The Wingman
Chapter Seven: Petunia's Wedding
(Here's hoping that everyone will be able to access this chapter…::crosses fingers::…though I guess typing that is kinda pointless, because if you can't get this chapter, then obviously, you can't…never mind. I'll shut up now.)
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It was a Sunday; so naturally, James and Lily were together, watching a Quidditch game. Even though Lily detested Quidditch, James had forced her to come with him as payment for the shopping episode.
"So," Lily said conversationally before the game had begun, "my sister phoned this morning."
"The sister you hate?"
"I only have one sister, but yes," Lily replied crossly. The subject of Petunia always soured her mood. "Anyway, she's getting married next month."
"And you want me to come with you, as you cannot show up without a date, due to your mother's wants for you to be married and bear children, and you are currently boyfriend-less," James guessed, grinning at her. "Not that I didn't try to fix that situation for you," he added.
James had no problem talking candidly, or even joking about, his affection for Lily, even though she always said it made her deeply uncomfortable. But that was the way James dealt with things he couldn't change: by making humor out of it.
"Yeah," Lily said, rolling her eyes slightly at the added comment. She had learned that it was best to just ignore these sorts of jabs when they popped up, lest James get serious and start saying wise and poignant things, which, as it turned out, he was very good at. "So, can you come? It's on the first of November."
"I'll have to check with work and everything, but it should be all right," he responded, throwing popcorn into the air and catching it in his mouth.
Lily rolled her eyes at the immaturity of this, but then remembered that boys never really grew up. "Thank you," she said. "You'll be rescuing me from a day of boredom and socialites."
James grinned. "Ah, yes, we all know those socialites are out to get you."
"They are," Lily said solemnly. "Every time I see them, 'Oh, Lily Annette--aren't you married yet?' 'Lily Annette--any children on the way?'"
"They call you 'Lily Annette'?" James asked, eyes twinkling behind his glasses with sincere amusement.
Lily blushed a bit. "Shove it, James Thomas," she responded.
"Anything for you, Lily Annette," he said jauntily.
~~~~~~~~~
"Oh, and there's my aunt Irene…she's been married for 47 years, and her husband's been deaf for 20, so she always yells when she talks….My cousin Carl…everyone except his parents have known he's gay since he was twelve, but they're still denying it….My uncle Henry, who will believe anything you tell him (my sister and I used to tell him that the Nazis were coming, and he'd put us in the basement 'till my mother would figure out what we were doing)…"
Lily was holding on to James's arm as though he were the last lifeboat on the Titanic as she pointed out her assorted family members, plastered on a smile as she waved to them, and related, through the smile, their quirks.
The actual wedding ceremony was over, and now they were at the wedding reception, looking for their seats at the twelve round tables with hideous pink tablecloths with sprays of pink and yellow roses as centerpieces. At the head table, in front of a massive banner that read, "Petunia & Vernon, Together Forever" in curly pink letters.
Lily wrinkled her nose as she surveyed the scene. "This is completely disgusting," she muttered.
"I don't think I've ever seen this much pink in my life," James muttered back in awe. "It looks like a valentine threw up."
Lily tutted in agreement, then said, "Oh, look-- 'Lily Annette Evans & Guest'." She rolled her eyes. "God, would they leave out my middle name for once?" She sank down in her seat and put her head in her hands. Before long, she felt James's hand on her back and she sat up immediately. Even friendly shows of affection from him made her slightly jumpy and nervous.
James's eyes flickered at this sudden action, but he looked to the seat next to him and read the place card when he noticed Lily looking at him. "Who is Claire Olivia Ryan?" he asked.
Lily glanced at the card he was holding. "Claire?"
"Mm-hmm," James replied, as though Lily didn't have the card in front of her.
She thought for a moment, then her eyes lit up as epiphany hit. "Oh! You know my cousin Carl? The gay one?"
"Is that the only way you can distinguish him for the rest of your family? I daresay that's discrimination."
"Shove it. You would need some way to tell the socialites apart if they were your family. Claire is Carl's twin sister. She's all right…last I heard, she was a model." She rolled her eyes. "If that tells you anything."
"That she's stunningly pretty, impossibly thin, and an incredible airhead?"
"But a nice airhead."
"You wouldn't happen to be talking about me, would you?" came a voice from James's right.
The voice startled James and Lily, who had been so deep in conversation that they hadn't noticed the tall blonde woman slide into the seat next to James.
He looked her over--rather, he ogled her. Lily scowled, for reasons she couldn't understand. "Yes," Lily snapped. "We were."
Claire ignored her. "Lily," she said, "is this the boyfriend?"
"I wish," James replied jauntily. "But no, I'm not the boyfriend. I'm the boy who is a friend." He chortled as though he'd made a wildly funny joke.
"Oh, I can't imagine why. Although Lily always was a little difficult."
Lily's jaw dropped. "Er, Lily's right here."
"Of course you are. I haven't forgotten about you yet, Lily," James said, without turning around. Instead of actually facing her, he waved his fingers at her over his shoulder. She went to grab them and perhaps twist his arm in the process, but he quickly used his hand to pat Claire's bottle-blonde head. "So, Claire, what is it you do for a living?"
"Oh, I'm still a model," she said, laughing as though modeling was a hilarious position.
Lily clenched her jaw.
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"And so I said to my agent, 'No, I won't pose for Chanel--'"
Lily, who had heard this story seventeen thousand times, said tersely, "Because of that one time when you and Carl were thirteen and Carl got an allergic reaction to the mica in their eyeliner. James, can I talk to you?"
Before James could reply, Claire spoke up delightedly, "Oh, Lily, you remember that story?"
"Unfortunately. James…?"
When he still didn't respond, Lily grabbed his shoulder and hissed into his ear, "You love me, remember?"
"You know, I'm slowly regretting telling you that," James commented as he allowed Lily to frog march him out of the dining hall. "Okay, why are you using my feelings towards you as blackmail?" he demanded, not feeling nearly as courteous once out of the glare of Claire.
"I was afraid she'd hypnotized you; I had to say something. Why are you flirting with my cousin as though you have to procreate within 24 hours or you'll never be able to again?"
James smirked. "Lily, are you jealous?"
"No, I'm repulsed, and I think that Chiviz is going to your head. Come on, I think we should leave."
"We just got here."
"And now we're leaving."
James grinned. "Fine. But I already got her number."
"You can't even use a telephone."
He merely smiled as he followed her out of the dining hall.
~~~~~~~~~
"What the hell can you possibly talk to her about for four hours?" Lily demanded when James finally set the phone down in the receiver.
Since James, as Lily so kindly pointed out, couldn't use a telephone, he had volunteered her to teach him how and to give him full use of her telephone. How he had managed to do this, Lily still had no idea. He could be very persuasive sometimes, she found.
James smiled. "We have plenty to talk about. We have very stimulating conversations."
"About what? The benefits of diet Snapple?!"
"You know, Snapple is very fatten--"
Lily sighed exasperatedly. "Really, James."
"Claire is a very nice and intelligent person, and…" He grinned and clapped his hands together. "I asked her out."
"Oh?" Lily said.
"And she said yes." He was beaming. "See, Lily, this is good! From dating Claire, I'll be able to get over you faster…and plus, I think I seriously need a girlfriend. I haven't had one in about a year and a half."
"Get over me faster," Lily repeated dully.
"Yes, so now I won't be making you feel guilty every time I look over at you."
"I don't feel guilty every time you look at me," Lily protested.
James gave her a knowing look. "You don't?"
"No."
James pulled Lily closer to him by her shoulders and stared down at her, eyes locked on hers. Lily tried not to look away, but she started shivering and her eyes eventually started darting around the room. James grinned and released her.
"Well, when you look at me like that…" Lily trailed off, and sighed. "I wish we could go back to having a completely platonic relationship."
"We do have a completely platonic relationship. I'm not snogging you right now, am I?"
"Yes, but…well, that night--" They never said, "that night I saw you naked", they always just shortened it to that night, "--changed everything, and I hate it."
James smiled patiently at her, no longer taking offense from this. Still, when she mentioned it like that, a small pang of hurt always stabbed at his stomach. He never bothered to tell Lily this. "Sorry, Lily. You can't choose who you love, you know."
She sighed. "Yes, I know. I'm living proof."
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A/N: Didn't I tell you James would be just fine?
