Episode 9: Girl Fever
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[High School. Near locker rooms. Eric, FEZ, Hyde, and Kelso are waiting near them. Eric's locker is open and he's getting books in and out and chatting with them. Blonde girl enters and goes to her locker.]
FEZ: [taps Kelso] Hey you guys. There's the new girl. I saw her in the office. [points to girl]
KELSO: FEZ... if it's that 15 year old girl again with the sideburns I don't -[sees her] WHOA!
HYDE: Hey Forman. Does she look familiar to you?
ERIC: I don't know.
FEZ: Her name is Marcy Doyle and she makes me boil! [giggles]
ERIC: Marcy Doyle? Marcy Doyle? Hey Hyde. Didn't we go to elementary school with her?
HYDE: Marcy Doyle?
[Eric and Hyde look at each other in shock]
HYDE / ERIC: Marcy Doyle... the Gargoyle!
KELSO: [shrieks] No!
FEZ: Who is this gargoyle? I see an angel.
ERIC: No Fez. Marcy used to go to elementary school with us.
HYDE: And she was teased so much that she had to move. [chuckles]
FEZ: How could you tease that lovely creature?
KELSO: If you take the lovely out, that's what she was in elementary school. Look at her now. Well... she always had a crush on me, you know.
HYDE: Crush on you? You were always making fun of her butt.
KELSO: [chuckles] It was pretty big, wasn't it?
FEZ: Well I think she is a goddess and her ass looks like a statue of goodness.
KELSO: Yup.
[Kelso walks towards Marcy. He leans against her locker.]
KELSO: Hello Marcy. Remember me?
MARCY: No. I'm sorry. Should I?
KELSO: How about this? [waves his hair]
MARCY: Michael? Michael Kelso?! [excited] Hi! How are you?
KELSO: I'm good and I look GREAT!
MARCY: Yeah! Me too!
KELSO: Yeah and your butt has gotten better.
MARCY: I KNOW! I remember in elementary school there was this loser who kept making fun ot it. Who was that again? [Kelso looks scared] I don't quite remember.
KELSO: [trying to save himself] I guess it must of been Steven Hyde.
MARCY: Oh Steven Hyde!
KELSO: Yup. Still the same, mean corruptive Hyde. He stole my girlfriend you know.
MARCY: Oh I'm so sorry!
KELSO: Yeah. I know. [looks sad, then looks happy] Oh well. I was wondering if you'd like to go out with me later.
MARCY: [surprised] Oh. That's so sweet, but I don't think so. I kind of have a crush on someone else.
KELSO: Who would you have a crush on?
MARCY: [looks away] ERIC! Eric Forman! Hey! [rushes to him and hugs him] How are you?
ERIC: Hey Marcy. Everything great.
[Kelso gawks]
MARCY: Yeah. I'm surprised you remember me!
FEZ: [cuts in front of Eric] Hello. I am FEZ.
MARCY: Oh yeah! I saw you in the office because you had the sick tummies!
FEZ: [smiles nervously and say it doubtingly and quickly] It was nice to meet you. [moves back to his spot and looks ashamed]
HYDE: Hey Marcy.
MARCY: Well if it isn't Steven Hyde. You're not in jail?
HYDE: You're not fat?
MARCY: [thinks] Fair enough. [turns back to Eric] So Eric. How are you? You look great!
ERIC: Thank you. Yeah. [sniff] Been working out.
HYDE: [question] Since when?
[Eric looks uncomfy]
MARCY: So. How's Donna? I write to her sometimes. She told me that you and her are together.
ERIC: Yeah. Donna's great. Just absolutely great.
MARCY: WOW. I haven't seen you since elementary school. I remember we used to hide together because of the mean bullies.
ERIC: Yeah. Haven't done that since... [thinks] last week.
FEZ: Yes. It was so funny when we stole his pants after gym.
KELSO: Oh yeah and then we waved it around in the cafeteria. And he had to stay in the locker room for the whole day.
HYDE: Good times.
MARCY: Wow. Yeah... [looks at Eric] So I have to see Donna again! I've missed her. She and you were the only one nice to me in elementary school.
ERIC: Well. We'll be at the Hub afterschool. Donna is usually there with us.
MARCY: Great! So I'll see you guys there. [hugs Eric] Nice seeing you again! And it was nice to meet you Fez. Bye Michael. [looks at Hyde] Hyde.
HYDE: Marcy.
[Marcy leaves]
KELSO: She totally wanted me!
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[The Hub. Donna, Eric, Fez, Kelso in booth.]
DONNA: I can't wait to see Marcy again.
ERIC: Yeah. It's great seeing her again.
FEZ: Yes... she fills my needs. [smiles and winks]
DONNA: Ew.
KELSO: Hey! She is hot!
FEZ: I have to go some place... [gets up and goes to the bathroom]
ERIC: She looks different now Donna. She's thinner, but the same personality.
KELSO: Yeah Donna. I'd be careful. She has a crush on Eric.
DONNA / ERIC: What?!?!
ERIC: No she doesn't! What are you talking about?! [looks at Donna] I don't know what he's talking about! Remember it's Kelso who's talking!
[Marcy enters and waves at them]
KELSO: MARCY! We're over here!
[FEZ comes out of the bathroom and sees Marcy and runs back into the bathroom]
MARCY: Hey! DONNA!
[Donna gets up and Marcy hugs Donna]
MARCY: Donna you look GREAT. Wow.
DONNA: Wow. You look good yourself.
MARCY: Thanks! [sees ERIC] Hey Eric!
[about to hug Eric as Eric gets up, Donna pushes Eric down]
ERIC: Hi Marcy.
MARCY: Well you guys! I'll get something for you guys to eat. My treat! [goes to the order booth]
[Kelso follows her]
KELSO: Hello Marcy.
MARCY: Hey Kelso!
KELSO: Look I know you have a crush on Forman and I want to tell you I'm okay with you liking us both -
MARCY: Eric? You think I like Eric? I don't like Eric.
KELSO: Oh... then who?
MARCY: Her [points to Donna]
[Kelso looks and see it's Donna. Music comes on]
KELSO: ALRIGHT!
[CREDITS]
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[Forman Basement. Jackie and Hyde are making out on the couch. Kitty comes down from the stairs]
KITTY: Oh Oh. God.
[Jackie and Hyde gets up and sits down]
HYDE: Mrs. Forman. Jackie and I were just - [looks at Jackie]
JACKIE: Practicing CPR!
HYDE: Yeah. Good lungs Jackie.
KITTY: Oh please. I wasn't born yesturday. You two were about to have intercourse.
HYDE / JACKIE: WHAT?!?!
JACKIE: No Mrs. Forman. We weren't -
KITTY: Oh sure. I know you young kids today. Free and wild... [sadly] able to have children... [back to normal] Well... I'll go back upstairs now and cry.
[Kitty leaves. Jackie and Hyde look at each other uncomfortably. FEZ, Donna and Eric comes inside]
ERIC: Donna! I don't think Marcy has a crush on me!
FEZ: Yes... look at him. It's just skin and bones.
DONNA: She was looking at us holding hands the whole time!
JACKIE: Who are you guys talking about?
FEZ: The new beautiful girl in school, Marcy Doyle.
JACKIE: Doyle... Doyle... MARCY DOYLE THE GARGOYLE.
HYDE: Yeah.
JACKIE: She's back? Oh wow. She always creeped me out. I know she was jealous of me. Always staring at me in elementary school. Felt like she was half in love with me!
ERIC: I'm trying to tell Donna that Marcy doesn't have a crush on me!
HYDE: Yeah Donna we were surprised that you liked Forman.
JACKIE: Donna. He's right? I mean who in their right mind fall for Eric. [looks at Donna] Uh-oh.
DONNA: Eric... I just don't like you and her in school together, while I'm in another school.
ERIC: Donna. Trust me. Nothing is going to happen between me and Marcy.
HYDE: Yeah. We'll make sure of it.
FEZ: Yes. You guys work on Eric and I shall work on Marcy.
[Kelso enters]
KELSO: Hello Donna.
DONNA: What Kelso?
KELSO: Look... I was talking to Marcy and she needs your help. She needs tutoring in the English department and I told her you're perfect for it!
DONNA: What? I don't know if I can.
ERIC: Wait Donna. It'd be fun. Then you can see that she doesn't have a crush on me. Even though I don't see why not.. [Donna glares at him] I love you.
DONNA: Fine. I'll tutor her.
KELSO: Great! I'll go tell her!
[Kelso runs out]
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[Donna's Room. Jackie and Donna are on Donna's bed talking.]
JACKIE: Donna can we talk?
DONNA: Okay.
[SPLIT SCREEN]
[Forman basement. Hyde and Eric are on the couch talking.]
HYDE: Forman. Can I ask you a question?
ERIC: Sure thing.
JACKIE: So Steven and I were kissing.
HYDE: So Jackie and I were making out.
DONNA: Ew!
ERIC: Oh God No!
JACKIE / HYDE: Shut up. Anyways...
JACKIE: Eric's mom caught us and she said we were going to do it?
HYDE: Your mom saw us.
DONNA / ERIC: What happened?
JACKIE: Hyde felt uncomfortable and so we just did nothing. Donna!
HYDE: Jackie freaked out man. She totally jumped.
DONNA: So what are you trying to say?
ERIC: Oh I see.
JACKIE: Steven and I haven't had sex yet. He keeps telling me to wait for the right time. He's so considerate. He wants it to be special.
HYDE: She wants to wait. So I'm all like cool. Alright. She's probably nervous because of all the girls I've been with.
JACKIE: Yeah Hyde told me it takes time for him to really do that kind of stuff.
HYDE: I totally understand what she's thinking.
DONNA: Hyde said that? Our Hyde? Steven Hyde?!?!
ERIC: So you're ok with that?
JACKIE: Yeah. He's waiting for the right moment.
HYDE: Hey! No rush... but yeah I have my needs.
DONNA: Wow... Hyde.
ERIC: Yeah. You're the man.
JACKIE: Yeah. I'm glad we had this talk.
HYDE: Whatever man.
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[The Hub. Marcy and Kelso at a table.]
MARCY: So Donna is really interested in me?
KELSO: Of course. She's been talking about you all the time.
MARCY: Really? What about Eric? They seem pretty close.
KELSO: That? Donna's not really with him. I mean... it's Eric. Come on... Eric and Donna... pleasee!
MARCY: But they are boyfriend and girlfriend.
KELSO: It's a pity boyfriend and girlfriend deal.
MARCY: Well -
KELSO: Trust me. She really needs your help in English and you and her can get to know each other.
MARCY: Really? That'd be GREAT!
KELSO: Yeah. I know.
MARCY: Oh Michael! That is SOO sweet! How can I ever repay you?
KELSO: Oh Marcy! Stop! You know I'm not doing this for my benefit! This is all for you AND Donna!
MARCY: I can't wait! [she leaves]
KELSO: Let's get it on!
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[Commercial]
[School. Marcy is at the lockers. Eric sees her and approaches her.]
ERIC: Uh, Marcy?
MARCY: Oh Hi Eric!
ERIC: Look. We need to talk.
MARCY: Yeah I think so too.
ERIC: Look... you got to stop. Donna's my girlfriend. Okay?
MARCY: Oh. So Kelso told you.
ERIC: Yes. Kelso told me!
MARCY: Look Eric. I understand all this, but I can't help what I feel.
ERIC: But you got to try to stop. I'm with Donna.
MARCY: Eric. Okay... we'll see alright? I'm going to see her today and talk about it with her.
ERIC: There is no need.
MARCY: I just hope... you and her will remain friends. [Bell rings. Marcy leaves.]
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[Forman Basement. 360 circle. Eric, Kelso, FEZ, Hyde.]
ERIC: I don't know what to do. Marcy just really wants to be with me.
KELSO: [laughs] Oh yeah! I'm sure you're happy about that.
ERIC: What? No!
HYDE: What is it with hot chicks and you? These girls are hot, smart, and funny. And then there is you man.
FEZ: Yes. I can't believe it myself. All I could think that is good about Eric is that he is never overweight.
HYDE: Yeah... and never will be.
FEZ: Yes... just an old skinny whitey...
KELSO: Man... Marcy and Donna man...
ERIC: Yeah... they want me... [sigh] What to do?
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[Forman Kitchen. Hyde, Red, and Kitty. Hyde is looking at what Kitty is doing. Red is at the table reading.]
HYDE: Mrs. Forman, I want to make sure you know that what you saw was not what you think.
KITTY: Was it what you think I think it was?
HYDE: What do you think I think you think you saw?
RED: For crying out loud, what are you two talking about?
KITTY: It's nothing Red.
RED: Then why are you making a big deal about it?
HYDE: Mr. Forman, it's nothing.
KITTY: What do you mean it's nothing? It's not nothing.
HYDE: But you just said it was nothing.
KITTY: Do you have menopause?
RED: What's going on?
KITTY: Oh it's just Hyde and Jackie and their "relationship".
[Hyde groans]
RED: What's wrong Steven? Can't bring yourself 'up' to it. [laughs. Hyde looks at him. Red coughs and looks at Kitty] Kitty... it's none of your concern.
KITTY: None of my concern. Steven must be taken cared of. [whispers] Since he has no parents to talk about this stuff with. [looks at Hyde] So Steven... is there any questions you want to ask me? I am a nurse.
HYDE: No Mrs. Forman. It's fine. I'm going to go outside and lay on the street for a car to come.
KITTY: Okay Steven. But if you want to talk. I'm here.
[Hyde leaves]
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[Donna's Bedroom. Donna is reading a book. Bob comes in with Marcy. Marcy is carrying books.]
BOB: Donna. Your friend is here.
DONNA: Thanks Dad.
MARCY: Yes. Thank you Mr. Pinciotti.
BOB: You kids be good now. [pets Donna on the head]
MARCY: We will.
[Bob leaves. Marcy sits next to Donna on the bed]
DONNA: So what's going on?
MARCY: Sure thing. Well... I'm on Chapter 8 and Michael told me you're using the same book. So what chapter are you on?
DONNA: Yeah. We're on Chapter 9. So I think I can help you. [pauses and sees Marcy staring at her. Puts book down] Look Marcy. We need to talk. I feel like there is tension between us.
MARCY: You too? Good, because I thought it was only me.
DONNA: Look. Why don't we just get started on this and then we'll talk about the other stuff later?
MARCY: I agree! [Donna looks back into her books and Marcy grabs Donna's face and kisses her]
DONNA: [pulls back and is shocked] What are you doing?
MARCY: Oh I'm sorry! Was that too soon?
DONNA: What?!?!
MARCY: I'm sorry! I thought... Michael told me---
DONNA: What did Kelso tell you???
MARCY: He told me things were rough between you and Eric and that you weren't really with Eric. [whispers] He said it was a pity thing.
DONNA: Marcy, are you... [gasps] Oh my God. Marcy... I'm not into girls. I love Eric so much. I'm not. No.
MARCY: But Michael said... gosh. I should of never listened to him.
DONNA: I think both of us were tricked.
[Donna and Marcy hear a noise in the background of Donna's window. KELSO and FEZ are each on a ladder]
KELSO: Oh! Good! They both are here.
FEZ: Yes... good... good... [whispers to Kelso] I don't see them kissing.
KELSO: [whispers back] Give it time.
DONNA: Oh right. [looks at Marcy and winks] So let's get started.
FEZ: [whispers to Kelso] You got that right!
MARCY: [acting] Oh Donna. I feel so stupid. I need a hug.
DONNA: [puts one arm over Marcy] It's okay Marcy. I feel like that too sometimes. You know.
MARCY: Donna... you feel so soft.
DONNA: And you Marcy. You are so sweet and innocent.
FEZ: Oh my God. [staring]
KELSO: This is it!
MARCY: Donna. I always found you so attractive and fun. So beautiful and just fun.
DONNA: Marcy... are you trying to make a move on me?
FEZ: [whispers] Now... take off her shirt!
MARCY: Donna... is it hot in here?
DONNA: Yes... would you like me to take off your blouse?
MARCY: Yes... Oh Donna... this kind of reminds me of Captain and Tenille.
DONNA: Captain and Tenille? [pushes away]
MARCY: Yes. Is something wrong with them?
DONNA: YES!
KELSO: [whispers] No! Donna say No!
DONNA: Yes! Captain and Tenille? What are you like 40?
MARCY: Well! If you don't like that then I'm leaving! I can't be with someone who doesn't like Captain and Tenille!
KELSO: No!!!
FEZ: [sings loudly from the window] Love, love will keep us together / Think of me babe whenever / Some sweet talkin' girl comes along, singin' a song / Don't mess around, you just gotta be strong
DONNA: Kelso! Fez!
KELSO: Donna! We're here to... fix your window.
FEZ: Yes, so I'm sorry for interrupting. You two should just kiss and make up.
KELSO: I agree!
[DONNA pushes Kelso's ladder and Kelso falls]
FEZ: Uh-oh! I'm sorry!
[Marcy and Donna push Fez's ladder and Fez falls. You hear a thump.]
FEZ: Ouchie!
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[Forman basement. Hyde, Jackie, Eric. Hyde is on his chair and Jackie is on his lap. Eric is on the couch. Kelso and FEZ come in all bruised and dirty]
JACKIE: What happened to you guys?
FEZ: We were trying to see two girls kissing.
ERIC: Really? Who?
KELSO: Donna and Marcy.
JACKIE / HYDE / ERIC: What?!?!
ERIC: Donna?!?!
FEZ: Don't worry nothing happened.
KELSO: Yeah. It's all your fault Eric! You should of made Donna listen to Captain and Tennile!
JACKIE: Captain and Tennile! I love them!
HYDE: So what happened?
ERIC: Yeah... Donna and Marcy?!?! You said Marcy had a crush on me?
KELSO: Yeah. I made you think that.
FEZ: Marcy has the hots for Donna.
KELSO: And we almost saw them kissing!
JACKIE: And so what happened to you guys?
HYDE: Don't tell me it was the needs.
FEZ: Donna pushed us off the ladder.
ERIC: So what you are trying to tell me is that my girlfriend, Donna, and Marcy almost kissed?
KELSO: You know... they are still in the room.
[The guys all stare at each other and rush out of the room. Jackie holds onto Hyde]
HYDE: Jackie! I just want to go to see Donna push Kelso off again!
JACKIE: Steven! Don't you think we should sit here and talk... while Donna and Marcy make out and Michael and FEZ falling from the ladder again along with Eric.
[Jackie and Hyde look at each other and bolt out the door]
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[Outside of Donna's bedroom. Kelso and FEZ are on one ladder. Eric and Hyde are on another. Jackie is on the ground watching them.]
KELSO: Oh! They're not doing anything! Just reading and talking! Kiss her Marcy!
ERIC: My girlfriend and another girl... wow.
HYDE: Hey Forman. Talk in a girly voice.
FEZ: Oh to be in that room with the two lovely ladies... and Jackie.
[HYDE hits FEZ]
KELSO: We got to do something.
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[Bottom of the ladder. Outside Donna's house. Jackie is looking out. Bob walks by and sees the ladder]
JACKIE: Hi! Mr. Pinciotti!
BOB: Hi Jackie. Whatcha doing?
JACKIE: The guys are just spring cleaning the place for you.
BOB: Leading to Donna's bedroom?
JACKIE: Oh look at the time! I have a hair appointment! [runs off]
[BOB looks up]
KELSO from the top: Hey! Jackie! You keeping a good look-out?
[Four of the boys look down and see Bob staring at them]
BOB: You boys come down here!
[Hyde and Eric rush down. Kelso and FEZ go slowly. Donna's head sticks out the window.]
DONNA: AGAIN?!?! [she pushes Kelso and FEZ's ladder]
FEZ: No no! AHHHHHH [hit ground] Ouchie!
ERIC: [looks at Donna] I love you and ---... DON'T CHEAT ON ME!
[Donna pushes Eric and Hyde's ladder]
ERIC: Ouch.
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[Forman kitchen. Eric and Hyde are putting ice on their bruises and scratches. Donna walks in.]
DONNA: What the hell Eric?
ERIC: Well if it isn't Miss Push me Off the Ladder!
DONNA: Eric! Why were you spying on me and Marcy?!
HYDE: Because he thought you guys would make out.
ERIC: I... I just found out that Marcy had a crush on you and not me and she was going after you. And she's pretty...
DONNA: Eric! I'm straight! And I love you!
HYDE: God knows why?
ERIC: I know, but... It's just that... why didn't you kiss her?
[Donna rolls her eyes and leaves from the kitchen door]
ERIC: [yells] I LOVE YOU!
HYDE: Good one Forman.
ERIC: Yeah... she'll forgive me sooner or later.
HYDE: Yeah... or she could just not talk to you and you can never have sex with her again.
[Eric sits quietly thinking and then runs out of the kitchen towards Donna's place]
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[Credits]
[Forman Living Room. Red and Kitty are sitting down. Red is on his chair reading a newspaper. Kitty is sitting on the couch sewing with Schotzie. Hyde comes in from the den going towards the kitchen]
KITTY: Steven! [gets up]
HYDE: Yeah Mrs. Forman?
KITTY: I was at the nurse's office and I found these helpful brochures to help you with whatever problems or questions you have may. [Kitty gets out packets] There's "My Body and Me" [gives it to Hyde]... "What's that growing on me?" [hands it to Hyde]... "Performing Well in Be--" Oh that's for me... [puts it down] "What's that tingly feeling?" [hands it to Hyde]... "Make it Work!" [hands it to Hyde] and "There is nothing wrong with my growing Body" [hands it to Hyde] There! I hope you take the time to read it and understand about yourself.
HYDE: Gee Thanks Mrs. Forman. [smiles and then turns around frowning and glumly walks away]
KITTY: [sits back down] I think he'll understand things now.
RED: Yeah. I'm sure he loves what you gave him.
KITTY: And I'm sure you'll love what I'll give you! [opens the pamphlet: PERFORMING WELL IN BED]
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[High School. Near locker rooms. Eric, FEZ, Hyde, and Kelso are waiting near them. Eric's locker is open and he's getting books in and out and chatting with them. Blonde girl enters and goes to her locker.]
FEZ: [taps Kelso] Hey you guys. There's the new girl. I saw her in the office. [points to girl]
KELSO: FEZ... if it's that 15 year old girl again with the sideburns I don't -[sees her] WHOA!
HYDE: Hey Forman. Does she look familiar to you?
ERIC: I don't know.
FEZ: Her name is Marcy Doyle and she makes me boil! [giggles]
ERIC: Marcy Doyle? Marcy Doyle? Hey Hyde. Didn't we go to elementary school with her?
HYDE: Marcy Doyle?
[Eric and Hyde look at each other in shock]
HYDE / ERIC: Marcy Doyle... the Gargoyle!
KELSO: [shrieks] No!
FEZ: Who is this gargoyle? I see an angel.
ERIC: No Fez. Marcy used to go to elementary school with us.
HYDE: And she was teased so much that she had to move. [chuckles]
FEZ: How could you tease that lovely creature?
KELSO: If you take the lovely out, that's what she was in elementary school. Look at her now. Well... she always had a crush on me, you know.
HYDE: Crush on you? You were always making fun of her butt.
KELSO: [chuckles] It was pretty big, wasn't it?
FEZ: Well I think she is a goddess and her ass looks like a statue of goodness.
KELSO: Yup.
[Kelso walks towards Marcy. He leans against her locker.]
KELSO: Hello Marcy. Remember me?
MARCY: No. I'm sorry. Should I?
KELSO: How about this? [waves his hair]
MARCY: Michael? Michael Kelso?! [excited] Hi! How are you?
KELSO: I'm good and I look GREAT!
MARCY: Yeah! Me too!
KELSO: Yeah and your butt has gotten better.
MARCY: I KNOW! I remember in elementary school there was this loser who kept making fun ot it. Who was that again? [Kelso looks scared] I don't quite remember.
KELSO: [trying to save himself] I guess it must of been Steven Hyde.
MARCY: Oh Steven Hyde!
KELSO: Yup. Still the same, mean corruptive Hyde. He stole my girlfriend you know.
MARCY: Oh I'm so sorry!
KELSO: Yeah. I know. [looks sad, then looks happy] Oh well. I was wondering if you'd like to go out with me later.
MARCY: [surprised] Oh. That's so sweet, but I don't think so. I kind of have a crush on someone else.
KELSO: Who would you have a crush on?
MARCY: [looks away] ERIC! Eric Forman! Hey! [rushes to him and hugs him] How are you?
ERIC: Hey Marcy. Everything great.
[Kelso gawks]
MARCY: Yeah. I'm surprised you remember me!
FEZ: [cuts in front of Eric] Hello. I am FEZ.
MARCY: Oh yeah! I saw you in the office because you had the sick tummies!
FEZ: [smiles nervously and say it doubtingly and quickly] It was nice to meet you. [moves back to his spot and looks ashamed]
HYDE: Hey Marcy.
MARCY: Well if it isn't Steven Hyde. You're not in jail?
HYDE: You're not fat?
MARCY: [thinks] Fair enough. [turns back to Eric] So Eric. How are you? You look great!
ERIC: Thank you. Yeah. [sniff] Been working out.
HYDE: [question] Since when?
[Eric looks uncomfy]
MARCY: So. How's Donna? I write to her sometimes. She told me that you and her are together.
ERIC: Yeah. Donna's great. Just absolutely great.
MARCY: WOW. I haven't seen you since elementary school. I remember we used to hide together because of the mean bullies.
ERIC: Yeah. Haven't done that since... [thinks] last week.
FEZ: Yes. It was so funny when we stole his pants after gym.
KELSO: Oh yeah and then we waved it around in the cafeteria. And he had to stay in the locker room for the whole day.
HYDE: Good times.
MARCY: Wow. Yeah... [looks at Eric] So I have to see Donna again! I've missed her. She and you were the only one nice to me in elementary school.
ERIC: Well. We'll be at the Hub afterschool. Donna is usually there with us.
MARCY: Great! So I'll see you guys there. [hugs Eric] Nice seeing you again! And it was nice to meet you Fez. Bye Michael. [looks at Hyde] Hyde.
HYDE: Marcy.
[Marcy leaves]
KELSO: She totally wanted me!
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[The Hub. Donna, Eric, Fez, Kelso in booth.]
DONNA: I can't wait to see Marcy again.
ERIC: Yeah. It's great seeing her again.
FEZ: Yes... she fills my needs. [smiles and winks]
DONNA: Ew.
KELSO: Hey! She is hot!
FEZ: I have to go some place... [gets up and goes to the bathroom]
ERIC: She looks different now Donna. She's thinner, but the same personality.
KELSO: Yeah Donna. I'd be careful. She has a crush on Eric.
DONNA / ERIC: What?!?!
ERIC: No she doesn't! What are you talking about?! [looks at Donna] I don't know what he's talking about! Remember it's Kelso who's talking!
[Marcy enters and waves at them]
KELSO: MARCY! We're over here!
[FEZ comes out of the bathroom and sees Marcy and runs back into the bathroom]
MARCY: Hey! DONNA!
[Donna gets up and Marcy hugs Donna]
MARCY: Donna you look GREAT. Wow.
DONNA: Wow. You look good yourself.
MARCY: Thanks! [sees ERIC] Hey Eric!
[about to hug Eric as Eric gets up, Donna pushes Eric down]
ERIC: Hi Marcy.
MARCY: Well you guys! I'll get something for you guys to eat. My treat! [goes to the order booth]
[Kelso follows her]
KELSO: Hello Marcy.
MARCY: Hey Kelso!
KELSO: Look I know you have a crush on Forman and I want to tell you I'm okay with you liking us both -
MARCY: Eric? You think I like Eric? I don't like Eric.
KELSO: Oh... then who?
MARCY: Her [points to Donna]
[Kelso looks and see it's Donna. Music comes on]
KELSO: ALRIGHT!
[CREDITS]
***************************************************************************
[Forman Basement. Jackie and Hyde are making out on the couch. Kitty comes down from the stairs]
KITTY: Oh Oh. God.
[Jackie and Hyde gets up and sits down]
HYDE: Mrs. Forman. Jackie and I were just - [looks at Jackie]
JACKIE: Practicing CPR!
HYDE: Yeah. Good lungs Jackie.
KITTY: Oh please. I wasn't born yesturday. You two were about to have intercourse.
HYDE / JACKIE: WHAT?!?!
JACKIE: No Mrs. Forman. We weren't -
KITTY: Oh sure. I know you young kids today. Free and wild... [sadly] able to have children... [back to normal] Well... I'll go back upstairs now and cry.
[Kitty leaves. Jackie and Hyde look at each other uncomfortably. FEZ, Donna and Eric comes inside]
ERIC: Donna! I don't think Marcy has a crush on me!
FEZ: Yes... look at him. It's just skin and bones.
DONNA: She was looking at us holding hands the whole time!
JACKIE: Who are you guys talking about?
FEZ: The new beautiful girl in school, Marcy Doyle.
JACKIE: Doyle... Doyle... MARCY DOYLE THE GARGOYLE.
HYDE: Yeah.
JACKIE: She's back? Oh wow. She always creeped me out. I know she was jealous of me. Always staring at me in elementary school. Felt like she was half in love with me!
ERIC: I'm trying to tell Donna that Marcy doesn't have a crush on me!
HYDE: Yeah Donna we were surprised that you liked Forman.
JACKIE: Donna. He's right? I mean who in their right mind fall for Eric. [looks at Donna] Uh-oh.
DONNA: Eric... I just don't like you and her in school together, while I'm in another school.
ERIC: Donna. Trust me. Nothing is going to happen between me and Marcy.
HYDE: Yeah. We'll make sure of it.
FEZ: Yes. You guys work on Eric and I shall work on Marcy.
[Kelso enters]
KELSO: Hello Donna.
DONNA: What Kelso?
KELSO: Look... I was talking to Marcy and she needs your help. She needs tutoring in the English department and I told her you're perfect for it!
DONNA: What? I don't know if I can.
ERIC: Wait Donna. It'd be fun. Then you can see that she doesn't have a crush on me. Even though I don't see why not.. [Donna glares at him] I love you.
DONNA: Fine. I'll tutor her.
KELSO: Great! I'll go tell her!
[Kelso runs out]
***************************************************************************
[Donna's Room. Jackie and Donna are on Donna's bed talking.]
JACKIE: Donna can we talk?
DONNA: Okay.
[SPLIT SCREEN]
[Forman basement. Hyde and Eric are on the couch talking.]
HYDE: Forman. Can I ask you a question?
ERIC: Sure thing.
JACKIE: So Steven and I were kissing.
HYDE: So Jackie and I were making out.
DONNA: Ew!
ERIC: Oh God No!
JACKIE / HYDE: Shut up. Anyways...
JACKIE: Eric's mom caught us and she said we were going to do it?
HYDE: Your mom saw us.
DONNA / ERIC: What happened?
JACKIE: Hyde felt uncomfortable and so we just did nothing. Donna!
HYDE: Jackie freaked out man. She totally jumped.
DONNA: So what are you trying to say?
ERIC: Oh I see.
JACKIE: Steven and I haven't had sex yet. He keeps telling me to wait for the right time. He's so considerate. He wants it to be special.
HYDE: She wants to wait. So I'm all like cool. Alright. She's probably nervous because of all the girls I've been with.
JACKIE: Yeah Hyde told me it takes time for him to really do that kind of stuff.
HYDE: I totally understand what she's thinking.
DONNA: Hyde said that? Our Hyde? Steven Hyde?!?!
ERIC: So you're ok with that?
JACKIE: Yeah. He's waiting for the right moment.
HYDE: Hey! No rush... but yeah I have my needs.
DONNA: Wow... Hyde.
ERIC: Yeah. You're the man.
JACKIE: Yeah. I'm glad we had this talk.
HYDE: Whatever man.
***************************************************************************
[The Hub. Marcy and Kelso at a table.]
MARCY: So Donna is really interested in me?
KELSO: Of course. She's been talking about you all the time.
MARCY: Really? What about Eric? They seem pretty close.
KELSO: That? Donna's not really with him. I mean... it's Eric. Come on... Eric and Donna... pleasee!
MARCY: But they are boyfriend and girlfriend.
KELSO: It's a pity boyfriend and girlfriend deal.
MARCY: Well -
KELSO: Trust me. She really needs your help in English and you and her can get to know each other.
MARCY: Really? That'd be GREAT!
KELSO: Yeah. I know.
MARCY: Oh Michael! That is SOO sweet! How can I ever repay you?
KELSO: Oh Marcy! Stop! You know I'm not doing this for my benefit! This is all for you AND Donna!
MARCY: I can't wait! [she leaves]
KELSO: Let's get it on!
***************************************************************************
[Commercial]
[School. Marcy is at the lockers. Eric sees her and approaches her.]
ERIC: Uh, Marcy?
MARCY: Oh Hi Eric!
ERIC: Look. We need to talk.
MARCY: Yeah I think so too.
ERIC: Look... you got to stop. Donna's my girlfriend. Okay?
MARCY: Oh. So Kelso told you.
ERIC: Yes. Kelso told me!
MARCY: Look Eric. I understand all this, but I can't help what I feel.
ERIC: But you got to try to stop. I'm with Donna.
MARCY: Eric. Okay... we'll see alright? I'm going to see her today and talk about it with her.
ERIC: There is no need.
MARCY: I just hope... you and her will remain friends. [Bell rings. Marcy leaves.]
***************************************************************************
[Forman Basement. 360 circle. Eric, Kelso, FEZ, Hyde.]
ERIC: I don't know what to do. Marcy just really wants to be with me.
KELSO: [laughs] Oh yeah! I'm sure you're happy about that.
ERIC: What? No!
HYDE: What is it with hot chicks and you? These girls are hot, smart, and funny. And then there is you man.
FEZ: Yes. I can't believe it myself. All I could think that is good about Eric is that he is never overweight.
HYDE: Yeah... and never will be.
FEZ: Yes... just an old skinny whitey...
KELSO: Man... Marcy and Donna man...
ERIC: Yeah... they want me... [sigh] What to do?
***************************************************************************
[Forman Kitchen. Hyde, Red, and Kitty. Hyde is looking at what Kitty is doing. Red is at the table reading.]
HYDE: Mrs. Forman, I want to make sure you know that what you saw was not what you think.
KITTY: Was it what you think I think it was?
HYDE: What do you think I think you think you saw?
RED: For crying out loud, what are you two talking about?
KITTY: It's nothing Red.
RED: Then why are you making a big deal about it?
HYDE: Mr. Forman, it's nothing.
KITTY: What do you mean it's nothing? It's not nothing.
HYDE: But you just said it was nothing.
KITTY: Do you have menopause?
RED: What's going on?
KITTY: Oh it's just Hyde and Jackie and their "relationship".
[Hyde groans]
RED: What's wrong Steven? Can't bring yourself 'up' to it. [laughs. Hyde looks at him. Red coughs and looks at Kitty] Kitty... it's none of your concern.
KITTY: None of my concern. Steven must be taken cared of. [whispers] Since he has no parents to talk about this stuff with. [looks at Hyde] So Steven... is there any questions you want to ask me? I am a nurse.
HYDE: No Mrs. Forman. It's fine. I'm going to go outside and lay on the street for a car to come.
KITTY: Okay Steven. But if you want to talk. I'm here.
[Hyde leaves]
***************************************************************************
[Donna's Bedroom. Donna is reading a book. Bob comes in with Marcy. Marcy is carrying books.]
BOB: Donna. Your friend is here.
DONNA: Thanks Dad.
MARCY: Yes. Thank you Mr. Pinciotti.
BOB: You kids be good now. [pets Donna on the head]
MARCY: We will.
[Bob leaves. Marcy sits next to Donna on the bed]
DONNA: So what's going on?
MARCY: Sure thing. Well... I'm on Chapter 8 and Michael told me you're using the same book. So what chapter are you on?
DONNA: Yeah. We're on Chapter 9. So I think I can help you. [pauses and sees Marcy staring at her. Puts book down] Look Marcy. We need to talk. I feel like there is tension between us.
MARCY: You too? Good, because I thought it was only me.
DONNA: Look. Why don't we just get started on this and then we'll talk about the other stuff later?
MARCY: I agree! [Donna looks back into her books and Marcy grabs Donna's face and kisses her]
DONNA: [pulls back and is shocked] What are you doing?
MARCY: Oh I'm sorry! Was that too soon?
DONNA: What?!?!
MARCY: I'm sorry! I thought... Michael told me---
DONNA: What did Kelso tell you???
MARCY: He told me things were rough between you and Eric and that you weren't really with Eric. [whispers] He said it was a pity thing.
DONNA: Marcy, are you... [gasps] Oh my God. Marcy... I'm not into girls. I love Eric so much. I'm not. No.
MARCY: But Michael said... gosh. I should of never listened to him.
DONNA: I think both of us were tricked.
[Donna and Marcy hear a noise in the background of Donna's window. KELSO and FEZ are each on a ladder]
KELSO: Oh! Good! They both are here.
FEZ: Yes... good... good... [whispers to Kelso] I don't see them kissing.
KELSO: [whispers back] Give it time.
DONNA: Oh right. [looks at Marcy and winks] So let's get started.
FEZ: [whispers to Kelso] You got that right!
MARCY: [acting] Oh Donna. I feel so stupid. I need a hug.
DONNA: [puts one arm over Marcy] It's okay Marcy. I feel like that too sometimes. You know.
MARCY: Donna... you feel so soft.
DONNA: And you Marcy. You are so sweet and innocent.
FEZ: Oh my God. [staring]
KELSO: This is it!
MARCY: Donna. I always found you so attractive and fun. So beautiful and just fun.
DONNA: Marcy... are you trying to make a move on me?
FEZ: [whispers] Now... take off her shirt!
MARCY: Donna... is it hot in here?
DONNA: Yes... would you like me to take off your blouse?
MARCY: Yes... Oh Donna... this kind of reminds me of Captain and Tenille.
DONNA: Captain and Tenille? [pushes away]
MARCY: Yes. Is something wrong with them?
DONNA: YES!
KELSO: [whispers] No! Donna say No!
DONNA: Yes! Captain and Tenille? What are you like 40?
MARCY: Well! If you don't like that then I'm leaving! I can't be with someone who doesn't like Captain and Tenille!
KELSO: No!!!
FEZ: [sings loudly from the window] Love, love will keep us together / Think of me babe whenever / Some sweet talkin' girl comes along, singin' a song / Don't mess around, you just gotta be strong
DONNA: Kelso! Fez!
KELSO: Donna! We're here to... fix your window.
FEZ: Yes, so I'm sorry for interrupting. You two should just kiss and make up.
KELSO: I agree!
[DONNA pushes Kelso's ladder and Kelso falls]
FEZ: Uh-oh! I'm sorry!
[Marcy and Donna push Fez's ladder and Fez falls. You hear a thump.]
FEZ: Ouchie!
***************************************************************************
[Forman basement. Hyde, Jackie, Eric. Hyde is on his chair and Jackie is on his lap. Eric is on the couch. Kelso and FEZ come in all bruised and dirty]
JACKIE: What happened to you guys?
FEZ: We were trying to see two girls kissing.
ERIC: Really? Who?
KELSO: Donna and Marcy.
JACKIE / HYDE / ERIC: What?!?!
ERIC: Donna?!?!
FEZ: Don't worry nothing happened.
KELSO: Yeah. It's all your fault Eric! You should of made Donna listen to Captain and Tennile!
JACKIE: Captain and Tennile! I love them!
HYDE: So what happened?
ERIC: Yeah... Donna and Marcy?!?! You said Marcy had a crush on me?
KELSO: Yeah. I made you think that.
FEZ: Marcy has the hots for Donna.
KELSO: And we almost saw them kissing!
JACKIE: And so what happened to you guys?
HYDE: Don't tell me it was the needs.
FEZ: Donna pushed us off the ladder.
ERIC: So what you are trying to tell me is that my girlfriend, Donna, and Marcy almost kissed?
KELSO: You know... they are still in the room.
[The guys all stare at each other and rush out of the room. Jackie holds onto Hyde]
HYDE: Jackie! I just want to go to see Donna push Kelso off again!
JACKIE: Steven! Don't you think we should sit here and talk... while Donna and Marcy make out and Michael and FEZ falling from the ladder again along with Eric.
[Jackie and Hyde look at each other and bolt out the door]
***************************************************************************
[Outside of Donna's bedroom. Kelso and FEZ are on one ladder. Eric and Hyde are on another. Jackie is on the ground watching them.]
KELSO: Oh! They're not doing anything! Just reading and talking! Kiss her Marcy!
ERIC: My girlfriend and another girl... wow.
HYDE: Hey Forman. Talk in a girly voice.
FEZ: Oh to be in that room with the two lovely ladies... and Jackie.
[HYDE hits FEZ]
KELSO: We got to do something.
***************************************************************************
[Bottom of the ladder. Outside Donna's house. Jackie is looking out. Bob walks by and sees the ladder]
JACKIE: Hi! Mr. Pinciotti!
BOB: Hi Jackie. Whatcha doing?
JACKIE: The guys are just spring cleaning the place for you.
BOB: Leading to Donna's bedroom?
JACKIE: Oh look at the time! I have a hair appointment! [runs off]
[BOB looks up]
KELSO from the top: Hey! Jackie! You keeping a good look-out?
[Four of the boys look down and see Bob staring at them]
BOB: You boys come down here!
[Hyde and Eric rush down. Kelso and FEZ go slowly. Donna's head sticks out the window.]
DONNA: AGAIN?!?! [she pushes Kelso and FEZ's ladder]
FEZ: No no! AHHHHHH [hit ground] Ouchie!
ERIC: [looks at Donna] I love you and ---... DON'T CHEAT ON ME!
[Donna pushes Eric and Hyde's ladder]
ERIC: Ouch.
***************************************************************************
[Forman kitchen. Eric and Hyde are putting ice on their bruises and scratches. Donna walks in.]
DONNA: What the hell Eric?
ERIC: Well if it isn't Miss Push me Off the Ladder!
DONNA: Eric! Why were you spying on me and Marcy?!
HYDE: Because he thought you guys would make out.
ERIC: I... I just found out that Marcy had a crush on you and not me and she was going after you. And she's pretty...
DONNA: Eric! I'm straight! And I love you!
HYDE: God knows why?
ERIC: I know, but... It's just that... why didn't you kiss her?
[Donna rolls her eyes and leaves from the kitchen door]
ERIC: [yells] I LOVE YOU!
HYDE: Good one Forman.
ERIC: Yeah... she'll forgive me sooner or later.
HYDE: Yeah... or she could just not talk to you and you can never have sex with her again.
[Eric sits quietly thinking and then runs out of the kitchen towards Donna's place]
***************************************************************************
[Credits]
[Forman Living Room. Red and Kitty are sitting down. Red is on his chair reading a newspaper. Kitty is sitting on the couch sewing with Schotzie. Hyde comes in from the den going towards the kitchen]
KITTY: Steven! [gets up]
HYDE: Yeah Mrs. Forman?
KITTY: I was at the nurse's office and I found these helpful brochures to help you with whatever problems or questions you have may. [Kitty gets out packets] There's "My Body and Me" [gives it to Hyde]... "What's that growing on me?" [hands it to Hyde]... "Performing Well in Be--" Oh that's for me... [puts it down] "What's that tingly feeling?" [hands it to Hyde]... "Make it Work!" [hands it to Hyde] and "There is nothing wrong with my growing Body" [hands it to Hyde] There! I hope you take the time to read it and understand about yourself.
HYDE: Gee Thanks Mrs. Forman. [smiles and then turns around frowning and glumly walks away]
KITTY: [sits back down] I think he'll understand things now.
RED: Yeah. I'm sure he loves what you gave him.
KITTY: And I'm sure you'll love what I'll give you! [opens the pamphlet: PERFORMING WELL IN BED]
***************************************************************************
