Challenge fic by Kantayra.  Challenge will be posted as soon as the story is finished.  I'm also glad to say that I was not the only one that accepted it.  Kallysten has also posted her version of the challenge which can be read by going to .  She is a wonderful writer and I am positive that you will enjoy her telling of the challenge.

Practically Perfect in Every Way

Coupling:  S/B, S/? for a time.

Rating: PG-13  *Smacks your ass*

Author:  Hostile 17

Disclaimer:  I looked in on my love, sleeping so peacefully on his warm bed.  The way the light from the window shined on his face making him appear to glow.  I thought to myself about how much I loved this man, his characters from BtVS and the brain inside him that thought all of it up.  I gently reached out to touch him, when his eyes opened.  I pulled back when he started screaming "Who are you?  Why are you in my house?!"  I ran to my car and drove into the night screaming that our love would never end. 

A/N:  This is a challenge fic by Kantayra and I have decided to write probably one of many versions.  Thanks to her and I hope you all enjoy.  Oh and thank you Dee for being my Beta.   Set and A/U after Crush.  Oh and I know this belongs in this disclaimer but the Puddle of Mudd lyrics are not mine either.  They belong to the person that wrote the song.  Also anything in italics is a dream or flash back.  Those go to whatever writers wrote them. 

Chapter 1

            Buffy swiftly walked out the door, locking it silently behind her as to not wake up her mom or Dawn.  Her slayer sense went haywire immediately, alerting her that some sort of nasty was near.  'At least tonight won't be boring.'  She thought.  Not wanting to be caught off guard, she grabbed her stake and raised her arm slightly to defend herself from an attacker.

            She warily approached the tree in her yard, confused as to why it would be giving her vibes o' evil.  'Maybe it's a people eating tree.'  Buffy thought, while simultaneously giving her brain visuals of the said tree eating people and frightening herself.  It wasn't until she got within two feet of the trunk that she noticed the cigarettes littered about in a manner that suggested that someone had been waiting for her. 
 

            'Spike.'  She cautiously walked around the tree finding no one and getting frustrated at yet another stalking.  It still boggled her mind as to what he was thinking when he tried to kiss her in the alley.  Shuddering at the thought, she wrapped her arms around herself to stop the barrage of images coming next. 

            "Buffy will you marry me?"  More and more images of that day flooded her mind.  Forcing her to remember how happy she was with him.  How good it felt to be in his arms, to feel what it felt to be protected instead of being the protector.  Kissing him, him kissing her.  Knowing that she wanted to make love to him and that he felt the same.   The blinding passion that she had felt for no other man.

            She growled inwardly.  How could her mind betray her like that?  Every time she tried to think about how disgusting and unwarranted his feelings were towards her, her traitorous mind would bring her to that day.  'It wasn't real.  None of it was real.  The feelings, the kisses, the hugs ,nothing.  It was all a spell.  A stupid good for some lovin spell.  Gah I meant good for nothing.  Nothing.  Yeah that's what I meant.'  Slumping her shoulders in defeat, knowing that she couldn't control her thoughts as much as she wanted she continued to patrol.

            'Maybe tonight will be boring as all hell…mouth.'  "Good God please something happen.  Anything."  She moaned out loud, not caring who was nearby.  Nothing had happened that night.  Most people and usually her would think that a good thing, but she needed to kill something.  Now.  So that she could complain about vampire-y badness of the Spike kind while killing other nasties.  It always seemed to calm her nerves, killing things and talking about Spike.  'As long as people don't know what you're doing when you're thinking about Spike.'  Her nagging voice, shouted once again betraying the much more sensible non lusting after Spike part of her brain. 

            It was as if the Powers That Be had been listening to her that night.  Within two hours of her begging for some action in the slaying department she had killed two vampires, a Krenshlock demon, and four little guys that exploded and ruined her favorite red with the black lace sweater when she kicked them. 'Damn it there goes another fucking shirt.  And this one went all perfect with jean skirt and black boots that I bought yesterday,' she inwardly whined to herself.  It was a wonder thanks to her slaying duties that she had a decent wardrobe anymore.  She walked to the bench near by, sitting, silently hoping to get a little peace after foolishly asking for something to do. 

            Forty-five minutes and a drool stain on her shoulder later; Buffy was startled out of her dream.  'Mmmm dream.  Dreams of Spike lips.  I mean Spike hips, wait, lips sounded much better.  Grrr, stupid subconscious.'  She looked around warily not seeing anything that would have woken her.  Part of her mind was still wondering how she fell asleep in the first place.  A scream broke through her thoughts and she found herself running towards the old school.  The screams increased in intensity and in volume as she approached, then they stopped.  Breaking into a full sprint, she ran faster loudly telling whoever she was saving that help was coming.  'Right Buffy, let's just announce my coming all loud like so that whatever nasty killed Inny McInnocent can kill me next.' 

             When she got there though all she found was a dead demon.  A dead demon, that was getting blue goo on her shoes.  'Eeewww much?'  She lifted her shoes up to inspect the soles finding that the blood was already starting to dry.  After assessing that it was indeed dead, and stinky she walked around looking for the victim.  'Guh, I hope it was all neat and not with the taking out of the guts.  Cause that last guy…'  Her thought never finished, but was instead placed by laughter coming from ten feet away.

            "What's with the face pet?  Something got your knickers in a twist?"

            Refusing to respond that, yes her knickers were in a twist because she had slept funny, she instead rolled her eyes. 

            "Spike what do you want?"  After catching him leering, she changed her demeanor and asked, "What are you doing here Spike?"

            "Nothing luv, just out for a walk.  Care to join?"

            'Yes.'  "No, and don't call me luv."  She caught the surprise in his eyes when her first statement wasn't immediately followed by an insult. 'God his eyes are so blue and inviting.'  Sighing and deciding walking with him if it was for "official" business it wouldn't be that bad she grabbed his duster leading him around the perimeter of the high school.  "Did you hear any screams before I got here?" 

            "Well, yeah.  That beastie over there was attacking some woman.  Broke its neck and she scampered off.  Didn't even get a thank you out of the little chit." 

            Buffy just looked at him as he rambled about how he had been good all these months and not one person had thanked him.  "Not one." He said.  Not even the Scoobies and after all he had done for them, even making with the grand arm motion to show her that he had done a lot.  She didn't know whether to laugh or to cry.   "Spike you have never done anything without motivation or pay.  How have you helped us?

            "Saved your friends from Adam's friends."

            "Before or after helping him split our group?"  She got nothing but a raised eyebrow and a fiend look of innocence.  Again he gave her examples of all his grand deeds, which again she shot all of them down by showing that money or other services where his motivation for it. 

            "I tried to help the Watcher when he was blind."

            "You were in love with me, that's why.  That stupid spell, we all did things we wouldn't normally do."  She looked up and caught his gaze.  Big mistake.  All the emotion that she had seen that day, the day of Spike salty goodness as she liked to call it was still there.  Even more so now. 

            "Buffy…"

            "I don't want to hear it, Spike."  'Fuck, why did I have to mention that stupid god damn spell.'

            "Buffy, Red's spell didn't say anything about love."  He moved in, invading her personal space.  Knowing he was going to get hit if he even tried anything he leaned down and whispered in her ear.  "That came from us."  That did it.  He never even felt her fist, before he went flying.  He landed on his ass, ten feet away. 

            "I could never love you Spike.  You're beneath me."  She saw his face when she said this, and winced.  God she almost hated herself for being so hurtful.  It's was just wrong.  She could never love him, she knew better.  It never worked out.  Anyone she loved would leave.  Everyone.  'He can't love me.  He doesn't have a soul.'  She turned and walked away at a fast pace as to warn him not to follow. 

            "Bitch."  He stood up screaming wanting to kill her and make love to her at the same time.  He hated the effect that she had on him.  She's the slayer, he was supposed to hate her not want to make sure her every whim and desire were fulfilled.  He loved her, and he couldn't stop himself.  He would have killed Dru if she had asked him to.  'This all your fault Dru.  If you wouldn't have left the first time I wouldn't be the slayers lap dog.  Fucking bitch!!!!!' His mind yelled somehow thinking that if he was really loud it would telepathically tell her.  He absentmindedly walked back to his crypt, not even bothering to close the door.  Let some monster do its worse.  'Can't get any lower than this', he thought. 

            Grabbing the JD and bringing the bottle to his lips he thought of the time he had her.  Without the unconscious part that is.  'Maybe I should kidnap Red again and have her work that married mojo again.  Right then, and after she does that I'll probably wake up with out my boys.'  He groaned and fought the urge to just punch something.  Instead he settled on drinking and singing loudly. 

            "Met a slayer, thought she was grand,

             "What happens Saturday?"  "I kill you."

             Fell in love with the bitch, got out of hand,

             "Everywhere I turn, she's there.  That nasty little face, the bouncing shampoo commercial hair…"

             Went well for an hour or two,

              "It's just so sudden.  I don't know what to say."  "Just say yes and make me the happiest man on Earth."

             Then Red undid her wish and it came unglued.

              "Ugh. Spike lips.  Lips of Spike."

             Got trapped, got me a government chip,

              "She's haunting me, Harmony!"

             Never thought I would be the one to trip,

              "Buffy, I love you.  God I love you so much.  Oh God no, please no."

            Then I started to realize,

              "What are you doing here Spike?"

             I was living one big lie.

              "Out for a walk.  Bitch."

            She fuckin hates me!!!!!!!

            Trust,

             She fuckin hates me!!!!!!!

            La, la, la, love,

            I tried to hard

            And she tore my feelings like I had none,

            And ripped them away.

            She was my girl for about an hour
             "You think were dancing?"  "That's all we're ever done."

            After that shit got sour
             "It wouldn't be you Spike.  It would never be you."

            She took all I ever had
             "You're beneath me."

            No sign of guilt
            No feeling of bad, no

            Got trapped, got me a government chip,
             "If you want me to leave, then you can put your hands on my hot, tight little body, and make me."

            Never thought I'd be the one who'd slip
             "Look at you.  All afraid that I'm hot for your honey."  "That's because you are."

            Then I started to realize
            I was living one big lie

            She fuckin hates me!!!!!!!

           Trust,

            She fuckin hates me!!!!!!!

            La, la, la, love,

            I tried to hard

             "Spike why did you do that?"

            And she tore my feelings like I had none,

             "Ge-getting in your way?  I saved you"

            And ripped them away.

             "I don't need you Spike.  I never need you."

            That's my story, as you see
            "You can't deny it there's something between us."  "Loathing.  Disgust."  "Heat. Desire."

            Learned my lesson and so did she
             "Oh, yeah, here it comes.  Something goes wrong in your life, blame Spike."

            Now it's over, and I'm glad
            'Cause I'm a fool for all I've said

             "Things not as high, not as firm."

            She fuckin hates me!!!!!!!

           Trust,

            She fuckin hates me!!!!!!!

            La, la, la, love,

            I tried to hard

            And she tore my feelings like I had none,

            And ripped them away.

            La la la la la la la la la love
            Trust
            La la la la la la la la la love
            Trust
            She fuckin hates me!!!

            Buffy watched the vampire with a mix of curiosity and arousal.  He was dancing, not good or anything, but he was moving his hips and she was tempted to jump him all tiger like and fuck him into the ground.  'What's with the animal thoughts?'  She chuckled some what silently when she saw him make his way down the ladder and a second later heard a thud.  'Uh, I hope he's all right.  Wouldn't want him to get any ideas if I ran in there all concerned or anything.'  Deciding that she was done slaying for the night she closed his door and made her way back home. 

            The next day was uneventful.  Class, class, chocolaty goodness at lunch, and then class again.  'Well at least this one is somewhat fun.'  She was in her abnormal psychology class and they were talking about woman who married serial killers.  The teacher gave them assigned groups and their study of crazy ladies in love with the crazier men.  'I should really pay attention more.'  She looked around at her group noticing that one girl was straying away from the group.

            "Hi, I'm Buffy."  Still introducing herself, she took a seat next to the girl. 

            The girl shyly looked at her before extending her hand.  "Desire."

            Two hours later, and the professor coughing loudly at them had Buffy and her new found friend running out of the classing laughing like idiots.  They walked across the quad noticing the lack of student life.  "Well I guess I should walk you to your dorm.  It's pretty dark and you never know what's out there."  Buffy liked this girl.  They had talked about everything from school to old boyfriends to how Giles would look so much better without the tweed.  When they had made it to the girls' dorm the still hadn't finished their debate over who was better looking; Keanu Reeves or George Clooney. 

            "Okay that's it.  We'll agree to disagree on this."  Desire said, still clutching her sides at laughing to hard.  "At least you have someone."

            "Huh?"  Buffy asked, confused.

            "Spike.  You were doodling his name in your notebook all through class."  Desire offered proof by grabbing her note book and opening it to the last used page.

            Spike.  Mrs. Buffy Spike?  Mr. and Mrs. Pile O'Dust.  Spike Summers.  It was there.  All the little doodles and hearts were there, in her handwriting.  She laughed and cried; frightened that she didn't even know that she had done that.  How did he do it?  How did he get under her skin like that?  "Um, no he's not.  I mean I'm not.  Guh, this guy, he's in love with me.  Well he says that he's in love with me.  He's lying though, because he can't.  Without a soul you can't love.  Vampires can't love."  Buffy ignored the strange look coming from the other girl and continued.  "I mean come on.  I love you, only after I've tried to kill you and your friends for the past three years.  Oh and now that I've got this chip in my head, I'm so much better.  Whatever.  And then he's all like we dance when we fight.  Pshaw, dancing involves clones and getting turned on at the thought of being with.., okay so we dance and the man has cheekbones that could cut cheese.  But just because I think of him and various food product fun with him doesn't mean I like him."  Finally acknowledging the other girl in the room again, she asked, "What do you think?"

            Desire looked at her for a full minute before speaking.  "What's wrong with having cheese cutting man love you?

            "Everything.  I know it won't work.  I've been there, done it, got the cute little baby doll shirt that goes with the low rise jeans to prove it.  And that guy had a soul."  Buffy looked at the girl and noticed for the first time that Desire had never once questioned the lack of soul or vampire ness mentioned.  "Doesn't this sound a little crazy to you?  Vampires, lack of soul, etc?"

            "You live here long enough, you see a lot.   When I first moved in here I saw a girl rip the face off her roommate, literally.  She was yelling at her saying Cher is not cool and something about a ruined sweater.  So again why wouldn't a relationship work with this guy?"

            "It's just to complicated.  I wouldn't know how to tell my friends that I'm dating another vampire, the fact that he's not human, blah, blah, and blah.  Everything would be so much easier if he didn't love me."

            That peeked Desire's interest.  "That's what you want to change about him?  You don't want him to love you?"

            "It not that, well, yes and no.  I just want the perfect man and he's not it."  She looked at Desire, seeing that she was intently listening. 

            "What would you change about him?"  She asked, fidgeting with her necklace.

            "Where do I start?"  Buffy asked, missing the glow that was coming from the other girls' throat.