Get ready for yet another WAAAACCKKKYYY episode of "The Sailor Moon Fun Show"! Today's episode, Tsukino's Tsecret!

--The scene begins as Mamoru greets a nervous-looking Usagi…--

Mamoru: Greetings, nervous-looking Usagi. What seems to be the problem?

Usagi: Problem? What problem?

Mamoru: Well, you don't look very good, baby-doll. Is something the matter?

Usagi: Well… Actually, yes, it is--but I don't know how to tell you. I don't think you'll take it well.

Mamoru: Well I guess it all depends on when you tell me. Don't worry, baby-doll, I'll always love you!

Usagi: You sure?

Mamoru: Positive.

Usagi: You really sure?

Mamoru: I am!

Usagi: You really, really, really sure??

Mamoru: Absolutely!

Usagi: Well, okay… Mamoru-kun, you know how Rei and I are always, erm, hanging around each other, right?

Mamoru: Well I should hope so, since you're friends and partners in the war against evil.

Usagi: Yeah, well, about that "partners" stuff… Ummm… I dunno how to tell you this, but…

Mamoru: Oh, it's okay, Usagi-hime. Remember, I'll always love you!

Usagi: …Right… (He's making this harder than it needs to be) Umm, Mamoru… well… to tell you the truth… umm… I'm a lesbian.

Mamoru: A WHAT??!!

Usagi: Now, Mamoru, you promised you wouldn't get mad!

Mamoru: No I didn't! Usagi, how could you?! I thought that we had something going on! I thought that you loved me and only me! How could you betray that trust? Imagine, my own Usagi, going behind my back and doing… THIS! Do you realize how disappointed I am??!!

Usagi: But~ Mamoruuuuuu~

Mamoru: *sigh* What is it, Usa?

Usagi: Rei and I aren't hurting anybody! We both care for each other immensely! There's real love that's going on between us! Mamoru, I love and adore you eternally and gratefully, but I think I'd be happier living with and loving Rei, my sweet flame champion. I'm sorry for breaking your heart, Mamoru, but I am a lesbian!

Mamoru: Oh, LESBIAN! …Gosh, I thought you said that you were a thespian!

Usagi: …Huh?

*everyone bursts out in laughter*

We hope you've enjoyed this episode of "The Sailor Moon Fun Show"!

Mamoru: Thank God you didn't join the actor's guild! Whew! …Hey, wait a minute! I still don't have a girlfriend!!! …Oh well, I could always go to Fiore if I was desperate enough…

Usagi: YAY! Shounen-ai! Shounen-ai! YAAYY!

Mamoru: Ho, boy…

Tune in again next time when we'll here Mamoru's and Usagi's crusty old dating councilor say…

"Hey, big man, lemme hold a dollar! Oink, oink!"