Chapter 4- Yellow Heart

I couldn't go to sleep that night.

Do I love him? Do I really feel this way? No way. I don't love him. He doesn't love me, he just likes me as more than a friend. We hardly even have a more than friend relationship... do we?

I sat in bed thinking that all night.

* * *

I sat in the library. I didn't like being cooped up alone in the library anymore. I wanted to be out. I wanted to be doing something. I wanted Jack. Why did I want to be with him so much? I didn't love him... did I?

He finally came around noon, and I almost hopped out of my seat. I lit up and nothing else mattered anymore. I don't love him... no... I'm just excited to see him.... I don't... of course not....

"Hi, Maria," Jack said. He seemed extremely happy himself.

"Hey, Jack!" I said. I smiled widely at him and stood up. He smiled back at me.

"Maria, I have to ask you a question," he said. I jumped at the opportunity.

"Yes?" I asked excitedly.

"Can you get off early, or will your dad freak out?"

"Let him freak out," I said. I locked the library door at noon that day, five hours early. It didn't matter to me anymore. Jack was my world.

I'm not in love with him, am I?

We walked and talked, and it was a beautiful summer day. I loved the sun so much. It was nice and warm. Jack and I stopped by my house so I could throw on some shorts and a t-shirt. Yes, I was wearing shorts in public! And I actually put my hair in a ponytail, not the normal braid. I glanced in the mirror before I left with Jack, and hung there for a moment.

Is that me in the mirror? What happened to the recluse?

I smiled at the thought of me changing and ran out of the door. Jack was pleasantly surprised by what I was wearing.

We walked and chatted, and we had fun. I knew by the feeling of today that today was not going to be it. We weren't going to kiss today. I knew that before I even came out. But it was still perfect. All I needed was to be with Jack, and I'd be happy.

Am I in love with Jack?

Eventually, he told me he needed to do his chores. I was a bit disappointed, and said...

"Okay, well, I guess I'll go back to... the library. 'Bye, see you tomorrow!" I said, and turned to head back.

"No!" he said, grabbed my arm, and spun me around, "you're not going anywhere," he said. He looked at me in the eyes with the most playful look I'd ever seen.

"Huh?" I couldn't help but say.

He took me to his farm and he watered his plants and fed his cows and sheep. When he was through, he said, "Maria, it's summertime, and I want to spend more time with you than ever!" he said and he picked me up to spin me around. I laughed and he put me back down.

No, we're just summer flings, I think...

We had fun that day. I was a bit scared of Sandy, but she really is a sweet dog when you're not intruding. She's a loyal, good dog, I guess.

But we didn't kiss. I wanted to so bad, though.

The next day, we didn't go to his farm. Instead, I closed the library at three o'clock, and we went for a walk in the mountains.

"Maria," he said when we were about to go up the mountain, "I hate to say it, but you're going to have to, um... climb up that tree? I'll help you up..."

I rolled my eyes at him, and he thought I meant that I wouldn't climb a tree.

"Well, we could go to the stream instead," he said.

I started climbing the tree with the expert skill I'd had since I was a kid. I reached the top, laughed at him and beckoned him to come along.

"She can climb trees, too?" I heard him mutter to himself. He was clumsier than I was when I climbed the tree. It was quite funny, city boy trying to act like he'd been in the country all his life.

We stopped and ate at the restaurant at the top of the mountain, and the chicken and dumplings were very good.

Jack and I met up everyday and did something new for around a week. I was beginning to feel it.

I think... that I love him... no.. surely not?

We had a lot of fun. One day, he came by the library, and I found out something amazing.

I was over by the bookshelf, putting things up, when he came in. I didn't turn around, and he looked at the book on the desk. I finally turned around to see what he was doing.

He was staring at the book on the desk. My fairy tale book. I could feel my face getting hot. I was embarrassed.

"Maria, where did you get this?" He said, gasping.

"From a little boy that visited that farm you have right now. His grandfather was the one... I guess he was your cousin or maybe your brother..." I stopped. Jack looked at me. That's when it hit me.

Jack was the boy.

"Jack? Umm.... did you... give me this book?"

"Yes, Maria. I did." Jack said, and we beamed at each other.

We were meant for each other from the beginning.

Another day was special also. I was putting up yet another book, and I twisted my ankle and fell. It hurt, and I was trying to get up. Jack came in at that time and I thought he was going to go for help. He didn't go for help. He picked me up heroically, like in the book he gave me, and carried me home. He helped me out. I wondered if I was in love with him or not.

But of course, as love is, there are troubles. The biggest one yet came around.

I was sitting in the library, waiting on Jack, when I heard knock on my door. I figured it was Jack, so I jumped up excitedly and opened the door. It wasn't Jack. It was Harris.

"Miss... Maria? I have... something... I'd like to say to you..." He said.

"Yes, Harris?" I said, distracted, looking out the window waiting on Jack. I was surprised by this next move.

Harris got down on his knees, pulled out a ring, and asked me to marry him.

WHAT?!?!?!?!

"Harris... I..." I started.

"Just say you will, please, Maria, I've loved you ever since we were kids. I thought I was getting close to you... Maria, please. I love you. I will treat you better than anything."

"Harris... I... can't..."

"Why? You don't have to be shy around me. Don't be scared of committment!"

"What? No, Harris, it's not the timidness and committment. I'm in a relationship with someone else!" I said, and Harris said nothing else. He simply got up, put the ring back in his pocket, and left me standing there, confused.

"Maria. I could've treated you better than anyone. Ever. I love you, and I always will." He said, and closed the door.

Jack didn't come by that day. Or the next.

He didn't come by for weeks.

* * *

I sat in my bed, crying. I had not gone to work in the library for a week. I simply told my mother I was sick. Karen came by, but she didn't even know. I couldn't tell her, either.

I was heartbroken.

I never admitted I loved him, but I knew I liked him to the point that I didn't want to lose him. To the point that I'd never felt that way before.

He hadn't been at the library for a week, and I guessed he was sick or something. I figured it out that Friday.

* * *

I was walking towards the bakery at around 10 o'clock that morning. I was going to buy some pie or something for Jack, and figure out why he hadn't come by. I stopped to talk to Rick, and he asked me a strange question.

"When's the wedding?" He said, acting proud.

"What wedding?" I asked. He looked at me quizically, and I kept going.

That's when I saw Jack enter the bakery. I looked through the window and saw him talk to Elli. He hugged Elli. He smiled at her. She blushed. I guessed he was flirting with her.

I figured out why he hadn't come.

Elli.

* * *

I cried and cried. I couldn't stand it. As I lie in the bed that day, I replayed the scene over and over in my head. Why, Jack? Why? Why did you... do that to me???

I had to talk to Karen. She was my only relief from things. Maybe I'd talk to Ann instead. I didn't know. But I had to tell someone. I had to. I couldn't hold my sorrow in any longer. I couldn't fake any longer. I couldn't lie any longer. I cried, but eventually worked up the nerve to call someone. My fingers seemed to have a mind of their own.

I didn't call who I expected to.

I called Popuri.

"Hello?" Popuri answered.

"Popuri?" I asked through the phone, wondering why I'd called her.

"Maria! I've been wanting to talk to you! Where are you? At Harris's?" Popuri said.

"Harris's?! No! I'm at my house," I said through my tear-clogged throat.

"You sound sad, Maria," she said.

"I am," I said.

"I'll be right over," Popuri said.

* * *

Popuri was definitely right over. I wondered if she'd run over. Her hair was tangled and in a mess, as if she had been. And she got over there pretty fast.

"Maria? What's wrong?" I was standing in the doorway, in my bedclothes, with red eyes.

I immediately started crying.

"Oh, Maria... is it Harris?" she said.

"Harris? No!" I said.

"Well, what is it?" she said.

"It's... Jack..." I muttered.

"I kinda figured that," she said and sighed, leaning in to hug me.

"You're still in love with Jack, but you're with Harris, right?" Popuri said.

"What?! With Harris??!! No!" I said.

"But, what about... the wedding? Did you break up with him? Did you call the wedding off?"

"What wedding? He asked, but no! I said no! I told him I was in a relationship with someone else!" I shouted.

"What?!" Popuri said, "Well, everyone thinks you're getting married to Harris, sweetheart. It's been going around town. He told everyone in the bar the day before he proposed that he was going to..."

"What? You mean he told people that we were going to get married?!" I yelled.

"Yeah, it's sad and concieted, but he did." Popuri sighed.

I couldn't believe my ears. Popuri and I didn't say another word. I just cried on her shoulder, and I was unbelievably glad to have her there.

* * *

I finally worked up the courage to go back to the library, though it brought memory after memory to me, and I could hardly open my eyes without crying. I just sat around, and there was a big pile of books over in the corner that people had read and returned, but I didn't want to put them back. My spirit was gone. I had nothing left. Jack took my heart, and I didn't want it back.

At about noon that day, I glanced at the door. For some strange reason, I felt like Jack would come in. I don't know why.

I started back on my job at about one o'clock that day. I looked at my overdue list, which usually never had much on it, except for the potion shop dealer, who'd had the same book for many years. This time there were two names on there.

Jack was one of them.

So, he has to turn his book back in? Great. He has to come by here, eventually, and turn it back in or pay for it. Something... he has to. He has no choice. He can't just keep it.

I hated knowing that. I hated knowing he'd be back. Because every time I heard a leaf rustle, I glanced at the doorway to make sure it wasn't him. I was paranoid. I didn't want to see Jack. I was in pain.

I was heartbroken.

The next day, I went in the library again. I didn't want to, and I tried to get my mom to, but she wouldn't. I had no choice. I went into the library.

Again, at noon, I half expected to see Jack come running in the door.

He didn't.

A few more days passed, and his overdue days were growing quickly. He has to come in soon, I thought.

He did.

I was sitting there in the library, losing all hope of ever being with Jack again, when the door was slammed open. Jack walked in determined.

He didn't even have time enough to close the door when he started talking.

"Look, Maria, I don't care if you're about to marry Harris! I can't stand to be without you! I miss you everyday!" He yelled.

"What?" I said tearfully.

"You're marrying Harris and--"

"No, stop there." I said.

"What?" he said.

"I. Am. Not. Marrying. Harris." I said firmly.

"Did you... call it off or something?" he said, like he didn't believe me.

"No. There never was a wedding. I said no." I said.

"What?" Jack said.

"I... I... he came by the library... and he..." I started.

"Got on his knees and proposed. I saw that much from the window, Maria," He said.

"The window?!" I said.

"Yes. I saw the whole scene." Jack said.

"Huh?" I said.

He sat me down.

"Maria, I was about to come see you that day, and someone stopped me and asked me when you were getting married again. I said I didn't know you were getting married. I thought maybe he'd gotten mixed up and thought you and I were marrying or something... and then he said something about Harris. About Harris. I had a few more confrontations like that. Everyone wanted to know. I remember this one specifically. 'Jack, you're good friends with Maria, so could you possibly ask her when her and Harris are going to wed?' she said, Lillia, I mean. I didn't say anything, and I raced to the library. I stopped at the window, and there he was. Proposing to you." he said.

"He may have proposed to me, but I didn't say yes."

"Well why did everyone think you were getting married?!" Jack said impatiently.

"Because the day before he proposed, he told someone he was going to. So the person thought that I was automatically going to say yes. So this person, god knows who it is, started spreading it around that Harris and I were getting married. Popuri gave me the whole dish," I said.

"Oh..." Jack said astounded, "But why didn't you come tell me???"

"Because of you and Elli." I said.

"Me and Elli?! What?!" he said.

"I saw you two from the bakery window the other day. You hugged her, she blushed. You were flirting with her, I guess."

"Oh, Maria. Is that what you think?" He said, and pulled me close.

"I was asking her for advice about you." he said all at once and hugged me.

He buried his face in my hair and neck.

"I missed you so much, Maria. You have no idea. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't eat. I couldn't go out. I couldn't do anything." he said. I could feel his hot tears running against my neck.

"I missed you, too, Jack." I said, crying myself. He pulled himself back and wiped my tears away with his fingers. Then... then... he pulled close, and I was just waiting for the interruption. I was waiting. Was this really it? Or would there be another distraction?

It was it.

He kissed me.

That's when I realized it.

I am in love with Jack.

I wrapped my arms around his neck, and he wrapped his around my waist. He pulled me closer, greedy for more. I pushed him against a bookshelf, and we kissed for a while. A long while. We lost track of time.

Suddenly he pulled away and said, "Crap! Maria, I gotta go, sweetheart. I have to pick up some things at the tool shop... oh yeah, I forgot. I have a book to return. That's actually why I came in here. But... I guess I forgot," He said, and tugged at a loose strand of my hair.

"Bye," I said disappointed.

"Bye. I love you, Maria," He said as he shut the door.

Did he just say that? Surely not.