When she woke again she was back in the bed and the memories of drowning seemed a distant memory. She could feel someone's gaze on her as she laid there silently, trying to calm the quivering in her heart and the lingering sadness within it. She wanted to flee, but she stilled herself, in order to get her bearings. It would only be with careful planning that she would find that blessed numbness she had felt earlier and now longed for.
She rolled over a bit and caught a glimpse of him, which prompted her to turn over the rest of the way. In a chair, in a corner of the room, was the young man who had caught her in the stairwell. The man's arm was propped up on the armrest, and his hand supported a pillow, which he had managed to wedge between his head and the wall. His face was cocked to the side and she could tell he must have drifted off. She knew she should wake him, but didn't want to disturb his sleep or lessen her chances of leaving. Instead she stifled herself and decided to get a better look at him, curiosity getting the better of her and keeping her from her goal.
In the face, eyes, mouth, and hair – he resembled Ken a little, although he was older, maybe 28 or 29. He had wavy cinnamon brown hair that was cropped close to his head, blue eyes, and his mouth showed the wear of much laughter over his short life. The likeness wasn't as strong as she had thought it was; it must have been her recent experience of drowning that caused the hallucination. He looked so peaceful, even though he was resting at such an awkward angle. He looked like he was out cold though, and that would give her the opportunity that she needed to depart. She knew if she could get up on her own, she might be able to gather her things and return to her quiet solitude. She had already been too much of a bother to him. She just wanted to slink quietly back into her shell and disappear into the sea.
She attempted to roll over and sit up silently. She managed to get herself situated so that she could place her feet on the floor, but when she put her weight down, a loose board gave a loud creak.
Lita hoped that the noise wouldn't waken her watcher. However, she whipped around in time only to view his arm falling off the chair, then the pillow dropping, followed by his head careening at a perilous angle. When his face suddenly crashed into the wall, his eyes popped open. He blinked a few times and stared around for a minute before looking to the bed. It took a second for him to register that it was empty and then his gaze moved to the woman in white, trying to quietly depart.
His first thoughts were that she was afraid. He arose from the chair slowly, so as not to scare her. He didn't know why she was leaving, but he knew she needed to rest. After what happened, she was in no state to leave.
"Stop," he said gently. "I won't hurt you. Please sit back down. I only want to help you. Please stay. You need to rest," he said, motioning for her to climb back on the bed.
Lita looked at him. He remained motionless, waiting for her to decide. Whether she stayed or departed was her choice, although she had desperately wanted to leave without him waking. It was too late for that though. If she bolted, he would just chase after her. "Okay," she said as she came back to sit on the bed. Maybe if she lured him into a false sense of security she could leave later…
He approached her cautiously, and came to rest about three feet from her. "Take it slowly, okay? You've had a rough evening. You need to rest some still. Can I make you more comfortable?" he asked.
She shook her head vehemently. She didn't want him to come near her; all she wanted was to be alone.
"Do you remember what happened to you?" he asked.
That simple phrase made it all come rushing back. The memories of the stairs, her vision of Ken, being pulled out to sea and drowning. She felt her head start to spin and darkness swarm her. She lost control of her body as the memories sapped the strength from her and she lurched dangerously, her body tilting forward off the bed.
He noticed her starting to fall, and reached out and caught her before she could hit the floor. He picked her up in his arms and placed her back into the bed.
The sudden warmth of his arms holding her brought her back to reality, although the blackness in her mind took a minute to fade. When it started to clear, the warmth she had felt was retracting and instead she could feel the softness of pillows against her back. She blinked and the world focused itself, bringing the young man back into her line of sight.
As he moved away from the bed and pulled a chair up to sit beside her, he noticed her regaining consciousness. He figured she must have remembered what had happened to her; but that didn't necessarily tell her anything about where she was now. "Don't be scared. My name is Nate or Nathan; both of which are short for Nathaniel. You're in my home. I brought you here after the accident. Are you okay? How are you feeling?"
She didn't respond immediately. The kindness that he had just shown her and the sharpness of the memories wiped away her need to flee; although the urge to return to the sea was not entirely lost. Her emotions didn't seem over whelming though and instead of her initial look of uncertainty; a sense of gentleness replaced it. He obviously cared a little about her. "I feel a little tired and weak, but I am okay. Thank you, for saving me."
"You sure? Do you know what just caused that fainting spell?" he asked, trying to reassure himself that she was indeed alright.
His forwardness abashed her and caused her to withdraw farther from him, actually causing the opposite of the desired wish. She didn't even know the man and he was trying to get her to open up; so instead she shut down. "I don't know," she replied half heartedly.
Nate sighed. It was obvious she was lying, but what could he do?
"It's okay. You're all right though, and that's all that is important. I don't want to pester you, but I'm sure someone is worried about you. What's your name? Is there anyone that I can contact for you tonight, to let them know what happened?"
"Oh, sorry. My name is Lita. No, there's no one that you can call and I don't need anything. Thank you – you've already done too much for me," she said timidly.
The last sentence betrayed her and he surmised what he had not been able to before. "Too much? How could what I have done been too much?" he asked. He knew he shouldn't ask. Her response would most likely be similar to his last question; but he had to know. If she was hurting, or intended to hurt herself, he couldn't let her out of his sight.
"I don't know," she whispered.
" I saved your life – any decent person would have done that. Did you not want to live?" he said in a confused tone, praying that she would say no.
Lita looked away and tried to keep the tears falling from her eyes. "No," she answered softly. "It was an accident. I . . ." she couldn't continue. Tears threatened her. She knew what he was saying was true. She had wanted the coldness of the sea and had desperately wanted to return when she had awoken a few moments ago. Now…?
Nathan watched her from the edge of the bed, expecting her to cry. She never did though. Her nose began to run instead and she sniffled. Why didn't she cry? He was damn well near tears for the last minute; but he didn't lose it. She needed someone to be strong for her.
"Shh. It is okay. Don't get yourself too excited. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. Forget it for now. We can talk some tomorrow if you want. You need to rest," Nate said. He took a tissue from a box on a nightstand by the bed and passed it to her.
"Don't be upset. You are alive and safe here with me. Stay until you get well or longer; there's no hurry. Just promise me you won't do anything to hurt yourself," he said gently.
Lita's runny nose slowed and started to dry up. She didn't even know how to respond to part of what he said; the part about her hurting herself. As she went to reply though, she remembered Ken, and she remembered how he made her return. He said it wasn't her time. "I won't. I promise," she said. She yawned deeply then, and felt her eyes start to get heavy as she said the last word.
He exhaled, letting out a breath he didn't even know he was holding in anticipation of her response. He hoped she kept her promises.
"You should rest," said Nate.
Lita could only manage a nod as her eyes were shutting without her consent.
"Just rest and don't worry. I'll tuck you in and then leave you to sleep. If you need anything, I am right across the way. Ring the bell beside your bed, and I will wake up and come in. Okay?"
She nodded again, and then slid back down underneath the covers, her eyes now fully closed. Nate removed the excess pillows and then pulled the covers around Lita, tucking her in.
"Sleep well. I hope you have sweet dreams," he said. He then smoothed a hand over her hair, brushing the excess strands out of her face. "Good night."
"Good night," she mumbled. Before he even left the room, she was asleep and any thoughts of fleeing and drowning were gone.
Nate closed the door behind him. He leaned against the closet door and sighed while running his fingers through his hair. What a day. She had been so close to dying and then the thought that that was she might have actually wanted…
The worry consumed him as he leaned there. A tremor hit him at the base of his spine and worked its way up. He felt bile regurgitate in his throat and for a minute the nausea threatened to overwhelm him.
There had been something in the way she looked at him on the stairs and in her stillness on the beach. She had been so beautiful and serene; her beauty had captivated him from that first look on the beach. But the thought of her searching for her death overwhelmed him.
He breathed in and out deeply trying to control himself. His head swam with blackness for a minute and then eased up as he regained some control.
When the moment passed, the disgust lingered; but in its place he was left with an over whelming urge to protect her and prevent all harm from hurting her. He knew he didn't know her; but something about her begged him to stay. He knew that she desperately needed someone; and he wanted that someone to be him.
It was then that he knew what his course should be. He could only hope that she would let him. He knew right from the start that she was hard to break through; she didn't even cry. However, while she was in his home he would take care of her.
With his head clear and his mind made up, he decided to check once more before retiring, in order to satisfy himself that she was okay. He moved from the wall and peeked into her room. The fire was starting to die down. When his gaze reached the bed, he noticed that she had kicked half of the covers off of her and was thrashing in bed. She was mumbling in her sleep, a nightmare threatening to engulf her.
Nate went back in and hovered over her, deciding what to do. He placed a hand on her shoulder to wake her, but she immediately stilled. He picked her up gently, trying not to disturb her so that he could straighten the bed back out. Once she was in his presence though, she immediately snuggled up to him, sensing his warmth like a beacon in the night. She pressed her body to his, burying her head in his chest, as if she was his lover.
Nate sighed, startled by the awkward situation. Sure he wanted to hold her, but he hadn't expected this. The feeling of her in his arms was so right though; as if she had belonged there all along.
He could tell that she was sleeping soundly in his arms, and he didn't want to chance her having another nightmare. She was disturbed enough as it was, all on her own. That only left him one solution. He piled a few more pillows on the bed, and then collapsed into, propped up on the pillows, until he fell asleep with her cradled gently in his arms.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
He slept most of the night, half way sitting up so he couldn't be accused of taking advantage of her if she woke. There was no reason for both of them to be uncomfortable however, and so he had positioned her carefully so that she was comfortable in the bed, but he still held her. That was how he woke up when dawn came crashing through the windows, with the twilight glowing through and lighting up her face.
His neck ached from having slept at an awkward angle. He rubbed it gently for a moment before realizing just how awkward it would be if she woke up in his arms. As quietly as he could, he rearranged her in the bed and then covered her back up. He lingered long enough to make sure she was asleep and then left the room to go make some breakfast.
He craned his neck trying to work some of the kinks out some more. However he couldn't help but turn around and gaze at her one last time. And that's when he knew he'd been hit – the coup de foudre.
She slept soundly through the night and dreamed of being loved. What dominated her dreams though was a sense of being warm, and a pair of arms around her and holding her. She had wanted that for so long, to feel warm again and loved like she did then; but she couldn't see the face or her lover; she could only feel the warmth of his arms. She tried to turn around to look at him, but when she did, the morning began to call to her. Before she could see his face, she was aware of his warmth slipping away from her. It was only a matter of moments after that before she was lying wide awake in bed.
She laid there for a few moments before deciding to get up, willing the contentment of her dream to stay with her. However, she couldn't' stay in bed all day either. She let the feeling run through her one more time, sighed, and then decided to start moving. When she moved the whole process was much easier, and she was able to do it without a struggle. She realized that her robe had come loose, and she straightened and tied it again around her waist. It took her a moment to realize though that she was naked underneath the robe though, and as best she could remember, she had only seen Nate.
That meant that only he could have taken her out of her clothes. The thought of Nate undressing her stirred in her mind a bit. He had seen her naked and looked at her without her knowing. The thought would have normally bothered her. However, he obviously had been polite – clothing her in a robe and then making sure that she was taken care of. She felt safe there and believed him when he said he wouldn't hurt her last night.
She pulled away the duvet and decided she should make another effort to get up and move around. She slipped her feet onto the ground, and began testing her weight on her legs. She managed to stand up the first time, but her legs felt wobbly, so she sat back down on the bed. Upon her second try, she decided to take a step or two, but while holding onto the bed frame to keep her balance. Her steps were unsure, but she didn't get very far before she heard Nate coming up the stairs.
As she was about to move away from the bed, Nate rounded the corner into the room carrying a tray with some breakfast on it.
"Hey! Back in bed! You don't need to be pushing it. Get back in there and save your energy some. I've brought you some breakfast. At least eat, and then after that, then you can give it a go."
"I guess you have a point," Lita said. She sighed reluctantly and made her way back into bed. She hated being bossed around, but he was right. Nate set the tray down on the side of a chair. Lita climbed back onto the bed without too much effort. Nate handed her a pillow to prop herself up and straightened the duvet back around her before coming to rest along side her bed.
"Look, I promise I'm not trying to make you into a recluse. Take it easy though; you nearly drowned yesterday. Give yourself some time to get going. Are you hungry at all?" he asked.
His slight sarcasm elicited a slight smile. "Come to think of it, I'm starving. What's for breakfast?" she asked, eyeing the food on the tray.
"Scrambled eggs, toast, bacon and juice. If you want something else, I have plenty of stuff downstairs to cook. You name it, I'll cook it," Nate said.
"No, that sounds really good. Thanks so much." She offered him a deeper warmth this time and it showed in her eyes; it was her way of thanking him for his kindness. Nate passed her the tray and sat down in the chair beside Lita while she began to butter her toast. He realized that if he thought her beautiful yesterday, that the pleasure of earning her smile, twice no less, was enough to send him over the moon.
Lita pondered if she wanted to really know what had happened to her; but the desire to know was overwhelming. "If you don't mind me asking, what happened to me yesterday? How did I end up out to sea like that? I can just remember falling asleep on the beach, and the day was still sunny when I did," Lita asked.
"Well that would explain why you were out there. I didn't think that anyone in their right mind would have been out there in that storm. I was walking back from the supermarket along the beach, and I saw you lying there. The ocean was getting awfully close. Your puppy was barking. The next thing I knew, a wave washed out from the ocean over you, and you were gone. I ran for the ocean then, but I didn't see you. I stood there for nearly a minute, thinking that there was no chance I was going to find you.
Luckily, you weren't too far out though when you managed to get your head above water, allowing me to swim out and find you. I managed to pull you back in, and had to do CPR for a bit, but then you started breathing on your own. I picked you up then, and picked your bag up, the groceries and brought you back to the cottage. You had been in bed a couple of hours after it happened when you tried to come down stairs. I guess it was around 9 p.m. then, and you fell asleep a little after 10. And well, you know the rest," said Nate. He picked up a cup of coffee and took a sip when he finished, trying to make it sound perfectly normal that he had saved her from drowning. It angered him thought that he had to keep his calm with her like that.
Lita ate another bite of toast as she listened to Nate.
But she wasn't and she noticed that the more his words mulled around in her head that she was afraid. The thought nagged at her, but she just stifled it, like she did with the rest of her emotions. Instead of bringing it up and letting it out, she changed the topic. "Do you mind me asking, exactly where I am in relation to where I was on the beach yesterday?"
"You're about half a mile from the hotel where you were yesterday. I live in a little cottage on the coast. We can go outside and sit on the beach if you want today, if you feel up to it. I understand if you have to get back, and can't stay. But only as long as you can walk on your own," he said.
Silence fell upon the both of them after that. Lita nodded and munched on her eggs and bacon. Nate sipped his coffee in silence and just let her eat peacefully, trying to control his emotions. The anger he felt over her wanting her death, and then pushing it away like wanting to die was perfectly normal did not sit well with him. What's more, the fact that she acted like it was just any other regular event, like grocery shopping made it worse. Finally, his temper got the best of him and he stood up to leave, less he do something he should regret.
"Look, I'm going to let you eat. I have a few things to do downstairs."
Lita only nodded.
He quickly got up and left the room before his anger swelled any more.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Nate puttered down the stairs, trying to relax. Tidying usually helped him relax, so he picked up a broom and began to clean the kitchen floor. As he did so, he couldn't but help think of her…
It had been a long day at work. He was sufficiently tired as he climbed the stairs and he knew that he would collapse onto the couch and fall asleep immediately. He wasn't even thinking about her at the time.
When he went to stick the key in the door, he found it already open. Cautiously he turned the handle. He knew that his girlfriend, Jennifer, had a key; but she rarely came by anymore. When she did, she was usually drunk.
All of his friends told him that he should have dumped her by now; but he felt some odd form of like, akin to love, but mostly in terms of care for her. He hoped that if he continued to support her that eventually she would get the help that she needed. He just didn't get the part about her being a dangerous menace. A couple of his friends had said that she was cheating on him and was also using recreational drugs such as heroine occasionally. He figured that they were probably right, but for some reason he still clung to some hope that she loved him.
[flashback]
She had been a beautiful girl once. She had shoulder length blond hair and vibrant purple eyes. She loved life and the outdoors. They used to get away every weekend from the city, going up towards Ithaca and Buffalo to enjoy the outdoors.
He wasn't sure what to expect when he entered the apartment. Everything seemed to be in order on the surface appearance. Her purse was strewn in a corner; it was the only piece out of place.
He called out her name. "Jennifer? Are you here?"
He received no response.
He was going to be pissed if she had been by and forgotten her purse and left his apartment unlocked all day. He knew he never should have given her a damn key in the first place.
He loosened his green tie and began unbuttoning his sleeves to roll them up a bit. "Jennifer?" he called again as he made his way towards the bedroom.
He didn't pay any attention as he fumbled with his buttons and opened the door. It was only when he called her name and looked up did he see her, the shattered window and the blood.
He could only stop and stare in the doorway. She was stripped naked and covered in blood. Her flaxen hair spread around her like a fan and was streaked in blood. Glass was shattered across the bed – both inside and outside on the balcony – the two big sheets of glass in the doors now missing. Someone had been thrown out of the room through one and back in the room from outside through the other.
At least one of those times it had been Jennifer for her body was covered in cuts and bruises. When the reality of the scene hit him he could do nothing. He just slumped to the floor and cried. For all of his trying, there was nothing he could have done to save her.
Empty violet orbs stared out from a desolate corpse.
[end flashback]
Nate blinked and focused back on cleaning the kitchen. He tried not to dredge up the past. It was in the past where it belonged. Some things haunted him still though. He shook his head. Lita wasn't her. She might not be admitting the truth, but he hardly knew her. He had no right to judge her. Yet a small doubt lingered in the back of his mind.
He cleaned for another half hour until he was sufficiently calmer, and then he returned upstairs. He entered the room to find her breakfast tray empty, and she was staring complacently out the window with her hands folded in her lap.
After her initial reaction to any form of questioning, he surmised that the quickest way to get to her would be to carry on just as if everything was perfectly normal about the situation. "How was breakfast?"
Lita turned around, surprised to find him sitting in the chair next to her. She hadn't even heard him come in. She had been lost in her thoughts.
"Good. You're cooking was very flavorful."
"Glad you enjoyed it. I don't suppose you would like a shower would you? You could try walking, and if you're okay, we'll go from there?" he questioned.
"Sure," she said.
Nate pulled her tray away, and Lita removed the duvet. She carefully put her feet on the floor and tested half her weight on them before removing her hands from the bed. When she stood, she found her legs sounder, and took a step. Placing one foot and then another, with her eyes staring at her feet, her hand followed on the wall in case she needed support. She had walked to the door before she had even realized it.
"Well, I guess that answers that question," said Nate smiling.
Lita turned around and gave him a smile to match his own. "So which way to the shower?"
"Down the stairs and on your right. I will get your clothes and bring them back upstairs while you're in the shower. Be careful. Don't flush the toilet before you shower. The pipes are old and the water will scald you in the shower if you flush," said Nate, now digging in the linen's closet and pulling out a large plush white bath sheet. "Here you go," he said, passing the towel to Lita.
"Thanks," said Lita. She smiled gently and then made her way carefully down the stairs to take her shower, the previous events of earlier forgotten.
In the shower Lita took her time. The warm water felt good washing over her, washing away the sand and the sea from yesterday. It didn't feel overwhelming like yesterday – it was like being in the pink cloud, and being near Ken again. She closed her eyes and she could see him again and hear his voice, telling her that he loved her.
The water fell over her face, and she wiped her hands over and down the back of her long reddish brown hair. She stood in the shower a few more minutes and then turned the water off. She half wished that the cold water had taken her life yesterday; that she had drowned and stayed there. She knew Ken would not have wanted that though. Unbeknownst to her, a stray tear rolled down her cheek, but it was hidden by the shower water.
The world was starting to spin again for Lita when that lone tear made a path. She let her thoughts turn homeward, and for the first time in a year she thought of Ami swimming; Usagi in the park for ice cream, Mina shopping at the market, and Rei sweeping away the sakura blossoms. The remembrances made her feel warm inside, and for the first time in a year, she honestly missed her friends. While it only lasted for a minute, the thought was there and began to take hold.
With that thought she turned off the water, feeling much calmer then she had in a long while. She dried herself off and wrapped the towel securely around her head and fastened her robe. She then turned and opened the door to go upstairs. As she started to walk down the hallway, she met Nate in the corridor.
Nate carried her clothes in his arms and he smiled when he looked up and saw her. "Hey, there. Just bringing your clothes up to the room. Do you feel any better?"
"Yeah, a lil," she said awkwardly. She didn't know why, but there was something about Nate. She didn't want to open up to him; she didn't know him. Yet his kindness and strength was pushing through, and her heart urging her to get to know him. She paused as she fought her inner battle, completely forgetting Nate's presence.
He noticed her silence. She stopped midstep in the stairwell. She seemed pensive to him. "What are you thinking about?" he asked.
"I don't know. Home, you; my head was in a different place for a moment. Sorry," she said. She didn't even notice her own admission of her brief feelings for him, but Nate did.
He decided not to ask more. Every other time he had tired, it ended badly. She would have to come to him or continue to make small slips like she just had. "Look, I'll bring these up. Why don't you go ahead," said Nate, motioning for her to climb the stairs.
Lita nodded and went on up. "Where's home exactly?" asked Nate as they were climbing. "You're obviously not from here."
"Well, neither are you. You're American aren't you?" asked Lita, trying to turn the focus away from her.
"Good call. I was born in New York City, but have spent most of my life traveling. My mom is French and my father American. We used to come to this area to vacation all the time; so I bought a house here myself. I live in Tokyo though; I'm just here for a month's break from work. That explains why I'm here, but what brings you so far away from home?"
Lita reluctantly decided to give an answer; her heart finally winning out of her head. What reason did she have to fear him? "I'm not from here; you're right. I've been living here and working for about a year now. Tokyo is originally home though," she said solemnly.
She had reached the top of the stairs now and was sitting on her bed. Her eyes became empty as Nate watched, and he knew then that he had hit a sore spot in Lita's life, something that she didn't want to talk about.
"I'm sorry for prying again. I'll leave you alone and let you get changed. I can walk you back towards the hotel if you want after this. It's obvious you're okay. You're welcome to stay though. Have a think about it," said Nate.
"I will," said Lita nodding. His offer was unexpected and yet surprisingly pleasant – a reaction based on part of a change starting to occur in her.
She waited until Nate closed the door to put on her swim suit, cut off jean shorts, and oversized sweater that she had had on yesterday. As she changed, she realized she didn't have a place to go or be; so it didn't matter if she was here or there at all. What she did know was that she was lonely, and that Nate was offering her a chance at company. What did it matter that she spent some time with this man. He had saved her life, and he knew about Tokyo. She might be able to find out how things had been there for a while; maybe even find out about her friends again.
After dressing she quickly towel dried her hair, and ran her fingers through, working out the few knots before swinging it into a ponytail. When she finished, she opened the door and walked back down stairs where she found Nate sitting in the living room with his feet propped up by a fire.
"So do you want me to walk you back towards your home? I feel bad just setting you back in that direction by yourself," said Nate, putting down the magazine and putting on a pair of sandals.
"Um, No. I do not really want to go back yet. Could I stay for a bit? I haven't had anybody to really talk to in ages. That's why I got the puppy recently. I'm sure she'd like to go for a walk anyways, and I think I would like the same. Could we walk on the beach outside?" she said honestly.
Nate looked surprised. "Yeah, actually that would be really nice. I was hoping that I would get to know you a bit better, especially when you mentioned you were from Tokyo." He also thought that she was absolutely beautiful – granted he had seen her body; but that was not what enticed him. She had the most beautiful green eyes he had ever seen.
"Here, let me get you your flip flops," said Nate, disappearing past Lita towards another room. He came back in a flash carrying the worn out leather sandals.
Lita took her sandals from him and slipped them on.
"This way," said Nate, leading Lita out the side door next to the living room, which went out onto a back porch, and then down a set of stairs to the beach. "Which way do you want to walk?" asked Nate.
"The opposite direction of the hotel," said Lita. "I always walk into town, but rarely come up this way."
"Well, you're in for a treat then. It's really pretty up around this area. You should enjoy the walk. I'm sure your puppy will too. Does she have a name?"
"Yep. Her name is Elle. I love the French word for "she." She's a golden Lab. She was the runt of the litter, and the person didn't expect to sell her, so she gave her to me for a bargain. She shouldn't get too big, so she's the right size for my apartment and me. Come here Elle, come here girl," called Lita.
The puppy ran excitedly up to Lita and leapt into Lita's outstretched arms as she bent down towards the puppy. Elle licked Lita's face excitedly, and Lita picked up the little lab and held her close. "Yes, you're such a good girl Elle. You're a beautiful puppy," Lita told her dog. She set the puppy back down and the little dog ran ahead of them, playing in the waves crashing in from the sea.
Lita shook her head. "Great, she's going to need a bath again."
"Oh let her play. So you said you were here by yourself? How did you get here all the way from Tokyo?" asked Nate.
"Well, I suppose I could ask the same thing of you," said Lita, smiling, teasing him a little. She became suddenly solemn though before answering. She again weighed the consequences of telling him the truth; but she knew he meant her no harm.
"No, I came here on vacation a while back. I was supposed to be meeting one of my friends here a year ago, from Tokyo. We had grown up together and promised to come here together. I made it; he never did," said Lita, staring down now at her feet, her voice now sorrowful due to thinking of Ken.
"I read about that in the paper last year when I was here about the same time from Tokyo. The boy's name was Ken and he died in a car wreck. They said that his girlfriend was waiting here for him. Was that you?" asked Nate.
He turned to look at her and there was a pained expression on her face. 'Great, just great Nate…'
"I guess I'm not very good at choosing things to talk about, am I? I've managed to make you sad every time that I've attempted to have a conversation with you," said Nate, staring out into the sea past Lita.
"No it's okay," said Lita rather unsure of her self all of a sudden. She didn't actually know if it was or not…
She walked out towards the sea and stood in it pondering whether or not she wanted to answer his question. Her lack of an answer only added to Nate's guilt for harming her, because the seed of doubt that had pressed him to ask was actually harming her. He walked up beside her to let his presence offer her some comfort as it had before, in hopes of rectifying the situation.
He knew his touch soothed her, so he offered her hand, in the hopes that she would take it. Lita looked down and saw it, and gathered enough courage to answer him, taking his own hand in her own as an affirmation of her decision. Maybe it was time to begin somewhere…
"Yeah, that was me," she said, staring off into the distance.
"I'm sorry," said Nate, pulling Lita closer to him now, and wrapping his arm around her shoulders.
Out of nowhere, strength that had been lost to her for so long appeared and she found
courage to open up and let him in further, responding to some of his earlier questions that she had just let slip by. "I guess that's why I said I wanted to die. I wanted to be with him. I haven't gone home in a year. I haven't wanted to leave yet. But he told me to go, last night when I was drowning. I don't know about life after death, but I saw him, and he talked to me. Told me I had to come back here and that it wasn't my time yet.
When the water started to fill my lungs, this dream happened with him in it. But then the next thing I knew, I was leaving, and I was on the beach again. All that I remember after that is you pushing on my chest, and pushing you away while coughing up water," she said gently and quietly.
Nate squeezed her hand to say thank you for her kindness. "Well, that explains why you have been here so long. I'm sorry that that happened to you, and now this. You don't deserve it Lita. You deserve to be happy," said Nate.
"Maybe one day, if I'm lucky," whispered Lita. "I don't know," she said. She removed herself from Nate's embrace. She walked farther in the sea staring out into the blue void of endlessness, as her thighs now collided with the cold seawater. The cold water provided a kind numbing bite that swept away her confusion.
"You will. I promise you that you will," said Nate, walking up to Lita, and smoothing a bit of hair out of her face again, tucking it behind her ear.
The heat of his hands undid her again. She didn't know why. The cold freezing water was unattainable for her and confusion swept back in when he touched her. That's when she realized why she hadn't died the other night. His warmth drew her like a moth to a flame. As long as he was there, she would find no silence within that water.
What she did next surprised both of them. She moved back a little and closer to him, pressing her back side against his front. He wasn't sure how to respond, so he just wrapped his arms back around her and carried on with the conversation. "Do you miss home?"
"Sometimes. I haven't thought about it much lately. I've been too self absorbed I guess," she said, beginning to play with the sand beneath her feet. "How is Tokyo, by the way? I haven't been home in a year. Has the city changed much?" she asked.
"No, it hasn't. About the same as always."
"I was wondering if maybe you'd heard anything about some people I know. Would you mind telling me if I rattle off some names?"
"No, that's fine," he said, mentally preparing to make a note of the names so he could call them if he needed to. As of yet though, he didn't have a need.
"Have you heard anything about Ami Mizuno, Minako Aino, Raye Hino, Darien Chiba, or Serena Tsukino?"
"Now that you mention it I do recognize a few of those names. Ami Mizuno was just placed in charge of the Emergency Room at Tokyo General. I don't know anything about Minako Aino unless you're on about the idol star who keeps sweeping all the pages with her modeling. The others…I vaguely remember the name Hino mentioned in politics and the religious life of the city. The other two names I don't recognize. Do you actually know these people?"
Lita just let out a small laugh and nodded. "Ami, it figures. She always was an over achiever. And Mina finally made it as an idol star. Raye is still at the temple; but that's not surprising. It's her father you've heard about in the papers."
"You actually know these people?" asked Nate skeptically.
"Yeah, is that so surprising?" she asked.
"A little. The first two you mentioned are remarkable people – Ami and Mina. You must have been very close?"
"We were," she said with a tone of finality, the topic starting to bother her. Was it really so hard to believe that she was friends with them? Better yet, she wondered what he would do if he figured out who she truly was in relation to the Tokyo's city life.
She pulled away from him then and began to walk back onto the sand.
"Yeah, I suppose there's no other way," said Nate. He walked a little faster now, treading through the tide and letting his feet sink into the watered sand. "Where were you from in Tokyo anyways?" asked Nate, changing the subject.
"I was from the Juban district. That's where I went to school at least when I was younger. I graduated from the University of Tokyo a little over a year ago," she said.
"Wow," said Nate. "You lived in a fairly upstanding part of town."
"I guess I was lucky really. I own my parents apartment My parents died and left me the apartment completely paid for, and my uncle has watched out for me – but I've been on my own since I was 12. That's why I told you there was no one that you could call. I know the people back home I mentioned, but I haven't spoken to them in a year since I came out here. I don't know why they would be interested in talking to me after all of this though. And besides, the way you explained it, they sound too busy for someone like me," said Lita, shrugging her shoulders. She picked up a rock off the beach and through it back out into the ocean waves.
Nate winced. Her last words came out in a bite. Whatever had made this girl so cold? "I don't know. If I was your friend, I don't think it would matter how long you waited to call me. If you were honest when you called, I think that I would understand. I would just be glad to know where you are; to know that you are okay," said Nate.
Lita repeated the shrugging gesture of earlier. "I know I should. But for so long I've just thought about me – thought about missing him. I felt like that if I was living without the person I loved, then they could live without me."
Her last sentence revealed it all. She was laden with guilt; guilt that would take time to heal. He only hoped he could help her in the process. "Have you thought about calling your friends?" he asked.
"I don't know. I'm sure they will be upset with me," she said, shying away from him.
"Well you won't know unless you try. Why don't you call them?"
"You can't be serious?" said Lita sarcastically. "I haven't even really thought about it. I haven't even talked to my friends in a year."
Nate shook his head. She definitely had a hard shell protecting her – not only was she guilty, but she couldn't even admit that she needed them and to let them in.
"Err, well you said you were thinking about them; I thought you might like to call them. And besides, if your friends are really your friends, then they will understand. You have to call them and try, otherwise you will never find out."
"You think I should, shouldn't you?" asked Lita.
"I think," said Nate, trying to stress his opinion, "that it's your life. You should do what you think is right. If it were me, I would call them, just so that they would know that I was okay at the very least. Once upon a time they cared about you, obviously; and that doesn't change over night. I think at the very least that they would like to know. But it's not my decision. It's yours. You do what you need to do for yourself."
Lita twiddled her thumbs. His words hit her harshly. He wasn't judging her, but his words carried some unseen weight.
"You're right," said Lita. "I can't believe I have been so stupid and selfish and haven't phoned them."
"I didn't say all that. Don't beat yourself up. What has happened has happened. You needed time. And you've had it. So do what's right now and don't worry about then," said Nate. "If you want to, you could call them when we get back?"
"I'll think about it," she said.
There wasn't much left to say on that matter though. The two of them walked in silence along the beach for another hour, with Lita gathering shells and Nate throwing a stick for Elle to catch. They chit chatted off and on, about life in Tokyo and in France among other things until they turned around and headed back for the cottage.
Nate and Lita reached the cottage in the mid-afternoon. "Lita if you want to call your friends, the phone is over there. I will leave you alone and give you some time to yourself," he said, then exited the room.
Lita stared at the phone as she sat down in an armchair beside it. She would have to think about whom to call first – Serena, Ami, Mina, or Rei. Serena would be overwhelmed and emotional; but she wouldn't judge her. Mina would have felt abandoned by her leaving, and she didn't know what her reaction would be – that would be assuming that she could even reach Minako. Ami was too logical and Rei would be angry and judgmental – the two things she was hoping to avoid. After a few minutes of mulling it over, she realized she had forgotten Darien.
He understood death and shutting down. He also wouldn't judge her or be overwhelmed like Serena. Darien was the only logical choice.
She didn't know what possessed her. She had been hesitant at best to even call them. Yet for some reason, after what Nate said she couldn't help but call them.
She punched in the numbers on the phone and waited for it to ring. The phone began to ring and Lita could only wait for someone to pick up on the other end.
Darien was sitting in his bed reading when the phone rang. He wondered who was calling so late. It couldn't be Serena – she was asleep on the couch. He picked up the handset.
"Hello," he asked.
Lita heard Darien's voice, clean and solid through the phone. She thought about hanging up because she didn't know where to begin. Yet the same fear which forced her to run also caused her to stay. The only word she could manage out of her mouth was his name.
"Darien," she said quietly; she was hardly audible.
"Yes," he said. "Who is this? I can't hear you?"
"Darien," she said again, louder this time, another burst of courage coming to her. "It's me, Lita."
Darien just about jumped through the roof; she was the last person he'd of expected to call him.
"Lita, is that really you? Don't hang up the phone. Please stay on the phone. Are you okay? Where are you?" he asked quickly.
"I'm okay, Darien. I'm in France still. I never left the village where I came on vacation," she said softly.
"Lita, it's okay. I am not mad at you," said Darien, trying to soothe her nervousness. "None of us are. We have been concerned and worried; but more then anything we have missed you."
"Darien, I don't know what to say. I'm sorry for being so selfish and not having called for so long. I've been really lost in my own little world until today. I had an accident Darien. It made me think . . ." but she was cut off by Darien.
"An accident? Are you okay? Do you need us to come and get you?"
"No, I'm okay. It wasn't a car accident. I nearly drowned. But someone managed to swim out and get me. I'm weak and shaken. I guess that's why I called – it made me wake up; think about what was going on. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to," said Lita, now clutching the earpiece tightly in her hand and fighting off the breaks in her voice.
"Lita, it's okay. I'm just glad that you are okay. We all are. We have been wondering what happened. That's not what is important though – all that really matters is that you are okay and we know you are. Let me go get Serena for you. She's sleeping on the couch. I know she will want to talk to you. I'll be right back."
Darien put down the phone and ran to get Serena before Lita could protest. She didn't know if she was up to it, but it was too late. She tried to imagine Serena tearing through the apartment to get to the phone – it made her laugh just a little despite her nervousness, and her grip on the phone relaxed a little.
She heard Serena breathing down the phone. "Lita, is that you? How are you? Where are you?"
Lita didn't want to answer. She knew she would have to answer all of these questions again and again though. "Serena – it's me. I'm in France still. I never left last summer. I'm okay. I . .." she said.
Serena started in again though. "Why didn't you call us? We have been so worried. We had given up hope of calling or finding you. Why have you waited so long to call us? Lita, I've missed you. We all have!"
Lita cradled the phone to her ear, and bit her lower lip. How could she possibly explain? Fear inspired her to run. "Serena, I. I have to go. I can't talk now," Lita said, about to put the phone down on the receiver.
"Lita, please wait. I didn't mean it like that." She held the phone to her ear waiting to hear what Serena had to say. "Lita, we love you and miss you. Please just give us a number where we can call you. You don't have to tell me what happened – I'll understand," said Serena, now crying. "Lita, we miss our friend and I miss the person who is my sister."
A tear trickled down Lita's face. "I'm sorry, Serena. I'm going." She removed the phone from her ear and was about to hang it up when she heard Serena's response.
"Lita, don't go! Just listen!" she exclaimed.
Lita stopped the phone in its descent and slowly put it back to her ear.
Serena could hear her breathing down the mouth piece.
Lita, whatever has happened – it doesn't matter. We just want you to come back to us," said Serena. "That's all that is important; that and we love and miss you."
Lita stifled a sob. "Please tell everyone I'm sorry and I'm okay."
"Sure Lita," said Serena. "Do you want me to call Ken's parents too?"
"Please," she said solemnly.
"Take care of yourself Lita. We love you and miss you. Be safe."
"Bye, Serena. I miss all of you too." Another single tear escaped down her cheek as Lita placed the handset back on its base before Serena had a chance to say goodbye.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Serena put the phone back on the hook and sat on the bed staring into the distance before turning to Darien, who was sitting beside her with his arms wrapped around her.
"Oh Darien, she's so alone and scared. Do you think I made it worse?"
"No Serena. She needs to know that we aren't mad and we care. She will need our love and support; she has needed it for a year – she just hasn't known what to do with her self. She'll need all of us; but we will make it together."
"Do you even know why she called?" Serena asked. "Why now?"
"She had an accident, Sere. She nearly drowned yesterday. I think it stirred up some things for her. But that said, I think she still needs some time. We still really don't know why she never came back beyond Ken's death. That alone would not have kept here there," Darien said, now starting to run his fingers through her hair to soothe her.
"Do you think she'll come home?" she asked.
"I don't know. But in time, I like to think she will."
"I hope you're right," said Serena, sighing and laying her head on Darien's shoulder.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Lita sat curled up in a ball in the over sized armchair. She held her knees and was rocking herself as she stared off into space. She had managed to make the first call – to tell them she was alive and okay. And they had told her they had loved her and missed her. Yet she hadn't the courage to tell them she was moving back.
Nate came into the room carrying a tray with some cookies and tea on it. "Afternoon tea?" asked Nate as he set the tray carrying the goodies on the coffee table.
Lita moved out of her trance finally. "Oh, sorry. Yes please, a cup would be really nice."
He didn't bother to question her; he knew that making that first phone call was hard. Instead he carried on. "One sugar or two?" asked Nate, holding a cube with a pair of tongs.
"Two, please," said Lita.
"You doing okay?"
"Alright. I've been better," she said, sipping her cup of tea. She kept her answer purposefully vague. As much as she had told Nate about her parents and the things with Ken, didn't mean he had a right to know how she felt. Hell, it didn't even mean that he could know her. In all reality, she was only able to tell him all that stuff and let him offer support because he didn't know her; the role of anonymity allowing her to not fear being judged by him. She went back to rocking herself and sipping her tea.
Nate sat down in the chair beside her, picked up his cup of tea and took a drink. He set it back down beside him on a coaster. He tried hard not to let his disdain show. He thought that he had made some real progress on the beach in getting her to open up. However, he could tell that it was merely his physical presence, an attraction, and not even a lusty one at that, which made her, let him in. Her pain and self-inflicted misery drove her towards him.
In addition, whatever had been said on the telephone between her and her friends only wound her tighter. She must have felt something, because now she was so withdrawn again. She would feel and then shove it back under her barrier, burying her pain inside. Even as close as she was on the beach, she still guarded it– as if it was the lifesaver which kept her afloat in the sea. Yet at the same time it was the shackles to her ankles, pulling her farther down in the ocean.
Maybe kindness would win and cause her to drop her shields. That was going to have to be his plan. "Are you cold at all?" he asked. "I could make a fire."
Lita turned towards him, slightly startled by his compassion. "That would be nice," she said, offering a small smile. She actually was cold, although her holding of herself was only a self comforting mechanism.
Nate raised his eyebrow in a quizzical fashion. Maybe this would work…
He got up to make the fire. After a few minutes of hauling logs in from outside and adding some kindling and lighter fluid, Nate made the golden light roar softly. He went and got a blanket, placed it gently over her shoulders while she continued to rock herself, and returned to his chair, as if nothing was wrong. He picked up the paper to read, totally ignoring the look of blank confusion on the chestnut's green eyes.
He read the paper for an hour, just generally ignoring her. In reality, he kept glancing over the paper to check on her. After about an hour in the chair, he noticed that she was awfully quiet and had grown still.
He put the paper down and then went over to her chair quietly. He kneeled next to her and listened to her breathing which had grown silent. When he placed his head near hers, he realized that she had fallen asleep. All of this must have taken its toll on her. She was asleep.
He picked her up gently, and just like the night before she clung to him, snuggling her head into his chest. He carried her over to the soft couch in the den and placed her on it. She whimpered as he set her down and it tugged at his heart to leave her there alone.
He covered her again gently and then sat beside her on the floor for a minute and stroked her face until she stilled again. When he was sure she was going to be okay he got up and left her to her slumber.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Lita awoke to the sound of racket in the kitchen. She heard a string of curse words, then a crack and a loud "SHIT!" all before the pan hit the ground. Lita couldn't help but wonder what was going on and so she made her way into the kitchen.
She found Nate holding his left index finger with a towel that was starting to show red. "What did you do?" she asked calmly as she approached him.
"Oh, you're awake. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you. This, it's nothing. I was just trying to chop some crab and sliced my finger by accident. It'll be fine in a minute," he said.
Lita was standing beside him now. "Please, can I see it?" she asked.
The gentleness in her voice was his undoing. "Okay," he said softly as Lita reached for his hands. She took his bloody one in the towel and led him over to the sink. She turned on the taps and ran the water till it was luke warm, making sure that she tested it with her elbow first so it wouldn't burn him. "Let's rinse that off, okay?"
Nate complied and allowed Lita to gently remove the towel which was now covered in a crust of drying blood. She stuck the finger under the warm water and Nate flinched.
Lita noticed as he tried to pull away. "Trust me," she said. She held his finger steady and began to rinse the dried blood off his finger, till only the cut could be seen. "This is fairly deep. We should take you to a doctor."
"No. I can't stand them," he said.
Lita nodded. She gently took a clean washrag and added some soap and began to cleanse the wound. When she was done a few minutes later she wrapped Nate's finger back up. "Where are the bandages?" she asked.
"In the bathroom downstairs and in the medicine cabinet," he said.
"Hold this with a little bit of pressure on the wound," she said. She left Nate standing there and quickly ran off to get the bandages. She returned a few moments later.
She took the towel off and carefully bandaged the finger with gauze. It only took her a second and then she was done. Yet she held onto his hands, not letting go, even when she finished.
"Thank you," Nate said, staring into her eyes transfixed. He started to lean into her.
Lita was trapped. She didn't know whether to run or stay. Before she had to decide though, a kitchen timer let off a shrill noise and the trance was broken.
"Oh shit," he said again, running over to the oven.
The awkwardness of the moment was forgotten and she went over to stop him before he stuck his bare hands into the over and grabbed the try, which he was about to do.
"STOP! I'm cooking dinner now," she said in a take charge manner.
Nate stood back from the oven stunned.
"So what are you trying to cook for dinner?" she asked.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
An hour later Lita and Nate were sitting on the living room floor on a blanket and laughing. An array of foods and a bottle of wine were spread out before them and the two of them were talking like they had been old friends.
"So tell me more about yourself Rocket Man!" teased Lita.
"Will you quit calling me that?" Nate said in a mocked hurt tone. "It's not my fault I was actually stupid enough to try to build that rocket pack and jump off the barn of my grandparents house when I was 12. My cousins were the ones who told me it would work!"
"Uh huh, sure," said Lita playfully. She reached over and gently punched him in the arm as he tried to swallow a sip of wine. He almost spit it out his nose and she laughed manically as he tried to contain it.
When he finally got it down, he just sat there and shook his head playfully at her.
"You're a number, you know that?"
"Yup I do," she said.
"So what else do you want to know about me?"
"You know, we haven't really talked about the basic stuff. Like how old are you, tell me more about your family, and what you do for a living."
"I'm 28. I have 4 siblings – 2 brothers and 2 sisters who are all older then me and married. I have a collection of nieces and nephews now. My parents live in New York and I work as a computer system's analyst in Tokyo for one of the major Tech firms. Does that cover it?" he asked
"Almost. Favorite color, food, place and art?"
"That's all?" he asked sarcastically.
Lita was tempted to smack him. Instead she stuck her tongue out.
"Okay, okay," Nate said in a fake placating manner. "Favorite color is blue, food is spaghetti, place is here and art or artist rather is a German Expressionist named Klimt."
"Who's he?"
"Here, I have a book I can show you," said Nate, reaching for a book underneath the coffee table. He pulled out a massive book and moved closer to sit down and show her. "He probably the most beautiful painter I know of. He worked in the early part of the 20th century, in golds, reds and pinks. He painted scenes of lovers, women and from literature and music."
Lita fingered the golden covered book that he passed her. The lights played off the cover and made it glow like a shiny Christmas present. She was almost too afraid to touch the cover for fear of blemishing it.
"Go on, open it," said Nate reassuringly. Never had he seen anyone this enthralled by his book, but it made him smile to see that someone still revered artists like he did.
Slowly Lita opened the cover and turned until she saw the first plate, entitled, "The Kiss." All she could do was stare and try not to cry; she was so moved by the piece.
"Klimt painted that painted this piece as an eternal testament to love and how the lovers lose themselves in each other. It's his most famous work."
"It beautiful," she said as she ran her fingers over the page.
"Not as beautiful as you," said Nate, his focus no longer on the book.
She turned to him confused. "What?" she asked, pulling away from him.
Nate blinked and realized what he said. Before he had a chance to process what he said, he grabbed her wrist, leaned forward and kissed her.
When his lips were on hers she felt warm, but the shock of it all overrode any pleasure she would have otherwise derived from the moment. She was desperate to remove him from her.
She did the only thing she knew to do; she pulled away and then reached back and slapped him as hard as she could.
The shock sent Nate reeling backwards onto the floor.
"I'm sorry," she whispered to a stunned Nate.
And then Lita got up and ran.
She rolled over a bit and caught a glimpse of him, which prompted her to turn over the rest of the way. In a chair, in a corner of the room, was the young man who had caught her in the stairwell. The man's arm was propped up on the armrest, and his hand supported a pillow, which he had managed to wedge between his head and the wall. His face was cocked to the side and she could tell he must have drifted off. She knew she should wake him, but didn't want to disturb his sleep or lessen her chances of leaving. Instead she stifled herself and decided to get a better look at him, curiosity getting the better of her and keeping her from her goal.
In the face, eyes, mouth, and hair – he resembled Ken a little, although he was older, maybe 28 or 29. He had wavy cinnamon brown hair that was cropped close to his head, blue eyes, and his mouth showed the wear of much laughter over his short life. The likeness wasn't as strong as she had thought it was; it must have been her recent experience of drowning that caused the hallucination. He looked so peaceful, even though he was resting at such an awkward angle. He looked like he was out cold though, and that would give her the opportunity that she needed to depart. She knew if she could get up on her own, she might be able to gather her things and return to her quiet solitude. She had already been too much of a bother to him. She just wanted to slink quietly back into her shell and disappear into the sea.
She attempted to roll over and sit up silently. She managed to get herself situated so that she could place her feet on the floor, but when she put her weight down, a loose board gave a loud creak.
Lita hoped that the noise wouldn't waken her watcher. However, she whipped around in time only to view his arm falling off the chair, then the pillow dropping, followed by his head careening at a perilous angle. When his face suddenly crashed into the wall, his eyes popped open. He blinked a few times and stared around for a minute before looking to the bed. It took a second for him to register that it was empty and then his gaze moved to the woman in white, trying to quietly depart.
His first thoughts were that she was afraid. He arose from the chair slowly, so as not to scare her. He didn't know why she was leaving, but he knew she needed to rest. After what happened, she was in no state to leave.
"Stop," he said gently. "I won't hurt you. Please sit back down. I only want to help you. Please stay. You need to rest," he said, motioning for her to climb back on the bed.
Lita looked at him. He remained motionless, waiting for her to decide. Whether she stayed or departed was her choice, although she had desperately wanted to leave without him waking. It was too late for that though. If she bolted, he would just chase after her. "Okay," she said as she came back to sit on the bed. Maybe if she lured him into a false sense of security she could leave later…
He approached her cautiously, and came to rest about three feet from her. "Take it slowly, okay? You've had a rough evening. You need to rest some still. Can I make you more comfortable?" he asked.
She shook her head vehemently. She didn't want him to come near her; all she wanted was to be alone.
"Do you remember what happened to you?" he asked.
That simple phrase made it all come rushing back. The memories of the stairs, her vision of Ken, being pulled out to sea and drowning. She felt her head start to spin and darkness swarm her. She lost control of her body as the memories sapped the strength from her and she lurched dangerously, her body tilting forward off the bed.
He noticed her starting to fall, and reached out and caught her before she could hit the floor. He picked her up in his arms and placed her back into the bed.
The sudden warmth of his arms holding her brought her back to reality, although the blackness in her mind took a minute to fade. When it started to clear, the warmth she had felt was retracting and instead she could feel the softness of pillows against her back. She blinked and the world focused itself, bringing the young man back into her line of sight.
As he moved away from the bed and pulled a chair up to sit beside her, he noticed her regaining consciousness. He figured she must have remembered what had happened to her; but that didn't necessarily tell her anything about where she was now. "Don't be scared. My name is Nate or Nathan; both of which are short for Nathaniel. You're in my home. I brought you here after the accident. Are you okay? How are you feeling?"
She didn't respond immediately. The kindness that he had just shown her and the sharpness of the memories wiped away her need to flee; although the urge to return to the sea was not entirely lost. Her emotions didn't seem over whelming though and instead of her initial look of uncertainty; a sense of gentleness replaced it. He obviously cared a little about her. "I feel a little tired and weak, but I am okay. Thank you, for saving me."
"You sure? Do you know what just caused that fainting spell?" he asked, trying to reassure himself that she was indeed alright.
His forwardness abashed her and caused her to withdraw farther from him, actually causing the opposite of the desired wish. She didn't even know the man and he was trying to get her to open up; so instead she shut down. "I don't know," she replied half heartedly.
Nate sighed. It was obvious she was lying, but what could he do?
"It's okay. You're all right though, and that's all that is important. I don't want to pester you, but I'm sure someone is worried about you. What's your name? Is there anyone that I can contact for you tonight, to let them know what happened?"
"Oh, sorry. My name is Lita. No, there's no one that you can call and I don't need anything. Thank you – you've already done too much for me," she said timidly.
The last sentence betrayed her and he surmised what he had not been able to before. "Too much? How could what I have done been too much?" he asked. He knew he shouldn't ask. Her response would most likely be similar to his last question; but he had to know. If she was hurting, or intended to hurt herself, he couldn't let her out of his sight.
"I don't know," she whispered.
" I saved your life – any decent person would have done that. Did you not want to live?" he said in a confused tone, praying that she would say no.
Lita looked away and tried to keep the tears falling from her eyes. "No," she answered softly. "It was an accident. I . . ." she couldn't continue. Tears threatened her. She knew what he was saying was true. She had wanted the coldness of the sea and had desperately wanted to return when she had awoken a few moments ago. Now…?
Nathan watched her from the edge of the bed, expecting her to cry. She never did though. Her nose began to run instead and she sniffled. Why didn't she cry? He was damn well near tears for the last minute; but he didn't lose it. She needed someone to be strong for her.
"Shh. It is okay. Don't get yourself too excited. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. Forget it for now. We can talk some tomorrow if you want. You need to rest," Nate said. He took a tissue from a box on a nightstand by the bed and passed it to her.
"Don't be upset. You are alive and safe here with me. Stay until you get well or longer; there's no hurry. Just promise me you won't do anything to hurt yourself," he said gently.
Lita's runny nose slowed and started to dry up. She didn't even know how to respond to part of what he said; the part about her hurting herself. As she went to reply though, she remembered Ken, and she remembered how he made her return. He said it wasn't her time. "I won't. I promise," she said. She yawned deeply then, and felt her eyes start to get heavy as she said the last word.
He exhaled, letting out a breath he didn't even know he was holding in anticipation of her response. He hoped she kept her promises.
"You should rest," said Nate.
Lita could only manage a nod as her eyes were shutting without her consent.
"Just rest and don't worry. I'll tuck you in and then leave you to sleep. If you need anything, I am right across the way. Ring the bell beside your bed, and I will wake up and come in. Okay?"
She nodded again, and then slid back down underneath the covers, her eyes now fully closed. Nate removed the excess pillows and then pulled the covers around Lita, tucking her in.
"Sleep well. I hope you have sweet dreams," he said. He then smoothed a hand over her hair, brushing the excess strands out of her face. "Good night."
"Good night," she mumbled. Before he even left the room, she was asleep and any thoughts of fleeing and drowning were gone.
Nate closed the door behind him. He leaned against the closet door and sighed while running his fingers through his hair. What a day. She had been so close to dying and then the thought that that was she might have actually wanted…
The worry consumed him as he leaned there. A tremor hit him at the base of his spine and worked its way up. He felt bile regurgitate in his throat and for a minute the nausea threatened to overwhelm him.
There had been something in the way she looked at him on the stairs and in her stillness on the beach. She had been so beautiful and serene; her beauty had captivated him from that first look on the beach. But the thought of her searching for her death overwhelmed him.
He breathed in and out deeply trying to control himself. His head swam with blackness for a minute and then eased up as he regained some control.
When the moment passed, the disgust lingered; but in its place he was left with an over whelming urge to protect her and prevent all harm from hurting her. He knew he didn't know her; but something about her begged him to stay. He knew that she desperately needed someone; and he wanted that someone to be him.
It was then that he knew what his course should be. He could only hope that she would let him. He knew right from the start that she was hard to break through; she didn't even cry. However, while she was in his home he would take care of her.
With his head clear and his mind made up, he decided to check once more before retiring, in order to satisfy himself that she was okay. He moved from the wall and peeked into her room. The fire was starting to die down. When his gaze reached the bed, he noticed that she had kicked half of the covers off of her and was thrashing in bed. She was mumbling in her sleep, a nightmare threatening to engulf her.
Nate went back in and hovered over her, deciding what to do. He placed a hand on her shoulder to wake her, but she immediately stilled. He picked her up gently, trying not to disturb her so that he could straighten the bed back out. Once she was in his presence though, she immediately snuggled up to him, sensing his warmth like a beacon in the night. She pressed her body to his, burying her head in his chest, as if she was his lover.
Nate sighed, startled by the awkward situation. Sure he wanted to hold her, but he hadn't expected this. The feeling of her in his arms was so right though; as if she had belonged there all along.
He could tell that she was sleeping soundly in his arms, and he didn't want to chance her having another nightmare. She was disturbed enough as it was, all on her own. That only left him one solution. He piled a few more pillows on the bed, and then collapsed into, propped up on the pillows, until he fell asleep with her cradled gently in his arms.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
He slept most of the night, half way sitting up so he couldn't be accused of taking advantage of her if she woke. There was no reason for both of them to be uncomfortable however, and so he had positioned her carefully so that she was comfortable in the bed, but he still held her. That was how he woke up when dawn came crashing through the windows, with the twilight glowing through and lighting up her face.
His neck ached from having slept at an awkward angle. He rubbed it gently for a moment before realizing just how awkward it would be if she woke up in his arms. As quietly as he could, he rearranged her in the bed and then covered her back up. He lingered long enough to make sure she was asleep and then left the room to go make some breakfast.
He craned his neck trying to work some of the kinks out some more. However he couldn't help but turn around and gaze at her one last time. And that's when he knew he'd been hit – the coup de foudre.
She slept soundly through the night and dreamed of being loved. What dominated her dreams though was a sense of being warm, and a pair of arms around her and holding her. She had wanted that for so long, to feel warm again and loved like she did then; but she couldn't see the face or her lover; she could only feel the warmth of his arms. She tried to turn around to look at him, but when she did, the morning began to call to her. Before she could see his face, she was aware of his warmth slipping away from her. It was only a matter of moments after that before she was lying wide awake in bed.
She laid there for a few moments before deciding to get up, willing the contentment of her dream to stay with her. However, she couldn't' stay in bed all day either. She let the feeling run through her one more time, sighed, and then decided to start moving. When she moved the whole process was much easier, and she was able to do it without a struggle. She realized that her robe had come loose, and she straightened and tied it again around her waist. It took her a moment to realize though that she was naked underneath the robe though, and as best she could remember, she had only seen Nate.
That meant that only he could have taken her out of her clothes. The thought of Nate undressing her stirred in her mind a bit. He had seen her naked and looked at her without her knowing. The thought would have normally bothered her. However, he obviously had been polite – clothing her in a robe and then making sure that she was taken care of. She felt safe there and believed him when he said he wouldn't hurt her last night.
She pulled away the duvet and decided she should make another effort to get up and move around. She slipped her feet onto the ground, and began testing her weight on her legs. She managed to stand up the first time, but her legs felt wobbly, so she sat back down on the bed. Upon her second try, she decided to take a step or two, but while holding onto the bed frame to keep her balance. Her steps were unsure, but she didn't get very far before she heard Nate coming up the stairs.
As she was about to move away from the bed, Nate rounded the corner into the room carrying a tray with some breakfast on it.
"Hey! Back in bed! You don't need to be pushing it. Get back in there and save your energy some. I've brought you some breakfast. At least eat, and then after that, then you can give it a go."
"I guess you have a point," Lita said. She sighed reluctantly and made her way back into bed. She hated being bossed around, but he was right. Nate set the tray down on the side of a chair. Lita climbed back onto the bed without too much effort. Nate handed her a pillow to prop herself up and straightened the duvet back around her before coming to rest along side her bed.
"Look, I promise I'm not trying to make you into a recluse. Take it easy though; you nearly drowned yesterday. Give yourself some time to get going. Are you hungry at all?" he asked.
His slight sarcasm elicited a slight smile. "Come to think of it, I'm starving. What's for breakfast?" she asked, eyeing the food on the tray.
"Scrambled eggs, toast, bacon and juice. If you want something else, I have plenty of stuff downstairs to cook. You name it, I'll cook it," Nate said.
"No, that sounds really good. Thanks so much." She offered him a deeper warmth this time and it showed in her eyes; it was her way of thanking him for his kindness. Nate passed her the tray and sat down in the chair beside Lita while she began to butter her toast. He realized that if he thought her beautiful yesterday, that the pleasure of earning her smile, twice no less, was enough to send him over the moon.
Lita pondered if she wanted to really know what had happened to her; but the desire to know was overwhelming. "If you don't mind me asking, what happened to me yesterday? How did I end up out to sea like that? I can just remember falling asleep on the beach, and the day was still sunny when I did," Lita asked.
"Well that would explain why you were out there. I didn't think that anyone in their right mind would have been out there in that storm. I was walking back from the supermarket along the beach, and I saw you lying there. The ocean was getting awfully close. Your puppy was barking. The next thing I knew, a wave washed out from the ocean over you, and you were gone. I ran for the ocean then, but I didn't see you. I stood there for nearly a minute, thinking that there was no chance I was going to find you.
Luckily, you weren't too far out though when you managed to get your head above water, allowing me to swim out and find you. I managed to pull you back in, and had to do CPR for a bit, but then you started breathing on your own. I picked you up then, and picked your bag up, the groceries and brought you back to the cottage. You had been in bed a couple of hours after it happened when you tried to come down stairs. I guess it was around 9 p.m. then, and you fell asleep a little after 10. And well, you know the rest," said Nate. He picked up a cup of coffee and took a sip when he finished, trying to make it sound perfectly normal that he had saved her from drowning. It angered him thought that he had to keep his calm with her like that.
Lita ate another bite of toast as she listened to Nate.
But she wasn't and she noticed that the more his words mulled around in her head that she was afraid. The thought nagged at her, but she just stifled it, like she did with the rest of her emotions. Instead of bringing it up and letting it out, she changed the topic. "Do you mind me asking, exactly where I am in relation to where I was on the beach yesterday?"
"You're about half a mile from the hotel where you were yesterday. I live in a little cottage on the coast. We can go outside and sit on the beach if you want today, if you feel up to it. I understand if you have to get back, and can't stay. But only as long as you can walk on your own," he said.
Silence fell upon the both of them after that. Lita nodded and munched on her eggs and bacon. Nate sipped his coffee in silence and just let her eat peacefully, trying to control his emotions. The anger he felt over her wanting her death, and then pushing it away like wanting to die was perfectly normal did not sit well with him. What's more, the fact that she acted like it was just any other regular event, like grocery shopping made it worse. Finally, his temper got the best of him and he stood up to leave, less he do something he should regret.
"Look, I'm going to let you eat. I have a few things to do downstairs."
Lita only nodded.
He quickly got up and left the room before his anger swelled any more.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Nate puttered down the stairs, trying to relax. Tidying usually helped him relax, so he picked up a broom and began to clean the kitchen floor. As he did so, he couldn't but help think of her…
It had been a long day at work. He was sufficiently tired as he climbed the stairs and he knew that he would collapse onto the couch and fall asleep immediately. He wasn't even thinking about her at the time.
When he went to stick the key in the door, he found it already open. Cautiously he turned the handle. He knew that his girlfriend, Jennifer, had a key; but she rarely came by anymore. When she did, she was usually drunk.
All of his friends told him that he should have dumped her by now; but he felt some odd form of like, akin to love, but mostly in terms of care for her. He hoped that if he continued to support her that eventually she would get the help that she needed. He just didn't get the part about her being a dangerous menace. A couple of his friends had said that she was cheating on him and was also using recreational drugs such as heroine occasionally. He figured that they were probably right, but for some reason he still clung to some hope that she loved him.
[flashback]
She had been a beautiful girl once. She had shoulder length blond hair and vibrant purple eyes. She loved life and the outdoors. They used to get away every weekend from the city, going up towards Ithaca and Buffalo to enjoy the outdoors.
He wasn't sure what to expect when he entered the apartment. Everything seemed to be in order on the surface appearance. Her purse was strewn in a corner; it was the only piece out of place.
He called out her name. "Jennifer? Are you here?"
He received no response.
He was going to be pissed if she had been by and forgotten her purse and left his apartment unlocked all day. He knew he never should have given her a damn key in the first place.
He loosened his green tie and began unbuttoning his sleeves to roll them up a bit. "Jennifer?" he called again as he made his way towards the bedroom.
He didn't pay any attention as he fumbled with his buttons and opened the door. It was only when he called her name and looked up did he see her, the shattered window and the blood.
He could only stop and stare in the doorway. She was stripped naked and covered in blood. Her flaxen hair spread around her like a fan and was streaked in blood. Glass was shattered across the bed – both inside and outside on the balcony – the two big sheets of glass in the doors now missing. Someone had been thrown out of the room through one and back in the room from outside through the other.
At least one of those times it had been Jennifer for her body was covered in cuts and bruises. When the reality of the scene hit him he could do nothing. He just slumped to the floor and cried. For all of his trying, there was nothing he could have done to save her.
Empty violet orbs stared out from a desolate corpse.
[end flashback]
Nate blinked and focused back on cleaning the kitchen. He tried not to dredge up the past. It was in the past where it belonged. Some things haunted him still though. He shook his head. Lita wasn't her. She might not be admitting the truth, but he hardly knew her. He had no right to judge her. Yet a small doubt lingered in the back of his mind.
He cleaned for another half hour until he was sufficiently calmer, and then he returned upstairs. He entered the room to find her breakfast tray empty, and she was staring complacently out the window with her hands folded in her lap.
After her initial reaction to any form of questioning, he surmised that the quickest way to get to her would be to carry on just as if everything was perfectly normal about the situation. "How was breakfast?"
Lita turned around, surprised to find him sitting in the chair next to her. She hadn't even heard him come in. She had been lost in her thoughts.
"Good. You're cooking was very flavorful."
"Glad you enjoyed it. I don't suppose you would like a shower would you? You could try walking, and if you're okay, we'll go from there?" he questioned.
"Sure," she said.
Nate pulled her tray away, and Lita removed the duvet. She carefully put her feet on the floor and tested half her weight on them before removing her hands from the bed. When she stood, she found her legs sounder, and took a step. Placing one foot and then another, with her eyes staring at her feet, her hand followed on the wall in case she needed support. She had walked to the door before she had even realized it.
"Well, I guess that answers that question," said Nate smiling.
Lita turned around and gave him a smile to match his own. "So which way to the shower?"
"Down the stairs and on your right. I will get your clothes and bring them back upstairs while you're in the shower. Be careful. Don't flush the toilet before you shower. The pipes are old and the water will scald you in the shower if you flush," said Nate, now digging in the linen's closet and pulling out a large plush white bath sheet. "Here you go," he said, passing the towel to Lita.
"Thanks," said Lita. She smiled gently and then made her way carefully down the stairs to take her shower, the previous events of earlier forgotten.
In the shower Lita took her time. The warm water felt good washing over her, washing away the sand and the sea from yesterday. It didn't feel overwhelming like yesterday – it was like being in the pink cloud, and being near Ken again. She closed her eyes and she could see him again and hear his voice, telling her that he loved her.
The water fell over her face, and she wiped her hands over and down the back of her long reddish brown hair. She stood in the shower a few more minutes and then turned the water off. She half wished that the cold water had taken her life yesterday; that she had drowned and stayed there. She knew Ken would not have wanted that though. Unbeknownst to her, a stray tear rolled down her cheek, but it was hidden by the shower water.
The world was starting to spin again for Lita when that lone tear made a path. She let her thoughts turn homeward, and for the first time in a year she thought of Ami swimming; Usagi in the park for ice cream, Mina shopping at the market, and Rei sweeping away the sakura blossoms. The remembrances made her feel warm inside, and for the first time in a year, she honestly missed her friends. While it only lasted for a minute, the thought was there and began to take hold.
With that thought she turned off the water, feeling much calmer then she had in a long while. She dried herself off and wrapped the towel securely around her head and fastened her robe. She then turned and opened the door to go upstairs. As she started to walk down the hallway, she met Nate in the corridor.
Nate carried her clothes in his arms and he smiled when he looked up and saw her. "Hey, there. Just bringing your clothes up to the room. Do you feel any better?"
"Yeah, a lil," she said awkwardly. She didn't know why, but there was something about Nate. She didn't want to open up to him; she didn't know him. Yet his kindness and strength was pushing through, and her heart urging her to get to know him. She paused as she fought her inner battle, completely forgetting Nate's presence.
He noticed her silence. She stopped midstep in the stairwell. She seemed pensive to him. "What are you thinking about?" he asked.
"I don't know. Home, you; my head was in a different place for a moment. Sorry," she said. She didn't even notice her own admission of her brief feelings for him, but Nate did.
He decided not to ask more. Every other time he had tired, it ended badly. She would have to come to him or continue to make small slips like she just had. "Look, I'll bring these up. Why don't you go ahead," said Nate, motioning for her to climb the stairs.
Lita nodded and went on up. "Where's home exactly?" asked Nate as they were climbing. "You're obviously not from here."
"Well, neither are you. You're American aren't you?" asked Lita, trying to turn the focus away from her.
"Good call. I was born in New York City, but have spent most of my life traveling. My mom is French and my father American. We used to come to this area to vacation all the time; so I bought a house here myself. I live in Tokyo though; I'm just here for a month's break from work. That explains why I'm here, but what brings you so far away from home?"
Lita reluctantly decided to give an answer; her heart finally winning out of her head. What reason did she have to fear him? "I'm not from here; you're right. I've been living here and working for about a year now. Tokyo is originally home though," she said solemnly.
She had reached the top of the stairs now and was sitting on her bed. Her eyes became empty as Nate watched, and he knew then that he had hit a sore spot in Lita's life, something that she didn't want to talk about.
"I'm sorry for prying again. I'll leave you alone and let you get changed. I can walk you back towards the hotel if you want after this. It's obvious you're okay. You're welcome to stay though. Have a think about it," said Nate.
"I will," said Lita nodding. His offer was unexpected and yet surprisingly pleasant – a reaction based on part of a change starting to occur in her.
She waited until Nate closed the door to put on her swim suit, cut off jean shorts, and oversized sweater that she had had on yesterday. As she changed, she realized she didn't have a place to go or be; so it didn't matter if she was here or there at all. What she did know was that she was lonely, and that Nate was offering her a chance at company. What did it matter that she spent some time with this man. He had saved her life, and he knew about Tokyo. She might be able to find out how things had been there for a while; maybe even find out about her friends again.
After dressing she quickly towel dried her hair, and ran her fingers through, working out the few knots before swinging it into a ponytail. When she finished, she opened the door and walked back down stairs where she found Nate sitting in the living room with his feet propped up by a fire.
"So do you want me to walk you back towards your home? I feel bad just setting you back in that direction by yourself," said Nate, putting down the magazine and putting on a pair of sandals.
"Um, No. I do not really want to go back yet. Could I stay for a bit? I haven't had anybody to really talk to in ages. That's why I got the puppy recently. I'm sure she'd like to go for a walk anyways, and I think I would like the same. Could we walk on the beach outside?" she said honestly.
Nate looked surprised. "Yeah, actually that would be really nice. I was hoping that I would get to know you a bit better, especially when you mentioned you were from Tokyo." He also thought that she was absolutely beautiful – granted he had seen her body; but that was not what enticed him. She had the most beautiful green eyes he had ever seen.
"Here, let me get you your flip flops," said Nate, disappearing past Lita towards another room. He came back in a flash carrying the worn out leather sandals.
Lita took her sandals from him and slipped them on.
"This way," said Nate, leading Lita out the side door next to the living room, which went out onto a back porch, and then down a set of stairs to the beach. "Which way do you want to walk?" asked Nate.
"The opposite direction of the hotel," said Lita. "I always walk into town, but rarely come up this way."
"Well, you're in for a treat then. It's really pretty up around this area. You should enjoy the walk. I'm sure your puppy will too. Does she have a name?"
"Yep. Her name is Elle. I love the French word for "she." She's a golden Lab. She was the runt of the litter, and the person didn't expect to sell her, so she gave her to me for a bargain. She shouldn't get too big, so she's the right size for my apartment and me. Come here Elle, come here girl," called Lita.
The puppy ran excitedly up to Lita and leapt into Lita's outstretched arms as she bent down towards the puppy. Elle licked Lita's face excitedly, and Lita picked up the little lab and held her close. "Yes, you're such a good girl Elle. You're a beautiful puppy," Lita told her dog. She set the puppy back down and the little dog ran ahead of them, playing in the waves crashing in from the sea.
Lita shook her head. "Great, she's going to need a bath again."
"Oh let her play. So you said you were here by yourself? How did you get here all the way from Tokyo?" asked Nate.
"Well, I suppose I could ask the same thing of you," said Lita, smiling, teasing him a little. She became suddenly solemn though before answering. She again weighed the consequences of telling him the truth; but she knew he meant her no harm.
"No, I came here on vacation a while back. I was supposed to be meeting one of my friends here a year ago, from Tokyo. We had grown up together and promised to come here together. I made it; he never did," said Lita, staring down now at her feet, her voice now sorrowful due to thinking of Ken.
"I read about that in the paper last year when I was here about the same time from Tokyo. The boy's name was Ken and he died in a car wreck. They said that his girlfriend was waiting here for him. Was that you?" asked Nate.
He turned to look at her and there was a pained expression on her face. 'Great, just great Nate…'
"I guess I'm not very good at choosing things to talk about, am I? I've managed to make you sad every time that I've attempted to have a conversation with you," said Nate, staring out into the sea past Lita.
"No it's okay," said Lita rather unsure of her self all of a sudden. She didn't actually know if it was or not…
She walked out towards the sea and stood in it pondering whether or not she wanted to answer his question. Her lack of an answer only added to Nate's guilt for harming her, because the seed of doubt that had pressed him to ask was actually harming her. He walked up beside her to let his presence offer her some comfort as it had before, in hopes of rectifying the situation.
He knew his touch soothed her, so he offered her hand, in the hopes that she would take it. Lita looked down and saw it, and gathered enough courage to answer him, taking his own hand in her own as an affirmation of her decision. Maybe it was time to begin somewhere…
"Yeah, that was me," she said, staring off into the distance.
"I'm sorry," said Nate, pulling Lita closer to him now, and wrapping his arm around her shoulders.
Out of nowhere, strength that had been lost to her for so long appeared and she found
courage to open up and let him in further, responding to some of his earlier questions that she had just let slip by. "I guess that's why I said I wanted to die. I wanted to be with him. I haven't gone home in a year. I haven't wanted to leave yet. But he told me to go, last night when I was drowning. I don't know about life after death, but I saw him, and he talked to me. Told me I had to come back here and that it wasn't my time yet.
When the water started to fill my lungs, this dream happened with him in it. But then the next thing I knew, I was leaving, and I was on the beach again. All that I remember after that is you pushing on my chest, and pushing you away while coughing up water," she said gently and quietly.
Nate squeezed her hand to say thank you for her kindness. "Well, that explains why you have been here so long. I'm sorry that that happened to you, and now this. You don't deserve it Lita. You deserve to be happy," said Nate.
"Maybe one day, if I'm lucky," whispered Lita. "I don't know," she said. She removed herself from Nate's embrace. She walked farther in the sea staring out into the blue void of endlessness, as her thighs now collided with the cold seawater. The cold water provided a kind numbing bite that swept away her confusion.
"You will. I promise you that you will," said Nate, walking up to Lita, and smoothing a bit of hair out of her face again, tucking it behind her ear.
The heat of his hands undid her again. She didn't know why. The cold freezing water was unattainable for her and confusion swept back in when he touched her. That's when she realized why she hadn't died the other night. His warmth drew her like a moth to a flame. As long as he was there, she would find no silence within that water.
What she did next surprised both of them. She moved back a little and closer to him, pressing her back side against his front. He wasn't sure how to respond, so he just wrapped his arms back around her and carried on with the conversation. "Do you miss home?"
"Sometimes. I haven't thought about it much lately. I've been too self absorbed I guess," she said, beginning to play with the sand beneath her feet. "How is Tokyo, by the way? I haven't been home in a year. Has the city changed much?" she asked.
"No, it hasn't. About the same as always."
"I was wondering if maybe you'd heard anything about some people I know. Would you mind telling me if I rattle off some names?"
"No, that's fine," he said, mentally preparing to make a note of the names so he could call them if he needed to. As of yet though, he didn't have a need.
"Have you heard anything about Ami Mizuno, Minako Aino, Raye Hino, Darien Chiba, or Serena Tsukino?"
"Now that you mention it I do recognize a few of those names. Ami Mizuno was just placed in charge of the Emergency Room at Tokyo General. I don't know anything about Minako Aino unless you're on about the idol star who keeps sweeping all the pages with her modeling. The others…I vaguely remember the name Hino mentioned in politics and the religious life of the city. The other two names I don't recognize. Do you actually know these people?"
Lita just let out a small laugh and nodded. "Ami, it figures. She always was an over achiever. And Mina finally made it as an idol star. Raye is still at the temple; but that's not surprising. It's her father you've heard about in the papers."
"You actually know these people?" asked Nate skeptically.
"Yeah, is that so surprising?" she asked.
"A little. The first two you mentioned are remarkable people – Ami and Mina. You must have been very close?"
"We were," she said with a tone of finality, the topic starting to bother her. Was it really so hard to believe that she was friends with them? Better yet, she wondered what he would do if he figured out who she truly was in relation to the Tokyo's city life.
She pulled away from him then and began to walk back onto the sand.
"Yeah, I suppose there's no other way," said Nate. He walked a little faster now, treading through the tide and letting his feet sink into the watered sand. "Where were you from in Tokyo anyways?" asked Nate, changing the subject.
"I was from the Juban district. That's where I went to school at least when I was younger. I graduated from the University of Tokyo a little over a year ago," she said.
"Wow," said Nate. "You lived in a fairly upstanding part of town."
"I guess I was lucky really. I own my parents apartment My parents died and left me the apartment completely paid for, and my uncle has watched out for me – but I've been on my own since I was 12. That's why I told you there was no one that you could call. I know the people back home I mentioned, but I haven't spoken to them in a year since I came out here. I don't know why they would be interested in talking to me after all of this though. And besides, the way you explained it, they sound too busy for someone like me," said Lita, shrugging her shoulders. She picked up a rock off the beach and through it back out into the ocean waves.
Nate winced. Her last words came out in a bite. Whatever had made this girl so cold? "I don't know. If I was your friend, I don't think it would matter how long you waited to call me. If you were honest when you called, I think that I would understand. I would just be glad to know where you are; to know that you are okay," said Nate.
Lita repeated the shrugging gesture of earlier. "I know I should. But for so long I've just thought about me – thought about missing him. I felt like that if I was living without the person I loved, then they could live without me."
Her last sentence revealed it all. She was laden with guilt; guilt that would take time to heal. He only hoped he could help her in the process. "Have you thought about calling your friends?" he asked.
"I don't know. I'm sure they will be upset with me," she said, shying away from him.
"Well you won't know unless you try. Why don't you call them?"
"You can't be serious?" said Lita sarcastically. "I haven't even really thought about it. I haven't even talked to my friends in a year."
Nate shook his head. She definitely had a hard shell protecting her – not only was she guilty, but she couldn't even admit that she needed them and to let them in.
"Err, well you said you were thinking about them; I thought you might like to call them. And besides, if your friends are really your friends, then they will understand. You have to call them and try, otherwise you will never find out."
"You think I should, shouldn't you?" asked Lita.
"I think," said Nate, trying to stress his opinion, "that it's your life. You should do what you think is right. If it were me, I would call them, just so that they would know that I was okay at the very least. Once upon a time they cared about you, obviously; and that doesn't change over night. I think at the very least that they would like to know. But it's not my decision. It's yours. You do what you need to do for yourself."
Lita twiddled her thumbs. His words hit her harshly. He wasn't judging her, but his words carried some unseen weight.
"You're right," said Lita. "I can't believe I have been so stupid and selfish and haven't phoned them."
"I didn't say all that. Don't beat yourself up. What has happened has happened. You needed time. And you've had it. So do what's right now and don't worry about then," said Nate. "If you want to, you could call them when we get back?"
"I'll think about it," she said.
There wasn't much left to say on that matter though. The two of them walked in silence along the beach for another hour, with Lita gathering shells and Nate throwing a stick for Elle to catch. They chit chatted off and on, about life in Tokyo and in France among other things until they turned around and headed back for the cottage.
Nate and Lita reached the cottage in the mid-afternoon. "Lita if you want to call your friends, the phone is over there. I will leave you alone and give you some time to yourself," he said, then exited the room.
Lita stared at the phone as she sat down in an armchair beside it. She would have to think about whom to call first – Serena, Ami, Mina, or Rei. Serena would be overwhelmed and emotional; but she wouldn't judge her. Mina would have felt abandoned by her leaving, and she didn't know what her reaction would be – that would be assuming that she could even reach Minako. Ami was too logical and Rei would be angry and judgmental – the two things she was hoping to avoid. After a few minutes of mulling it over, she realized she had forgotten Darien.
He understood death and shutting down. He also wouldn't judge her or be overwhelmed like Serena. Darien was the only logical choice.
She didn't know what possessed her. She had been hesitant at best to even call them. Yet for some reason, after what Nate said she couldn't help but call them.
She punched in the numbers on the phone and waited for it to ring. The phone began to ring and Lita could only wait for someone to pick up on the other end.
Darien was sitting in his bed reading when the phone rang. He wondered who was calling so late. It couldn't be Serena – she was asleep on the couch. He picked up the handset.
"Hello," he asked.
Lita heard Darien's voice, clean and solid through the phone. She thought about hanging up because she didn't know where to begin. Yet the same fear which forced her to run also caused her to stay. The only word she could manage out of her mouth was his name.
"Darien," she said quietly; she was hardly audible.
"Yes," he said. "Who is this? I can't hear you?"
"Darien," she said again, louder this time, another burst of courage coming to her. "It's me, Lita."
Darien just about jumped through the roof; she was the last person he'd of expected to call him.
"Lita, is that really you? Don't hang up the phone. Please stay on the phone. Are you okay? Where are you?" he asked quickly.
"I'm okay, Darien. I'm in France still. I never left the village where I came on vacation," she said softly.
"Lita, it's okay. I am not mad at you," said Darien, trying to soothe her nervousness. "None of us are. We have been concerned and worried; but more then anything we have missed you."
"Darien, I don't know what to say. I'm sorry for being so selfish and not having called for so long. I've been really lost in my own little world until today. I had an accident Darien. It made me think . . ." but she was cut off by Darien.
"An accident? Are you okay? Do you need us to come and get you?"
"No, I'm okay. It wasn't a car accident. I nearly drowned. But someone managed to swim out and get me. I'm weak and shaken. I guess that's why I called – it made me wake up; think about what was going on. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to," said Lita, now clutching the earpiece tightly in her hand and fighting off the breaks in her voice.
"Lita, it's okay. I'm just glad that you are okay. We all are. We have been wondering what happened. That's not what is important though – all that really matters is that you are okay and we know you are. Let me go get Serena for you. She's sleeping on the couch. I know she will want to talk to you. I'll be right back."
Darien put down the phone and ran to get Serena before Lita could protest. She didn't know if she was up to it, but it was too late. She tried to imagine Serena tearing through the apartment to get to the phone – it made her laugh just a little despite her nervousness, and her grip on the phone relaxed a little.
She heard Serena breathing down the phone. "Lita, is that you? How are you? Where are you?"
Lita didn't want to answer. She knew she would have to answer all of these questions again and again though. "Serena – it's me. I'm in France still. I never left last summer. I'm okay. I . .." she said.
Serena started in again though. "Why didn't you call us? We have been so worried. We had given up hope of calling or finding you. Why have you waited so long to call us? Lita, I've missed you. We all have!"
Lita cradled the phone to her ear, and bit her lower lip. How could she possibly explain? Fear inspired her to run. "Serena, I. I have to go. I can't talk now," Lita said, about to put the phone down on the receiver.
"Lita, please wait. I didn't mean it like that." She held the phone to her ear waiting to hear what Serena had to say. "Lita, we love you and miss you. Please just give us a number where we can call you. You don't have to tell me what happened – I'll understand," said Serena, now crying. "Lita, we miss our friend and I miss the person who is my sister."
A tear trickled down Lita's face. "I'm sorry, Serena. I'm going." She removed the phone from her ear and was about to hang it up when she heard Serena's response.
"Lita, don't go! Just listen!" she exclaimed.
Lita stopped the phone in its descent and slowly put it back to her ear.
Serena could hear her breathing down the mouth piece.
Lita, whatever has happened – it doesn't matter. We just want you to come back to us," said Serena. "That's all that is important; that and we love and miss you."
Lita stifled a sob. "Please tell everyone I'm sorry and I'm okay."
"Sure Lita," said Serena. "Do you want me to call Ken's parents too?"
"Please," she said solemnly.
"Take care of yourself Lita. We love you and miss you. Be safe."
"Bye, Serena. I miss all of you too." Another single tear escaped down her cheek as Lita placed the handset back on its base before Serena had a chance to say goodbye.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Serena put the phone back on the hook and sat on the bed staring into the distance before turning to Darien, who was sitting beside her with his arms wrapped around her.
"Oh Darien, she's so alone and scared. Do you think I made it worse?"
"No Serena. She needs to know that we aren't mad and we care. She will need our love and support; she has needed it for a year – she just hasn't known what to do with her self. She'll need all of us; but we will make it together."
"Do you even know why she called?" Serena asked. "Why now?"
"She had an accident, Sere. She nearly drowned yesterday. I think it stirred up some things for her. But that said, I think she still needs some time. We still really don't know why she never came back beyond Ken's death. That alone would not have kept here there," Darien said, now starting to run his fingers through her hair to soothe her.
"Do you think she'll come home?" she asked.
"I don't know. But in time, I like to think she will."
"I hope you're right," said Serena, sighing and laying her head on Darien's shoulder.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Lita sat curled up in a ball in the over sized armchair. She held her knees and was rocking herself as she stared off into space. She had managed to make the first call – to tell them she was alive and okay. And they had told her they had loved her and missed her. Yet she hadn't the courage to tell them she was moving back.
Nate came into the room carrying a tray with some cookies and tea on it. "Afternoon tea?" asked Nate as he set the tray carrying the goodies on the coffee table.
Lita moved out of her trance finally. "Oh, sorry. Yes please, a cup would be really nice."
He didn't bother to question her; he knew that making that first phone call was hard. Instead he carried on. "One sugar or two?" asked Nate, holding a cube with a pair of tongs.
"Two, please," said Lita.
"You doing okay?"
"Alright. I've been better," she said, sipping her cup of tea. She kept her answer purposefully vague. As much as she had told Nate about her parents and the things with Ken, didn't mean he had a right to know how she felt. Hell, it didn't even mean that he could know her. In all reality, she was only able to tell him all that stuff and let him offer support because he didn't know her; the role of anonymity allowing her to not fear being judged by him. She went back to rocking herself and sipping her tea.
Nate sat down in the chair beside her, picked up his cup of tea and took a drink. He set it back down beside him on a coaster. He tried hard not to let his disdain show. He thought that he had made some real progress on the beach in getting her to open up. However, he could tell that it was merely his physical presence, an attraction, and not even a lusty one at that, which made her, let him in. Her pain and self-inflicted misery drove her towards him.
In addition, whatever had been said on the telephone between her and her friends only wound her tighter. She must have felt something, because now she was so withdrawn again. She would feel and then shove it back under her barrier, burying her pain inside. Even as close as she was on the beach, she still guarded it– as if it was the lifesaver which kept her afloat in the sea. Yet at the same time it was the shackles to her ankles, pulling her farther down in the ocean.
Maybe kindness would win and cause her to drop her shields. That was going to have to be his plan. "Are you cold at all?" he asked. "I could make a fire."
Lita turned towards him, slightly startled by his compassion. "That would be nice," she said, offering a small smile. She actually was cold, although her holding of herself was only a self comforting mechanism.
Nate raised his eyebrow in a quizzical fashion. Maybe this would work…
He got up to make the fire. After a few minutes of hauling logs in from outside and adding some kindling and lighter fluid, Nate made the golden light roar softly. He went and got a blanket, placed it gently over her shoulders while she continued to rock herself, and returned to his chair, as if nothing was wrong. He picked up the paper to read, totally ignoring the look of blank confusion on the chestnut's green eyes.
He read the paper for an hour, just generally ignoring her. In reality, he kept glancing over the paper to check on her. After about an hour in the chair, he noticed that she was awfully quiet and had grown still.
He put the paper down and then went over to her chair quietly. He kneeled next to her and listened to her breathing which had grown silent. When he placed his head near hers, he realized that she had fallen asleep. All of this must have taken its toll on her. She was asleep.
He picked her up gently, and just like the night before she clung to him, snuggling her head into his chest. He carried her over to the soft couch in the den and placed her on it. She whimpered as he set her down and it tugged at his heart to leave her there alone.
He covered her again gently and then sat beside her on the floor for a minute and stroked her face until she stilled again. When he was sure she was going to be okay he got up and left her to her slumber.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Lita awoke to the sound of racket in the kitchen. She heard a string of curse words, then a crack and a loud "SHIT!" all before the pan hit the ground. Lita couldn't help but wonder what was going on and so she made her way into the kitchen.
She found Nate holding his left index finger with a towel that was starting to show red. "What did you do?" she asked calmly as she approached him.
"Oh, you're awake. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you. This, it's nothing. I was just trying to chop some crab and sliced my finger by accident. It'll be fine in a minute," he said.
Lita was standing beside him now. "Please, can I see it?" she asked.
The gentleness in her voice was his undoing. "Okay," he said softly as Lita reached for his hands. She took his bloody one in the towel and led him over to the sink. She turned on the taps and ran the water till it was luke warm, making sure that she tested it with her elbow first so it wouldn't burn him. "Let's rinse that off, okay?"
Nate complied and allowed Lita to gently remove the towel which was now covered in a crust of drying blood. She stuck the finger under the warm water and Nate flinched.
Lita noticed as he tried to pull away. "Trust me," she said. She held his finger steady and began to rinse the dried blood off his finger, till only the cut could be seen. "This is fairly deep. We should take you to a doctor."
"No. I can't stand them," he said.
Lita nodded. She gently took a clean washrag and added some soap and began to cleanse the wound. When she was done a few minutes later she wrapped Nate's finger back up. "Where are the bandages?" she asked.
"In the bathroom downstairs and in the medicine cabinet," he said.
"Hold this with a little bit of pressure on the wound," she said. She left Nate standing there and quickly ran off to get the bandages. She returned a few moments later.
She took the towel off and carefully bandaged the finger with gauze. It only took her a second and then she was done. Yet she held onto his hands, not letting go, even when she finished.
"Thank you," Nate said, staring into her eyes transfixed. He started to lean into her.
Lita was trapped. She didn't know whether to run or stay. Before she had to decide though, a kitchen timer let off a shrill noise and the trance was broken.
"Oh shit," he said again, running over to the oven.
The awkwardness of the moment was forgotten and she went over to stop him before he stuck his bare hands into the over and grabbed the try, which he was about to do.
"STOP! I'm cooking dinner now," she said in a take charge manner.
Nate stood back from the oven stunned.
"So what are you trying to cook for dinner?" she asked.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
An hour later Lita and Nate were sitting on the living room floor on a blanket and laughing. An array of foods and a bottle of wine were spread out before them and the two of them were talking like they had been old friends.
"So tell me more about yourself Rocket Man!" teased Lita.
"Will you quit calling me that?" Nate said in a mocked hurt tone. "It's not my fault I was actually stupid enough to try to build that rocket pack and jump off the barn of my grandparents house when I was 12. My cousins were the ones who told me it would work!"
"Uh huh, sure," said Lita playfully. She reached over and gently punched him in the arm as he tried to swallow a sip of wine. He almost spit it out his nose and she laughed manically as he tried to contain it.
When he finally got it down, he just sat there and shook his head playfully at her.
"You're a number, you know that?"
"Yup I do," she said.
"So what else do you want to know about me?"
"You know, we haven't really talked about the basic stuff. Like how old are you, tell me more about your family, and what you do for a living."
"I'm 28. I have 4 siblings – 2 brothers and 2 sisters who are all older then me and married. I have a collection of nieces and nephews now. My parents live in New York and I work as a computer system's analyst in Tokyo for one of the major Tech firms. Does that cover it?" he asked
"Almost. Favorite color, food, place and art?"
"That's all?" he asked sarcastically.
Lita was tempted to smack him. Instead she stuck her tongue out.
"Okay, okay," Nate said in a fake placating manner. "Favorite color is blue, food is spaghetti, place is here and art or artist rather is a German Expressionist named Klimt."
"Who's he?"
"Here, I have a book I can show you," said Nate, reaching for a book underneath the coffee table. He pulled out a massive book and moved closer to sit down and show her. "He probably the most beautiful painter I know of. He worked in the early part of the 20th century, in golds, reds and pinks. He painted scenes of lovers, women and from literature and music."
Lita fingered the golden covered book that he passed her. The lights played off the cover and made it glow like a shiny Christmas present. She was almost too afraid to touch the cover for fear of blemishing it.
"Go on, open it," said Nate reassuringly. Never had he seen anyone this enthralled by his book, but it made him smile to see that someone still revered artists like he did.
Slowly Lita opened the cover and turned until she saw the first plate, entitled, "The Kiss." All she could do was stare and try not to cry; she was so moved by the piece.
"Klimt painted that painted this piece as an eternal testament to love and how the lovers lose themselves in each other. It's his most famous work."
"It beautiful," she said as she ran her fingers over the page.
"Not as beautiful as you," said Nate, his focus no longer on the book.
She turned to him confused. "What?" she asked, pulling away from him.
Nate blinked and realized what he said. Before he had a chance to process what he said, he grabbed her wrist, leaned forward and kissed her.
When his lips were on hers she felt warm, but the shock of it all overrode any pleasure she would have otherwise derived from the moment. She was desperate to remove him from her.
She did the only thing she knew to do; she pulled away and then reached back and slapped him as hard as she could.
The shock sent Nate reeling backwards onto the floor.
"I'm sorry," she whispered to a stunned Nate.
And then Lita got up and ran.
