More completely random and senseless scenes that have crossed our mind at some point or another. When the file got over 10k, we figured it was time to post...

Fic Surfing Part Tri
By Icka! M. Chif

*** I think my computer has this... ***

The Kaito Kid Virus:
It sneaks into your computer, posts a cryptic fore-warning message, then steals your most valuable information. The Virus then either gives it to someone else, or returns it in a few days.

*** This is true. ***

"Ahou!"

"Look who's talking!"

Kazuha closed her eyes and stuck her tongue out at Hattori. "Biiida!"

He returned it. "Biiida!"

Conan idly looked up from where he walked along side the Kansai Couple. "You do realise that sticking your tongue out at someone means 'Kiss Me Quick and Don't Slobber', right?" He deadpanned.

Conan snickered as they quickly straightened, their fight forgotten.


*** Don't think he's interested... ***

Kaitou burst into the classroom and cowered behind Aoko. She eeped and swatted his hands when he grabbed her skirt. "Kaitou!" She roared, reaching for something handy to swat him with.

"You've gotta hide me!" He yelped, startling her into in-action.

"Huh?" This was a first. Kaitou was usually too fast and quick for anyone to catch him, much less send him into hiding.

"It's Hakuba." He hissed urgently. "He's driving me insane!! He keeps following me around, LEERING and asking if I'd like to steal his 'Family Jewels'!!!"

Aoko just stared at him with her mouth open, but un-able to speak. She wasn't quite sure how to deal with that one...


*** Never make fun of the Kansai Couple ***

"Ahou!"

"Ahou!"

"Ahou!"

"Ahou!"

"Oh, would you two stop 'Ahou-ing' each other and kiss already!?"

"...."

"...."

"I'll hold down his arms if you'll hit him, Kazuha."

"You got yourself a deal, Heiji."


*** This is Ysabet's fault. ***

"Back foul deamon! Torment me no longer! Your vampiric powers are useless now, you cannot work your wiles on me!!!" Hakuba cackled, waving a garlic rosary at Akako with one hand and brandishing a silver cross and a bottle of holy water with the other. "Bwahahahahahahaaa!"

With that, he ran out of the room, shouting something about the chickens being out to drain him of blood.

Kaitou blinked, then leaned over towards Akako's seat. "You're not stalking him, are you." It was more of an amused statement than a query.

She shook her head, a bemused smile crinkling the corners of her mouth. "Nope."

"Ah." Kaitou nodded, then mused something over for a second. "Why are you still stalking the Kid anyway?"

"Because you've got a cute butt." Akako purred.

He froze, his brain attempting to process this information and came up with an error message. Warning. Warning. Systems Crash. Mental Meltdown. Restart. Rebooting systems. Reverting back to last safe topic of discussion.

"Too many late nights chasing the Kid for Hakuba, huh?"

Akako snickered. "Looks like it." She agreed.


*** Back up plans are your friends. ***

"Conan-kun! Everyone! Are you alright?!" Ran knelt down to get a better look at the Childs Detective Force as they ran up, grinning from ear to ear. "I heard that you got kidnapped!"

"We're fine!" Mitsuhiko assured her. "Conan thought up a way to make the bad guys let us go!"

"He did?" Ran blinked, peering closer at the glasses wearing boy.

"Uh-huh!" Genta agreed, rubbing an ear. "He started singing '100 bottles of Green Tea' really really LOUD! They let us go before he even got to 95!!! And even turned themselves over to the cops!"

"Conan..." Ayumi confided, shaking her head. "...Really can't sing."

Conan sweatdropped. "Heh."


*** Smile! ***

Someone once asked me why is it that I'm smiling all the time.

I told them I had gotten the joke.

They looked puzzled and asked 'what joke'.

And I smiled.

That was about the time that Aoko-chan hit me with a mop for confusing people...


*** He's jinxed. ***

"I'm telling you for the last time, Hattori!" Conan protested as they walked down the street. "Dead bodies do not follow me around like lost puppies!"

There was a scream as the elderly gentlemen they had just passed fell over on the sidewalk. "Omigod!" Someone shouted. "He's dead!"

Hattori raised a pointed eyebrow at Conan, a smirk climbing across his face.

The small not-boy shoved his hands further down his pockets and glared. "Oh, shut up."


*** Co-Written and sung by Bill Mumy, the original Will Robinson from Lost in Space ***

"Aoko-chan?" Kaitou asked, cutting his friend off in mid-warble.

She smiled sweetly. "Yes, Kaitou-kun?"

"Can I make a request?"

"Depends."

"Well, you've got a lovely singing voice and all, but do you think you could see something -other- than 'Fish Heads'?"

"-Fish 'eads! Fish 'eads! Eat them up YUM!"


*** If it's not Godzilla attacking Tokyo... ***

"Conan-kun?"

Conan glanced up from his perch on the kitchen table. He was a little mussed up, like he had been running around. "Yes, Ran-neechan?"

"Is that..." She trailed off, eyeing the small off-white wiggling mass that appeared to be a cross between a blob and a tentacle monster as it crawled across the kitchen floor.

"Ramen?" The small boy finished for her. "Yes."

"Ahh..." She nodded, incredulous. "And the microwave?"

"Lost the last round to the ramen. It had been winning before that." Conan supplied helpfully, apparently completely un-phased by the radioactive cooking apparatus doing what appeared to be an Irish jig.

"They're wrestling?"

"Yup."

Ran paused. "What happened?" Microwaves and ramen noodles weren't supposed to move under their own power, even if this was Tokyo.

"I tried to make some instant noodles." He said as if that explained everything.

He paused, then helpfully added "I think the microwave really doesn't like me..."


*** Nakamori is nowhere close to Commissioner Gordon. ***

There was a slightly lull in Inspector Nakamori and his men's meeting on how to capture the Kid. They'd all been over the information so many times that they hall knew it in their sleep. Backwards.

One of his men decided that this was the perfect time to throw out a new theory. "I think the Kid is a Batman fan."

Nakamori raised an eyebrow. "Batman? Why?"

"Well, he keeps giving us riddles before his heists, just like what's his name... the Riddler."

It was strange, it was bizarre, and it made a twisted sort of sense, Nakamori mused.

"I think that would make Hakuba Saguru one of Batman's villains too." A second officer piped up. "The one with the pocket watch and the obsession with time... Tempus Fugit."


*** The view from floor level ***

Legs.

Legs everywhere.

Short legs, tall legs, fat legs, skinny legs, knobbly legs, all sorts of legs.

It's a forest of legs. A sea of ever moving limbs.

And not a sign of the ones I'm looking for.

Dangit, I'm gonna get Ran an anklet that says 'Property of Kudo Shin'ichi' for the next time we get separated in a crowd...


*** Battle of the Masters of Disguise! ***

Kaitou ran out of a dressing room, dressed as a samurai.

Vermouth ran out of a dressing room, dressed as a samurai.

They looked at each other, eeped and charged back to their respective dressing rooms.

Kaitou ran out of a dressing room, dressed as a pirate.

Vermouth ran out of a dressing room, dressed as a pirate.

They look at each other, yelled and ran back to their respective dressing rooms.

Aoko blinked and glanced down at Conan, who was calmly watching, munching on a bag of popcorn. "How long have they been at this?"

Kaitou ran out of a dressing room, dressed as an old man.

Vermouth ran out of a dressing room, dressed as a old man.

They looked at each other, screamed and dashed back to their respective dressing rooms.

Conan checked his watch. "About 2 hours. Popcorn?"


*** Back to the literary roots ***

"You won't get away with being the forever, you know." Hakuba leered, leaning over Kaitou in an effort to intimidate the thief. "I'm the Holmes to your Lupin."

"Even if I were the Kid, I would hope not." Kaitou replied back smoothly. "Holmes ends up killing Lupin's lady. If you hurt Aoko I'm afraid that all bets are off."

"Oh, so you and Aoko -are- a couple then." Hakuba smirked.

Kaitou's mind went blank. "Uh..."


*** Hey man, don't diss the hair. ***

"You got a point, Kudo?"

"You mean besides the one on the side of your head, Hattori?"

"...."

"That's not funny!" Hattori growled.

Conan snickered. "Yes it is!"


*** Humourscope.com is fun! ***

"What's in the horoscope today..." Kaitou mused, flipping thru the newspaper. "Lets see... Hey, Hakuba! Here's your horoscope for the day!"

The blond detective glanced up, sparing an idle interest in the thief's antics. "People are starting to take you a bit too seriously." Kaitou read. "Try wearing your bunny slippers to work."

There was a moment of silence as they both absorb this information. "I don't have bunny slippers." Hakuba dead panned.

"That's right. He has horsie slippers." Akako nodded.

"Quiet, you."

"What's mine?" Aoko asked.

"A person wearing a bandana on his head and brandishing a cutlass will dash by you today, saying something that sounds a bit like "Arrrr". "

"That's funny, you did that this morning." Aoko blinked. "Are you making this up?"

"No... it's what it says." Kaitou shook his head, slightly puzzled.

"What does yours say?" Akako asked, looking interested.

"Um, here it is... 'Would you just -Stop-? Nobody else feels the need to dance around like that...' "

Another moment of silence passed.

"Humph." Hakuba turned his attention back to his book. "I could have told you that."


*** Poor Takagi. ***

Conan walked up beside Takagi, who was staring after Sato like a love sick puppy. He paused a moment, then casually commented "You really like her, don't you?"

Takagi was so far out of it he didn't' bother to deign it. "...yeah."

"Does she like you?" Conan asked.

"I'm not sure." The older man let out a sigh. "I'd like to think so."

"It's okay." Conan assured him quietly, looking much older than his supposed handful of years. "My love life's not doing much better either."

The small boy paused, gave himself a small mental shake and wandered off, leaving Takagi to wonder about him getting relationship help from a first grader...

****
Birthdays:
Hakuba: 29 Aug [Virgo]
Kaitou (Same as Gosho): 21 June [Gemini/Cancer Cusp]
Aoko was born sometime in September. (So either a Virgo or a Libra)
Shin'ichi/Conan: 4 May [Taurus]

The one blamed on Ysabet is because she introduced me to a vampire web comic called 'Bite Me'. Hakuba's rant is based off of it. Go read it. Is funny!
http://www.dieselsweeties.com/projectkooky/dylan/biteme/biteme.html