The Wingman

Chapter Five: This Changes Everything

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James woke up the next morning to find his bed empty. Lily had apparently left. There was no sign of her: no note, no forgotten clothes, not even a single strand of red hair on the pillow that she had slept on the night before.

He remembered rolling over, very early in the morning (maybe four o' clock), and seeing her asleep there next to him, a slight smile on her face. He had been filled with an intense feeling of contentment, and had easily dropped off to sleep again. Knowing Lily was there completely altered his mood.

But she wasn't here now.

Oh, well, James thought. He'd just talk to her in an hour or so.

~~~~

Lily didn't want to talk to James in an hour or so.

In fact, she wasn't sure she ever wanted to talk to him again.

She could not believe James had done that to her. He knew that she was in a terrible amount of pain (she'd cried, after all), and he just took advantage of that. Lily had gone to James because she expected him to say, "I told you so", but then go straight over to John's house and yell at him in Lily's defense. She didn't expect him to sweet-talk her into bed with him.

And she most certainly didn't have romantic feelings for James, and she knew that he didn't have any for her, and that eased her anger slightly. Maybe James had been drunk. Yes, that had to have been it. James had been drunk.

She hoped he had been, anyway. Lily wouldn't know what to do if the truth turned out otherwise.

~~~~~~~~~~

"You what?" Sirius demanded, grinning. "Tell me again, James. I don't think I heard you correctly the first time."

"I slept with Lily," James said, through gritted teeth. "But I woke up this morning and she was gone. She hasn't spoken to me since. Have you seen her?"

Sirius laughed. "No, I haven't seen her. Not like you have, anyway."

James closed his eyes. "Sirius, I swear to God…"

"Oh, you know I'm just kidding. I think it's great that you and Lily are together."

"But we're not. I've sent her eight owls, and she hasn't replied to one of them. I'm a little worried about her…"

"Oh, I wouldn't be worried about Lily," Marielle's voice said from behind them. "I would be worried about your safety, though."

James looked puzzled as Sirius laughed uproariously. "Me?" James asked. "Why?"

"Well, she's pretty hacked off that you took advantage of her that night," Marielle replied.

"Took advant-- she came onto me!" James exclaimed.

Marielle shrugged. "Well, obviously, I wasn't there, so I don't know. She's at her house, though, if you really want to talk to her."

"Thanks," James said shortly, grabbing his jacket and sprinting out of the bar.

~~~~~~~~~~

Lily sat at her kitchen table, thumbnail in her mouth, staring absently at the door as James pounded on it, much as she had the night before at his house.

"Lily, I know you're in there!" he called. "Come on, I need to talk to you!"

She still didn't reply, didn't even move.

"Lily, I'll kick the door down. I'll break the window!"

Silently, Lily stood up and went to the door. She stood in front of it, trying not to cry, and opened it. She didn't look up from the ground as she stayed in front of the door. James walked to the couch and sat down, but didn't say anything.

"We shouldn't've done that last night," Lily said quietly, after what seemed like hours of silence, but was probably only thirty seconds.

James looked up at her. "Why not?"

Lily suddenly grew very defiant. "James…you're my best friend. Friends don't French each other, they don't say they want to marry each other, and they certainly don't sleep together."

"I'm your best friend?"

"Well, you were! Until you…until you did that."

James almost laughed. "Oh, I'm sorry. I wasn't aware that I was the one who initiated the whole thing."

"Then you must've been drunk, because you were," Lily said hotly.

James scoffed in disbelief. "Lily, were you there last night? You kissed me!"

"You're delusional!" Lily exclaimed.

"Fine, Lily," James said. "Believe what you want. Yes, I snogged the pants off you--quite literally. But you were conscious, you were sober, you knew exactly what you were doing. I don't regret it and neither should you."

"But I do. James, the fact of the matter is you took advantage of me. I really wasn't conscious. I had just found out that I was my boyfriend's whore, and you were the first person I thought of to go to, because I was sure that you'd be understanding and tell me to snap out of it and ask me why I didn't notice it before. But then you turned into one of those creeps who always comes onto vulnerable, stupid girls like me in bars and gets them pregnant then dumps them because they were only looking for a one night stand."

James stared at Lily, who was out of breath and very upset.

"Okay," James said slowly. "Okay, you want me to tell you what I really think?"

"What do you really think, James?" Lily asked, somewhat sarcastically.

"I think that you can't believe someone could actually love you. You're too busy dwelling on your past failures. You're so concerned about what you did wrong in the past that you can't even see what you're doing right. That's why Joey, and Casey, and Michael, and John didn't want to marry you, Lily. You're so goddamn focused on the negative aspects of a relationship that they didn't know whether or not you could see the good in it."

"You know," Lily said, her voice cracking slightly, "in seventh year I had the biggest crush on you. I'm so glad I grew out of it."

"You know," James responded coldly, "last night I thought I might've been in love with you. But I'm so glad that I realized that I could never really love you before I did something stupid like propose to you. Thanks for showing me that, Lily. I'm forever indebted to you."

And with that, he crossed the room, opened the door, and slammed it behind him.

He never looked back.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Okay, Lily," Marielle called as she came into Lily's house by way of the open door, "what have you done to James?"

"Put him in his place," Lily responded stiffly. She was lying on her sofa, pretending to read the Daily Prophet.

Marielle sighed and sat on the coffee table facing the sofa. "I don't think you're being fair to him. He's really torn up…"

Lily sat up. "Marielle, you don't understand. James took advantage of me. I mean…." She trailed off, sighing.

Marielle's eyes twinkled. "Was he a good kisser?"

Lily's head snapped up. "What?"

"I said, was he a good kisser?"

Lily flushed. "I--I wasn't paying attention."

"You had to have been. So…was he?"

She sighed and flopped back onto the couch and covered her face with the paper. "You've no idea. But that doesn't forgive the way he kissed me."

Marielle bit her lip. "Lily, do you want to know what I think?"

Lily uncovered her face and inclined her head so that she was facing her friend. "Not really, but I know you're going to tell me anyway."

"I think you're making a big mistake."

Lily sighed again. "And why is that?"

Marielle answered the question with a question. "Lily, what is the real reason you had sex with James last night? It's not because you 'needed someone' and James just happened to be there. I think that deep down, ever since you met him, you've wondered about what it would be like to be with him. And now you've found out, and you're scared of it."

Lily recoiled. "I'm not scared of anything," she snapped.

Marielle put a sarcastically surprised face. "Oh?"

"Yes."

"Then why won't you talk to him?"

"I did talk to him," Lily responded. "And look where that got me."

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