Chapter 19: The One Where Everything Wraps Up Really Well

With Makareus gone and all the other demons and evil monsters either dead, in jail, or married to Rockettes, the Sailor Senshi were able to once again bask in the warm glow of victory. However, even as yet another evil passed them by, a feeling of unfulfillment came to them.

"Something doesn't feel quite right," murmured Hotaru. "We killed all the bad guys and saved the day, but… there's still something missing. What do you think, Haruka?" But Haruka wasn't listening; she was making out with Bart Fatima. Michiru was ogling poor Sigurd, so she didn't answer either, and Setsuna had her arms around Ramsus, refusing to let him go.

"I know what you mean, but I don't know what you mean," said Minako, draping her arms around Krelian. "This is really confusing!"

"Hold on, wait a second!" Suddenly, to the surprise of all the gathered Senshi there, the author of the original "Absence" came out of nowhere, her eyes wide with surprise and her face expressing shock. It was Kirika!

"(Gasp!) It's Kirika!" exclaimed Ami. She smiled and bowed properly as the brilliant authoress finally revealed herself. The smallish girl took a few deep breaths as she rested from running so much.

"Just… gimme… a second… here!" she managed. A few minutes passed before the young lady got her wind back, and when she did, she explained why Minako and Hotaru were having weird feelings. "Look, Sailor Senshi, there's a reason why you all feel strange! At the end of my story, every single one of you, regardless of your canonical sexual preference, was turned into a lesbian. The thing is, though, you're all drooling over these guys from Xenogears!"

"Ahem!"

"And you, Mamoru-chan," she smiled, "my adorable little masked moron. How could we ever forget you?"

"You manage," he sighed miserably.

"Anyway," continued Kirika, "having you girls hook up with guys is a good ending, but I was hoping that Al Kristopher would at least keep a few elements of my story in tact! Jeez, this is so far from my original dream that it's screwy!"

"I dunno…" murmured Rei (Hino). "You did let him spoof the whole thing."

"Regardless, you all need to be lesbians. You're just so cute when you're with each other!"

"SAYS WHO??"

"Says me," she snorted. "I am the one who made "Absence" a success, after all! (I mean, duh!) So from this very day, you shall be known as… 'The Drunken Fighting Lesbian Super Posse'!" With a magical wave of her merry olde hand--

THWACK!

Ughnn!!

…Anyway, with a wave of her hand, all the girls gathered there instantly forgot about their previous love interests and began ogling and fondling each other. Haruka and Michiru got together, Ami and Makoto began to make out heavily, Chibi-Usa snuggled up to Hotaru, Rei and Usagi cuddled close together, and Minako (who had been perfectly attracted to guys her entire life) slowly whispered naughty words into Setsuna's ear, making her blush.

"(Hey, Puu… what say we go off into a room by ourselves, and I show you just how much fun we can have with my Venus Love Me Chain?)" Her face as red as her eyes, Setsuna eagerly followed Minako into a private room, and in no time at all, strange "noises" could be heard from inside.

"Do you suppose they're playing Gran Turismo 3?" wondered Michiru. Haruka needed only to raise her eyebrow in order to make her lover giddy.

"Oh, they're playing a game all right, but it sure isn't a video game…" Michiru got red in the face as well, and fell into the embrace of her beautiful angel. Kirika grinned triumphantly as many happy new couples were made, and gave a thumbs-up to the readers.

"Success! Now it's time for me and my girlfriend, hereby known as 'Mireille', to also sneak into our room for some privacy! I hope to see you all again soon in my next story! Later, love ya, bye!" Blowing kisses all around, Kirika cheerfully left the area and her "creations" in good spirits. Mamoru, however, sunk down to the floor in misery.

"Phooey," he pouted. "I wish I was a lesbian…"

"You can't be a lesbian, silly!" giggled Usagi. "You're a man!!" The entire group laughed out loud, making poor Mamoru only feel worse. He let out a depressed sigh and felt like disappearing forever.

Oh, Mamoru! You'll never win, will you? Ah, but we love you anyway!

So, once again, the day is saved, thanks to… the Pretty Girl Sailor Senshi! LOVE AND PEACE, EVERYBODY!

DNE EHT