A/N This is a really short chapter so I'm updating chapter 14 as well. I hope this makes sense.

13.

A little Madness in the spring

Is wholesome even for the King.

Emily Dickinson

            Hermione sat with her forehead resting against the toilet. She felt empty, like a section of her spirit had been cut…no ripped from her. She knew she should feel some sort of atonement, or regret. But it just wasn't there, only a sense of righteousness. An hour before had you asked what she felt, she would have sobbed how horrible it was to watch that man die. Watch the green light shoot from her wand and consume him. How sick and twisted it was to see him wither in agony. Only now, now it felt extraordinary it filled her with a sense of justice, and that made her want to vomit. She stood up angrily. This wasn't her. She knew she was changing, she could feel it. It was small things at first. Snapping at teachers. Refusing letters from her parents. Feeling annoyed when Neville came asking for help in potions. Potions… that reminded her of Severus; she knew with certainty that she would have never contemplated sleeping with him, but at the time it seemed second nature to her…in fact it still did. Watching him torture that man aroused her, he looked beautiful with the mask hanging coldly on his face a small wind blowing around him while he cast charm after charm. She wanted to pounce on him and feel his body pound into her. Only in the back of her mind she heard a soft voice distinctly say that there was a time when it would have made her nauseous. She was to spy on him, and if he were a traitor she'd turn him in. She valued her place within the inner circle too much.  This was what she wanted. Acknowledgement. She was trusted and valued by the most powerful and feared Wizard in the world, and she would do whatever it took to keep it that way. " No. This isn't you. And you know it!" A voice pleaded in her mind.

            She screamed in frustration, her voice echoing off the walls as she cleared the sink shattering glass all over the floor.

            " What is happening to me?" she sobbed.

~~~~**~~~~~

            Severus stood by the window in Albus' office.

            " Albus, we're loosing her. As we speak she's giving up her only chance to come back to us. The pull is too strong, and she's enjoying it far too much to want to give that up." "Although the same could apply to me." He thought to himself.

            Albus stood to the left of his young battered friend starring into his telescope.
            " You love her enough to show her there is more to life."

            Severus snapped his head up. " Was there anything that man didn't know?"

" Severus, as soon as she leaves this school I can no longer protect her."

            At this Severus was livid and let his icy mask fall; eyes narrowed as he stalked away from the window. His voice was a quiet; deadly purr. " Protect her? Albus what sort of protection are we offering she's already got the mark burned into her arm?" Severus stopped as he seen his mentor's face drop. " I'm sorry, Albus. I didn't-"   

            " No you're right, Severus. What sort of protection can I offer? It makes me ill, my boy. I've failed so many over the years.' He looked straight ahead to Severus. 'I cannot pretend to know what you go through every day. The battle you fight every minute, keeping yourself in check. Fighting evil without any compensation at the end of the day. I envy your will but I pity your fight."

            Severus was sick with remorse, he never wanted to let Albus down, and he just practically called the man a fool for his role in this god-forsaken war. He loved Hermione, and it did hurt. Love for him was not possible without a fight, and he knew he'd have fight for her if he wanted to stay true to Albus. It would be so easy for him to succumb to the evil that flowed through his blood. Just give into it and stop this façade he'd been playing with for the last twenty years. But he couldn't let Albus down. He owed that man too much to give it up for some female. But in the end… he couldn't honestly say whom he'd choose.

            "Albus, I've offered her a job after graduation. I had hoped it give me a chance to keep an eye on her. You're right old man, it seems the little chit has wormed her way into my many barriers." He smirked.

            Albus smiled. " Has she accepted? "

            " Yes. It was either I or Malfoy and I felt I was the lesser evil of the two."
            " I understand. But, Severus, do not let her get in the way of your intentions." The Headmaster eyed him over his glasses.

            Severus nodded as he left Dumbledore's office heading back to his chambers.