie: Fuuei-chan, this fic is written after your request… Thanks for your compliment but actually I'm not that good in expressing sad scenes. Here goes another angst fic… but please don't kill me if it's not really angst at all ^__^"
Sanzo: Argh!! You really want to pick a fight with me don't you? I'll kill you… I'll kill all those people who wanted to read angst fic about me….
Ayie: clamped Sanzo's mouth with her hands Yare…yare… suman ne minna-san. ^__^" Sanzo is really against me writing an angst fic…especially if the fic focused a lot on him. grinned devilishly as she knocked Sanzo senseless to the bed
Gojyo: Yada…yada… these two maniacs on loose should be kept in an asylum… they should not be left wandering around in public. They are worse than SARS!!!
Hakkai: Arara… it's rude to say such thing Gojyo… well minna-san, enjoy the fic and please review O__^. Goku: Ayie-nee-chan… hata harahetta ne!! tugged at ayie's shirt and dragged her away to the kitchen
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Bye Bye Birdie!
Gojyo stopped picking the peaches from the ground and glanced over his shoulder. There's a creepy feeling crawling up to his neck. It's too quiet. That's impossible since Goku was with him. Why all the gibbers and chatters from that baka saru stopped at sudden?
It was what Gojyo had expected. The silence was not weird since the saru was nowhere in sight. "Ch!" he grunted irritably. "Ano baka… I've told him not to wander too far" Gojyo rose up to his feet and walked grumpily into the woods, where Goku was last seen picking up ripe peaches from the ground. The red haired man looked up to the peach tree before him. Goku was not there, hanging on the branches like he expected that saru to be.
"K'so!" Gojyo sighed in disappointment. 'Why it has to be me searching for food with the saru?' Gojyo turned around. "Oi saru!! Where are you? Don't expect me to find you if you went missing!!!" he warned. He got no reply. Gojyo stomped his foot to the ground, annoyed. He sniffed around, no sign of any youkais around. 'Okay… that saru is not in danger…relax'
"Oi Goku!!! I have no time to play around… Come out now!!" Gojyo shouted angrily, sending some birds that were resting peacefully in their nests flying off to the sky. Gojyo looked up. 'Where all these birds come from?' then he turned his gaze to the bushes as he heard a shuffling sound in that direction.
The bushes were spread opened as a pair of hands emerged from behind it. A spiky brown haired head popped out of the thorny bushes. Gojyo sighed with relief but then he marched grimly towards the young itan appearing from the bushes. He curled up his fist and smacked the boy hard on his head. The golden-eyed itan flung and landed a few feet away from the bush. And he didn't land on his feet, but on his back.
" That's for not answering when I called you!" Gojyo scolded the young man. His eyes flared with rage as he looked down to Goku. But then the rage in his eyes faded away slowly when he noticed the look in that boy's face. Goku made no sound at all, even pouting at the pain in his head.
"Goku?" Gojyo's tone changed as he realized there's something wrong with Goku. Goku should have rise up and call him ero kappa or red haired gokiburi, then kick him or punch him or something. But what he was seeing right now was far from what he thought that kid is going to do.
Goku just lay dumbfounded on the ground. Propping on one elbow, he rose up to a sitting position and sat cross-legged in front of Gojyo. He stared down to his feet and hung his head so low that his face almost touches his chest. No sound escaped from his mouth. In fact he made no effort to talk at all. Goku's face showed nothing.
"Oi saru!" Gojyo's voice soothed a bit. Goku is acting weird and damn! He didn't like it at all. He bent down with both hands on his lap and reached a hand to touch the saru. Suddenly, Goku looked up to him and curled his lips in a pretending smile. The smile faded away then. Gojyo retreated his hand to his side.
"Can we go back to Sanzo and Hakkai?" Goku asked and Gojyo realized the solemn in that boy's tone. Goku scrambled up to his feet and turned around to the direction where Sanzo and Hakkai waited for them in jippu.
Gojyo stared at Goku as the boy walked with feeble gait throughout the woods. 'What happened to him?' He started to tail the boy when he realized he was left far away behind.
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Hakkai glanced up to the rear-view mirror, into the image of the silent boy sitting at the backseat. Hakkai's brow arched when he sensed no emotions at all on Goku's face. Their journey to the nearest town has been a little bit quiet since they left the woods about an hour ago. No bickering or arguments occurred between the two passengers at the back. Even Sanzo's harisen hadn't come in view today and that monk's shoureijuu hadn't lost even a bullet.
"We're going to reach the town in a few minutes more" Hakkai exclaimed, checking on the map. He tossed the map away to the seat and gazed back at the road. "Goku… would you like me to cook for you when we get there?" Hakkai smiled merrily, hoping that the latter would respond to his remark. But no sound came from the back.
Gojyo stared down to Goku. The boy was looking at nothing down to jippu's floor. "Goku?" Gojyo called out.
Goku looked up to him, bedazzled. "Unh?" he seemed to blank off completely.
"Hakkai was saying something" Gojyo informed as he studied Goku's face. Still, the emptiness was clearly shown upon that itan's face. It was that look that made Gojyo thinks twice to poke the boy's head.
Goku chuckled slightly, hand behind his head. Gojyo sighed. 'He'd turned back to normal'. A thin, ghostly curl appeared on his lips.
"Gomen Hakkai!" Goku said as he turned his gaze at Hakkai. "But… I'm not hungry" that reply caused Gojyo to jerk back and almost fell off the jeep. Sanzo turned around abruptly and stared at Goku and Hakkai almost lost control of the steering wheel because of the reply.
Hakkai stepped on the brake and put jippu in a halt. He turned around and looked at Goku with concern. 'Did he just hear Goku said he's not hungry?'
"Nani?!" Gojyo gawked at Goku with his jaw dropped to his chest. "Did I just hear you said that you are not hungry?" He asked with amaze.
"I'm not hungry" Goku repeated, no emotions displayed on his face. He was being serious.
Gojyo could not hold it anymore. He shook Goku's shoulder furiously. "Oi saru! Are you sick or something?" Gojyo showed his concern in a violent manner. "You should be hungry!!!" Gojyo corrected Goku's statement. Goku hadn't eaten anything since morning. It's impossible that he's not hungry.
Goku looked up to Gojyo with a pleading look. "Onegai… I'm not hungry…" he pled, almost moaning.
Gojyo stammered at seeing Goku's eyes. 'This is not Goku that I know'. He sunk to his seat, leaning against the jeep and deep sigh of disbelief escaped from his mouth. Gojyo heard a harsh click of the shoureijuu, pointed at his temple. He looked at Sanzo from the corner of his eyes. Sanzo gave him a deadly glare and it seemed to pierce into his eyes.
"What have you done to him?" Sanzo's question sounded like a death call to Gojyo.
Gojyo shook his head. "Kill me if you want to… but I don't know what happened" Gojyo reply came along with another sigh. He buried his face into his palms.
"Daijoubu da yo Sanzo… I'm okay, Gojyo did nothing to me" Goku defended the kappa, much to Sanzo and Hakkai's dismay. Goku would never side with the kappa. The day Sanzo shot Gojyo would be the day Goku died of laughing out of joy. Even Gojyo lifted his face and stared at Goku with shock.
Sanzo grunted. He pointed his shoureijuu to Goku's temple and cocked the deadly weapon. "Where's Goku?" Sanzo asked. This is not Goku. This boy must have been youkai disguising as Goku. "Speak up or die!!" came out Sanzo's warning and he's not joking.
Goku didn't make any effort to evade the bullet if Sanzo would ever shoots. He just let the mouth of the shoureijuu be pointed at his temple. His face showed no fear or dread. His face showed absolutely nothing at all.
"Just shoot me Sanzo!!" suddenly Goku cried out loud and grabbed the shoureijuu from Sanzo's hand. He pointed the shoureijuu to his head and pulled the trigger.
"Goku!!!" Sanzo, Hakkai and Gojyo's screams were the last thing that he heard.
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Hakkai looked at the sleeping figure on the bed. His hand reached out for the boy's hair and caressed it lovingly. Hakkai sighed as his hand made contact with the strip of cotton bandage around Goku's head. A smear of blood smudged the bandage at the spot where the bullet had hit.
"Goku!!" the three of them cried alarmingly at seeing Goku pulling the trigger of Sanzo's shoureijuu. At the exact time, Sanzo leapt out from his seat and smacked the spirit-ascending gun from Goku's hand. The gun blew off and sent the bullet hitting Goku at the corner of his temple. The bullet then swerved to the right and disappeared in the woods.
Goku collapsed into Sanzo's protective arms. Blood poured down from the wound on his temple. Gojyo sunk to his knees, kneeling next to Sanzo and held Goku's trembling hand in his own.
"Goku! Goku!" Sanzo called out aloud. He knew the bullet missed it target but then Goku could die of lost of blood, which he was having right now. Sanzo took out an oversized hanky from his sleeve and dabbed it on Goku's wound. He tried to stop the blood from streaming down profuselyt. Hakkai hurried to Goku's aid.
The healer of the ikkou put his palm on Goku's temple and a green beam hovered in between Goku's temple and his palm. The wound slowly closed up, leaving a little scar with thin line of crimson liquid trickling down his cheek.
That was close. That was just too close. Sanzo smacked the shoureijuu just in time before Goku could get the right aim. A little to the left and the bullet would penetrate his skull and blow his brain into pieces. If that happened, even his ki would not help to bring Goku back.
Goku moaned restlessly as Hakkai's hand brushed his face. Hakkai smiled. He moved his hand away and patted the boy's arm, reassuring him to sleep. The emerald-eyed man pulled the blanket and covered Goku up to his neck. He rose up from the bed and walked to the door. Glancing at Goku, making sure that he's asleep, Hakkai turned the doorknob and opened the door. He stepped out of the room and pulled the door softly behind him.
"So how?" the man leaning against the wall next to the door asked. Gojyo didn't even look at him but from his tone, Hakkai knew well he was worried like hell. Gojyo has been waiting outside the room since Hakkai set to work healing Goku.
Hakkai smiled edgily. "There's a slight fever but he's still sleeping… I don't think he would wake up tonight" Hakkai assured and sighed, relief but still worried. He knew well that Goku's mind is still unstable. He could not do anything to heal that without knowing the reason for Goku's nuisance.
Gojyo turned and faced Hakkai. He glanced to the door, as if he could see what was beyond it. Gojyo let out a deep breath and shook his head.
"How's Sanzo?" Asked Hakkai.
"Not good" the answer came briefly out of Gojyo's mouth. "He hadn't said anything" Gojyo looked to the door of another room in front of Goku's room. The room has been locked since the last time they checked in at the inn.
"He must felt rather guilty of what had happened to Goku" Hakkai assumed and shook his head. He looked at Sanzo's room. It's possible that Sanzo thinks that it was his fault that Goku had been injured. After all it's his shoureijuu that Goku used to shoot his head.
"Well… things would only get better if Goku woke up and retell what had happened to him… till then we could not do anything" Gojyo raised his shoulder. He tried to stay calm in a situation like this, but Hakkai would have done it better.
Hakkai nodded. "I guess we could not do anything ne?" he agreed.
Gojyo raised his shoulders. "Care for a drink?" Gojyo tried to be cheerful even though he was totally distressed.
Hakkai smiled. "Hai! As long as the drink was on you" he chirped.
"Hai hai! I've got no choice don't I?" Gojyo started walking to the staircase, crossing his arms behind his head as he walked. "After all, I still owed you a glass of sake from losing the game last night" Gojyo sighed as he walked down the stairs.
Hakkai chuckled. He trailed Gojyo's steps and headed for the stairs.
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Goku snapped his eyes opened and stared at the ceiling above him. He blinked his eyes several times and jerked up to a sitting position. The sudden pain in his head made him moaned and groaned in agony. Involuntarily, his hand went up to his forehead, feeling the rough surface of the cotton bandage around his head as he did so.
'What happened?' he asked himself as he glanced around the dark room. He was not in jippu anymore, but in a room, probably in an inn. Harkuryu curled up at his feet, making a bed out of his cloak and shirt. The little white dragon blew up tiny puff of smoke as he snored into his deepest sleep. Goku smiled weakly. He yanked the blanket away from his body and wrapped Harkuryu in it.
Goku drew his knees closer to his chest and crossed his arms on it. He sunk his chin in his arms and stared at the empty wall before the bed. The young itan turned his gaze outside the balcony. The darkness of the night covered the earth with silence and serenity. The crescent moon shone dimly upon the dark sky, showering the land beneath with faint beams. Somewhere out there, he could hear the howling of the bobcat and the cooing of the owl.
Goku sighed. 'Everything is just the same!'
Without him allowing it, tears trickled down on his cheeks. Goku drew his hand to his face and wiped the tears away but it comes down another after another, not wanting to stop no matter how hard he tried. After a moment of futile efforts, Goku stopped wiping the tears and let them flowed freely on his face. He hugged his knees and enveloped his body into the warmth of his arms.
It came with no warning. Goku's body went stiffed and suddenly shivered furiously. The image from today's event came back to haunt him. "I don't want to be alone" he whispered beneath his faint breath. "I don't want to be alone" he kept saying that over and over.
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Flashback
He looked at Gojyo, who was crawling on the ground, picking up ripe peaches as he did so. He smirked at the thought of him darting toward Gojyo, kicked him hard on the butt and sent him stumbling with his face kissing the ground. He was about to do so when he heard something from the bushes at his back. Goku turned around and kept his ears at alert. He sniffed, sensing for any youki. But no, he smelt nothing of that kind.
"Gojyo…" Goku called for the kappa but the latter didn't respond, as he was busy mumbling to himself. Gojyo has been grumbling over and over about having to go into the woods to find food. He protested before but the click of Sanzo's shoureijuu made him scampered on his feet and ran for the woods.
"Ch! Ano baka ero kappa" Goku grunted and turned aroud. 'Why bother telling him… he wouldn't really care anyway'. He made his way through the bushes and jumped to the ground, into another side of the bushes.
Goku looked around, searching for the thing that has made the sound he heard before. He found nothing that matched the sound, except for some bees buzzing at their hive on top of the maple tree.
The young itan was about to make his way back to Gojyo when he heard the sound again. He turned his head and glanced over his shoulder. This time at the precise direction of where the sound came from. Goku stopped his pace and tiptoed to the direction, under another maple tree.
He halted right before the bark and looked down. The sight under his shadow made him gawped with fret. Goku backed away a few steps from the bark and tripped over a stone. He stumbled on his back. He crept away from the thing he just saw and shook his head frantically.
A bird. A little yellow bird lied motionless on the ground. It dropped there dead.
Flashes of images flickered before his eyes.
A bird with yellow feathers lied motionless on the ground before the steel bars. He tried to reach out for it but he could not as the bars were limiting his distance with the bird. He stretched his hand again and again until his arms were scraped bloody by the constant rubs with the tarnished bars. But still, he could not even touch the lifeless being.
"Onegai… just let me touch it for one last time" he cried helplessly, hoping that someone would hear him. But no one would. He wailed out loud as he realized his effort was vain. He clung to the bars and shook it furiously, hoping that it would actually come off and he could run after the bird. Goku wailed and wailed, but no one listened.
"I don't want to be alone!!!" he cried and cried. "I don't want to be alone!!!"
Goku looked at the bird under the maple tree and clutched his head in his arms. He shook it over and over, but the images just don't want to go away. Goku sobbed faintly and muttered something between his short breathe.
"I don't want to be alone"
End of Flashback
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Goku shook his head, clinging to it like he does not want to let go. Tears still streaming down on his face, soaking it wet.
"Please… I don't want to be alone" he whispered and it was followed by soft sobs.
All those years in that stone prison, he was yearning for a friend. He was hoping for someone to be with him, to take him in his arms and said everything will be just fine. He spent five hundreds years dreaming and yearning for something he knew he would never get. It took a miracle for him to have his dreams come true.
Then it came. One sunny day, where he was hoping for the sun to come down and talked to him, it came flying through the steel bars and landed on the ground. It hopped around and perched on his fingers when he reached down a hand. It twitted merrily as it perched on his fingers. He laughed with it, singing with it as it chirped a happy song.
But then, on another sunny day, he saw it. It lied motionless before the stone prison, beyond the bars. He tried to reach out for it but he could not. His hand was too short that it could not even touch it. He tried at every seconds but failed in each attempt. Nights and days passed by, he could only watched it as it decayed, then turned into dust and lastly combined with the earth beneath.
He wailed and wailed but no one listened.
Goku wiped the tears away but the salty drops just wouldn't go and leave him. Why? Why loneliness won't leave me alone? Why it could not set me free and let me live peacefully with my friends? With my sun?
Goku felt an unknown feeling emerging into the surface, breaking him into uncontrollable tears. His body trembled vigorously and his head felt as if it could blow up any second now. He felt a sudden chill creeping down his spine and then he felt his heart burning, aching and stabbing his chest until he could not breath. He has to let it out. He burst into tears.
The feeling he's having right now was the one that encouraged him to take the gun from Sanzo's grip and shot his temple. It's the same feeling that made him speechless. It's the same feeling that made him not hungry. It's the same feeling that made him want to kill himself desperately. It's the same feeling that made him wanted to bang his head to the wall right now and it's the same feeling that drove him to wail out loud.
"Just leave me alone!!!!!" Goku screamed his lungs out and wailed tremendously to the sky. The silence of the night broke away into sudden noise of the fretting beings.
To be continue….
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Ayie: I'm going to finish this fic in the next chap… this is a short fic. I could not write a very long angst fic with Sanzo pointing his shoureijuu at my head like what he' doing right now. glanced over her shoulder and sweat dropped at seeing Sanzo towering above her
Sanzo: smirking devilishly you promised me two chaps… if you ended up doing a lot more like what you've done with Season in the Sun… I'll blow your head off cocked the gun at instant
Ayie: Careful will ya? I still need that brain to finish 'Surviving Life' and if you killed me… I'll wake up from the dead and haunted you till you die… -___-+
Sanzo: I don't mind… that will happen later.
Ayie: Ch! K'so!! Hakkai, Gojyo and Goku: -___-()…. Don't worry, they won't kill each other… because they loved each other too much.. it's just their way of expressing their love. shook heads
