Chapter 2
"Hey! Are you there! Listen! Hey!" the voice said. I twitched, then tried to focus.
"Umm. Hello?"
"Turn on the laptop! Open Navi!"
This was beginning to sound oddly familiar. Musing over the desktop, I double clicked on the file. Instantly, a large popup window emerged in the upper right hand corner, with what appeared to be a large, white fairy floating around on a black background. Of course. Navi! Modura! Things were beginning to become quite clear, but in a "Twilight Zone" sort of way.
"Don't stick in that CD! It's a key! You'll need it later!" she yelled. I winced. "I'm Navi! Hey! Pay attention! Wake up! I've been working on this for years! FOCUS!"
Timidly, I nodded.
"There's something you have to see. Click on Power Point, then open the only presentation there."
I did so, and it began to run without my command.
Dramatic, loud music began to play, and a loud, booming voice spoke, while an angelic choir wailed unintelligibly in the background.
"Long ago, the Realm of Hyrule was flooded by a king who sealed great evil away for all time. The great land was sealed beneath the waves, and its inhabitants fled to. Scotland!"
Bagpipes began a dirge, which sounded cheerful and sad at the same time. I was nonplussed.
"Link, the Hero of Winds, died, as did Princess Zelda, though their kin lived on. The spirit of the hero emerged whenever great evil rose! Since Ganon was buried in the sea, there has been only one time at which Link's spirit emerged!" The screen was flooded with small media clips of "Braveheart," mostly featuring Mel Gibson killing random Brits. I was beginning to be bored.
"However, a small group of Gerudo left Hyrule a thousand years before it was buried. One group went to Italy, the other to Saudi Arabia! There, the Gerudo lived, interbreeding with the natives for centuries.
"In 1967, two Gerudo descendants, a man from Italy named Antonio Dragmire and a woman from Arabia named Arashu Khaldi met. Both lived in Chicago, where they were soon married. The Italian was a leader in the local Mafia, and when fleeing from eight policemen not long after the wedding, he fell through a hole in space and time that led to the Sacred Realm, where he immediately had a vision of the past.
"Eleven months later, they had a child. Arashu died giving birth, and Antonio, struck by destiny, named the boy Ganondorf."
The presentation ended. "And then what?!" I demanded.
I heard the fairy sigh. "I SPENT NINE YEARS MAKING THAT SLIDESHOW ON MICROSOFT PAINTBRUSH! I MADE THAT MUSIC MYSLEF AND USED SOUND RECORDER TO INCORPERATE IT! ISN'T THAT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU?!!" She swore viciously.
I blinked. "So, William Wallace was a Link?"
She sighed again. "No, that was for theatrical purposes."
I smiled to myself. "And why are you basing this so-called quest on a video game?" I sneered.
"Shigeru Miyamoto is a vague descendant of Rauru. He had dreams of the past, and made video games out of them."
"Oh."
"Since the boy grew up, his software company, Dragmire Electronics, has boomed. His father is still in the Mafia. Ganondorf has built his headquarters in Chicago around the gate to the Golden Realm and turned the portal into a sort of vault. There's a big, heavy door that needs a key and three gems to open - I don't know where he got that from." I nodded for no apparent reason.
"I must tell you now- there's a lot of stuff I don't know, like who moved my program to a laptop and sent me to you, how I got into a program in the first place, where the Master Sword is, where the Mirror Shield is, or any of the other artifacts you had in that game. It helps that you've played it; it'll come in handy in the time to come."
"Uh-huh." I was skeptical.
"Look, you've got to get the Ocarina of Time. Then you can read page 432 of Modura, that has the three songs that you'll need to transport to the houses of the keepers of the gems."
"Gems? Oh, those gems. Who are the three keepers?"
"Sean Connery, Reese Witherspoon, and Shania Twain. They just don't know it."
This could be interesting, indeed.
"Hey! Are you there! Listen! Hey!" the voice said. I twitched, then tried to focus.
"Umm. Hello?"
"Turn on the laptop! Open Navi!"
This was beginning to sound oddly familiar. Musing over the desktop, I double clicked on the file. Instantly, a large popup window emerged in the upper right hand corner, with what appeared to be a large, white fairy floating around on a black background. Of course. Navi! Modura! Things were beginning to become quite clear, but in a "Twilight Zone" sort of way.
"Don't stick in that CD! It's a key! You'll need it later!" she yelled. I winced. "I'm Navi! Hey! Pay attention! Wake up! I've been working on this for years! FOCUS!"
Timidly, I nodded.
"There's something you have to see. Click on Power Point, then open the only presentation there."
I did so, and it began to run without my command.
Dramatic, loud music began to play, and a loud, booming voice spoke, while an angelic choir wailed unintelligibly in the background.
"Long ago, the Realm of Hyrule was flooded by a king who sealed great evil away for all time. The great land was sealed beneath the waves, and its inhabitants fled to. Scotland!"
Bagpipes began a dirge, which sounded cheerful and sad at the same time. I was nonplussed.
"Link, the Hero of Winds, died, as did Princess Zelda, though their kin lived on. The spirit of the hero emerged whenever great evil rose! Since Ganon was buried in the sea, there has been only one time at which Link's spirit emerged!" The screen was flooded with small media clips of "Braveheart," mostly featuring Mel Gibson killing random Brits. I was beginning to be bored.
"However, a small group of Gerudo left Hyrule a thousand years before it was buried. One group went to Italy, the other to Saudi Arabia! There, the Gerudo lived, interbreeding with the natives for centuries.
"In 1967, two Gerudo descendants, a man from Italy named Antonio Dragmire and a woman from Arabia named Arashu Khaldi met. Both lived in Chicago, where they were soon married. The Italian was a leader in the local Mafia, and when fleeing from eight policemen not long after the wedding, he fell through a hole in space and time that led to the Sacred Realm, where he immediately had a vision of the past.
"Eleven months later, they had a child. Arashu died giving birth, and Antonio, struck by destiny, named the boy Ganondorf."
The presentation ended. "And then what?!" I demanded.
I heard the fairy sigh. "I SPENT NINE YEARS MAKING THAT SLIDESHOW ON MICROSOFT PAINTBRUSH! I MADE THAT MUSIC MYSLEF AND USED SOUND RECORDER TO INCORPERATE IT! ISN'T THAT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU?!!" She swore viciously.
I blinked. "So, William Wallace was a Link?"
She sighed again. "No, that was for theatrical purposes."
I smiled to myself. "And why are you basing this so-called quest on a video game?" I sneered.
"Shigeru Miyamoto is a vague descendant of Rauru. He had dreams of the past, and made video games out of them."
"Oh."
"Since the boy grew up, his software company, Dragmire Electronics, has boomed. His father is still in the Mafia. Ganondorf has built his headquarters in Chicago around the gate to the Golden Realm and turned the portal into a sort of vault. There's a big, heavy door that needs a key and three gems to open - I don't know where he got that from." I nodded for no apparent reason.
"I must tell you now- there's a lot of stuff I don't know, like who moved my program to a laptop and sent me to you, how I got into a program in the first place, where the Master Sword is, where the Mirror Shield is, or any of the other artifacts you had in that game. It helps that you've played it; it'll come in handy in the time to come."
"Uh-huh." I was skeptical.
"Look, you've got to get the Ocarina of Time. Then you can read page 432 of Modura, that has the three songs that you'll need to transport to the houses of the keepers of the gems."
"Gems? Oh, those gems. Who are the three keepers?"
"Sean Connery, Reese Witherspoon, and Shania Twain. They just don't know it."
This could be interesting, indeed.
