DISCLAIMER: *ahem* you've heard this (I mean read this) a gazillion times, but you're going to read it again. As much as I'd like to, I don't own the ccs characters...they belong to Nelvana and CLAMP. :) or wait, shouldn't it be :( ? I give up. I don't own them.
Eriol trammpled through the snow with everyone else. He had heard Nakuru and Suppi talking between themselves about how Rika had changed. Yes, she had changed, but only in matters regarding home. When she forgot where she was, when she forgot about the keys she needed to find, she was still the old Rika Sasaki. Syaoran too, had seemed to change, but Eriol had seen this Syaoran before, not in person, but he knew that Syaoran had only reverted back to his old self - who he was before Sakura.
It was cold. He couldn't properly concentrate on his thoughts, but he had repeated his question so many times, that he could think about it without thinking about it: "how have I changed?"
He too had lost a loved one. In fact, in a sense, he had lost more people than all of them, but he knew that as long as they protected Rika, as long as Rika was around to find the keys, he would get everyone back, except for Sakura. They knew who had Sakura, but that was it. She was lost.
Syaoran was more connected to Sakura than any of them. He could speak mind-to-mind with her, he was going to marry her. Eriol would have wondered what happened to the real Syaoran if Syaoran hadn't been depressed.
Rika was Sakura's friend. She was everybody's friend. She felt responsible for every single person in their little group. It was her job to bring them all home. She too, had a right to be depressed over Sakura's kidnapping.
What about himself, though? What about Eriol? He had always thought of Sakura as a daughter. That was just the way his mind worked. How come he didn't go insane with grief after she was kidnapped? True, when he thought of Sakura, his heart would ache and he would start blaming himself, but how come he had been able to hide all that?
In his mind, he had analyzed everything that had happened. It occured to him that they were all trying as hard as they could to help Sakura and Rika, so it was pure dumb luck that Sobek had even gotten one of them. But still, Eriol could think that he wasn't trying hard enough to help his other half's daughter.
He smiled wryly, a smile that showed up as a grimace because of the cold and wind. How ironic, he thought, that I should be the one to forbid self blame, yet I kick myself a dozen times or more a day over Sakura's kidnapping. Eriol bumped into Kero. He hadn't noticed that they'd stopped.
"It's in there," Rika motioned to a small shack. "Amazing it's even survived here, huh?" she joked.
"I'm half afraid to go in," Kero intoned.
"Then stay outside, Keroberos," Nakuru said, "I'm going in." And she promptly walked into the wooden hut.
"Hey wait for me," Rika called after her.
"It's smaller on the inside than it looks," Nakuru called out cheerfully. "Don't any of you start rushing in here!"
Eriol traded looks with Spinel Sun. Even in the grimest situation, Nakuru some how was able to retain her hyperactive cheerfulness and not offend anyone with it. "How does she do that?" Syaoran asked to no one in particular.
"Who? Ruby Moon?" Yue replied.
Syaoran nodded, and looked at Eriol. "Hey, even I don't understand, Syaoran," he said. "She just is."
Before anyone could say anything else though, Rika and Nakuru tramped out. "Ok, we found it. Let's go back. It's freezing here," Rika called out, her voice slightly muffled by the wind.
"Um...are you sure it's in there?" Kero asked, eyeing the medium sized box Nakuru was holding.
Nakuru chuckled. "Yes, Kero. We checked it."
"So then, the box is for..." Suppi prompted.
"There's something written on the inside. I want to read it," Rika explained in a no-nonsense tone. "It's way to cold here to do anything, so let's go back."
The trek back was not as bitter as the going. Now they had three keys in their possession. Three more to go. Rika tried not to think about the Key of Hope. The key that she didn't know where to find.
Everyone eagerly crowded around Rika to see if the key was indeed the right one. She opened the little box with her key and put the key in. The blue shield symbolizing justice lit up, along with the green serpant and the pink flower. The pictograms for the three keys they had collected so far. Nakuru, Suppi, and Kero let out a cheer. Syaoran smiled for the first time in a long time. Rika's eyes hardened. "Let's get out of here," she said.
Later, when they were safely in space, she remebered the box she had brought back from the planet. She had wanted to read the writing in the box, or at least, try to read the writing. She accidentally dropped it and it fell open. The lining inside the box fell out, revealing a small packet of papers. Sitting on the floor, she picked up the box.
Damn the passage started. An odd way of starting, but then again, she didn't know what kind of writing this was going to be. Damn she read again. She skimmed through the entire paragraph, noting that the carving got fainter at the end.
Damn. I'm out of paper. I'll just have to write on this box. Maybe you'll come again before I die, maybe you won't. Just know that I waited for you for the rest of my life, Elianatha. It's very cold here. It's gotten even colder since I returned, but I've said that before many times. It's very cold.
Rika looked up and blinked. "What?" she mused outloud and picked up the packet of papers.
She looked down at them, trying to concentrate on the pictograms. She found though, that whenever she tried to concentrate on it, she couldn't read. She had to let the language flow into her and simply sit and absorb. It hurt her head to think about how exactally this worked, but it did. Taking a deep breath, Rika gazed at the page and let the words read themselves to her.
Elianatha-
I met the most curious man today. You would have liked to meet him. I don't know where he came from, because he didn't look anything like anyone from here. You always did like to welcome strangers. I remember that well. He took me somewhere, and gave me a little disk. It was a small stone that had a blue picture carved on one side and the word for justice on the other. You know what I said to him? I told him he was a fool. "There's no such thing as justice. If there was, I'd be able to hunt down the raiders that took my Elianatha away from me," I told him. Then he looked at me funnily. "Don't you know?" he said. "She will come back. Someday she will come back."
He said he didn't know when you were coming back, but he was sure that you would. I'm supposed to give this stone to you when you do come back. He said you would need it. I don't understand why you would need it. We said once that all we needed was each other.
Elianatha-
Did you know, that when I got home again, twenty years had passed? I don't understand. People thought I had died, but I didn't. They touched me and pinched me to make sure I was real. I'm waiting for you. It seems so cold here now. I hadn't noticed it before, but it's gotten colder here in the years since I disappeared. I'm not used to the weather. I made a box. Out of your favorite kind of wood to keep the stone in. There are so many people in the town now. I moved away from where we used to live. I'm in the hills behind the town now. I miss the days when the town was just a small village.
Elianatha-
Part of me doesn't understand why I'm even writing this to you. I think I want to give these to you when I see you again. I want to show you that I was thinking of you everyday. Elianatha, I miss you so much. I'm putting this away now. I think of you so much, wondering what I can write to you, that I've neglected preparing for the coming winter. The first snow will come in two months, but it is already getting colder.
Elianatha-
Maybe I should stop writing your name, but I love to write it. It all I have left of you, besides your memory. I looked back on what I wrote years ago. The writing is faded compared to the words I pen now. There are less people in the town now. It's shrinking, dying. Soon, it will be just like the village I left behind so many years ago. It just occured to me that it was today, forty years ago that you died. Have you been born again yet? I wonder. It preoccupies my days sometimes. I wonder if when we meet again you will look the same. Or will you be more beautiful? You can only be more beautiful is what I decide each time.
Elianatha-
The years have left me behind.
I meet a child today. A little boy. He looked just like a child we would have had if you had lived. Do you know what he said to me, Elianatha? He told me I was older than old. "How do you know who I am?" I asked. The little boy smiled, and said in the candid way of youth, "Oh, everyone knows who you are. My grandfather was just a little boy when you came back after disappearing for twenty years. How do you do it? How do you live longer than everyone else?" I laughed and replied. "Don't think about time, boy, and time will forget you." That was a joke. But I truly do wonder how I've managed to still be alive. The thought that I've lived two life times, though, encourages me. Maybe I will be able to encounter you again.
Elianatha-
I'm running out of space. The village is just a collection of huts now. It's even smaller than when we were children. No one makes paper anymore. There's no time for pleasure. Only survival. The winters have only gotten progressively colder. I think about staying warm almost as much as I remember you. It's colder than you could possibly have imagined. For the first time in my unnaturally long life, I feel old. I might not be able to see you again in this life, my love, but know that I tried to live as long as possible...
And that was where the paper ended. Rika went back and read what was carved onto the box again. It was safe to assume that the poor man, who's name he had not written down, had frozen to death. She blinked, and a few tears rolled down her cheek. She banished them with the back of her hand and took a deep breath again.
While reading the man's journal, or diary, or account, she could feel the love pouring off the page and into her heart. The love softened her heart and made her think of her own "lost" love. "Eriol and Syaoran might like to read this too," she said to herself, and she sat down at her desk and translated the account into Japanese.
While translating, she concentrated on the first entry. Rika knew that the man who gave the stone to the writer had to have been the same one who created Rowan. Mr. Darwin, Rika remembered bitterly. It was because of Darwin Schweed that they had ended up where they were now, but she couldn't curse his descendants since that would mean cursing Eriol, Syaoran, Sakura and all of their relatives.
It also occured to her that the Elianatha lady the man wrote his journal too was a previous form of her. Rika had never believed in reincarnation, but now was as good a time as ever to start beliving. Who had she been in previous lives? So far, she had been Jadis, according to Concha, and Elianatha, according to this man. And then Innana had started off calling her Tiriki, but that was just a title. Yes, Rika was now a firm believer in reincarnation. But what about fate? Was she always fated to end up with Yoshiyuki?
Rika paused in her translation. Was she predestined to love Yoshi? Maybe. Elianatha was in love with this man; Jadis...who was Jadis in love with? "Why am I thinking this way?" Rika asked herself outloud. "I'm thinking this way because I need hope that I'll see you again, Yoshiyuki. I'm thinking this way because I don't know if I'll ever kiss you or hug you again. I'm thinking this way because I know where the Hate and Knowledge are, but not Hope." Rika laughed ironically. "I don't know where hope is and I'm loosing hope."
Rika hugged herself and forbade the tears from slipping out from under her lashes. "I can't think like that. I will find out where Hope is. I will. I swear, I'll find it and go home," she resolved, returning to her translation.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Eriol had overheard Rika's conversation with herself while he was walking past the room she shared with Nakuru. "I'm thinking this way because I don't know if I'll ever kiss you or hug you again," she had said. This was exactally the way he missed Tomoyo, but he hadn't been able to but it in words. Undoubtably, this was how Syaoran was feeling about Sakura. Rika's sentence had put his dispair in view. He understood now what had been elluding him all along. He had thought that Rika knew were had the keys were. Conciously, he thought he remembered her knowing, but she didn't know, and he had remembered that, or rather, his subconcious had remembered it.
"Oh Lord," he muttered to himself. What was happening to his world?
a/n: what is happening to Eriol?
