"MacDestro" Chapter 1

By: Cadet Deming

I don't own the rights to GI Joe (or Shakespeare), so please don't sue. This is Shakespeare's play Macbeth, retooled for Cobra's High Command. I'm going more along with the plot twists and scene structure of the play than with the language of it. Some scenes condensed for brevity. Based on a blending of cartoon and comic canon. Rated PG-13 for violence, murder, adult language and situations. Reviews are very welcome.

Setting: Scotland

Starring:

Destro................Macbeth

The Baroness...........Lady Macbeth

Serpentor............. King Duncan

Storm-Shadow..............Banquo

Billy..................Fleance

Major Bludd...........Thane of Cawdor

Zartan................MacDuff

Dr. Mindbender..............Donalbain

Torch, Buzzer, Ripper.......The Weird Sisters

Scrap-Iron (when applicable).....The Weird Sisters

Tomax/Xamot ................Lennox

The soldier in the tattered blue uniform limped the fastest he could, despite the agonizing pain from the bullet lodged in his left leg. Although he was injured and bleeding, he was more afraid of incurring the wrath of the Emperor of his terrorist group Cobra, than of his wound.

Panting heavily, the man finally entered the drab camouflage tent that served as the temporary headquarters for Cobra's leadership. The place was a hive of activity, as various men in blue and red uniforms scurried about in the confusion of trying to come up with a plan to control the chaos of war.

At the center of the flurry in the tent a man was leaning over a map. Even though he was hunched over, he towered over everyone else due to his massive size and elaborate snake-head costume.

"Hail Serpentor, Emperor of Cobra! I bring you news from the battlefield," the injured man said.

The man in the snake-head costume stood up, with his eyes narrowed to slits.

"Private Anderson. I ordered your report to be delivered 15 minutes after our enemies the Joes knocked our radio communications out. YOU'RE LATE!"

"I'm sorry your majesty. I was shot."

"NO EXCUSES! When Serpentor demands results, Serpentor gets results NOW! NOW! NOW! So tell me, what news do you have from our Western front?"

"Well the good news is, Cobra Commander's battalion captured the town of Springfield, Scotland. And Lord Destro shot and killed the Joes' leader General Hawk."

Serpentor's manner softened with glee: "General Hawk dead. You bring good news indeed. So what's the bad news?"

Private Anderson gulped. "The bad news, well, Field Marshall Major Bludd turned himself in to the Joes. He's gone traitor sir."

A gasp permeated the room.

"Major Bludd dares betray me? I'll have him staked out on an anthill covered in honey! I'll have him disemboweled with rusty steak-knives! I'll-I'll I'll have his eyelids propped open and make him watch 'Facts of Life' reruns! I hereby order that whatever Cobra platoon captures the place that holds Major Bludd and brings him to me to get a 500% pay increase, on Tomax and Xamot's expense of course. THIS I COMMAND!"

Private Anderson asked: "But Lord Serpentor, who's going to be Cobra's Field Marshall now?"

"As a reward for his good service, have Destro appointed to that rank."

A bald man with a monocle stepped forward. He was nervously pulling on his mustache as he said: "Excuse me, Oh Great Serpentor, but you're not returning Destro to Cobra's second-in-command? That's supposed to be MY JOB."

"No, Dr. Mindbender, I don't trust Destro to be properly subservient to my radiance. As much as it pains me to do so, I'll appoint Cobra Commander second in command as a public reward for the capture of Springfield, Scotland.

Mindbender protested: "But, what about me your majesty? Why am I getting demoted?"

"Because you never win battles for me. But you can still be my toadying side-kick."

"And the laughs just keep on coming," muttered the doctor under his breath.

"What about me sir," asked Private Anderson.

"As a reward for bringing good news, I'll have you shot quickly. No one can be late and live. Take this man outside and terminate him!"

"WHAT! No! No!" screamed the hapless private as two men dragged him outside.

Serpentor turned to a group of soldiers and ordered: "Notify Destro and Cobra Commander of their promotions. This I command!"